I am totally and utterly depressed *Update 4/4/10*

[chisnpeke]

That's a pretty big assumption to make.

I think children can sense alot of things that we adults don't realize they can, and I bet the little girl does sense that things aren't right between her mom and dad, but to insinuate that he is doing something wrong where the child is concerned, is taking a pretty big leap.

Maybe. But from what she has posted it would be concerning to me.

I have a bipolar father. He never abused my brother and I but he said some very hurtful things and would do some things that were just kind of off the wall but he thought were funny. That is all I was getting at. I understand if a child is upset that mom is going to work. I was too when I was young. But if she has not been like that before and she is now, that is what would set the red flags off for me.

 

[ols386]

Because love alone does not make a good or safe parent. Children should not cry to the point of requiring assistance at the idea of one parent leaving them in the care of the other parent. It's just not right, something is wrong. Your DD is trying to tell you something in the only way she knows how. She can't articulate trouble, and even if she could she probably would not want to betray her Dad, and this is her Dad we are talking about, not a Grandparent. ALL kids want to protect their parents and at that age they are incapable of distinguishing good from bad, they accept everything just as it is. You just have to read the behavior in a child that young and her behavior is plainly not right.

I'm being honest, your story is very disturbing to me, the only good thing you say about him is that he loves her and she loves him, but those are just words. Nothing else you say even remotely resembles a loving situation.

I disagree with this. Many children will cry when one parent is leaving, and the other remains there. My kids cried (when they were small) just about every time I would leave the house, and their dad was there caring for them. He was a wonderful dad to them, and would never do anything to hurt them.

The op sounds like a very caring and concerned parent. If she thought there was any reason to be concerned, she would not be leaving her child in the care of her father.

 

[Jenvenza]

I disagree with this. Many children will cry when one parent is leaving, and the other remains there. My kids cried (when they were small) just about every time I would leave the house, and their dad was there caring for them. He was a wonderful dad to them, and would never do anything to hurt them.

The op sounds like a very caring and concerned parent. If she thought there was any reason to be concerned, she would not be leaving her child in the care of her father.

You couldnt be more correct.

 

[ols386]

Maybe. But from what she has posted it would be concerning to me.

I have a bipolar father. He never abused my brother and I but he said some very hurtful things and would do some things that were just kind of off the wall but he thought were funny. That is all I was getting at. I understand if a child is upset that mom is going to work. I was too when I was young. But if she has not been like that before and she is now, that is what would set the red flags off for me.

Or, she could be sensing that there is alot of tension between mom and dad, and it's upsetting for her.

 

[chisnpeke]

Because love alone does not make a good or safe parent. Children should not cry to the point of requiring assistance at the idea of one parent leaving them in the care of the other parent. It's just not right, something is wrong. Your DD is trying to tell you something in the only way she knows how. She can't articulate trouble, and even if she could she probably would not want to betray her Dad, and this is her Dad we are talking about, not a Grandparent. ALL kids want to protect their parents and at that age they are incapable of distinguishing good from bad, they accept everything just as it is. You just have to read the behavior in a child that young and her behavior is plainly not right.

I'm being honest, your story is very disturbing to me, the only good thing you say about him is that he loves her and she loves him, but those are just words. Nothing else you say even remotely resembles a loving situation.

I agree.

With people with this illness, when they are good it's great and when they are bad it's pretty bad. When someone doesn't take their meds, it is a terrible and exhausting thing to live with.

I wish I could tell the OP that everything will be ok and I know she wants to stay for her baby but I don't see how it will get better unless she does leave. It might be what her husband needs to realize that he needs help.

 

[chisnpeke]

Or, she could be sensing that there is alot of tension between mom and dad, and it's upsetting for her.

True. But I am a worrier and would err on the side of caution with this because it's not just troubles between mom and dad, it's an illness and people with an illness can do things that don't mean to do.

 

[ols386]

I agree.

With people with this illness, when they are good it's great and when they are bad it's pretty bad. When someone doesn't take their meds, it is a terrible and exhausting thing to live with.

I wish I could tell the OP that everything will be ok and I know she wants to stay for her baby but I don't see how it will get better unless she does leave. It might be what her husband needs to realize that he needs help.

Couldn't agree more.

 

[DizBelle]

I dont feel like I am on the right track today. I am a mess and feel like a failure.

You are absolutely not a failure. Failure would be not taking any action and just living witht he status quo. You are taking action to correct the situation. You are extremely strong for taking this step. Don't sell yourself short.

I've been touched by many of your posts. If I recall correctly, your MIL can be a bit of a trouble maker too. Is she going to be a difficulty in this situation?

I'm not going to encourage you to or discourage you from considering medication. I think this is something you should discuss with your doctor. Perhaps meds can help you with the extremes so you can deal with the situation effectively. Just a thought. If it is at all within the realm of possibility, discuss it with your doctor.

I'll be thinking of you and sending pixie dust your way.

 

[si-am]

You are absolutely not a failure. Failure would be not taking any action and just living witht he status quo. You are taking action to correct the situation. You are extremely strong for taking this step. Don't sell yourself short.

Until she actually walks out though, she is living with the status quo. Nothing has changed since the guy threw a sippy cup at her face. She's still living there, still leaving the daughter with him.

I also recall a thread where he shoved her against a wall. Maybe a year ago now? It stuck in my memory because it seemed like such a shocking situation.

OP, it's time to leave!

