I feel so bad for my DDIL

[powellrj]

My DDIL loves my DD is great about attending all of her activities. The problem is, every time she does, people assume she is the MOM!!

Last night DD was dancing at a program and one of the dads came up and introduced himself to her. She was about to cry. She is only 25 and she would had to have had DD when she was 12 to be her mother.

Its not the first time this has happened. It seems to happen every time she is with DD.

She is very stylish and always wears make-up and has her hair done in a cute style. She is an instructor at a beauty school so she always looks great!

Granted DS does look older than 26 because he is bald, so I can understand people thinking he is her dad, but DDIL in no way looks old enough to be the mom of a 13 year old!

I admit DH and I are older so people could assume we are the grandparents, so that only adds to the confusion!!

I wish I could say something to make her feel better! I don't even want to address the fact that if she is old enough to be the mom of a 13 year old, people assume I am old enough to be the grandmother of a 13 year old. It doesn't bother me as much as it does her, I just want her to feel better about herself!

 

[wenrob]

Honestly I think sometimes people don't think about age when they ask. Do your DDIL and DD have similar coloring etc? When my best friend and I would take my DD out and about everyone always assumed DD was BFF's kid because they both had blond hair and similar skin tone. Once when I was 25 I got asked if a 15yr old was my son. I admit it freaked me out a little bit but I figured it was because we both had super thick hair of the same color. Like I said I think people just don't do the math when they ask.

And I was asked by the cable guy if my new born twins were my grandchildren. I was 37...

 

[golfgal]

I would assume that what they are really thinking is WOW that 40 year old looks like she is 26-she looks FANTASTIC vs wow, she had a kid when she was 12???

I am always surprised at the looks I get from people when I tell them I have a 17 year old or when people ask me when we are planning on having kids or if we have kids YET. I really don't think I look THAT young. I am in my mid-40's and people assume I am around 30 for whatever reason-I think maybe because I am short??? A couple guys at work were talking about "when I get to be their age". I started laughing and said that it wasn't possible--they got this confused look on their face and they didn't understand what I was saying. I pointed out that I was 10 years older than them and time doesn't move backwards.

 

[ProgressCity]

That's not nearly as bad as walking with your dad and people thinking you're his wife Puberty hit early and from the time I was 14 people would mistake me for my dad's wife and my brother's mother. To say it was awkward is a massive understatement .

Sorry this happens so much with her. It's great that she's so supportive of your DD. It is uncomfortable, but 9 times out of 10 people just don't think before they open their mouth. Hopefully she doesn't let it get to her too much.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

That's too bad. Maybe something about her carriage suggests something?

I don't know.

Also--I underguestimate kids/teen ages all the time. So maybe it isn't b/c people think your DIL is OLD enough, but that maybe your DD is young enough for them to be mother/daughter.

I would cringe when folks would believe my mom to be my sister--but it was always some teeny bopper cashier who clearly coudln't tell that I hadn't aged (late 20s) while my mom very much had (late 40s). So I think they thought I was older than I was b/c there is no way that someone would guess my mom to be any closer than the 18 year age difference we have. (time has not been her friend.) While it happens that siblings can be that far apart--it's not like it is an everyday thing.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

That's not nearly as bad as walking with your dad and people thinking you're his wife Puberty hit early and from the time I was 14 people would mistake me for my dad's wife and my brother's mother. To say it was awkward is a massive understatement .

Sorry this happens so much with her. It's great that she's so supportive of your DD. It is uncomfortable, but 9 times out of 10 people just don't think before they open their mouth. Hopefully she doesn't let it get to her too much.

My mom married a man that was 9 years her junior and 9 years my senior.

I gotta say that it caused issues with me taking him serious as a disciplinarian and it was one of my fears that folks would assume that it was me who married the guy. Thankfully at that time, I looked younger than my age so it never really happened.

 

[XTinabell]

It is never fun being thought of as older than you are unless you're 7.
When I was 12 I took my little cousin to the pool she was about 4 or 5 years old and this older woman asked if my cousin was mine. I said yes. I was a very young looking 12 year old, I'm not sure what that lady was thinking.

 

[MushyMushy]

People just don't think -- I think half the time they don't even really open their eyes and look before actually speaking.

When DH and I first got married, I ran into this woman I knew from work and she blurted out, "Oh, is this your son?" I was 27 and my husband was 23 -- not exactly a young-looking 23 either.

I laugh about it now but at the time I was appalled.

 

[Tiggernut_jadie]

I'm an 'older' mum - I was 35 when I had my DD - and several times I've had people 'assume' I was her Grandma rather than her Mum I also have a 19 year old neice who looks older than her years (she was 10 when my DD was born) and just last week someone told my DD to 'go and ask your mum' when she was out with my neice....she was horrifed!

