I have a bit of a dilema!?!

[MrsToad]

I seem to be in the minority however, I wouldn't go unless DH was VERY okay with it. Some thoughts:

1) Your marriage is still young - I don't know how long you were together before getting married, but maybe DH is looking forward to spending your vacation time together, even if working around the house.
2) You are in a new home - maybe DH wants to share the experience during this vacation time of putting your own heart and soul into your home, even if all you can do to help is hand him tools, spread grass seed, provide beverages, and share conversation on your plans for this new home.
3) Maybe you could discuss setting a firm date in the future where you and your DH can make the trip to Disney together; let him know that you are giving up this opportunity to go with your parents out of respect for his feelings, but that you would like a commitment to go together on a particular date in the near future.
4) Marriage is not always 50/50, nor a perfect compromise (though when compromises can be reached, it is a wonderful thing). Sometimes, however, we each must take turns giving into the desires of the other spouse if that spouse really feels strongly; doing so, in my opinion, does not make one spouse subordinate to the other but rather, shows that spouse how much their feelings mean to you.

These are just my own thoughts and I certainly don't know all the details of your relationship. I have also been known to be a bit old-fashioned. Either way, good luck with your decision and best wishes to you and your DH.

 

[DisneyD]

I seem to be in the minority however, I wouldn't go unless DH was VERY okay with it. Some thoughts:

1) Your marriage is still young - I don't know how long you were together before getting married, but maybe DH is looking forward to spending your vacation time together, even if working around the house.
2) You are in a new home - maybe DH wants to share the experience during this vacation time of putting your own heart and soul into your home, even if all you can do to help is hand him tools, spread grass seed, provide beverages, and share conversation on your plans for this new home.
3) Maybe you could discuss setting a firm date in the future where you and your DH can make the trip to Disney together; let him know that you are giving up this opportunity to go with your parents out of respect for his feelings, but that you would like a commitment to go together on a particular date in the near future.
4) Marriage is not always 50/50, nor a perfect compromise (though when compromises can be reached, it is a wonderful thing). Sometimes, however, we each must take turns giving into the desires of the other spouse if that spouse really feels strongly; doing so, in my opinion, does not make one spouse subordinate to the other but rather, shows that spouse how much their feelings mean to you.

These are just my own thoughts and I certainly don't know all the details of your relationship. I have also been known to be a bit old-fashioned. Either way, good luck with your decision and best wishes to you and your DH.

Cheers to you! I agree completely.

I like another poster's idea of just shortening the vacation with your parents so you can still get a Disney trip AND work on house stuff.

 

[NeverEnufWDW]

So Should I stay or should I go?!?!?!

You obviously married the wrong person. House work over Disney ?
He obviously doesn't get it.

Of course, you MUST go and leave the non-believer at home.

 

[donzgyrl]

I spoke with my DH and told him I really wanted to go, VERY BADLY!! He told me he's be dissapointed if I go. But , it was up to me. I am still debating. I will never get a chance like this again. So I am currently leaning towards going. Years ago he took a vacation without me, although it was to go striper fishing in Montauk. ( we've only been married for a little over a year, but been together for over 10 years) Our relationship is pretty solid, it's pretty much 50/50, although at times one or the other will have to compromise, he's not controlling as another poster asked.


And No He Doesn't get it. He felt no Magic at WDW. Sometimes I think I may have married the wrong person!!! JK!!
Thanks again for all the replies.

Donzgyrl

 

[SamanthaL]

But I'm sure that you stayed home so that he wouldn't have to miss you, right.

Um....ya...I stayed home. NOT!!! I went! And I would do it again!

Believe me your DH will be too busy with the siding to spend any time with you! If you stay you have an obligation to get on a ladder and spend every second TALKING HIS EAR OFF! Be sure to keep him company EVERY SECOND OF THE ENTIRE WEEK! You will be on the next plane to Disney!

 

[wendypooh]

Well I usually tend to stay away from threads like this.......... but, this is my take on it.

