I hate being a parent sometimes! *UPDATE page 3*

[hydster]

Yesterday was my soon to be 13 yr olds first day of 7th grade in middle school. When she got home last night she was a MESS! She cried off and on all night last night. This morning when DH was taking her to school she was bawling and telling me she didn't feel good and didn't want to go.

I have NO idea how to help her through this time. I know she has to go but it is breaking my heart sitting here knowing my "baby" is having such a hard time with this while I have to keep a stiff upper lip and "make" her go to school. I've never had this issue with her before. K-6 elementary she loved to go but 7th is really messing with her.

I think her main issues are

1. Many many many more kids than she is used to from Elementary
2. Getting used to 4 classes each day that are harder than what she encountered in Elem.
3. Having a hard time transitioning every other day from A schedule to B schedule.
4. The hour earlier start time

She is my first one to enter Jr. High and I have absolutely NO idea how to help her make it better.

I guess I just needed to vent a little because I'm lost....absolutely lost. I am praying that this is a passing thing and she'll get used to it and not have this issue every morning and every night.

It's times like this that I wish my kids could stay little forever. Has anyone else had a child with this type of anxiety with middle school??? She's such a great kid and stays on task and gets things done but last night she was a blubbering mess.

I'm just sad and lost right now in how to help her transition into the new school easier.

 

[suzannews]

My 11 yr old DD started middle school this year also, here middle school is 6-8th. So far, we are doing great. We were told some kids like the freedom of moving classes and different teachers and some don't, luckily my DD likes it! Last year in elementary, all 5th graders switched classes for reading and math to get them used to it. We start an hour later than elementary so she also enjoys sleeping an hour later in the AM.

Good luck to you!!!

 

[ChrizJen]

Oh, poor thing! I'm 33 years old and I still remember those times! It's so rough being that age and dealing with all of the changes that life throws at you!

I don't have any children, so I don't have words of advice, just words of encouragement for both you and your DD. Both of you keep your chins up, and you just keep doing what you're doing, and keep reassuring her that it will get better, and once she gets used to the routine, it'll get easier too.

And if it's any encouragement, I remember when I made the big transitions, (Elementary to Middle, and Middle to HS), as rough as it was the first few days, I usually found that one teacher with whom I just "clicked". And so looking forward to his/her class always made it a little easier to go. So maybe your DD will do the same thing...And it always helps to give it a few days to start meeting new friends too!

Good luck!
-Christal

 

[VSL]

More than anything it sounds like she doesn't like the change. Hopefully she'll settle in soon

 

[Certifiable WDW Nut]

Any chance there's a little PMS going on too? Honestly she sounds like me when there is a combination of extreme stress and hormone imbalance. I can handle either pretty well on their own, but put them together and I'm a mess.

I know sometimes I forget my DD probably has PMS too.

 

[Disneycrazymom]

Hang in there it will get better! I am a 7/8 grade teacher and have an 8th grade son, so I know what you and she are going through.

Here are a couple ideas tht may help her get through the week. After school offer to take her and a close friend out for an after school treat (maybe ice cream) then guide the conversation to how difficult it is to start over in a new school. Talk about how you have had to do this many times in your own life and how "scary" it is but how wonderful it feels to work through it. Let the girls share how hard this week has been. Then plan a time to do the same thing in just a few days or weeks. Hopefully at that time they can talk about success.

Remind her daily that she CAN do this! She is ready and up for the challenge. Remember that middle school is all about finding out who you are, and as hard as it is to watch our kids struggle, that is how they become strong and confident.

This weekend try to find some time alone, just you and her. Maybe shop for a new outfit. She will have seen what everyone else ie wearing. Give her a chance to talk about the week. Try to help her focus on the good parts. A new friend she has met? or a teacher she likes?

Finially, if this continues for more than a couple days call the school counselor. They have little groups they can pull together of kids who can help her feel wecome. Usually they will ask the younger ones to join the older ones to be greeters at open house or something, just so they can meet some new kids who have a positive attitude about the school.

I hope this afternoon all is well, but if not just be there for her! Sometimes it takes awhile before they feel at home at a new school.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Agreed, she is a change hater....Just let her explode/let loose at home, give lots of hugs, ice cream, and comfort and then send her off to school! Give her 2 weeks to settle in.

 

[Steffi]

Your poor DD, and poor you, Mom! It's so hard to watch your baby struggle and not be able to do more than just be there and listen.

