I am sick....

[mykidsintow]

I use to like roller coasters.... this one sucks. I want to go outside and scream "GET ME OFF THIS *#$%$#(* RIDE!!!"

Last night was emotional. We talked a *lot*. Eventually I left just to get away and clear my head. We talked and argued. For the first time I really yelled and cried and got some of my emotions out. It all sucks. As I left he said he was going to bed, but whenI pulled in 1.5 hours later the garage door opened and he climbed into my vehicle to talk more.

3:30am I finally said "You need to leave I am ready for bed" (he was in our, now MY room). This morning he was getting ready for work and I stirred. I am NOT a morning person. I remember hearing him and him whispering "sorry I am leaving now" and I said "Ok, have a good day. I love you" Then he was over hugging me.


Fast forward.... 10:30am. He called and said "I have been thinking a lot and I would like the phone number to the therapist you talked to. I have also decided I am going to limit my contact with her". Ummmm ok?! I said calmly "Really? Well thanks I really appreciate that." Of course everyone is going to ask "How limited?" I have NO stinking clue. I didn't push it. This was him putting effort and I saw no reason to attack and corner him. I think he is dealing with incredible amts of loss (not that its peachy for me) and he is confused... screwed up. Call it what you will, his head isn't on right.

He will figure it out or he won't. We will work things out together or we won't. I will remain civil for my kids. I *will* be respectable. I know in the end if it doesn't work I will be fine. Our kids will be fine. I am a strong independent person...... it just will suck for awhile.

I think from what I have learned from all of this is that everyone seems to have been in a position similar to this at some point in time. When you get to this point in a marriage/relationship you either choose to fight and work it out, or you choose to walk away. I know what I would choose, but I can't pick for us both. Saddly option B requires both parties.

So again I thank you all for your ongoing support.....

 

[Mermaid_Ariel]

Beth, I don't know you either but the title of this thread caught my attention. I just wanted to let you know that you will be in my thoughts.

 

[ChrizJen]

As others have said, I don't know you, but I'm so sorry.
I know that words from strangers cannot take away your hurt, but my heart aches for you.

I would say that you're being very mature and understanding of this strange situation. I know that this is jumping ahead, but if he is indeed serious about going to therapy and working this through (and if YOU'RE willing to work through it with him), then I would suggest going to counselling together as well. You'll probably need to lay it all out for him as to what you expect. If you want him to cut all contact with her (and I wouldn't blame you in the least if you did), then just tell him that. You obviously love him, but if he's not 100% committed to you and to making it work, then there's no point.

My prayers go out to you, and I hope that whatever happens, things get better for you.

 

[jenn&nelsonrego]

I don't know what to say except that I am sorry this is happening to you and your children. My thoughts are with you.

 

[rosiep]

Hi Beth

Thinking of you today and I know exactly what it feels like to want time to hurry up and pass. The hardest part right now has to be the uncertainty.
But, time will pass...either way you will begin a new chapter in your life. My life was miserable during my husband's midlife crisis..but I can honestly say he is a changed man because of it...and changed for the better.

 

[karibritt01]

Beth... sounds like this AM was a positive step for you and him. I hope that you can work through this. I won't lie and tell you that it is easy. It took me a long time to stop feeling hurt and betrayed after my husband and I got back together. But time does heal those wounds, too.

 

[starann]

Beth,
Thanks for the update..I've been thinking of you all day. I'm sorry you have to ride this roller coaster. You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders....no matter what you are a strong person and I'm sure you will get through this (I know you just wish you could get around it and not get trhough it)


HUGS....keep us posted

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

Beth - More and headed your way today!

I do know of one situation where things worked out OK.

My cousin and her DH separated for awhile when their DD was 5. Cousin's DH worked in an office full of women. Apparently they had plenty of time for chit-chat, and these evil shrews convinced him that women should never have dry skin on their heels, should shave their bikini lines year-round, and all sorts of other ridiculous crap that women who work full-time and have kids would find laughable. One woman in particular convinced him that she would be a WAY better wife for him than my cousin. So he left my cousin and their DD, and went off to be with this woman. My cousin went on her way. She had a good job, started exercising to deal with the stress, planned at WDW trip for herself and DD, basically just went on like he never existed. And he came back. Now their DD is 14 and they are doing fine. He was gone less than a year, if I recall correctly.

Sometimes it does work out. Whatever happens with you, I hope it is for the best!

 

[dvcmommy]

Beth,

I don't know you, but I've read some of your blog, and I must say you sound like such a super, nice, caring person. To adopt two children with special needs takes a very devoted person. I see you also home school, which is more proof of your devotion and caring. It is terrible that something like this would happen to you.

I am not saying the following to hurt you, but it is something you should comsider. Sometimes really nice people have a very hard time seeing that not everyone is as nice as them. Now, I admit to being the type of person who can easily see the worst in people. I would have to wonder if a lot of this was pre-meditated on your husband and "S's" part. She re-connects with you online and HAPPENS to mention she is looking to be a surrogate? Maybe your husband and she had also met online and had been communicating for a while and they had this all planned out. Then, you go to visit and her cycle just happens to not work out, so that he has to travel back to see her alone for the weekend?

If I am reading and understanding this insemination stuff correctly, it looks like your husband just found a way to have an affair with your approval.

