I don't know what I'm going to do!

[Colleen A.]

There is this girl in my DD's grade (same 'team' but not same classroom). My daughter had made an effort to befriend this girl ever since last year. This other girl has no friends and is 'different' (she acts very immature or acts odd to get attention). Anyway, things were ok in elementary school, but when middle school started in the fall, things went crazy. One of the main reasons this girl has no friends is that whenever someone annoys her or says something to her she doesn't like, she would run to the guidence office and get the other kids in trouble. It got to the point where most kids would not even speak to her! She would come over to our house afterschool for me to watch her til her father got home. About a month ago, Jeana could not take it anymore. They were disagreeing in school and the tension here after school had her to the breaking point. I told Jeana I would not tolerate her being mean, but I was not going to force her into a friendship. One day at school, Jeana got so mad that she simply refused to talk to this girl (IMHO, preteen girls are almost always bickering with someone, that is just their nature! ). This girl pulled her usual stunt and went to guidence, getting Jeana into trouble!! Jeana came home in tears that day! The other girl still came to my house and flopped down on the couch, telling ME what a bad day SHE had had!! I simply explained that when you get friends into trouble, that is going to happen to you! When her stepmom came and picked her up, I told her that I could no longer watch her after school. It was just too much. The step mom defended the girls actions saying that "if Jeana wouldn't talk to her...." She just didn't get it.

Things have gotten worse in the last month. She is doing anything in her power to get my kids (DS included!) into trouble. Yesterday, she tripped over DS foot while walking home from the bus. Later, she fell on some ice and hit her head. About a half hour later, her father called, telling me that DS purposely tripped her twice and caused her to hit her head and arm hard on the sidewalk (there are witnesses that she fell on her own!). I told the kids that they are to stay away from her...walk down different sides of the street, don't speak.....The kids made it clear that they were to stay away. The girl kept bugging them, following them and cursing at them. She hit DD in the face and pulled her hair (again, there are witnesses). DD pushed the girl away and told her to go home. Guess who's father was just at my door?!!! I am too stressed at the moment and did not answer the front door!

I don't know what to do with this girl!! I told the kids I think I'm going to start meeting them at the corner! This idea totally apalls them!! I don't know what else to do!!

Sorry to ranting so long....my nerves are just about shot!! Thanks for listening....

Colleen

 

[Serena]

I don't have any advice, but wow, what a fruit cake and her parents need to find out the truth.
I would meet my kids too, just to prevent any other mishaps.

 

[December99]

I think for the time being - meeting them at the corner is probably a very good thing to do. It sounds like this girl gets basically anything or anyway she wants at home and thus expects it everywhere else. Or maybe it's the opposite and she gets nothing and it's the attention that gets her what she wants.

For things happening at school I think you need to talk to either the guidance counselor or the principal and express your concerns. One side of the story is what is seeming to be believable here - people need to also listen to the other side too.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

Could you talk to someone in guidance at school? Often they are aware who the problem really is but are required to respond to every complaint. Maybe they need to hear back from the kids that this girl is tattling about. That might be a place to start.

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

Either watch from a hidden place where you can see what is going on, or meet your kids at the corner with the car.... on the way to get ice cream or some other special treat!

This girl is just asking for attention so don't give it to her!

 

[nativetxn]

Good luck with this situation. I would probably pick my kids up after school for a couple of weeks and take them shopping or something, or to the public library. Anywhere this other girl wouldn't be. It would give all of them a break from the tension.

I would also make an appointment to speak with the principal and just bring him/her uptodate.

Katholyn

 

[disykat]

I would definately go talk to the guidance counselor - make sure it's the same one she tattles to.

Do you have a dog? My kids were having conflicts with some of the neighbor kids and I started "walking the dog" at bus time and timing it so I'd be about 1/2 block away when the bus stopped. It gave my kids an out since it was just a "coincidence" and they were relieved to have me close by for a few days.

If you have to talk to the dad, I'd tell him you've instructed your kids to take a "time out" from talking to her and ask him to have her do the same. Tell him that you are getting a totally different story from your children and from the neighbor children and that you think a little distance for a while would be a healthy way to deal with some of the escalating tension.

 

[Colleen A.]

Guidence is very AWARE of what this girl does. She was down there tattling so much that after her "Jeana won't talk to me" stunt, followed closely by my "what were you thinking?!!" phone call that the guidence told her she was NOT PERMITTED back there for the remainder of the month! Jeana said she spent her lunch in the cafeteria actually crying because she wasn't allowed back there for awhile! This girl (and her family!) need some serious help!!

 

[Kallison]

If the parents call again just try to level with them that in order to get attention she is constantly tattling and that is why your kids no longer want any contact with her, so they don't get in trouble. What a shame for this girl, too bad her parents don't wise up. Some parents just never see their kids doing any wrong. That is usually to their detriment.

 

[cgcw]

Yikes. This sounds like a tough situation. I think meeting the kids when they get home in an excellent idea. Then you can witness first hand what might happen. I'd try telling your kids you'll do it for a while to protect them. My concern would be the day that you let your guard down and don't meet them at the corner. Then what might she do? If you need to "rent" a dog, mine loves to be walked!! LOL

It's sad the the guidance counselor has turned this girl away. Isn't there some type of social worker who could talk to her? It sounds like there are some family problems here and the girl need someone to talk to.

I hope it all works out for the best. Sometimes kids can be so cruel.

 

[Colleen A.]

I do know there was a situation one weekend when she stayed at her mothers and stepfathers. Don't know a lot of the details, but one of the younger half sisters got hurt, went to the hospital and the hospital called Social Services. This girl does get help from big brothers/big sisters after school to help her 'relate' to kids her own age. For awhile, she was getting counselling. I don't know if that is still going on, but it really needs to continue. I think the only reason that guidence turned her away was that she was down there on a daily basis for stupid reasons. I think they mentioned the 'boy who cried wolf' story to her.

I don't have a dog to walk (and I don't think my cat who be to cooperative! ), but there is a mailbox around the corner. Maybe I'll have to put my mail in that box instead of giving it to the mailman!!