My DD is 11 and just started middle school (6th grade here). School started on August 3rd, and DD had anxiety over all the same things your DD is experiencing. (More people, more classes, more teachers, more things to remember to do and not to do, the A & B class schedule....argh!) Thankfully, she got into the groove of it all very quickly and got past that.

Now, sadly, the "friend" trouble is starting, which is proving to be even more traumatic than the adjustment trouble. We need a middle school parent support group!

 

[aunt kelly]

If things don't get better soon, I think I'd make an appointment w/ the school counselor and talk to him/her about the problem. Middle school is tough, and I'll bet the counselor has helped lots of kids with the issues your daughter is facing. I'll say a prayer right now for you and your daughter. I hope things get better soon.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

We meed a middle school parent support group!

Yep you do!!! My dd is in 10th grade and middle school was way worse. In fact dd refers to the "middler schoolers" as annoying.

 

[minkydog]

My DS(20) did this too--in HIGH SCHOOL He came home crying everyday for the first 2wks. He was the youngest student in 9th grade AND the shortest--he didn't even weigh 100lbs. So he was getting a lot of grief from upperclassmen. The thing that really bothered him was the 10th grade boy in his class who sported lavendar fingernails and kept hitting on him(DS is not gay.) I let it go for 2wks, thinking things would settle down. the upperclassmen and the gay guy found other kids to bother, but there was this one kid who continued to bully DS. So I went to school and we had a talk with the safety officer. Turns out this kid had a major "history". Two weeks into the school year, Mr Bully was expelled for the final time and DS adjusted much better.

OP, all I can say is make time to listen to your DD. comfort her and let you know you care. She may just hate change. Or there may be a legitimate problem. If things aren't better within 2wks, search for the source of her anxiety.

 

[4nana]

Bless her heart....the first week is such an adjustment, specially moving up to another school. Hopefully by the end of the week she will have adjusted, made some friends, gotten in the new routine and feel more comfortable. Big ((hugs)) to you and DD as things fall into place. Your TLC and encouragment is just what she needs now.

 

[Katy Belle]

My oldest DS started Middle School last week. He too hates change, loves routine, is a good kid. I think the "friend" thing is a biggie, especially for girls. Is she eating lunch with a good friend? If not, can it be arranged? If she can figure out anything specific that you know is bothering her you could slip up to school and talk to a teacher who could help her, discretley. Try to get her to bed early, maybe after letting her read a while to wind down. My DS hasn't been able to fall asleep, but reading seems to be helping. If you can have friends over and get her established with a couple of girls it should help.
Good luck! I feel your pain. I hate having to be the parent sometimes too.
Katy

 

[grlpwrd]

She's going thru such a big transition in life.

Yes, your TLC and encouragment is just what she needs now. Lots of kids have let their grades slip and lose focus. Just be there for her.

 

[GoofieRuthie]

I'm waiting for a call as we speak, from DD5 teacher. For the last week, she has been crying just before the bus comes. Saying that her tummy hurts really really bad. She asked me to walk with her to the bus so I have and she is fine. Although, one day last week, she had a break down. She started jumping up and down screaming that she didn't feel good. (this was the first day it all started) I ended up having to take her to school. I had a call from her bus driver (who happens to be the youth pastors wife at our church) yesterday that she is fine on the bus until she sees the school. She then latches onto Miss Debbie and starts crying that her belly hurts.

I tried talking to her last night, but she insists it's just a tummy ache. My heart is breaking for her. I just want to hold her and never make her go back to school. Hopefully, her teacher can help me figure out if it's a bully, or just anxiety of first grade.

 

[Bearvet]

Last year DS13 started 7th grade - our middle school is 7th and 8th grade. He was really looking forward to middle school and is very self-confident. Well, the first day was pretty rough - much more difficult than he expected. He came from a rural elementary school (20 6th graders total) and had a hard time adjusting to the sheer numbers! There were 25 buses after school instead of 5; the middle school shares some common areas with the high school (cafeteria) and he get lost in the hallways, trying to open the lock on his locker, etc. He was pretty shaken up!

So we talked through everything and he was determined to make this work! So, by the 3rd day of school he was doing just fine and worked hard to get good grades (since he came from this smaller school they didn't cover all topics that other schools did). He started 8th grade today and was raring to go!!

It was really difficult to see my confident so reduced to tears, but it's a part of life and we just need to give them the tools to face these changes. I do agree that a parent needs to step in when there are extreme circumstances (bullying, stealing, etc.). Try to focus on the wonderful new things your child can do in middle school - clubs, sports, etc. Lots of other kids are going through the same things.