Your DH is taking his vacation time to work on the house, and spend time with you. He is perhaps a little upset that he's doing this, and now you want to go to WDW. OK, it's not his thing, and he doesn't want to go, and doesn't want you to go. He's probably looking at it, like, I'm taking vacation to be with her, and do work around the house........... and she wants to go off to florida. I can see his point.

However, I see your point as well, and that you really want to go. It is a dilema....... regardless of how long you've been together. I'd frankly, encourage him to go........ and enjoy himself. I'd tell him that I will help with the house projects when we get back....... and yes, it may take longer, but it's not like the work is going anywhere!!! If he still doesn't want to go....... perhaps you could only go for a day or two........ and spend the rest of the time with him while he's off from work? I would want to go as well, but it wouldn't be worth it, if his feelings were going to be hurt. I'd just say that my advice would be to either get him to go, or alter the length of time you'd be gone....... that might make everyone happy.

Good Luck........... let us know how it goes!!!

 

[milmore104]

Here's an idea... Okay, DH doesn't want you to go because he'll miss you and he took his vacation to be home w/ you and do work around the house right? And your parents have agreed to pay for the trip... You have been working over time and saving money for a vacation in Jan... Why not suprise DH take the extra cash you've been saving for a trip and pay someone to finish the siding, hire a neighbor kid to rake your lawn and spread some grass seed, Then your DH would be able to go w/ you?

I couldn't imagine going to WDW w/out my DH but one BIG difference is my DH is as much of a Disney Nut as I am. We have been together for over 14 years and in all those years we have spent 2 nights away from eachother. We spend every minute together (besides work I do mean EVERY MINUTE!!!) This being said I would not have to even think about it for a moment if this opportunity came up for me. I would talk w/ DH and if he really knows how much you want to go he wouldn't have a problem w/ it. Good Luck let us know what you decide! Pixie Dust

 

[Ana~n~Joseph]

My two cents.......Go!!!!! It's not like you're going alone or with a group of friends, you are going with your parents and like one poster said, you need to enjoy every second that you can with them because you never know (I lost my dad when I was 3 years old). You're also giving your husband the opportunity to go but he's turning it down so it's not like you didn't try to include him. I don't know how long your trip would be for, but maybe you could cut it down to compromise with him (for example, three days in DW and three days at home with him).

 

[TKERBELL]

This is a tough situation as NO ONE here is in your marriage - so it is easy for all of us to say what we would do in ours - having said that....

I was married once before to a jerk of a man (just a side bar not comparing) - when current DH and I got together 10+ years ago - I came with a kid in tow - he came with DISNEY in tow (and has since turned me into a DISNEY-AHOLIC )....I love my parents more than anything they have helped and been there for me in the roughest of times - BUT I am married and I have my own family now that I have to consider - not that we don't do things with his or my folks or even separately - but we do things with a collective thought...I agree with the past post of marriage is NOT always 50/50 and that compromise is not always an answer - but I also know that in MY marriage I WOULD never do ANYTHING delibertly to upset or hurt or anger my DH- and the same can be said about him with me...one thing I have learned and take it for what it's worth (opinions are like belly buttons every has one) when we discuss anything that is upsetting to either of us or making a mjor life dicision - we do it in the shower or bathtub - our feeling is you can't get too mad or yell at someone who is naked..... Laugh all you want but that is truly what we do and it works for us (and a few friends that I have told) ...

I know I haven't really helped with your dilemma but I did want to share my thoughts - I sincerly hope I have not angered or offended anyone with my post and if I have I am truly sorry.

Disney Love and affection - Janet

 

[justplaingoofy]

All work and no play makes .....for a very long year without a free vacation!

GO!! I went last year without my husband (went with my aunt & sister) we had a ball!

12 more days until our next wdw trip!!

