I don't know what to do about my DM and our trip. *CRAZY UPDATE POST #12

[mapmakerj]

She is driving me crazy. Let me start by saying that we take small 3-4 day trips in our state with her all the time and never have a problem. Back in 2006 we invited her to go on our trip to WDW/US and she accepted but then backed out due to not wanting to take off of work (she ran her own daycare). That was fine as we had not put any money into that vacation as of yet. Then in 2008 my DS asked grandma to go with us on our June 2009 trip. She was retired and didn't have a work excuse. She was very excited and said yes. We made reservations based on her requests and had purchased our US/IOA tickets when she decided she couldn't leave my stepdad home alone. He wanted her to go, had NO desire to go himself, he encouraged her to spend time with her Grandson and was perfectly capable of being by himself (he had lived on his own for decades before they got married 2 years ago). So we saved her ticket and went on without her. Flash forward to end of Sept. 2009. DS said he would like to go back in June 2011 for his elementary school graduation present. I happily start planning. Mom's aunt starts talking about her upcoming WDW trip in Oct.(her 2nd, 1st was in winter). Mom gets all excited about the thought of finally going on WDW trip. Now she is retired, Step dad passed away suddenly in Sept.due to cancer (He fell ill 1 wk before diagnosis, started chemo asap, got an infection and passed away all within 3 1/2 wks time), so she has no excuses now and really needs a vacation. My DS starts watching planning videos with her. They start picking out resorts and attractions they want to go to etc. We again decide to break down and ask her to go with us on our upcoming WDW/US trip and she says yes. First step, DH runs to AAA to buy our extra US/IOA tickets that we will need before Harry Potter causes a price increase (we have 1 left from her and 1 left due to my getting a free one from the superbowl promo). Next, over the next 2 mo. we plan out our entire trip, letting her choose resorts and get all of our budget planned out. Because of mom volunteering to kick in some funds we are able to get some upgrades on resorts that we have always dreamed about. Third, Aunt comes back from her trip and complains how hot and crowded it was and she could never, ever imagine going in summer. Mom gets all worried and now isn't sure she wants to go. We gave her all the weather and crowd info before she agreed to go. She was completely aware of how hot we were on our trip this past June and just how humid it was (we never really had any crowd issues). Aunt said for some reason the walking seemed worse and she had a really bad time walking in the heat (duh! you had only been in winter when it is cooler). Aunt and mom are 5 years apart and in their early to mid 60's so not exactly elderly. I told her that I was really mad at her constant flip flopping. She said she knows but on one hand really wants to go and the other does not want to be miserable because she can't tolerate heat very well. DS will be very disappointed if she cancels again but I am ready to uninvite her myself. Just needed to vent because I know some of you have been there with your relatives!

 

[KateMW]

Moms...can't live with them and if you kill them, they'll get your kids.

Can you tell my mother is going with us on our trip? I've done ALL THE PLANNING and she couldn't even be bothered to buy the La Nouba tickets on her credit card the other day. Grrrr...

Just keep talking it up and she'll go. If she tries to back out, let her know how hurt your son will be. Grandson guilt will get them every time!

 

[GoofyFairie]

Would it be possible for her to have the option to go home early if she isn't happy there?

 

[jagruti6]

Maybe you gently let her know how disappointed your son would be if she backed out. I would trying and find some middle ground.You could also maybe suggest that she should feel free to vacation at her own pace. Maybe she'd like to spend more time relaxing by herself at the resort. I am sure she could find some activities at the resort she would find interesting, and there is always the pool.You could offer to book her a spa treatment or something. Then she could meet you in the evening for time parks once the heat of the day had died down.Best of both worlds!