 

[hydster]

Thanks for all the replies. They really do help me to see that my dd isn't the only one with these types of issues.

She may very well have PMS. She hasn't "started" yet so I have no idea but I do know that I have it right now so chances are she does too. I told her last night that I think she's just hormonal and it's hard to accept change when your hormones make you nuts.

She has a great friend support network with her that she's had all through Elem. Most of them however have either had at least 1 sibling already go through it or some of them have a sibling there in 9th grade so that helps them.

I am frustrated because mostly she just says it's too hard and she can't do it and that part frustrates me because she has been there for ONE day. I am hoping that this will get better SOON because if it doesn't this is going to be one long school year.

I honestly dread her coming home and dealing with the tears that I had yesterday because they just broke my heart.

But thank you all for the ideas and the hugs....I think we're gonnna need a lot of those this week.

 

[Sherri]

Yesterday was my soon to be 13 yr olds first day of 7th grade in middle school. When she got home last night she was a MESS! She cried off and on all night last night. This morning when DH was taking her to school she was bawling and telling me she didn't feel good and didn't want to go.

I have NO idea how to help her through this time. I know she has to go but it is breaking my heart sitting here knowing my "baby" is having such a hard time with this while I have to keep a stiff upper lip and "make" her go to school. I've never had this issue with her before. K-6 elementary she loved to go but 7th is really messing with her.

I think her main issues are

1. Many many many more kids than she is used to from Elementary
2. Getting used to 4 classes each day that are harder than what she encountered in Elem.
3. Having a hard time transitioning every other day from A schedule to B schedule.
4. The hour earlier start time

She is my first one to enter Jr. High and I have absolutely NO idea how to help her make it better.

I guess I just needed to vent a little because I'm lost....absolutely lost. I am praying that this is a passing thing and she'll get used to it and not have this issue every morning and every night.

It's times like this that I wish my kids could stay little forever. Has anyone else had a child with this type of anxiety with middle school??? She's such a great kid and stays on task and gets things done but last night she was a blubbering mess.

I'm just sad and lost right now in how to help her transition into the new school easier.

Okay now I want to cry. I feel so, so sad for her. Did you ask her if she was able to find her friends at lunch time? If not then you might want to suggest a meeting place. You should go out for a walk together tonight and talk about everything that is making her sad about school. You want to make sure that nobody is being mean to her and if they are you can address it. If its only stress over the switching of classes and many people, just remind her that that will get easier with time. It is so heartbreaking to see the kids that we love so much get so sad. I guess she doesn't want to hear that these are the best years of her life. What I always tell my kids when they have a difficult time is to rememeber: This to shall pass.

 

[froglady]

I'm over 50 and starting to push 60, and I still remember JR High (7-9)

It was SOOOO traumatic. I had been one of the "movers and shakers" in 6th grade, but suddenly was exposed to the wealthier kids in town, who had better clothes, houses, cars, and grades...because they had better schools. They went on to be the cheerleaders, class officers, leads in plays, etc. I can look back and see that their success did not diminish mine, but it's hard to see that at 13.

Then I had to adjust to changing classes and dealing with multiple teachers who all had different styles, and all seemed to think that you didn't have any other classes or a life.(At least that's the way it appeared to me at the time.) Let's face it, what kind of teacher wants you to hand in the first term paper you ever wrote the day after Halloween? (Am I the only one who has flashbacks about onion skin typing paper with red margin lines?)

It was awful, I survived, but there is still a part of me that cringes when I think of it.

 

[hydster]

It's now been 3 1/2 hours since she went to school and she hasn't called crying to come home so at least she's able to keep it together enough to stay for the day.

I know it's a huge adjustment because they have Block Schedule. Yesterday she went to 1A, 2A, 3A and 4A and today she will go to 5B, 6B, 7B, 8B. Lunch times depend on where your class is and which block you are on. She had at least 1 friend that she ate with yesterday but I have no idea what today will bring.

She gets very down on herself really easy and she is a perfectionist like her dad but yesterday was truly heartbreaking. Normally I can help her but I feel so helpless because I can't do anything. She is the one who has to adjust and I can't go hold her hand and get her through it. I know she will eventually grow out of this but until she does my heart hurts!

I'm going to go get a couple of milkshakes before she gets out and sit down with her at home and talk about it. She has an hour with me alone before my other boys get home so it will be good for us to try to figure out a solution *if there is one I can come up with* but honestly I am dreading this afternoon. I can't handle another tear jerker afternoon.

Again thanks for the replies! I know we will get through this but I have no idea when or how.