If you are intent on making this marriage work, I think you need to have all of your questions answered, he needs to be completely honest and he has to agree to no-contact at all with this woman. There are some forums at loveshack.org for people dealing with infidelity, and a lot of people who have experienced this to give you advice.

Sorry if I am being blunt and negative; I just hate it when nice people get messed over because they don't want to believe anything bad about their loved ones.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

Oh Beth.... hugs, hugs, hugs.

I am usually very good at advice but I think you have a handle on this. You will work it out your way and he will either decide that he has made the hugest blunder of his life or not.

I hope that with lots of communication between the two of you, you can get to that place where you are a couple again working for the good of the family and caring for each other..

Just know this, you did nothing wrong.....you are a good Mom, I know this from Mike, and I think you are amazing. I have to admit I also want to punch him in the nose, but that is my Italian talking and wanted to interject a little humor here..

Be strong.

 

[hematite153]

Yikes, Beth!!

How did I miss this??? I was talking to you last week and I thought he'd already come to his senses. What's going on? It just seems random/sudden/shocking/etc.

It sounds like you may be turning some corners, but, please take care of yourself in the mix. I'm torn between the desire to simply say that I care about you, you will be in my prayers, and I'm here if you need someone to talk to and my standard reaction of trying to provide advice.

So, I'm going to say only one thing:
- It doesn't actually help kids to have things go slowly if one person has already checked out. I went on vacation with my mother and step-father after he had decided that he was "leaving if things weren't better between them by date XX". It was one of the worst experiences of my life. I'm pretty sure we went because they thought we were looking forward to it and they should keep things looking good for us--it was AWFUL! So, if he's really working on working through your problems, then, go ahead and go to disney together. Otherwise, leave him behind.

Okay, now I'm going to try to keep a hold on my desire to give advice and just repeat...I'm here for you and will keep holding you in my prayers. Please let us know if (when) you need anything.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

I've just read this thread. I don't know you, other than what I've come to know of you here on this board, so I hope I don't appear intrusive by entering this thread.

I have no advice other than to tell you to hang onto yourself and do what you need to do. You.

I will send every good thought that this works out the way you need it to.

Please take care and know that you are surrounding by friends and people who care when you visit this board.

 

[OrlandoMike]

I'm just saying..........well I dont know what to say..........except YOU amaze me! How this guy could do this to you is...

The things you do!


http://raisingsprouts.blogspot.com/2008/09/fairy.html

 

[mykidsintow]

I just wanted to pop back by.... and mostly say THANKS!!! Thanks for all the support. My world felt as if it was completely crashing down and you guys made such a nice spot for me to land.

I have no real upate. I got sick of dealing with it all and "ran away". I packed up the kids and we went to my grandpas condo in SC for 2 weeks. Kids loved the beach and mom loved the much-needed-break!

We arrived back home yesterday. Everything is pretty civil. We are talking and regardless of the outcome will remain civil. Right now the focus is that we are going to DISNEY WORLD!!! Yipee!! Kids are counting down (Julia is packing daily). Maybe Mickey will have some serious freakin Magic to throw my way this trip. Marriage Healing Pixie Dust for sale anywhere?

Anyway, thanks you guys! I will let you know what happens. We will be there the 12-17th. If anyone is there while we are, please yell!!!

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

I hope you have a magical trip!

 

[Mackey Mouse]

Hugs Beth, I hope you have a magical trip. If you see that guy with the big ole head, give him a hug from me too.. I miss his face..

I am thinking of you all...

 

[ConcKahuna]

Beth!!

Where will you be staying this trip?

 

[hematite153]

Thanks for the update; even if there's nothing much new, getting away for awhile has to have helped a bit. Enjoy wdw and I hope you find that special magic pixie dust.

 

[mykidsintow]

We are staying at AKV!!! Yipee! We will be staying with the "manimals"! Of course I think *part* of the reason they are excite was bunk beds. AKV doesn't have bunk beds.... I am hoping they will be blinded by animals and too excited to notice .

We will, in fact, be seeing Mr Big Ole Head himself.... Maybe we should start the tradition of rubbing his head like a budda belly

I have to head out to take the princess' carriage to be repaired. She would be one unhappy princess without a powered vessel for her trip and currently it would be 300 lbs of dead weight we would have to push all over.... Here's hoping to an awsome rep getting it fixed right up!

Here is our plan:

Saturday, drive and stay on marriott points closeby.
Sunday - Arrive, swim, explore. Dinner Boma
Mon - EPCOT, princess breakfast
Tues - MK - Dinner cali grill with Shrek and Big Ole Head
Wed - Swim, DTD, Dinner at Ohana right after fireworks on the beach
Thur - DHS, Dinner PTC
Fri - Headin out...


I know most ppl don't usually have a "down day" and I often get comments about why we don't pack more into our trips. The fact is its plain ole exhausting for the princess. She has ppl walking in front of her and getting upset when someone cuts her off and she can't see us for those 5 seconds, etc. She usually needs a day to recoop. We also enjoy so much more taking our time vs. feeling we must see it *all*. IF the crowds are amazingly light and she isn't exhausted on Wed we can always throw something in

 

[lttlmc3]

I'm glad that you gave us an update! You have been on my mind, especially since a good friend of mine's sister just found out that her husband has been cheating on her for four months! She's very confused right now and scared. It's so sad. It's good to know that you can get through it. How strong you are! I admire you.