I am really sad about this--Wedding etiquette, sorta

[Tigger&Belle]

I think that all you're saying is that you will respect their wishes, but that you are a little hurt and you wish that they had of made a different decision. I totally understand that.

We had a small wedding and did invite children and I wouldn't have had it any other way. My neice and nephews were an important part of the family and it wouldn't have been the same without them, but I've never been the the type that cared about things going a certain way and ours was very informal so it wouldn't have really mattered, anyway.

 

[roseprincess]

To the OP,
If you are up to it, you should find out why your nephew(the groom) and the bride do not want your children at the wedding. Is it because of the noise level at the church? Is it hte reception part, that they can't afford the extra food for the kids? So much food they ordered etc? This is your blood relative(the nephew), so it your right to know why they don't want kids there. I really don't know how close you are to your nephew. If bride and nephew give you an answer that you are very upset about, you don't need to go to the wedding at all. It really is up to you how comfortable if you really want to go to this wedding or not.

Hope it all works out

 

[TeresaNJ]

When my sister got married my sons were 2 and 3 1/2. They were at the ceremony, but not at the reception. I was perfectly happy with that arrangement. I always looked at going to a wedding as a chance to get dressed up and go out with my husband minus the kids, something we rarely got a chance to do.

We were at a wedding reception recently where there were about 5-6 kids probably between 5 and 10 years old. They were running around the dance floor, skipping between tables, almost knocked down a few old folk, and just generally annoying. The kids were having a fabulous time though, LOL. I love kids, but would prefer them not to be at a formal reception. If it's a backyard bar-b-que, bring em on.

 

[Missy1961]

This happened to me--I was the "not quite old enough" cousin that wasn't invited--more than once. And one time, my cousin (the bride) only invited cousins that were married or engaged--so my younger brother & his newly engaged girlfriend were invited, I was not. I guess it was more common 30 years ago, so my parents just had my aunt from the other side of the family watch me & my younger brothers & sisters while they & my older brother went to the weddings. And my other cousin missed out me giving her a gift--I was working at the time, and give my own gift (usually $).

I understand it with the price of weddings today--in NY, the child's plate may be $75--half of what the adult's is. I'd think twice if I was the bride if I wanted my husband's cousins there.

 

[phorsenuf]

To the OP,
This is your blood relative(the nephew), so it your right to know why they don't want kids there.

(bolding done by me)

Why in the world is it her right to know why kids are not invited? That's absurd. If they don't want kids there it's their decision and really nobodys business why they chose not to invite them.
Respect their decision. Go have fun. I did like someones suggestion of maybe having a little get-together with the out of towners later after the reception or the next day. A nice brunch the following morning with eveyone might be nice.

 

[RadioNate]

It never fails to to suprise me that people get so bent out of shape about kids not being invited to weddings. And I'm not really talking about the OP. I do think it is ok to be a little disappointed but I wouldn't take it personally.

Yes, I'm a parent and yes I also said 'no kids' at the wedding. My age cut off was about 10 and for kids that I didn't know well (like my mother's cousin's grandchildren). Some people complaned and I made exceptions. My wedding ceremony started at 730PM and the reception didn't end until 130AM. Those people I make exceptions for LEFT before dinner costing me more than $500. My wedding was nearly $105 a plate even for the kids.

There are so many reasons why they don't wany kids. I would ask the groom but maybe his mother, if you feel you must know. Maybe they can only have 100 people and their were friends that they wanted to invite. Maybe the bride has neices and nephews that are horrid and there is no way not to invite them with out not inviting your kids. Maybe they don't want to pay a fourtune for meals for kids who won't eat them. Maybe they want an open bar and to get drunk and play unedited Eminem songs. Does it really matter?

I've been to weddings were my DS was invited and some where he wasn't. I know my cousin, who was my MOH, is getting married and he isn't invited. That is her choice and I'll get a sitter or DH won't come. I'm not sad at all. I guess I'm excited about a night out w/out having to worry about entertaining DS.

 

[mickeyboat]

(bolding done by me)

Why in the world is it her right to know why kids are not invited? That's absurd. If they don't want kids there it's their decision and really nobodys business why they chose not to invite them.
Respect their decision. Go have fun. I did like someones suggestion of maybe having a little get-together with the out of towners later after the reception or the next day. A nice brunch the following morning with eveyone might be nice.

MTE!

Denae

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

Kids should always be invited to the Wedding Ceremony. .

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

We recently went to a wedding and a small child threw a tantrum for most of the vows and the reading and no one could hear a thing. I know the bride and groom were dying inside. I know on the wedding tape, they can't even hear their own vows or anything.

So no, I disagree.

 

[va32h]

I'm sorry that you are sad and that your daughter is disappointed.

However, the wedding day is about the wedding couple, not sisters, nieces, or cousins who might be sad or disappointed about the choices the bride and groom make.

If you want to go to the wedding, do so. If you don't want to go without your kids, stay home. But I wouldn't press the issue of the kids not being invited.

 

[wide awake]

I didn't want children at my wedding, my MIL of course told her family it was okay to bring kids...even though the invitations didn't have the children's names on them...hello, if your name isn't on the invite, you're not invited. I offered to explain to each of the families in case MIL didn't want to deal w/ it...she lied about it, the kids came...I've never trusted her. To all those telling the OP to ask the nephew, her sister, etc...there is no need, the kids weren't invited for whatever reason...go, don't go, send a gift, don't send a gift...but don't take the kids to the ceremony or reception.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

They may be thinking of Joe Schmoe, friend of the groom that has 4 horrid children that will stick their fingers in the cake just to be funny.