 

[funcinderella]

This is scary, it sounds like me 8 years ago. I'm not going to go into the all of the details, but suffice it to say you will resent him for it. My husband and I had very similar issues about Disney trips. Although he was adamant about not giving up his season tickets to the Jets, which are quite costly in both time and money. I finally just accepted it. But he never did accept what was my passion (Disney instead of football).

We are currently in the process of a divorce.

And I used to be the one year old newlywed that believed we were as close as could be and nothing would ever split us up. 8 years and two children later, I found out I was wrong.

Work these problems out now, before they get too big. Obviously we have other issues too, but these things can get magnified if you don't address them sooner rather than later.

Okay sorry about my soapbox. I'll get off now.

 

[freakylick]

I went! And I would do it again!

Believe me your DH will be too busy with the siding to spend any time with you! If you stay you have an obligation to get on a ladder and spend every second TALKING HIS EAR OFF! Be sure to keep him company EVERY SECOND OF THE ENTIRE WEEK!

Is that what a marriage is all about my dear?!

 

[isyt]

I soooo know how you feel. All these opinions can't really help because we are not you and your dh. I know I would go in a heart beat. Although no one else in my family would take me to Disney( I am the only fan in my family). I know I would be pouty and annoyed if hubby really didn't want me to go and its ok to tell him that you are annoyed. My dh and I tell each other yes I am mad give me time and I'll get over it ( that goes for both of you ).

Being said I hope you do go, I lost my father 18 months after we got married and really regret not asking to come with us right before (we weren' fanatics back then). If it doesn't work out I could go with your parents !! My bday is Thursday and I could be a real fun substitute !!!

 

[SamanthaL]

Is that what a marriage is all about my dear?!

First off take a joke.
I have been with my DH for 18 years. He does his thing and I would never dream of taking it away from him or making him feel guilty. He adores golf and visits to Portugal to see family. He does these things on his own as money allows.
In turn he encourages me to be who I am, sense of humor and all , and would never dream of making stay home to watch him install our new furnace ( next job we are doing). Marriage is a wonderful partnership but it alone does not define me. If it did I would have felt smothered and resented him and probably divorced him. Now I get off my soap box and encourage The OP to go with her gut.

 

[Frantasmic]

I don't think it is a money issue. I also don't think it is a time issue (spend time together.)

Since he doesn't share your love of Disney, a trip to Disney, no matter who is paying is seen by him as a nice to have and apparently your trip in 04 was supposed to suffice in the nice to have category for a while.

He probably simply thinks that a return trip so soon after you just had one isn't justified, for whatever reason.

Guys look at a lot of things in life in utilitarian functions. An example, generally a guy will buy clothes when he needs them. Someone offering to buy a pair of jeans for him when he doesn't think he "needs" them doesn't make sense.

In the same fashion, he doesn't think you "need" to go to Disney, no matter who is paying. I bet if you cornered him, and asked how often you should go to Disney, no matter who pays for it, he'd say something like every 5-6 years.

Also, there may be some resentment in your getting to go when he had spoken about taking his parents, even though he hadn't brought up the issue again.

In my own life, I have been married for 17 years. We are visiting my wife's parents for Christmas. They will come up here for another daughter's wedding in March and then my wife and daughter will go on a short cruise with my MIL and her sisters in June. If she came up and wanted to visit her parents in October or November, I would question the "need" for that since we will have seen her parents 3 times within the past 9 months. Her father doesn't want to travel down where we live; I dont' really want to travel where they live beyond a 2 times a year situation, because that is what I feel is fair.

He has some sort of reason like that but won't share it with you. He either feels threatend by your parent's ability to spend time and money with you or he has a chit system where you have to earn stuff like this. Getting him to admit it will be difficult.

And another thing, in hidden "guy" terms and actions, he has stated quite clearly that he doesn't want you to go. His "I'll let you decide" is really guy talk for you should see that I don't want you to go and decide that for yourself.

Like others have said, I think there are bigger issues than a trip to Disney that you should find out about before "leaning toward going."

 

[VSL]

The fact that your DH changed his mind about going in January tells me that he's always going to be awkward about Disney holidays.

