I got "hit on" at work, should I have been less tactful? Update on Post #19

[disykat]

I feel like I'm missing something. He asked you to join a group going out for drinks, you let him know you were married in case he was asking you out. So far so good.

Now he is waving and smiling at you? I guess I don't see the threat here. It sounds to me like he is being friendly and may even be getting a kick out of you thinking he was hitting on you. He could also being trying to save face and continue his friendliness despite your marital status specifically so you won't think he was hitting on you. IMO it's an embarassing situation all around so I'd let it rest unless he makes more specific overtures which are inappropriate.

 

[DawnCt1]

I remember when I was in my early 20's and a couple of 40 somethings (really old to me then) hit on us when a group of us were out after work. I looked at him and said, "You should be ashamed of yourselves, your old enough to be our Dads!". That worked!

I have a very flamboyant cousin who is 73. She looks A LOT younger than she is. (Face lift, exercizes, full porceline veneers on her teeth, spares no expense)
She got hit on by a 50 something. She laughed and said, "honey, my son is older than you".

 

[Lyn5]

I feel like I'm missing something. He asked you to join a group going out for drinks, you let him know you were married in case he was asking you out. So far so good.

Now he is waving and smiling at you? I guess I don't see the threat here. It sounds to me like he is being friendly and may even be getting a kick out of you thinking he was hitting on you. He could also being trying to save face and continue his friendliness despite your marital status specifically so you won't think he was hitting on you. IMO it's an embarassing situation all around so I'd let it rest unless he makes more specific overtures which are inappropriate.

That could be the case...and hopefully it is. I am being passive in a sense that I am not looking for him or don't want to confront him, just doing my work. My DH's thing last night was that not all men care whether a woman is married and that unless you are very blunt, they don't get the message...which is why I posed the question here, to get more opinions.

 

[Lyn5]

I remember when I was in my early 20's and a couple of 40 somethings (really old to me then) hit on us when a group of us were out after work. I looked at him and said, "You should be ashamed of yourselves, your old enough to be our Dads!". That worked!

I have a very flamboyant cousin who is 73. She looks A LOT younger than she is. (Face lift, exercizes, full porceline veneers on her teeth, spares no expense)
She got hit on by a 50 something. She laughed and said, "honey, my son is older than you".

 

[SC Minnie]

From what you said in the original post it doesn't sounds that bad. If he pursues then it is a problem but asking about joining a group after work is not necessarily crossing the line.

I had a manager of a dept that I supported ask me out for drinks after work 'because his wife was out of town'. I told him my husband wasn't and I wanted to be home with DH and my daughter. There were many other 'things' with this guy that were on the boarder of harrasment.

 

[Disney Doll]

Well, the smeely thing aside, the guy sounds like he was "fishing" a little. he got his answer. Meanwhile, he still has to see you at work, so he's being friendly and waving...no big deal.

If he asks you out again, I'd probably say "Truthfully, I am married, which I thought I told you last time we talked about this, so I won't be going out with you".

No need to be nasty, but the second time you can be a bit more "direct", especially since you were pretty clear the first time about being married.