I broke the #1 rule of negotiation...UPDATE

[tw1nsmom]

I got emotional and weepy at DS's pre-IEP meeting/negotiation. I should really know better. I've been trained as a parent special education advocate. It's just when it's your own child and so much rides on getting the right accomodations, well, it's hard for me to not become emotional.

I have another week before the official meeting to get my point across. Wish me luck. DS is also going on tuesday for a sedated MRI to check for lesions or right brain malformations. If I survive the next week it will be a miracle.

 

[joshsmom]

 

[Stacey2grls]

Oh, I know how you feel. Even though I have had to deal with a number of IEP's (my DD is 5) there have been a few times were I felt myself well up from the pure stress, and anguish of it all. Hang in there, I hope everything goes well with your son.

 

[Lynn CC]

You poor thing, no wonder you cried. I went through the same thing with DS during High School. He had brain swelling, had some MRI's seen a neurologist etc. Everything turned out fine for him!!! I'm hoping the same for your DS!

 

[Karel]

Every decision seems magnified 10 x when dealing with a sped child. I'm constantly second guessing myself and wondering if he's getting all that he needs. The CST doesn't know him like I know him.

Take a deep breath, decide what he really needs and fight for him. Then take yourself out for a cup of coffee and some shopping ...or whatever you enjoy.

 

[Mimi Q]

 

[PrincessKitty1]

Can you bring somebody to the IEP meeting ( a relative, friend, or fellow advocate) to provide some support for you?

 

[minkydog]

Can you bring somebody to the IEP meeting ( a relative, friend, or fellow advocate) to provide some support for you?

i was going to suggest this. I get very emotional when it comes to my two sons who both have special needs. I have been known to cry, yell, and throw up in IEP meetings My DH used to go with me, dressed in his black "power suit". One time I asked the pastor of my church to go with me, just for support. Having someone there who loves you and loves your child, even if they don't say anything, makes all the difference.

 

[Linnie The Pooh]

Every decision seems magnified 10 x when dealing with a sped child. I'm constantly second guessing myself and wondering if he's getting all that he needs. The CST doesn't know him like I know him. QUOTE]

Amen to that Karel-as a parent of a sped child too, every decision seems so much more crucial for these kids. I feel that if I make the wrong decision for my son, I could ruin his life. And once things are done, it's so very hard to un-do them. I'm also a sped teacher and so many people have said it must be nice (I was a sped teacher prior to having kids) that I know exactly what to do for my son and how to help him b/c of my teaching background. Not so. I have knowledge, yes, but when it's your child, it is no longer black and white. My love for my son gets in the way of being "objective" at times, ok, most of the time.

And your right-they don't know your child the way you do at all. That was huge for me upon becoming a parent. Before I had kids, I felt I knew these kids every bit as well as their parents, after all, I spend 6 hours a day with them. Having kids totally opened my eyes to the fact, that I am seeing them in a setting that they are most likely not comfortable in and it's not the "real" child. I know some teachers (that are parents) that still feel the parents don't know as much about their children as the teacher does-it's irritating. But I'm digressing....

Good luck tw1nsmom, prayers and pixie dust for you. I don't think it's a big deal if you tear up, you're human and you love your child very much. Don't be too hard on yourself. I hope all works out for you.

 

[Dan Murphy]

I wish you and everyone here well. All in my prayers.

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

I've almost lost my composure too. Nothing is more precious than my children. My voice starts to crack and I try my hardest to keep it together.

2 weeks ago the IEP committee was putting pressure on me to remove an item on my DS11's IEP. I stood my ground! 4 times they mentioned, "let's go back to this item." I kept smiling and saying no, no, no and no!! I know they hate dealing with a parent that was an educator.

The LD teacher said that she didn't know who wrote my DS's IEP but that it was a great one. The liason from my DS's former LD school wrote his IEP. That's why it is so good!

Lori

 

[MELSMICE]

Forgive me for being so ignorant, but what is IEP? I really don't know & am just curious.

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

IEP-Individual Education Plan

It is an education plan that puts modifications in place for special needs students.

Lori

 

[Kaycee]

I got weepy at my DS's pre-IEP meeting too. I also got a little weepy at the most recent IEP meeting. I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing though. As long as I was able to hang on to my composure enough to make the points I needed to make and advocate for my son's needs (which I was), I think it was actually a good thing for school administrators to see how strongly I feel about my son's needs being met. Maybe I've just been fortunate, but I have found that if I am open and sincere when advocating for my son, teachers and school administrators are very receptive to my requests.

 

[klmall]

No advice; just good thoughts!

 

[clarabelle]

I don't have a special needs child and I have gotten very emotional at parent conferences!
It is hard to hear someone speak critically of your child -even if it is true.
Also it is hard sometimes for me to explain how hard a particular issue has been and the impact it has on her and me.
I would hope that the teachers would know that you truly care and would rather see tears than indifference.

 

[ReneeA]

I've been so fortunate with my DS4. He hasn't started school yet, but I had an evaluation and IEP done when he was 2, and they were very good. He's apraxic...didn't talk at all - didn't even make ANY noise.

However, I had him in a hospital program for pediatric speech problems from the time he was 22 months old. So I was very vocal about what I wanted and what he needed. So far, so good!

Everyone is scaring me about when he starts school full time.

ReneeA

 

[gr8tpanther]

Been doing this for my DD for 10 years! Sometimes I think that the school system is so against us! For the first 7 years, I had to fight the school system, I even had to ask for a special class that didn't exist, but COULD if they put it in place! They finally put her in a school for special needs kids! Here she has come further than she ever would have in the regular public school. And she loves it there! Hope all works out for you.

 

[maryliz]

Keep doing what you're doing, Dawn. You're an awesome Mom and you know better than anyone what he needs. Don't let anyone try and tell you different. to both of your beautiful kiddos.

MaryLiz

 

[tw1nsmom]

I feel that if I make the wrong decision for my son, I could ruin his life. And once things are done, it's so very hard to un-do them.

These two sentences probably best summarize what I feel.

I want to thank you all for all the well wishes. I have my masters in elementary ed. as well, and I know they don't like dealing with parents who have a background in education. It just gets so frutrating at these meetings when one or two people become condescending and close their minds about what you're trying to say about your child's needs.

I will be taking DH to the meeting with me. He tends to lend silent support, but they are less likely to get snippy in front of him. I'm also writing out a statement that I'm going to read into the record. It will help me collect my thoughts and give me the opportunity to clearly let them know my position without being interupted or becoming emotional.

I'll let everyone know how it goes next week.