I feel so bad for my 9 year old!

[ohiomom28]

His father hasn't been the best dad but for some reason my son adores him. The last year, he has averaging one visit a week and the last 2 months he hasn't called at all. I have emailed him with no response. Finally last week, I gave him one last shot and told him I was done trying to force him into staying in his life. No reply. My son hasn't seen or talked to him since July 3rd. He hasn't mentioned him other than saying he misses his sister. He has a half sister from another relationship. Today I found out from a family member that he is moving to N.C. for his job. He didn't bother to tell his own son!?! Now, I have to break it to him. I know how he will react and that's what scares me. He will be devastated and it kills me to have to tell him. As much as I hate to say it, this might be the best to have him out of his life just because all he does is disappoint time after time. I don't know what to do or when to tell him. Any advice??

 

[piglet too]

No advice, just want to offer a to you and your son. I will never forget the year my nephew told his mom that he did not want to buy his dad a Father's Day card because "you are more my dad than he is."

 

[DizBelle]

Geez - don't you wish you could know what kind of loser they would be before having a child with them?

Sorry - no advice. I'm frustrated for you. I hate when people don't live up to their responsibilities.

 

[ohiomom28]

I only wish I could have had this exact son with a different father!

He says he is going there for a job and it pays more money. What he probably isn't thinking is that now that he is making more money, his Child Support will go up for my son. Also he is breaking up with the mother of his daughter and I can guarantee she has already been to the Child Support office to file!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

 

[Luv2Scrap]

I feel very fortunate that my ex wants to remain in my son's life, even from across the country. I am so sorry for what your son is going through!

 

[livie1205]

It does not matter if she files for CS...in the eyes of the law YOUR son will come first when it comes to CS,thats just the way it is.I am having a problem like this...my ex is waaay behind and fighting it AND his 20 yr old girlfriend is pregnant (he is 37)! If they split and she goes for CS it will be taken out AFTER my son gets his . My son loves his dad but my ex does not do anything for him... ever.A few months ago it was my ds b day so my ex told him he didnt have the money to get him anything BUT i went a got my son (my day anyway) and took him out to eat and gave him his gift...well my ex took off the the beach for the weekend with a group of people to go party!He has not even paid his CS! here is the kick in the face, he left his car at MY parents house while he was gone! They came home and his car was in their yard with a note!
I KNOW what you are going through,I wish my ex would just move away with his new family because he is hurting my son by being here...

 

[bumbershoot]

I have a dad who once went a YEAR without contacting us. We were kids, not even teens, and after that year, somehow contact was made...turns out his therapist told him that we were "using" him (how, I don't know, as he always worked during our weekends with him, he didn't buy us much, and the amount of CS he paid was minimal compared to what he was supposed to pay), and that he needed to wait until WE contacted HIM. We. Were. Kids.

It was rotten.

Anyway, as a child who had a serious case of daddy's girl...I would get HIM to tell your son. Unless you think he's going to be a *very bad word* about it, or try to blame you, etc, of course.

 

[ohiomom28]

Anyway, as a child who had a serious case of daddy's girl...I would get HIM to tell your son. Unless you think he's going to be a *very bad word* about it, or try to blame you, etc, of course.

The only way to do that is to actually go to his house. We don't even live in the same city anymore. He doesn't reply to emails or take calls. The ball is in his court! As far as him trying to blame me, its more his current girlfriend. She is a head case and a half.

 

[Disney Doll]

I'm sorry for oyu and your son that you will have to go through this.

I htink the best thing to do is tell him the truth, try and keep it simple, try and keep your personal feelings out of it (easy to say, hard to do, I know).

Does he have a male figure in his life??? Grandpa, uncle, coach, neighbor????

 

[Pakey]

My son has not heard from his father for 16 years now and didn't hear much from him even before that. My son is now almost 29 and says he doesn't care but I know better; I was there all those years and saw the pain it caused. My ex-husband never paid his child support (we divorced when my son was 2) and I never cared about that but I would have done anything for there to have been a relationship there. We had a very civil divorce and never had issues; he just was not interested in being a father.

OP, I hope your son's father realizes he's a horse's butt before it's too late.

 

[scottishduffy]

I have an Uncle who is a deadbeat dad as well. My cousin T is ~30 now, but Uncle F stepped out when he was kid. Thankfully, my Aunt D allowed T to still see the rest of our family (myself, my parents and sibling, gramma) in spite of my Uncle.

The first few years Aunt D and my mom tried very hard to get F to visit with T since T would stay with us in FL for about a month each summer. It never worked. F would drop in sporadically, maybe give a cool toy and then dissapoint. My mom is still angry (25 yrs later) over the night when T was 6 yrs old and she had to hold him as he cried all night wondering why his daddy didn't want him. F had promised to visit and take T on a cool trip and never showed. After that my mom would never tell T if F was planning to visit, because 80% of the time he never showed. I only remember him F seeing T maybe 2 of the 10 summers he had with us.

T had a great stepfather and grew up to be a great guy. However, Uncle F was never his dad and he had to realize that painfully early. His wonderful mom raised him and helped him overcome it all. I am sure your son will be better for your love and support as well.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I'm sorry for oyu and your son that you will have to go through this.

I htink the best thing to do is tell him the truth, try and keep it simple, try and keep your personal feelings out of it (easy to say, hard to do, I know).

Does he have a male figure in his life??? Grandpa, uncle, coach, neighbor????

I'm sorry for what you both are going through too. I agree with the above. It's still going to be hard for you both though.

I was going to ask the same, is there a man in your DS's life that is special to him? Hopefully there is.

 

[ohiomom28]

Yes, we live with my boyfriend. He is more of a dad to him than his own. Plus my dad is very active in his life.

 

[Ohiodislover]

Been 4 years since my dad called me. I'm 43 but it still doesn't get much easier. Growing up, he wasn't ever current on support, picked us up on Friday evening, but then went back to work, and we saw him for 15 minutes on Sat morning, and he came back Sat. evening to drive us home. Guess what I'm getting at is even if he does come around, he may not be that great of a dad--KWIM Of course a 9 Y.O. won't understand that, nor should he have to even try

You do need to tell him. Keep in mind school is starting soon, or maybe has already (I see you are from Ohio--I know most of my family in Ohio has already started). Maybe best to tell him on a day/evening when he doesn't have school coming up the next day, and you have time for some quality family time.

Good luck