I have a dilema

[Wishing on a star]

I too would feel that something is 'amiss'

An aide at a children's school should be expected to be 'child-friendly'. to know how to smile and introduce themselves, etc... This guy could barely speak English, and didn't do any of the above???? (he tried to take off with the wrong child)

Now, I do not mean anything derogatory at all regading wonderful people who speak foriegn languages. But, how can he be expected to effectively help children if he is barely able to speak to them?

 

[binny]

well I went in wanting to talk to the SPED teacher but she was in class so I voiced my concerns to her classroom teacher who helped quite a lot. She is great ( well they team teach and theyre both fantastic, but there was only the one today) she gave me some great ideas to deal with it and said she was glad we discussed it.

I happened to run into the school psycologist on my way out and stopped to visit. Its amazing how well you get to know some of these people when all 3 of your kids are testing for different things LOL. Anyway, I mentioned my concerns to her as well because she has always been a great resource for us. I made it very clear I wasnt angry at anyone, I just wanted to see how we could improve the situation in the future. We came up with a game plan to reinforce the whole stranger danger thing that might just work for DD. Instead of focusing on the circle thing we would use numbers, which oddly enough DD seems to get completely , and use the same concept. So Im going to try to come up with a plan to deal with that.

Thanks all for the input and helping me work through this.

LOL Beccy! Yeah we could come up with a whole designation all our own eh? The stubborn kid disorder. All 3 of mine qualify for that one!

 

[dmslush]

I think I would have been concerned because he didn't introduce himself to you and such. However, let me play the devil's advocate here, okay: (and of course, hindsight is 20/20!! I am not flaming you in anyway, just looking at it in a different way.. maybe a way that might help dd understand it a little more)

This man was a complete stranger to you and your daughter. He was wearing a school badge. He came up to your car, confused about which child to take, and you made sure he took the correct child.

What if it was a fake badge? What if it was a pedophile on school property and everyone around was just 'assuming' he was 'a new guy'? And what if he was going to take off with you dd as soon as you left? You, the parent with all the stranger danger info, did not say anything to make your daughter NOT want to go with him. Even with your dd's delays, I'm sure she assumed that mom was in control, mom is not going to let anything happen to me, and mom sure isn't going to let a bad guy take me away! (And, you did what I would say 99% of us on this board would have done!! We would have assumed this guy was legit and went on our merry way and never thought nothing more of it. You are thinking about it because you have been working on stranger danger)

We teach stranger danger for those times when we are not there, and I think most kids would have done the same thing you dd did. Most kids would have assumed that if there was danger, mom would protect them.

So, with your daughter's situation, I would start by giving her more visual lessons. When a new aid or a strange person from the school comes to meet you at the car, explain to your daughter that you are not familiar with this person, so you must go and verify that they are supposed to take care of dd today. It will give you peace of mind and will give your daughter actual experiences to recall.

I tell you, this parenting stuff is hard, I wish they came with a manual!!

 

[binny]

thats what Ive been beating myself up with all day slush. The What ifs of parenting can kill you.
So I guess this can probably be a learning experience for everyone who will listen. Thankfully mine was ok but in the future I will definately be more alert to my gut instinct and check things out. There are a lot of things I wish I had done differently with this situation.

 

[dmslush]

thats what Ive been beating myself up with all day slush. The What ifs of parenting can kill you.
So I guess this can probably be a learning experience for everyone who will listen. Thankfully mine was ok but in the future I will definately be more alert to my gut instinct and check things out. There are a lot of things I wish I had done differently with this situation.

Don't beat yourself up!! That won't accomplish anything, just think of this as a great learning experience!!! You did what I would have done, what most of us would have done. The big thing here is that you see it as a chance to tackle a problem, not only a problem with your dd, but also a problem with the school!! Tomorrow is a new day!!!!

 

[Foohound]

Binny:

I feel for you. I have a DD5 who has a DX of ASD and is in the middle of the spectrum, she does not understand danger, or the difference between a stranger or friend. She loves everyone and has many different teachers and aides, (speech, OT, PT).

I have just started putting her on the school bus after she begged and pleaded with my DH and myself to ride with the other kids in the neighborhood. I have never felt that much fear in one moment, as when I put her on that bus!!.

Parents of children with special needs sometimes have additional hurdels to overcome.

Talk to her school, and don't back down with what you know is right for your DD. Teaching your daughter is a group effort with everyone involved being on the same page.

(P.S.) Sorry so long!!

 

[binny]

Foohound I totally understand your hesitation. I checked out her old bus drivers. Here they have an aide on board as wll so there was never any question that she would be ok, we at least until there was a scary sub aide there. He didnt last long and I wasnt the only one who complained. He was very rough with the kids and just rude with the parents.


We are our kids best advocates. We know them best and we have to stand up for them. Especially those of us who have kids with special needs.

 

[Foohound]

Binney:

I laughed when I saw you checked out the bus driver. I did the same thing!!. My neighbors think I am a little (overprotective)(or crazy!!). My dd just informed me she has a new art teacher today, and my radar immediately went up.
I will now have to make a trip to deliver her teachers Christmas presents just so I meet him, and get feel for what type of person he is. It may be a little overprotective, but my DD has a hard time telling me about anything that happens to her at school. She has a hard time with details, and sometimes gets facts and fiction mixed up. So I worry!!

Have a great night, and just remember there are many of us who do understand what you are going through.

If you ever need to talk just send me a PM

 

[Liberty Belle]

I'm a para educator working with a boy who has autism. We never send a sub to a child who hasn't met him or her before. Normally the special ed teacher or a para the child knows will introduce the sub to the child. We do it to make the child feel more comfortable (and to keep the routine as normal as possible), but I completely see why you think this was a bad situation for your dd.

I would speak with her teacher and ask that someone familiar to your dd be the first person she interacts with in the day. It only makes common sense to me. Of course, things could have been wacky that day and he may have been the only person available. Still...it seems some teacher or even the principal could have come out to greet your dd and introduce her to the sub.

 

[Disney Doll]

Sounds like you handled it fine. If "Stranger Danger" is something you are all trying to work on with DD, it would be good if the school reinforced that.