So how can you tell them 'No' and tell you 'Yes' at the same time? You can't without being tacky. The other cousins are teens and that's a big difference - and why they are allowed to go.

I'd respect their wishes, have a talk with your kids about it being an 'adult time' at night. I would assume your kids are invited to the wedding ceremony - they can come to that, see their cousins, see the wedding, and then you take them home to a sitter. They get the best of both worlds, and you get a kid-free night!!! Woo hoo date night!!!

Friends aren't the same as family. That is how you handle that.

As far as getting the sitter. Didn't OP say they were traveling to the wedding. A sitter may not be so easy to come by. I wish people would take that into consideration when planning their wedding. I have seen weddings where they provided a sitter. An excellent compromise to the "no kids at the wedding" scenario.

 

[ozarkmom]

As far as getting the sitter. Didn't OP say they were traveling to the wedding. A sitter may not be so easy to come by. I wish people would take that into consideration when planning their wedding. I have seen weddings where they provided a sitter. An excellent compromise to the "no kids at the wedding" scenario.[/QUOTE]


No I think she says cousins are travelling from CA.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

No I think she says cousins are travelling from CA.

missed that. So many words. CA stood out and it sounded as though they were traveling to a wedding. NM.

 

[poohandwendy]

I can't believe so many people are suggesting pressing the issue or ignoring the clearly stated wishes of the bride and groom. And the idea that because he is a direct relation, the OP has 'the right to know' why he doesn't want kids at the wedding? Or that because it is a public ceremony, you have the legal right to take the kids? Or the idea of sneaking the kids into the church when they bride and groom are distracted, so they won't know you brought them?

OMG, are you kidding me? What ever happened to just respecting the wishes of the people who are getting married, even if it is not what you want? That or not going at all if it is such a huge deal.

Sheesh, while I am sure the kids may be disappointed, I am sure they will get over it.

(btw, I am glad the OP is showing more respect for her nephew's wishes than other people are suggesting)

 

[roseprincess]

We should be respecting EVERYONE'S different opinions, views on this thread, not tearing and bashing people's views that we don't agree with??!!

I have seen WAY too much hatred on these CB board threads, people's responses are WAY mean spirited and hateful!!!!!
Shouldn't the DIS moderators be frequently checking these threads, that people should be respecting other people's views, opinions??

The OP stated she was sad because the wedding is of a blood relative and her kids were not invited. Maybe it was just a vent, End of story!!!
The OP will let us know hopefully what she decides to do. End of Story!!


Rosemarie

 

[lbgraves]

I also agree that just showing up to the ceremony because it is in a Church is rude. We only had my neice at the wedding as flowergirl. She was 3 yo and walked down the aisle holding her mother's hand...my MOH. She sat with her father who was in the front in the row with my parents with noone else so that he could make a speedy exit out the side door if necessary. We had the full Mass so it was an hour. We did NOT regret our decision at all. The only baby in the family then was an 11 mo nephew. I never had to say a word. Right after we told SIL about our wedding she said that she would keep him out of the Church back in the cry room so that there wouldn't be a chance of him crying during the vows. I didn't care if the kids were at the reception or not. That would be their parent's hassle to deal with if they got fussy...not mine.

We didn't invite all of our cousins to the wedding. We stopped with the aunts & uncles...did not include the cousin's names on the envelope. You simply have to stop somewhere...blood or not...when you are limited on space or cost.

 

[twojo21]

im guessing the reason the child cousins from out of state are invited is due to the family traveling from out of state. what parent is going to leave their young child alone while they go away out of state for a weekend wedding.

and although im not wild about the some not all policy, its your nephews wedding & his decision. move on.

 

[ozarkmom]

im guessing the reason the child cousins from out of state are invited is due to the family traveling from out of state. what parent is going to leave their young child alone while they go away out of state for a weekend wedding.

and although im not wild about the some not all policy, its your nephews wedding & his decision. move on.

The op said they were teens.

 

[ozarkmom]

im guessing the reason the child cousins from out of state are invited is due to the family traveling from out of state. what parent is going to leave their young child alone while they go away out of state for a weekend wedding.

and although im not wild about the some not all policy, its your nephews wedding & his decision. move on.[/

sorry didn't mean to post twice

 

[jbdreamer]

I'm sorry that you are sad and that your daughter is disappointed.

However, the wedding day is about the wedding couple, not sisters, nieces, or cousins who might be sad or disappointed about the choices the bride and groom make.

If you want to go to the wedding, do so. If you don't want to go without your kids, stay home. But I wouldn't press the issue of the kids not being invited.

I completely agree with this statement.

It's unfortunate that your children will feel left out. But a wedding day belongs to the Bride and Groom. They may do whatever they want, and invite whomever they want - and they shouldn't have to explain themselves to anyone.

If a guest does not agree, then they shouldn't attend. The Bride and Groom have enough to deal with.

From the Bride's perceptive: My aunt's mother - whom I've met once - assumed her daughter was going to be my flower girl because there were no little girls in my family. I had to call them to tell them they weren't even invited to the wedding.