I Hate Confrontation! (Vent)

FayeW

DIS Veteran
Joined
Apr 16, 2003
Messages
5,360
I am upset this morning, and I guess I am just looking for validation.

A little background: 3 years ago, a fairly good friend came in to my workplace, crying because she needed to borrow $100. right away, there was a payment due on something and they didn't have any money. This was a few weeks after 9/11, and my husband had already been told that when the Canadian troops left to go to Afghanistan, he would be with them. I suggested to my friend that I would give her $200. immediately, but that we would consider it a pre-payment for babysitting services for when DH was away ( we had just moved to a new neighborhood, and I needed an occasional evening sitter because I had to work nights a couple of times a week). She agreed, my husband went to sea, and she did, in fact, babysit twice, 4 hours each time. The last time she had my kids, they borrowed one of her daughters movies to watch at home, and would return it the next time I brought them to her.

She was scheduled to babysit for me for a full day, and 3 days before, she called me to tell me she could no longer babysit because she had just gotten hired for a full time job, and included Saturdays ( the day she was to sit for me). She agreed that she owed me the money I had pre-paid. She continued to acknowledge that she owed me money for several months, and then we stopped calling each other. In Aug/02 (nearly a year later) I called her and asked for the money back. She told me her DH & DD were away on holiday, and that they had also had an unexpected car repair, so she didn't have any money. She moved shortly thereafter, and changed her phone number to unlisted. Several months later, a mutual friend gave me her new number, and I called a few times and left messages, but she did not return my calls.

As fate would have it, I ran into her at the mall on Saturday. After making small talk for a few minutes I finally summoned the courage to ask for the money back. I was so nervous that I dropped the pen when I tried to write down my phone number for her so she could call me and make arrangements for repayment.

This morning she called, wanted my address to send post dated cheques. She said " I remember the circumstances, didn't I babysit for you to pay that back?" I told her, yes,she did, twice for 4 hours each time. She then deducted $40 from what she owed for payment for babysitting. Fair enough. Then she said "And you've had DD's movie for HOW LONG?!?" I said that I had offered to return it several times, that I had called and asked for my money back 2 years ago, and then she moved without telling me where she went or giving me a number to contact her to return the movie, and that when I did finally get her new number, she wouldn't return my calls. We finally agreed that I would drop off the movie to her at her work today, and she will give me post dated cheques.

I am still stunned by this persons attitude and confrontational manner. She is worrying about having a $20. children's movie returned ( her daughter is now nearly 13) and meantime she has had my $200 for 3 YEARS!!

They say you can't put a price on friendship; apparently you can, and it's 200 bucks.
 
She sounds like the type of person that just uses people. I would probably just cut my losses and break off all contact. I doubt that you will ever see the 200.

Atleast you stood up for yourself. It gets easier the more that you do it!:D
 
I think you are both to blame. If the woman is having financial problems, it would be a friendly gesture to not make her pay the $160. I wouldn't let something under $500 ruin a friendship. If she doesn't pay it, is it worth losing a friend for $160?
 

Don't give out money you can't afford to lose.
 
I don't borrow money but if I ever DID, I would sure as hell pay it back before taking a "holiday" (which is a vacation here in the US, correct?) Her priorities are wacked but I think after 3 years you just need to let it go. She is not going to pay you back. BTW, I think moving and not leaving your "friends" who were good enough to lend you money your new number speaks volumes about which person in this "friendship" was to blame for it ending... I wouldn't blame the OP for ruining the friendship over $160. Sounds like she had more than enough patience about it.
 
Originally posted by Lisa F
I don't borrow money but if I ever DID, I would sure as hell pay it back before taking a "holiday" (which is a vacation here in the US, correct?) Her priorities are wacked but I think after 3 years you just need to let it go. She is not going to pay you back. BTW, I think moving and not leaving your "friends" who were good enough to lend you money your new number speaks volumes about which person in this "friendship" was to blame for it ending... I wouldn't blame the OP for ruining the friendship over $160. Sounds like she had more than enough patience about it.

My thoughts exactly. Its not about the $160, its the fact that she has avoided you, going so far as to move and get an unlisted phone number. I bet you she has a bunch of other people she owes money to besides you.

I'd write the money and her friendship off as a loss.
 
Not worth spending any more time on. To show you are the better person, I would mail the movie back to her work.
 
I agree with the majority. Her DH & DD took a "holiday" but she couldn't repay you? She had no intentions of repaying you IMHO.
Would I lose a friendship over $160? Guess I would--I wouldn't want a friend like that. She sounds selfish to me.
 
I agree, she probably left a lot of "friends" that she owed money too.

I'd write her and the money off at this point.
 
The quickest way to loose a friend is to lend them money. I always say, I would love to but I don't have any to spare.
 
My father always told me that if you give someone money, consider it a gift not a loan, and therefore never give them more than you can afford to be without.

As far as your "friend", she is no friend.

You are sadder but wiser.
 
I never "loan" money. If I have it and someone needs it, it's theirs. I saw my Dad ruin a few good friendships over a few
hundred dollars. Money is the root of all evil. Neither a borrower
nor a lender be. I can't afford large sums to give but a few
hundred is water over the dam. Don't do it again if you can't
afford to simply be benevolent.
 
Originally posted by JoeThaNo1Stunna
I think you are both to blame. If the woman is having financial problems, it would be a friendly gesture to not make her pay the $160. I wouldn't let something under $500 ruin a friendship. If she doesn't pay it, is it worth losing a friend for $160?

I disagree with you on this. Is it worth losing a friend by promising to pay someone back and then not doing so? Someone that would do that to you is not truly a friend anyway. It's the principle of the thing with me.
 
I can't blame you at all! BUT - I'm wondering what you're going to do when the predated checks bounce???
 
Originally posted by shortbun
Money is the root of all evil.

Small correction, the love of money is the root of all evil.


Not that I agree with either statement. :D
 
Originally posted by shortbun
I never "loan" money. If I have it and someone needs it, it's theirs. I saw my Dad ruin a few good friendships over a few
hundred dollars. Money is the root of all evil. Neither a borrower
nor a lender be. I can't afford large sums to give but a few
hundred is water over the dam. Don't do it again if you can't
afford to simply be benevolent.

That's why I didn't "loan" the money to her. Before I gave her any money, we worked out an agreement where she would "work off" the money by babysitting for me. I knew that I was going to have extra babysitting costs when DH was deployed so I prepaid her, giving her the money she needed when she needed it, but it was money I was going to have to pay to someone else later on to babysit anyway. I thought it was a "win/win" situation, and offered her a way to save face, and not have to undergo financial hardship to pay me back.

In any event, I did meet her this morning, and she gave me post-dated cheques totalling $150. Close Enough! I will take them to be cashed at the bank they are being drawn on, so I won't have to worry about them bouncing.
 
You were being a good friend! She was not. I'm gald you got the checks today (even though it was 10.00 short!) and will keep my fingers crossed that they will not bounce (even if you take them to the bank they're drawn on!) Good Luck!!!
 
This woman was wrong, period. She took advantange of your kindness, just consider it a lesson learned. The checks will probably bounce, go to the bank(s) that they were drawn on and cash them in person.
 


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