Samantha,
Say something.....say anything......it makes the person know you care. I had so many people who did not say boo to me or who walked in another direction ( ex. at the mall ). When I once asked one person why they didn't call anymore or avoided me at school functions, they replied because ' they were un-comfortable'. To which I replied well your 'discomfort' at my painful loss made it even worse. Just a touch, a hug a small few words mean so much to the family, and sometimes thats all it takes. By the way, never say "I know how you feel" to someone who has lost a spouse or family member and you haven't lost the same person in your family. Also never ask if the person 'has gotten over spouse/family members death', later on....its a death, not the measles.
I know the type of person you are Sam, and I know you are very sensitive to others around you and you will say and do the right thing, because you are you. Don't worry about thinking about your schedule, its a normal reaction. You weren't reacting to the news of the death at that point but the news that your staff member was not going to be there.
When my MIL died in Nov 94 I was 'angry' with her as she was finally going to come and spend a Christmas with us instead of my BIL's house. My MIL had always placed him and his wife above us as they had married in the church she had preferred and we didn't. That previous summer she had finally asked my forgiveness for the way she had treated me and over the years and wanted to make up for it.
I told her that I just wanted her to come spend a Christmas with her Son and Granddaughter and she said she would gladly. My MIL then hugged me and kissed me and thanked me for being so forgiving. I can forgive the past as long as the future looks brighter. At her funeral I remember telling her in my prayers how angry I was for her not staying alive long enough to be with us at Christmas....and needless to say I felt silly and selfish.
Anyways, I hope that helps a little.
Your friend,
Wendy
Sam,
Could you please pass on my condolences to the Lady who lost her Husband and tell her that she is in my prayers.
Thanks
