I almost cried... (people don't understand)

[bratmomma]

EDITED UPDATE: Thank you all for your concern (and alarm). DH and I have discussed it further, and we are both satisfied with the outcome of that discussion. DH and I have moved on from it. I certainly hope everyone here can do the same.

I would remove the post but it has been quoted so many times that it wouldn't do any good anyhow.

Thanks again.








Yesterday I was at my Mom's house for our weekly family dinner and a friend of the family, who is like another sister to us all, was over and asked me to bring my Disney planning binder. She said she wanted to pick my brain and share in my excitement about going. So I did. She was fantastic and asking a MILLION questions about how did you find out about this and I never heard of that, etc. (of course I told her the DIS is the place to go! ) One of my sisters was sitting at the table following along and picking up tips, etc as well. My friend told me she has been going to WDW almost every year for the last 15 years and she STILL didn't know half of the stuff I told her yesterday. She asked to see the shirts we made, etc. It really felt good because she was helping me get more excited (I really wasn't feeling it because our spending money budget is so tight) about the trip and all I have done to be efficient so everyone gets the most out of their trip. Until...

Her husband turned to mine and said... "geeze... she has everything all planned out, schedules (aka touring plans, which BTW are just loose plans because nothing is set in stone with a toddler and two boys), when and where you eat... like, everything". To which my bone-headed husband says..."yeah, she does, hey honey, what time do I get to go to the bathroom when we are at Magic Kingdom??".

I was so upset. I have busted my rump for the last few months trying to plan and make the most of this trip because I don't know when we will be able to go back again. I have spent countless hours trying to save money by planning ahead, comparing prices, shopping around, etc. Then to just have it dismissed like it was all so stupid or trivial, really hurt my feeling.

How did I deal with it, you might ask?? I stood up from the table, put both hands on the table, leaned over the table and said to my husband, "fine, you can go (expletive), I will get the kids up, and dressed when we are supposed to and I will get on the (expletive) bus and go on my (expletive) merry way and you can have a grand ole time fending for your(expletive)self and trying to find us or ANYTHING, for that matter. And oh.. btw, I will have your kttw card so good luck getting back into the (expletive) room or getting something to eat once you realize you will never find us over the 48 sq (expletive) mile property. HAVE FUN, JERK!"

Everyone kinda and pretended they didn't hear a thing. LOL

On the way home DH apologized. I told him I was fighting back tears and he said..."it was just a joke". Yeah, at my expense, not funny.

Am I really a weirdo or am I a "normal" person with a touch of Disney hysteria? Has anyone had a similar experience?

 

[2shortpeopleruleme]

First off... You are by no means alone with this! My DH gets (at times) overwhelmed with all the information I have learned on the Dis. His way of dealing with that is getting his panties in a bunch.He thinks everything is going to cost a lot of money, when a lot of the ideas on here are very low cost or free. I too have very loose plans for each day. I agree you have to have some sort of idea of what each day is going to look like when going with little ones. It would be a disaster if you didn't. I have been VERY tense over this trip, I just it to be really great. If my DH said what yours did I would have flipped too!

It was nice though that he said he was sorry on the way home. Sometimes I don't think DH's (or it could be DW's too... I guess it depends who has planned the trip) get what it takes to plan out a trip like this.

No matter what have a great trip!

 

[JPN4265]

You really don't have a clue when it comes to understanding men do you? And yes men have the same problem in understanding women. Your husband in his own terrible and stumbling way, was really saying how much he appreciated how much you did to make your trips so wonderful and easy. If he didn't, do you really think he would have gone to WDW that many times with you? Give him a break, he just didn't want to admit that he also really enjoys going to Disney World. I would bet, that at work, its "were going to Disney again this year, its for the wife and kids, you know". While inside, he is saying "WERE GOING TO DISNEY WORLD AND I CAN'T WAIT"

 

[bratmomma]

Thanks 2short and JPN.

I know I probably over-reacted but at the time it was my only response that would hold back the tears. LOL

You're right JPN, I haven't a clue when it comes to figuring out my DH. We've been together 20 years and married almost 15 and he still continues to baffle me on a regular basis. I guess that helps keep our marriage interesting and exciting after all these years?? I hope you are right and he really does appreciate all the work I have put into it. I hope once we are there and he sees that we are not just wandering aimlessly around Disney property, he will fully understand all the work I put into it. This is only our second trip as a family and last time we missed so much and did so many things wrong because it was before I found the DIS!

