I get it was my choice as well as dhs

[maxaroni]

First, you are an amazing person and have valid feelings. Your feelings are not something you can turn on and off. I am married 36 years and it is hard,hard work. We were fortunate to be blessed with our DS24 after 10 years of trying. We didn't feel as though it would be in our cards and each month, the pain was difficult. After DS was born we lost 5 more babies in miscarrige. My point is, Tink, yes we had our beautiful DS but we felt that hole in us that took awhile to work through. We couldn't turn our feelings off, just as you can't. Women are also blessed with the hormonal aspect that can wreak havoc with us. We also have the monthly reminder that we are not pregnant. For us, secondary infertility was very hard to deal with. Yes, we did have our DS, so different in that aspect to what you are feeling. Parenting is a very very difficult job, albeit rewarding. You and your DH need to be on the same page on becoming parents. If he doesn't feel, due to circumstances, it is something he wants, it doesn't make your feelings any less valid. It's something that you need to work through and am sure your DH can help you. It's something that, as a couple, you will get through. I am not sure if I am making a whole lot of sense. I wish you all the best

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

First, you are an amazing person and have valid feelings. Your feelings are not something you can turn on and off. I am married 36 years and it is hard,hard work. We were fortunate to be blessed with our DS24 after 10 years of trying. We didn't feel as though it would be in our cards and each month, the pain was difficult. After DS was born we lost 5 more babies in miscarrige. My point is, Tink, yes we had our beautiful DS but we felt that hole in us that took awhile to work through. We couldn't turn our feelings off, just as you can't. Women are also blessed with the hormonal aspect that can wreak havoc with us. We also have the monthly reminder that we are not pregnant. For us, secondary infertility was very hard to deal with. Yes, we did have our DS, so different in that aspect to what you are feeling. Parenting is a very very difficult job, albeit rewarding. You and your DH need to be on the same page on becoming parents. If he doesn't feel, due to circumstances, it is something he wants, it doesn't make your feelings any less valid. It's something that you need to work through and am sure your DH can help you. It's something that, as a couple, you will get through. I am not sure if I am making a whole lot of sense. I wish you all the best

I understand

 

[bigbabyblues]

Please don't blame yourself for what happened to Pumpkin. We had a black lab from the time he was a puppy. One day when he was 9 years old, he just wasn't acting like himself, not wanting to eat, just laying around, wouldn't get off the couch. He had seemed fine that morning. We took him to the vet the next morning and he had cancer. Apparently, he had had it for awhile, but we didn't know it. We had to make the same choice you did, and it wasn't anyone's fault, but it sure did hurt for awhile. Sometimes it just happens.

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

For any one that could not have children I am sorry and for anyone who had to put down a animal I am sorry

 

[Nancyg56]

No I put pumpkin down a little over a month ago and I still claim responsibility even though the and my mom said it was not my fault he got stage four cancer within days still don't understand how that happened

Oh my! Please do not blame yourself. I am so sorry you lost your kitty to cancer. My Baxter had cancer as well. It happens so fast in cats, and honestly I have no idea how it happens either. My boy was fine one day and within the span of a week seemed to lose appetite and weight. The vet monitored him for me and helped me to know when I had to make that difficult decision.

I also wonder if some of the loss you feel is the loss of your furry friend. I still hear Bax running aroiund that house at times and still miss him terribly.

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

Oh my! Please do not blame yourself. I am so sorry you lost your kitty to cancer. My Baxter had cancer as well. It happens so fast in cats, and honestly I have no idea how it happens either. My boy was fine one day and within the span of a week seemed to lose appetite and weight. The vet monitored him for me and helped me to know when I had to make that difficult decision.

I also wonder if some of the loss you feel is the loss of your furry friend. I still hear Bax running aroiund that house at times and still miss him terribly.

I am sorry for your loss

 

[Magpie]

No I put pumpkin down a little over a month ago and I still claim responsibility even though the and my mom said it was not my fault he got stage four cancer within days still don't understand how that happened

Listen to your mother! Your cat's cancer was not your fault. There's nothing anyone can do to prevent that sort of thing. I've lost a cat to cancer, and it's so hard. I also lost another cat, just two years old, barely more than a kitten, to a random infection that may have been tracked into the house on our shoes. She was fine on Friday and gone by Monday. No blame.

And I've got my dear old fellow, sitting in front of me right now with his tremors and his eyes half-closed, and I know he won't be with us much longer.

I'm very sorry for your loss, and when you're ready, I do think you should get a new cat. My mom likes to say, "A house isn't a home without a cat." Even when she was working in Pakistan, she still managed to find a half-wild, feral kitten and trap it in her apartment, just so the place could feel like home! Other than having to get her bodyguard to retrieve it from the chimney flu a few times, she says he was a terrific companion (when she left the country, the bodyguard took the cat home to his wife and children).

