I don't understand some parents

[tiggerlover]

There is a little girl in 2nd grade who is having a birthday. Her mother is going around telling people that she offered her daughter $50 not to have a birthday party because she can't be bothered to host one. The daughter accepted happily. Am I the only one that thinks this is a little off-beat? I wonder what kind of message the daughter is getting from this.

 

[Cindy B]

My son didn't want a party.. he wanted the cash!


His birthday feel right before Christmas and moving and all that , so he accepted it happily!

 

[Snow White]

I guess its ok if she was told she could choose to have a party, or just have the money that would have been spent on the party to use as she pleased, some kids just don't care that much about having parties. My kids would have opted for the party and that age, and the money as they got older!

 

[s&k'smom]

Let me see she is in 2nd grade which means she's what 7 y.o. And got 50 bucks (which being 7 does she know what $50 is? And the mother is going around bragging about it? Well maybe if she was 15 I could see but 7! I dont' know that's just my opinion. I like parties any excuse for massive amounts of cake and ice cream!

 

[amid chaos]

My DD turned 8 in December. I told her she could have a party or we would go to the unfinished furniture store and buy every piece of doll furniture they had for her new American Girl doll.

We had a wonderful mother/daughter day. Bought the furniture, had lunch...she still talks about it. I dont think she missed the party in the least bit!

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

Our boys regularly choose cash!

 

[SonjaB]

My boys regularly choose cash, too. They get "partied out" at the 30 other birthday parties they're invited to in a year, they have no desire (so far) to have one themselves.

 

[Steve H.]

I don't see a problem with the cash instead of a party thing -- but what's the point of the mother going around telling everyone??

 

[Beauty]

I gave J.C. that option this year. We had just gotten back from Disney World and we were moving into the new house and I didn't have the time to throw a party....so when given the option (and yes if he had picked the party I would have made the time) he picked the cash without even thinking about it!

I guess I don't see a problem with it. Kids that age are constantly going to other parties or having friends over or going over to friends.....with the money she can get what she wants and $50 is a lot to a child! She probably had a ball.

 

[SonjaB]

She may be telling everyone so that no one thinks her child had a party and their child wasn't invited.

 

[grinningghost]

We did the birthday party thing every year until last year. I was getting a little tired of the birthday party "politics". I would limit the number of kids (our house isn't very big), and DD would have to choose which kids to invite, obviously leaving some out. That was always hard. Then came party day (or night if it was a sleepover), and there was always at least one girl who was being left out, or picked on, or something else not very nice. I didn't like playing referee to a bunch of young girls. Last year we gave DD the option of a party, or picking one good friend to go to Toronto with us for the day. She picked Toronto and it worked out great. I'm hoping for something similar this year.

 

[Pam]

$50.00 - that Mom got off cheap!! Wish I had thought of that when my teens were younger!

Sounds like the Mom was just very happy that she got off with giving her child $50.00 and not having the expense and time of a party.

I gave my kids parties every year until they were 13. Now, they are happy to have a family get-together after a nice dinner out - and a very nice present (bigger than when they had parties) from Mom & Dad.

Pam

 

[disykat]

We don't offer cash, but we do usually offer options. I always hope that the boys will pick a family weekend away or a day-trip with one friend, but darn it, they always want the party.

 

[piratesmate]

After reading the responses here I feel a bit like a creep.

We don't have parties every year. DH & I decide 1st whether we're going to just do a special family thing or offer them the choice of a friend (or two) for an overnight vs. a party.

The type of party is up to us as well - here or a party place & is spelled out when the offer is made. If they ASK to have a party, we usually let them, but limit it to about 6 kids here at the house.

We don't think of it as buying more if there's no party, but I will admit that years we've done the bowling/Magic Jungle we make a conscious decision to give only a couple small gifts because the party is part of the gift.

Deb

 

[Diane]

I have a nephew (10, I think) who opted to do this, too. His sister, who’s a couple of years younger, had her party the month before. It was my nephew’s idea not to have his own party, and then he asked his mother for the same amount of money she spent on his sister’s party. He’s very money conscious and knows exactly how much he has.

I'm pretty sure my sister gave him the money. They live in Michigan, so I don't see them very much or know as much about them as I'd like.

 

[Mishetta]

I guess it would depend on the age of the child but assuming this child is around 7/8 y/o (2nd grade), then I feel a party is important. I just know how my DS talks all year about his next b-day party & what "theme" it will be & what we'll give out as "goodie bags" (we give to the party guests waaaaay more than we receive) & what activity will be done, what type of cake he wants, what food he'd like, etc.... I don't even think he cares if he receives gifts or not, he just LOVES his parties! Grant it, we always go overboard but we love to celebrate his life!!! Now, if I had to have his parties at our home, then I'd be offering him $$, cars, etc...

As s&k'smom wrote "any excuse for massive amounts of cake & ice cream!"

My DS is a party boy...what can I do? When he's a teen, he'll probably opt for the dough!

 

[Talking Hands]

My kids always had the option of a party or a weekend trip to WDW. Never did have a birthday party. We always went to the best place on earth.

 

[tiggerlover]

I see things in a different light after reading all of your responses. Thank you for your perspectives.

However, I still don't understand a parents need to broadcast this in the tone that it was and for the stated reasons.

Oh well, that's what makes us all different.

 

[CookieGVB]

My sons don't have birthday parties for one reason - NO responses to invitations! I had to guess how many children were coming, because people never called. That totally turned me off to the whole party thing, and I've told them they're done, and can invite one or two friends out for the day (bowling, etc.) and that's the end of it. It doesn't help that one child is born at the beginning of the school year, and the other on Christmas Eve.

That's the one thing I'll never understand - why are people so rude about responding?

 

[SonjaB]

I think as long as the child as a choice, whatever they decide is fine. I love to celebrate my sons' lives, I just don't necessarily do it in the traditional way. If they choose the cash, we all go out together as a family to the restaurant of their choice and then the birthday boy and I go shopping alone. If they one day decide they'd rather have a party, we'll do that. It's their day, their choice.