I'm sure we'll have a great trip, but last night he had me doubting my sanity! lol

 

[Stitch76]

I'm with ya Sister!!!!
No one in my family gets it, (besides the kids of course, who can talk Disney with me for hours!).
My DH could care less, and the rest of my family probably thinks I'm a little loopy too. But, your so right. That place is HUGE!!!!!!!! If I didn't take the time to research and find out stuff, and plan, and re-plan when I found something better, and know when X happens, and do we have time to do Y. We would be sitting in front of the Castle for half the day, with crying children and a map, with an overwhelmed look on our face. (By the way, I have seen these people, and to quote the Genie "It's not a pretty site, you can't make me do it!")
We have only been one time, for a short little trip, and we plan on going back next year, after that we have no idea if or when we will ever be back. I want to make the most of it. My DH has had me in tears on more than one occasion about this trip. I have done like you and planed (loosely of course, I will have a 3 year old along, who may have his own idea of what needs to be done, and when it needs doing), everything out, what day to go where, what rides or shows to hit first, where to eat. What to do if it rains, the perfect bag to take, the best shoes to wear, what to have on hand in case somebody needs something.
I was not quite so prepared for our last trip, but it was just a few days long. I did not know about the DIS and the only thing I had to help me out was an Unofficial Guide, and the Disney Planning DVD. But believe me, what I did find out was helpful, and appreciated when the time came. I learned my lesson.
DH has just quickly forgotten, how much it helped to be prepared. This time we will have an extra child (a toddler at that!), and 2 weeks instead of a few days. I feel that if a little (okay, a LOT!) of my time, can save a headache on the trip, than it is worth it. Besides planning is half the fun, it makes me feel closer to WDW since I can't be there yet.
Yes my DH doesn't understand now, but granted when he is in his comfy shoes, with his poncho handy when the rain hits, and fastpasses in hand to pass up the 2 hour wait for the next ride, when his tummy is full, and we have the best view of the parade, even he will have to bow to me for making it all possible.
And also I have come to know the joy of being, the most extreme super cool MOM, for knowing everything about Disney. (at least my kids think I know everything, and what they don't know, won't hurt 'em!)
Hang in there, THEY!!! don't understand, but you have the DIS!!!, and we're all a little here!!!

 

[jodilinton]

When I read your story the first person I thought of was my mother. She does not understand my love of Disney. I first visited in 2000 at the age of 25 and have made several trips since. I plan everything also - meals, rides, downtime, everything.

If I talk about anything Disney she says, "Gosh, you are obsessed"

I just booked a "Hubby & me" alone trip for January and a family trip in October. I told my mom yesterday - 145 days til Disney and she said, "Am I going to have to hear that everyday til you leave" I made up my mind she will not hear it again! She does not have a clue and she has never been there.

 

[DaughteroftheKing]

Awww. I have to say I found what you yelled at your dh funny...probably because it sounds like something I would say. (*blushes*)

I don't think non-planners think too much about this or the effort. My dh hasn't mocked me yet, but he isn't nearly as into the planning. But I know once we get there he will appreciate it. And I bet your dh will be the same way.

 

[Ms.Mouse]

I don't think you over-reacted at all...I understand all the work involved also. I think any "true Disney-lover" would. AND many people just don't get it!!! I plan the dining and where we are staying (after asking everyone for input and trying to accommodate likes and dislikes)...
Once we get there, we do get park hoppers and will get waterparks on our next trip (July) and everyone goes their own way until dinnertime when we all meet up together to go over our days adventures and watch the parades/fireworks together and we retire for the next day...So we do have some flexibility.....That I "plan in"

 

[jrc-elpaso]

I think the non-planner(s) of the group (couple, whatever) like my DH may get a little tired once in a while (like when I interrupt him the 10th time in an hour to tell him something I read here), they really do appreciate all the work we do. I've always been the vacation planner (all vacations) and every once in a while he'll ask me how I learned about something we're doing and most of the time now it's something I found on the internet. It was the CruiseCritic boards for our cruise last year and now it's all the great folks here who have given me a lot more knowledge than I had ever hoped for. I know our trip is going to be great.