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

Listen to your mother! Your cat's cancer was not your fault. There's nothing anyone can do to prevent that sort of thing. I've lost a cat to cancer, and it's so hard. I also lost another cat, just two years old, barely more than a kitten, to a random infection that may have been tracked into the house on our shoes. She was fine on Friday and gone by Monday. No blame.

And I've got my dear old fellow, sitting in front of me right now with his tremors and his eyes half-closed, and I know he won't be with us much longer.

I'm very sorry for your loss, and when you're ready, I do think you should get a new cat. My mom likes to say, "A house isn't a home without a cat." Even when she was working in Pakistan, she managed to find a half-wild, feral kitten and trap it in her apartment, just so the place could feel like home! Other than having to get her bodyguard to retrieve it from the chimney flu a few times, she says he was a terrific companion (when she left the country, the bodyguard took the cat home to his wife and children).

Thank you and I am sorry for your loss

 

[Liberty Belle]

No I put pumpkin down a little over a month ago and I still claim responsibility even though the and my mom said it was not my fault he got stage four cancer within days still don't understand how that happened

It's not your fault. Not in any way possible it could be your fault.

I hope when you're through grieving him you'll be able to trust yourself to own another pet to love on.

 

[Colleen27]

No I put pumpkin down a little over a month ago and I still claim responsibility even though the and my mom said it was not my fault he got stage four cancer within days still don't understand how that happened

Don't blame yourself. No matter how much we love them, our pets aren't people. They can't tell us when something feels "off" and they don't undergo routine screenings like humans do so by the time we become aware of cancer it is often too late. I lost a much-loved rescue pup to a very short and sudden battle with cancer over a year ago, and I still feel a sort of "hole" where Lady used to be in my life.

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

Don't blame yourself. No matter how much we love them, our pets aren't people. They can't tell us when something feels "off" and they don't undergo routine screenings like humans do so by the time we become aware of cancer it is often too late. I lost a much-loved rescue pup to a very short and sudden battle with cancer over a year ago, and I still feel a sort of "hole" where Lady used to be in my life.

I am sorry for your loss

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

I am ashamed to be a part of my generation the one where every one is looking to be offend why couldn't I have been born in the 70s back story my neighbor and I where watching tv and she asked if dh and I where going to have kids I said no and I don't know how she guessed he got a vestectamy and she said off had you two could not have handled it anyway it took every thing I had and more not to burst into tears in front of her I would kill not to be so sensitive

ETA I know she is right but normally they say how sorry they are or I can't see it now but I made the right choice for all involved not just a slap in the face I get some people are colder then others

 

[maxaroni]

As I said upthread, my DS took us 10 years to conceive, lots of doctors appointments, disappointment, etc. So many people said when we said infertility issues "well, it must be fun trying". Uh,no. It was not fun doing things on a timetable, sometimes very clinical, etc. The other thing we got, after we had DS and were trying for a 2nd baby, "well, at least you have one". Yes, we were very blessed and had DS. However, when dealing with secondary infertility and losing 5 babies, it is hard to hear. Some dismiss secondary infertility but it is real. I understand, knowing the facts and accepting is 2 very different things. Sometimes, it's hard to reconcile in our minds and we do not need to have the words repeated back to us. However, she probably didn't mean it the way it may sound. Sometimes people do not know what to say and what they do say, they do not mean it as it may sound to us. I also have found that when I am feeling emotional or my hormones are running astray, a comment may hit me in such a way that it hurts. Other days, I am able to brush it off.

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

As I said upthread, my DS took us 10 years to conceive, lots of doctors appointments, disappointment, etc. So many people said when we said infertility issues "well, it must be fun trying". Uh,no. It was not fun doing things on a timetable, sometimes very clinical, etc. The other thing we got, after we had DS and were trying for a 2nd baby, "well, at least you have one". Yes, we were very blessed and had DS. However, when dealing with secondary infertility and losing 5 babies, it is hard to hear. Some dismiss secondary infertility but it is real. I understand, knowing the facts and accepting is 2 very different things. Sometimes, it's hard to reconcile in our minds and we do not need to have the words repeated back to us. However, she probably didn't mean it the way it may sound. Sometimes people do not know what to say and what they do say, they do not mean it as it may sound to us. I also have found that when I am feeling emotional or my hormones are running astray, a comment may hit me in such a way that it hurts. Other days, I am able to brush it off.

So it is not a generational thing for lack of better word like I thought it is a real human emotion