 

[mumto2]

Been there, done that with my MIL DD asked grandparents to go with us in 07. They say yes, DD thrilled. we plan a December trip because of the temps and because MIL loves Christmas decorations. I book everything, make ADRs and put deposits down. MIL invites DD over all summer long to do Disney crafts, watch planning videos, etc. Then, 46 days before the trip, MIL calls me and wants me to ask DD if she'd be upset if they didn't go. WHAT??? You want me to ask my 9 yo to absolve you of any and all guilt for bailing on her when this whole trip was planned because you said you wanted to go to WDW with your granddaughter????

During the course of the conversation, I figured out what was going on. It wasn't health concerns or mobility issues. It wasn't the money (we were picking up most of the tab). It was the fact that they didn't want to ask BIL to care for there dog, and didn't want to board her. Yes, you read that correctly. Their dog was more important that the promises they'd made to my DD.

I politely, but firmly, advised MIL that I was not putting DD on that kind of a rollercoaster. MIL would have to make her own decision, and had 24 hours before I cancelled her room so that I would not forfeit the deposit. Once she had made her decision, she could answer DDs inevitable questions as to why she had everyone make all these plans if she wasn't going to see them through.

DH and I decided to take the trip anyway, and we are very glad we did. We have never asked them to go on another trip, to Disney or anywhere else. We do take daytrips with them, and our kids have a good relationship with them, but we are not going to allow them the opportunity to disappoint them like that again.

Sorry you are having to deal with this, but honestly, I'd start preparing your DS for a trip without Grandma. Then if she does come, it will be a great bonus, but, if not, he'll still have a good trip.

 

[kkacar]

Oh honey! I have so been were you are. My MIL is this same person. I have finally told my Diva that MeMe, likes to make plans but you know she is not always good with the follow through. So I tell her If you want to invite MeMe somewhere you know there is a good chance that she will say yes and then in the end have a reason that she cant go.

On a side note MIL and FIL went with us last spring to Disney and it was the most miserable trip that I have taken to Disney. If I told my Diva no she told her yes. Bought her any and everything crazy crappy thing that she asked for. Finally I had to have the hubby take her to the side and tell her to quit. I was assuming Disney would not care for me killing her on property.

 

[mapmakerj]

Well today she now says she is going. We talked it out with her and so did my little sister (not sure how I recruited her as she is not a big Disney fan and never wants to go to the park herself) and we convinced her that she can handle it. We explained that she is not going to be lost in a jungle somewhere (it only feels that way in June!) and that there are plenty of places to duck into that are air conditioned if she needs a few minutes to cool off. I think it also helped that DS gave her the pouty face and reminded her that he is not a "little kid" anymore and this might be her last shot to have fun with him before he grows up. (He is now 10 so he likes to point out that he is now a "Disney Adult"). I told her she is not allowed to change her mind again and she is not allowed to speak to anyone else about Disney unless they have good things to say. I told her if someone starts to say negative things she is to act like my 3yr.old niece and stick her fingers in her ears and go "la la la I can't hear you"! I told her we would gear her up with a spray fan and some Under Armour clothes and she would be fine.

 

[connie1042]

You have 521 days that she can change her mind. I would just lay low until the deposits mattered. A lot can change in that amount of time!

 

[RumpleMom]

Assure her that she can tour at her pace, returning to the room if the afternoon heat is too much.

Is she contributing money to the trip? If so, ask her for the money now. Once someone commits money they are less likely to change their mind.

 

[Nancyg56]

I would reassure her that she can return to the resort if she wants adn I would also do some research so that if she gets overheated or tire I would know where she could rest and relax in any park we were at. Sometimes, if someone has nto been they may not realize that they are not trapped or that there is so much to do and places to be cool. Your Mom may just be nervous that she will be miserable adn that your famioy would be penalized for that.

Years ago my sister took my Mom to Rydin Hy Rance in July. It was the hottest July I can ever rememeber, there wer flying gnats that zeroed in on her adn she was really not a happy camper. I would have come to get her but she did not want anyone to know how miserable she was. It took a long time to convince her to vaation with any of us after that, she could nto forget that horrible experience.

If you can assure your Mom that you have made contingency plans for her she may be more at ease.

