I got "hit on" at work, should I have been less tactful? Update on Post #19

[Lyn5]

The other day a guy came into where I work looking for an item. I assisted him with the records. Then, when he was done I told him I would put everything away and told him the standard "have a nice day" comment. He didn't leave....he follows me to where I put the items and is hoovering around me, smelling really bad and invading my personal space. He then proceeds to chat with my about a resturant nearby be and whether I go there. No, I tell him, I eat at my desk at work (trying to avoid a lunch date question)....then he says that a bunch of people go there for drinks afterwork and proceeds to invite my to join him for drinks, etc. I tell him that I go straight home afterwork to take care of my children and husband and to clean my home. I then say goodbye and go back to my office and just start working while he leaves. I thought that a comment about being married with children was a huge "red flag" and I thought I had tactfully told him I wasn't interested. Last night, I told the story to my DH and he said that the guy probable didn't get the hint and the only way to make sure he got the message was to tell him directly that I think he smells and that I think he is gross Should I have been less tactful? Do you think what I said is enough?

 

[Poohnatic]

I think you did fine. My DH would have said the same thing as your DH, though!

Suzanne

 

[Christine]

Well, the guy does sound creepy but that is probably not an excuse for being rude *yet.* I think you did the right thing. The only thing more direct I probably would have said was "no, I don't go out with men after work for drinks because I am *MARRIED*". You pretty much said that but probably not as blunt. If he didn't get the message, he's an idiot.

I try not to be rude if I don't have to be. He really didn't do any harm trying to "fish" for a date--he didn't know you were married. Now that he does, if he tries it again, you can be rude.

 

[mrsv98]

What did he do after you told him about your hubby and kids? Did he leave? Make any more comments about going out?

If he left after that, then I think all is well and the matter is dropped. If he comes back in and starts hinting around again, then yes, you will have to be direct and tell him you are not at all interested. I don't think you have to tell him he is stinky, tho!

 

[tekmom]

I think your response was fine and hey......at least ya know ya still got it! j/k

 

[CEDmom]

I think he got the hint. I don't the situation warranted being cruel.

 

[RitaZ.]

I think you handled it fine by letting him know that you're married and have a family. He did leave, right? Which proves that he got the message.

BTW~ Would your husband have been ok with it if the guy wasn't gross and didn't smell funky ?

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I disagree about what your DH thought you should say. It implies that if he takes a shower you'll go out with him. Him smelling is really not the point, at least I assume it's not.

I think that what you said was fine. It's easy to second guess oneself, but you had to think on your feet and let him know without being rude that you are married. If he asks again I would not be so nice!

 

[MAKmom]

I would have said "My husband does'nt like me dating other men" I crack myself up.

 

[imsorry]

I think you handled it just right. You don't know who you are dealing with, and if you insulted him he might wait around outside for you. I live in NYC and you have to be very careful dealing with "strangers" - alot of them really are "strange"!

 

[Poohnatic]

I would have said "My husband does'nt like me dating other men" I crack myself up.

You crack me up, too. I like that response!

Sometimes its difficult when you work in a position of assisting the public. Politeness can be mistaken for interest. Working as a manager in a store staffed and patronized by 90% men drove that home to me all too well. I think that's part of why DH got my engagement ring so quick, lol!

Suzanne

 

[Lyn5]

Thank you all for your comments, this sort of thing has happened to me before and my DH always says I am too nice ....I really liked your ideas if it comes up again. In fact, I am still laughing at some of them

I do find it hard to balance being polite/professional, being firm and not being too rude. As imsorry suggested, I don't want offend someone that isn't stable....and no, him taking a shower wouldn't have changed my mind Hopefully if he comes back he will stick to talking only about work

Thanks again

 

[Chicago526]

If it was his first attempt, then you were fine. If he takes the hint and leaves you alone, all is good.

I'd only get blunt if he makes a second attempt. "I'm happily married and even if I wasn't, I don't like you. Go away."

 

[disykat]

I agree you handled it just right. He was fishing, you gave him the info he was looking for, and it was over. At this point, no need for anything else.

I also agree that if he were to continue, then it would call for more.

 

[laura001]

I disagree about what your DH thought you should say. It implies that if he takes a shower you'll go out with him. Him smelling is really not the point, at least I assume it's not.

I was thinking the same thing as the above poster. I think you did fine , it is not being rude, it is just a fact!

 

[Mom2Ashli]

Thank you all for your comments, this sort of thing has happened to me before and my DH always says I am too nice ....I really liked your ideas if it comes up again. In fact, I am still laughing at some of them

I do find it hard to balance being polite/professional, being firm and not being too rude. As imsorry suggested, I don't want offend someone that isn't stable....and no, him taking a shower wouldn't have changed my mind Hopefully if he comes back he will stick to talking only about work

Thanks again

I think you did fine.

 

[Shugardrawers]

On the rare occasions this has happened to me I have always asked if it's ok if Dh comes with us for those drinks because he gets real jealous when I go out without him. It's worked every time

 

[kmp1191]

I would have said "My husband does'nt like me dating other men" I crack myself up.

I've actually used that one!!! they didn't think it was as funny as i did!!

another time i said, "sure, let me call the husband and kids and tell them where to meet us at!"

SARACASM IS A WONDERFUL THING!!

 

[Lyn5]

Thank you all for the ideas....I may need them. The guy came back today when I was busy on the phone, popped by my door, gave me a huge wave and left If he returns I may try one of the husband lines

 

[Tigger&Belle]

On the rare occasions this has happened to me I have always asked if it's ok if Dh comes with us for those drinks because he gets real jealous when I go out without him. It's worked every time

You can mention the gun that your very jealous husband carries...