I could use some pixie dust too....

[tomboy_m]

I am at my wits end. My GF of 9 years has absolutely checked out. She is hanging out with a younger crowd 20 - 25 year olds... she is 33 and I am 40 and she is acting like a 20 year old. She has been gone out of town to softball tournaments the last 2 weekends and will be again this weekend. She has had the young crowd with her.. doesn't especially want me and DD along because it cramps her drinking style.. which is hard to do when you have a child...Anyway, She watches DD 4 during the day and works 4 night shifts (10pm-6am) per week. When I get home from work she is off to play with her friends most nights or to the gym or whatever else strikes her. She has started acting like a teenager... dressing like a teenager.. talking like a teenager. She has stopped participating in taking care of the house and yard..she says its because she is always tired... but seems to have plenty of energy to hang with th young crowd and do whatever they suggest. When I got home today she was gone with one of her young friends.. when they came home with our DD I noticed this 23 year old had on a ring that was GF's that she and I had purchased matching ones of a couple of years ago. GF insists that there is nothing going on and they just like to hang out... I wonder if she thinks I have stupid tattooed on my forehead...She says I am way over reacting. I say I am way fed up... but don't want to hurt DD because she loves GF and GF loves her. I am thinking of ending things because I am sick of the situation. I am not sure if she is back on drugs.. she used to be into Meth... or if it the drinking... or if she is just a self centered idiot. she has also checked out of her sister and nephew's life for the most part ignoring them or belittling them.. they used to be very close..

Thanks for listening....

 

[padalyn]

whew - sounds like you have a lot of thinking to do. Good luck, my thoughts are with you. May the fates direct you.....

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

{{{hugs}}} Not a nice situation at all.

I really have no helpful words to give you other than to say, keep your focus on your DD. I'd be concerned about her taking the child off with her new set of friends, particularly if you are concerned about the drinking and possible drug use.

As brutally hard as it is, I think it's time for a major discussion that may end up with your asking her to leave.

Wishing you all the best. {{{hugs}}}

 

[Disney_Villain]

The "ring" part got to me. That's pretty disrespectful of your relationship, on top of everything else - and it means she wanted you to see it too. Don't take the abuse.

 

[jj1403]

 

[joanjett1976]

Hey tomboy, sorry you are experiencing such troubles. As a fellow requester of pixie dust, due to a separation, I can relate to your woes and there are actually similarities between our respective issues. PM if you ever want to discuss.

 

[jlewisinsyr]

The ring item is very disrespectful and I would not tolerate that.

I agree with others, it's time to have a serious conversation, a hard one at that. If she doesn't want to make the time, or listen to what you have to say for this, then you know your answer, it's time to move on as hard as it may be.

If you have any concerns about drugs, I would most definately seek additional support and ask her to discuss this and seek counseling if not a drug test right away. I also would not entrust my child (for us that would be our 8lb Min Pin) to my partner if I had any concerns of their drug usage.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

I am sorry your GF is acting that way!

No sage advice here, just lots of good thoughts.

 

[wallyb]

okay - sorry to get all Dr Nancy on you - but it seem to me you've layed out the case pretty clear - and you already know the answer.

The one thing I'll add is - it seems your girlfriend is taking the coward's way out - and hoping you'll be the bad guy and end it - so she won't have to deal.

The second thing I'll add is - this whole thing sucks and I'm soory you going through it.

Rise above it.

 

[NikkiPants]

Oh maaan, that's really rough. What a horrible situation. I agree with everyone else, though. Keep the focus on your daughter and try to talk to your GF about things.
The ring thing made me really angry for you. I'm really sorry that things are going this way.
Feel free to PM me if you need to vent. :[

 

[tomboy_m]

The drama continues. GF insists nothing is going on with 23 year old.. blah..blah..blah... she now wants me to go to a softball tournament with them,,bringing my DD.. they(GF and DD) are driving together and I am to ride with them for 5 hours each way... I said no way, that if she wants me to go she will make arrangements not to ride with the girl... I am not insane...and I don't want to be put into that situation. she told me if I went she could show me that there is nothing going on... I'll tell you this though if there is "nothing" going on... the very least that is happening is a lot of flirting and non stop talking about her... 23 year old this 23 year old that blah blah blah. GF is seriously kissing my butt today because I told her I didn't want to be in a relationship with her with the way things are or maybe not at all as I want to be with someone who acts like an adult and has their family at the top of the priority list.