So.. you can either go for free now (and accept that you may have to go to WDW now and again without your husband if you want to go every year/every other year), or hang around waiting for a time when he wants to go (which may never happen).
Talk to him.. the point is, WDW is something you obviously love and intend to return there who knows how many times. If he doesn't want to join you, fine. But he shouldn't try to stop you (or 'guilt' you into not going). If he's going to miss you so much then he should join you!

Anyway - keep us updated, and tell us what you're going to do!

 

[Daydreamer]

I'm sure my perspective is a little different but I believe your DH may feel threatened by the offer. A Disney trip is something you want and something he feels he can't give you right now. The offer from your parents, while well intended, is probably making him feel insecure about his perceived position as provider. If he takes the free trip he may feel uncomfortable and think your parents perceive him as unable to give you what you want. If he stays home and you go it is almost like you backing that perception. So, his only option is to act uninterested or too busy.

Maybe if you and he were covering a portion of the expenses he would feel a little more comfortable and a little less threatened.

I think the key to the whole thing is to openly communicate about what the real issue is. It is absolutely critical to get things worked out before you just decide to go; you must find common ground as this will likely set a precedence for the future. I hope things work out great!! (And that you both can enjoy this opportunity for a Disney Trip)

 

[Zandy595]

Best idea is to try to convince your DH to go with you. I would sit down with him and find out what he doesn't like about Disney. Try to find things there that he would enjoy doing.

If you don't go on this vacation, years from now you might say you wish you had. I doubt you will say you wished you had stayed home to do housework.

 

[DVCJEN]

You know your husband does not want you to go. He has told you that. If my husband wanted to go on a trip when we had taken time off to work at home, I would be very upset if he decided to leave me there and go on a vacation--even if it was to a place I didn't particulary care to go. I am not in your relationship so I don't know the circumstances, but you know he doesn't want you to go. It seems a bit selfish to go off and enjoy a trip while he is at home working alone.

 

[abacobaby]

Hi, I'm sorry if this sounds blunt, but I just DON'T understand what the big deal is about you going away on vacation with your parents, without your husband. Marriage should be a selfless love, in my opinion. Your DH should love you and know you well enough to know how much DW means to you. You of course sound like you already know exactly how DH feels about DW. And yes, before someone starts arguing with me about this, the same could be said about you being selfless and staying home and helping your DH around the house, BUT the point is the house work is not going anywhere and can be done before/after your trip AND a free DW trip does not come along very often, so if you give up this chance, you might never get a chance like this again. Your DH has already made it more than clear how he feels about DW or else he wouldn't be shrugging off the January trip after you two had already agreed to it, right?

Let me give you an example from my marriage. I am 27 years old and have been married 3 years. I am from Austria/Europe. My DH is from the Bahamas. We live in the Bahamas. My DH has been to Austria once, and even though he really liked it, he has not made any effort to plan a trip or go back in the last 5 years. I do love my DH very much and of course, would want nothing more than to go to Austria with him. He does not want to go. He knows that that is my "home" and it would be selfish to keep me from there just because he does not want to go. So, he knows he will either have to do the selfless act of coming with with on my next trip (next September) or if he doesn't want to go, he is COMPLETELY fine with me going by myself.

The same went for when my DH was going crawfishing - he would be away from me for 3 weeks at a time with NO communication system the whole time. Of course I was miserable and I missed him, but loving him meant I had to accept that crawfishing is part of his life and I had to deal with that because him being important to me meant I had to accept what is important to him.

Honestly, in my opinion, the same thing goes for your DH. He knows you love DW so he should be selfless enough to accept that and let you have a good time. Making you feel guilty does not seem like a selfless act to me.

I agree, when you get married you two people become "one", but that does not mean that you or he should sacrifice your own personality for it. You love DW, so go enjoy your trip and spending time with your parents. He wants to stay home and do some work around the house, so let him stay home.

Honestly, what is the big deal???