I've just remembered the worst one for me though....when I was 6 months pregnant (and obviously so!) I was in Toys r us looking at the strollers (trying to decide which one to buy) and the member of staff came and asked me if I needed any help. She asked me if the stroller was for my daughter - I didn't know at the time whether the baby was a boy or a girl so I was a bit confused - until she asked when my daughter's baby was due and if it was my first grandchild!!!! I just pointed out my 'bump' and said 'NO the stroller is for me and you just lost yourself a sale!' I went and bought my stroller (and other baby stuff) from another store!

 

[bumbershoot]

I would assume that what they are really thinking is WOW that 40 year old looks like she is 26-she looks FANTASTIC vs wow, she had a kid when she was 12???

Agreed.



Could be worse. When I was 16/17, I would visit my dad and take my half-brothers out. Got the nastiest glares from people who thought I was the mom of my brothers, who were born when I was 13 and 15. Especially the older one; he and I looked just alike because we both look just like our dad (younger brother looks more like his mom).

 

[mrsklamc]

I'm short but I don't think I look particularly young. DH is bald but doesn't look old otherwise. Poor guy gets asked if he's my dad all the time and once if he was my dad or grandad! (he was 29)

I think pp was correct that people just don't LOOK. Just after having surgery i was in a store in SWEATS and was asked if I worked there. The woman launched into her question anyway and was halfway through it before she said "wait! No?" and was totally baffled.

 

[jen0610]

My DD looks very much like her cousins from DH's side. DD actually calls the one Leiamom.

It was several years ago, that we were out shopping on Black Friday, DD was with us. She and our niece were walking behind us, holding hands, talking. A couple of ladys passed by the front group, but stopped the other two, as they knew our niece. As they were talking, our front group stood apart, waiting. DH and I were watching the one lady and you could see her looking back and forth between my DD and niece with that look on her face.....trying to figure out the age difference and could she have had a kid without anyone knowing about it.

 

[nutterbutter2010]

I took my DD to a modeling shoot once with my niece who was about 13 at the time. They all assumed DN was my daughter, even though I was 12 when she was born. Didn't bother me in the least, just thought it was funny. People just assume things without thinking.

 

[dawson5]

This happened to my niece. I think she was 13 when I had my youngest, she came and stayed with us for a few weeks to help out. We went to the mall and I was holding onto the other two and she was carrying the baby (probably 6 months at the time). She kept getting the dirtiest looks from women. I felt so bad, here she was just loving the time with her cousins and thankfully didn't see the looks I saw. It took everything to hold my tongue and not say something to the women who assumed he was her child.

 

[luvmyfam444]

I made this mistake on Sat - I went up to 2 ladies that were talking - one clearly looked like my dd's friend - no doubt - carbon copy defintiely could be a twin - though she was 20 yrs older @ least. I recognized the other lady as being around the child all the time - but when I saw the other lady standing with her that looked just like the child I said Oh you're mom - (figured she was always working or soemthing & g'ma just did all the dropping off & picking up) - well it turns out she's the SISTER of the 6 yo child! And the other lady who had to be in her mid 50s was the MOTHER!

Needless to say this child was a late in life baby!

 

[Darsa]

I can understand where you're coming from; when I was 12 my mom had my youngest DB, and when I used to take him in the stroller to the store people would assume I was his mom

DD14's boyfriend's mom looks like she couldn't possibly have a 14 year old, much less a 16 year old (her other son)! She looks like she's in her late teens herself! I'm completely jealous.

 

[daisax]

For a year or two after I got out of college, for some reason people asked me all the time how many kids I had. It really freaked me out! (Strangely enough, I was still being carded until I was in my late 20s, and that was before the current fad of carding everybody under the age of 60.)

It stopped soon enough, but I still remember the feeling of shock every time.

 

[MsDisney23]

 

[sunnyday123]

Sometimes people plain just don't think. When I was 17, I went on a field trip with my 10 year old brother. I walking into the classroom with him and the TEACHER came over and said, "You must be Brian's mother, he looks just like you!" I told her that was because he was my BROTHER and I was 17. I still get carded ( coming up on the big 4-0) everytime I go out to this day, so I know it's not because I looked like a Mom at 17. To a 10 year old.

 

[Gabes_mommy]

When I was in college I babysat an 11 year old boy after school in the afternoons. Everywhere we went people assumed I was his mother. I was about 20 at the time. He and I used to laugh about the good old days when I had him when I was 9, his first day of kindergarten was my first day of high school, etc....

I was a really young looking 20 too.