 

[NikkiPants]

The drama continues. GF insists nothing is going on with 23 year old.. blah..blah..blah... she now wants me to go to a softball tournament with them,,bringing my DD.. they(GF and DD) are driving together and I am to ride with them for 5 hours each way... I said no way, that if she wants me to go she will make arrangements not to ride with the girl... I am not insane...and I don't want to be put into that situation. she told me if I went she could show me that there is nothing going on... I'll tell you this though if there is "nothing" going on... the very least that is happening is a lot of flirting and non stop talking about her... 23 year old this 23 year old that blah blah blah. GF is seriously kissing my butt today because I told her I didn't want to be in a relationship with her with the way things are or maybe not at all as I want to be with someone who acts like an adult and has their family at the top of the priority list.

I'm sorry. You have to follow what YOU know is right. It seems as though you are the level headed one.
I find it so strange because I'm 24 and my oldest friends are like....28 at the oldest. I can't imagine hanging out with someone 10 years older than me. Is she having an issue with her age or something?

 

[Disney_Villain]

The drama continues.

I've been this road, including the "ring" part too, and there was something going on despite protests to the contrary - friends revealed the truth to me when it was known. Confronting him over it, he denied it until I mentioned the names of several witnesses - and you should have seen his face! He went silent.

Where there's smoke, there's fire. Trust your instinct. She's infatuated with this 23 year-old, regardless of how far its led. Good for you for confronting her with your feelings on the matter!

 

[Timon-n-Pumbaa Fan]

I am sorry to hear that you are going through such a rough patch. I have been in shoes like yours and I have been in shoes like your GF. Neither pair was worth the money or the sanity that they cost me.

 

[quietgirll]

i am so sorry to hear about you going through this...as many of the pps mentioned, i think she is being esp disrespectful (the ring thing is outrageous!!), and very immature. i think communication is going to be key here, and making her realize how all this is appearing to you and making you feel. if she cant or wont understand your position, then it may be time to make a decision for you and your dd. i am really sorry this is happening to you...having been in a relationship with an addict before, i know how that can color everything...my thoughts will be with you, good luck, and continued strength!!

 

[DVCajun]

Wow. So sorry.

I will say this -- a "friendship" is not worth upsetting the love of your life. In other words, if DP was feeling in any way disrespected by my behavior with someone else, I would so do whatever she needed me to do in order to feel safe and loved. Regardless of whether there is anything going on with the 23 year old -- you feel hurt and disrespected by her behavior with this girl. That matters to her or it doesn't.

You may have to be the strong one here.

 

[TuckandStuiesMom]

I think I'd only be echoing others opinions here -- I'm really sorry you & your daughter are going through this though. It can be SO hard on kids when parents have problems...

 

[tomboy_m]

I don't really know what is going on in my life. I talked to her and told her that I was tired of not being a priority. She made no excuses and no apologies but she has been much better. We had to go out of state for a funeral.. she went with me and participated in all of the normal family stuff that goes with the funeral. We have been in the situation before where I have been incredibly fed up. Usually she is really nice and considerate for a while and when I let my guard down we are back at ground zero. I told her I never again would be in the position that I had to remind her to put our family first. I am feeling fairly gaurded but things are better for the moment. Now she is including me in the activities she does. The 23 year old is actually 22 and she has been out of town with some other people. I guess I will see what is up as time goes on. thanks for all of your support and thoughts.

 

[kafitty]