 

[chisnpeke]

Until she actually walks out though, she is living with the status quo. Nothing has changed since the guy threw a sippy cup at her face. She's still living there, still leaving the daughter with him.

I also recall a thread where he shoved her against a wall. Maybe a year ago now? It stuck in my memory because it seemed like such a shocking situation.

OP, it's time to leave!

I remember that too.

 

[Mickey_loves_Minnie]

Until she actually walks out though, she is living with the status quo. Nothing has changed since the guy threw a sippy cup at her face. She's still living there, still leaving the daughter with him.

I also recall a thread where he shoved her against a wall. Maybe a year ago now? It stuck in my memory because it seemed like such a shocking situation.

OP, it's time to leave!

I agree. If he avoids you again, just go.

 

[OceanAnnie]

don't think it is a leap at all since he just flung a sippy cup at mom. he is not taking his meds and for anyone who is familiar with bi-polar that can be a big problem. his behavior may be strange to his daughter and that is what is upsetting her.

I agree. I wonder how he is keeping it together for their DD. Two and 1/2 is a wonderful age. It's can also be trying! I'm sure he loves his DD. But if he is snapping and throwing things at you, it's plausible that he could snap with a 2 1/2 year old. His problems (bi-polar, no meds) does not know the bounds of adult vs child situations. That is scary.

I know you believe in the love your husband has for your DD, Jen. I hope you are right. I'm just looking at the range of possibilities. And to me, given what has been posted, it isn't out of the realm of possibilities.

ETA- Please know I am not saying that to be hurtful or cause you more stress. I only stated it to give you another perspective.

 

[4nana]

Jenvenza, good luck to you and your DD. Threads like this tear at my heart strings, but I'm going to bow out gracefully now.

 

[ohiomom28]

I see you are going to WDW next month. I didn't read all the way through it but is he going with you? I hope not and I hope this is a good break for you and your daughter. Hugs to you and I hope everything works out. I have been through this before and it's not anywhere near easy. But keep in mind...it WILL get better after you move out, even if it doesn't seem like it now.

 

[krcit]

Because love alone does not make a good or safe parent. Children should not cry to the point of requiring assistance at the idea of one parent leaving them in the care of the other parent. It's just not right, something is wrong. Your DD is trying to tell you something in the only way she knows how. She can't articulate trouble, and even if she could she probably would not want to betray her Dad, and this is her Dad we are talking about, not a Grandparent. ALL kids want to protect their parents and at that age they are incapable of distinguishing good from bad, they accept everything just as it is. You just have to read the behavior in a child that young and her behavior is plainly not right.

I'm being honest, your story is very disturbing to me, the only good thing you say about him is that he loves her and she loves him, but those are just words. Nothing else you say even remotely resembles a loving situation.

I have 3 kids and my youngest used to put up a huge fuss when I was leaving. I have a lot of nieces and nephews and friends with kids and have seen some of their kids do this also. She's 2 1/2,,still a baby who wants her mommy. She also probably senses the tension/sadness in her mom. I don't know...maybe I'm just naive but a baby being very upset when Mommy is leaving doesn't set off a red flag to me.

OP I feel for you. I just had a talk with a friend of mine who is in a difficult marriage and we were saying how you just don't know what you would do until you are in a situation and even then it is not as easy as it seems to just walk away. I hope you gather the strength to get out of your troubled marriage. I wish you all the best.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I have 3 kids and my youngest used to put up a huge fuss when I was leaving. I have a lot of nieces and nephews and friends with kids and have seen some of their kids do this also. She's 2 1/2,,still a baby who wants her mommy. She also probably senses the tension/sadness in her mom. I don't know...maybe I'm just naive but a baby being very upset when Mommy is leaving doesn't set off a red flag to me.

OP I feel for you. I just had a talk with a friend of mine who is in a difficult marriage and we were saying how you just don't know what you would do until you are in a situation and even then it is not as easy as it seems to just walk away. I hope you gather the strength to get out of your troubled marriage. I wish you all the best.

Unless you have experience with mental illness then you and I are coming from 2 entirely different places and your experiences, though valid for you, probably have zero in common with mine. Regular people can't see things through my eyes, and nor me theirs. It's not about disagreement, it's about apples and oranges KWIM.
PS - I only wish there was never a child who cried for more than babyish ties to Mommy.... but some of us know only too well that this simply isn't the truth.

 

[Trish Bessette]

Jenn how are you today? Hope all is well. Thinking of you!!

 

[krcit]

Unless you have experience with mental illness then you and I are coming from 2 entirely different places and your experiences, though valid for you, probably have zero in common with mine. Regular people can't see things through my eyes, and nor me theirs. It's not about disagreement, it's about apples and oranges KWIM.
PS - I only wish there was never a child who cried for more than babyish ties to Mommy.... but some of us know only too well that this simply isn't the truth.

You're right. I hope I didn't offend-I wasn't trying to. Every situation is different, every child different. I do have a friend with a family member who was recently diagnosed bipolar and you are so right. I cannot begin to understand what she goes through. Nothing is ever black and white is it? Again, I apologize

 

[LuvOrlando]

You're right. I hope I didn't offend-I wasn't trying to. Every situation is different, every child different. I do have a friend with a family member who was recently diagnosed bipolar and you are so right. I cannot begin to understand what she goes through. Nothing is ever black and white is it? Again, I apologize

No need, you didn't offend, I understand. It's all about where you're coming from and none of us can help that, so much is decided before we're even born, both good and bad.

 

[claudia]

hope all is ok...