mom2rtk
Invented the term "Characterpalooza"
- Joined
- Aug 23, 2008
I have never been a fan of that phrasing. "We" can have a baby. But "we" are never pregnant.You hear "we are pregnant" a lot though
I have never been a fan of that phrasing. "We" can have a baby. But "we" are never pregnant.You hear "we are pregnant" a lot though
I could not agree more with the bolded. The "no" absolutely outweighs the "yes". No always wins. Every. Time.I believe that when it comes to having children, and one person wants to and the other doesn't, then the answer is no children. I understand your feelings, but it wouldn't be fair to the child to be brought into a family where one parent may be resentful. In these cases the 'no' outweighs the 'yes'.
(btw, I cleaned up the thread)
This is an important post.I'm not sure I completely understand the OP's circumstances, but is it correct to assume that, because you and DH have some disabilities, you both have/had concerns that your child will, as well? That's a valid concern--even perfectly "normal" people can have a child with disabilities. If these concerns led to the vasectomy, and your DH is happy with that, then I don't think reversal is a good idea. For one, your DH doesn't want kids. Secondly, the disability thing could be valid (depending on the specific nature of the disabilities, and I don't want to pry into your personal circumstances). Not only would a child with disabilities be more work, even the easiest child on the planet is a LOT of work, even for young, healthy, active parents who don't have any other challenges.
The other thing is, if the nature of your disability is such that parenting would be a challenge, I don't know if fostering or adopting is going to be a viable choice. First off, your DH may not want these things, either, since he didn't want biological children. Beyond that, it may be extremely difficult for the two of you to jump through the necessary hoops to qualify for adoption--and adoption can come with its own challenges. I'm sorry if this upsets you, but I'm trying to be honest and realistic.
I also don't thin kit's fair to try to talk another person into making a choice that they clearly don't want, such as your DH in this case. You agreed to the procedure years back. He's happy with the status quo.
There may be other ways to fulfill the desire you have. Volunteering with children or adopting a cat or dog might go a long way for you--added bonus, they require a lot less care. Good luck to you.
I get what everyone is saying his body I can't make the choice for him. So I either need to adopt/ foster or find a way to fill the void with out kids
I'm not sure I completely understand the OP's circumstances, but is it correct to assume that, because you and DH have some disabilities, you both have/had concerns that your child will, as well? That's a valid concern--even perfectly "normal" people can have a child with disabilities. If these concerns led to the vasectomy, and your DH is happy with that, then I don't think reversal is a good idea. For one, your DH doesn't want kids. Secondly, the disability thing could be valid (depending on the specific nature of the disabilities, and I don't want to pry into your personal circumstances). Not only would a child with disabilities be more work, even the easiest child on the planet is a LOT of work, even for young, healthy, active parents who don't have any other challenges.
The other thing is, if the nature of your disability is such that parenting would be a challenge, I don't know if fostering or adopting is going to be a viable choice. First off, your DH may not want these things, either, since he didn't want biological children. Beyond that, it may be extremely difficult for the two of you to jump through the necessary hoops to qualify for adoption--and adoption can come with its own challenges. I'm sorry if this upsets you, but I'm trying to be honest and realistic.
I also don't thin kit's fair to try to talk another person into making a choice that they clearly don't want, such as your DH in this case. You agreed to the procedure years back. He's happy with the status quo.
There may be other ways to fulfill the desire you have. Volunteering with children or adopting a cat or dog might go a long way for you--added bonus, they require a lot less care. Good luck to you.
Aren't these the type of conversation to have before marriage and/or having such a procedure done?
That's true but it takes 2 to create a pregnancy. It doesn't take 2 to tie your tubes or get snipped.
Do you expect to pass away in the next 15-18 years?Update so for lack of better word the void went away one reason there would be no one to take care the kid for lack of better word after dh and I pass
Do you expect to pass away in the next 15-18 years?
No but big if I have a kid I do expect him to out live me just like my mom expects me to live longer then her
So it sounds like adoption is the best option for many reasons. Maybe talk it over with DH and see what his thoughts are.
Do you have any pets? That would be a much better option for you and your husband. Maybe you should consider a small lap dog that you can spoil etc.
Do you expect to pass away in the next 15-18 years?
I agree. Adoption and fostering do not appear to be an optionI do not believe adoption would be an option for them. Tink, are you still volunteering with children? You really seemed to enjoy doing that.
I agree. Adoption and fostering do not appear to be an option