 

[Tristen79]

we had the DM on a trip in Xmas 2005 and she was with a beau at the time he hated the trip called everything childful (umm Disney?) and I told her how much i couldnt stand the guy. They broke up about a year later haha serves him right for dissing the world. We then were planning our most recent trip last June and DM stated she wanted to come by for a few days so we did it w/o making too much financial commitment (only things such as extra reservations, she could sleep in teh room with us if needed and of course backed out at the last minute
FF to now when we are looking at another trip in Oct/Dec and again she wants to go, so i said somewhat bluntly that if she wanted to she's more than welcome but needs to make separate ressies as we are making our own it seems a bit harsh but shes much more inclined to ask and will def not back out if as one commenter stated she puts in her own financial liability

 

[mapmakerj]

Well, she did it again! She came over last night and we talked about the trip for over and hour and she decided she absolutely was not going with us. She apologized for her flip flopping and said she wants to take a trip with us but not some place that required so much walking and not somewhere that got sooo hot in the summer. She said that she would like to go on one of our extended camping trips to N. WI or N. MI this summer. She also wrote my DS a check for $500 for souvenirs and my DH and I a check for $4,000 to pay for most of our trip!!!! I told her that it was not necessary and a bit much, but she insisted since this was her 3rd time bailing and she had come into some extra $ when my stepdad passed away this past fall. My DS was still a bit upset but the $$$ from Granny cheered him up (that and the fact that he will get his own big bed to himself).

 

[Mrs D]

Although it sounds as if she's made up her mind, and I'm not sure I'd ask her to change it...again, but if the walking is a concern she could rent an ECV and you can also rent an optional canopy.

My Mom now rents an ECV every trip (has knee issues) and it makes for a wonderful trip. She can keep up, no tired feet, and WDW makes it VERY easy to use an ECV at the parks and on the buses. She rents offsite so she has it all the time and it's cheaper.

Just thought I'd throw it out there.

Hope YOUR family has a wonderful trip!

 

[micheleq]

Sounds like she's made up her mind, and wanted to do something very nice to make up for the times she bailed. That was sweet.

We are tenatively planning a trip in November with my ILs, and my MIL really needs knee replacement. She had one done last spring, and it was a lot more recovery than she anticipated (even though we all told her it would take several months to fully recover). I don't know if she'd rent and ECV, and I don't want her to bail on our trip because of my daughters.

I think it's good that your mom realized her physical limitations and opted to not come this time. Better that than having her come and be miserable or in pain.

Have fun planning your trip!

 

[DisneyAndRedSox]

I hate to say this but...

TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN! If she is this way now, just imagine what she will be like when you are actually there and if it is really hot, you will never, ever, ever hear the end of it. Take some of the $ and make her a nice Photopass calendar after the trip to thank her, and for a year she will know how much you apprectiated the $ and enjoyed the trip the she paid for.

We go every year to the World with my parents, they are easy to travel with and laid back when it comes to plans. We stay off site at a 2 br timeshare, we get 2 rental cars so everyone can do their own thing. Now there is my MIL (FIL passed 4 years ago)... I will never invite her on another trip again! We have done some long weekends with her and I can't imagine her for a whole week. I won't go into details but she is a miserable person! In her world the "glass is always half-empty" and I don't need that when I am in my 'happy place!"

 

[mapmakerj]

Believe me, I gladly took the money right to the bank! She seems very happy with her decision (more calm) and I am certainly more relaxed now that it is back to just our little family. We already recalculated our costs, decided on our resorts and I went ahead and ordered our 10 day MYW park hoppers last night! I was surprised that my DH was a bit disappointed that DM was no longer going but I can tell he is excited to be back in the loop as far as the planning goes. DM and I were planning based on her, now he gets a say...AKL CL here we come! (in addition to our nights at the Dolphin and our nights over at RPR at Universal so DS can see Harry Potter and DH can go to Margaritaville.)