 

[BELLEDOZER]

Let's face it...most hubby's are secretly relieved to have their wives who are disneylovers and severe overplanners do all the planning for the trip. It put's less pressure on them not to do all the leg work. My hubby is the same way. I spent 15 months to plan our trip to DL in Feb (using the DIS board and spending way too much time on it). In the end he was relieved that I had done my homework, and it made the trip alot better because of it. I got the best hotel for the trip, and while hubby didn't want to know all the details till about 6 weeks before the trip, he was relieved when he asked me a question, that I had the answers he needed. I'm now planning a surprise trip to WDW in Aug 2011 for the kids. When I start making a huge batch of tye dyed Mickey mouse head shirts for the trip, as a side project for the winter months, he just shakes his head, but lets me do it, as the spiral Mickey mouse head shirts I made for our DL trip in Feb were a huge hit with the CM's at DL. Have a great day everyone!

 

[JPN4265]

Thanks 2short and JPN.

I know I probably over-reacted but at the time it was my only response that would hold back the tears. LOL

You're right JPN, I haven't a clue when it comes to figuring out my DH. We've been together 20 years and married almost 15 and he still continues to baffle me on a regular basis. I guess that helps keep our marriage interesting and exciting after all these years?? I hope you are right and he really does appreciate all the work I have put into it. I hope once we are there and he sees that we are not just wandering aimlessly around Disney property, he will fully understand all the work I put into it. This is only our second trip as a family and last time we missed so much and did so many things wrong because it was before I found the DIS!

I'm sure we'll have a great trip, but last night he had me doubting my sanity! lol

My wife does all of the planning when we go to Disney. Our last trip was a family reuion. No one could understand why she kept insisting that they give her information about what they wanted out of the trip. They could not for the life of them understand the 90 day reservation rule, (if we had the old 180 rule, she would have been bugging them about that). Needless to say, when it was all over, everyone had a great time. The best comment came from my brother inlaw. He had been to Disney two or three times before, (without the planning) and said this was the first time that he had not had to eat hamburgers or hotdogs for every meal. As to your husband. In the office or at a family gathering, no one but a true Disneyer knows why they continue to want to go back to WDW. This is something you can't explain, you just have to know. Sometimes it is easier to make light of the situation, then to try and explain for the hundredeth time why you like it so much. Have a great time in your next trip.

 

[tinkbutt]

You are not alone I haven't had it quite at this level but have been told to calm down and we have ten whole days so we can take it slow. But do these people realize in september we have shorter hours??? UH, I feel you good for you for giving it right back to him!!! You go sweetie!!! and make sure he doesn't do it again

Sending your way hope he now realizes how much work you have done!

 

[Technosavant]

OK, here's some contrarian advice.

Some folks have absolutely no clue as to the complexity and variety available at Disney, so the thought of a detailed plan never enters their minds.

Even so, chill. If you really DO have every moment planned out, you may need to take a step back and admit that it's OK, it is only a vacation to theme parks (granted, rather good ones), and the world won't end if you don't do EVERYTHING. Your reaction says you have a bit too much of yourself invested in the plan. I imagine nobody responded to your outburst because they were embarrassed on your behalf, not on your husband's. You're too touchy about this. Your husband's joke may have been the wrong one, but most folks recoil a bit when they realize that their vacation is going to be scheduled out even more strictly than a normal workday.

You need to admit that you are more than just a normal person with a "touch" of Disney hysteria; you're well out of the norm in wanting to experience everything. If you can recognize that, then you can see that your husband may not understand your drive. Don't expect him to read your mind and understand how much time and effort you've put into this. To him, this is a vacation, not a forced march.

I'm trying to refrain from extrapolating this out into your general mental and emotional state, but your response just seemed WAY out of proportion here; I think you need a bit of perspective on the vacation.

 

[JLKennedy]

You're a much better person than me, if it were me, I'd pick up an empty bottle and say...."anytime you feel like it".

I do the same thing.....DH actually has co-workers who try to give him advice on where to eat...yeah right....my wife knows it all he says.

 

[bratmomma]

Oh never mind-- perhaps you are right Techno. I am crazy. Someone lock me up.

 

[Figment_Fan]

My DW does a lot of the actual writing of the plans. I have a lot of input and understand what it takes to "map out" a Disney trip. On the other side, part of my wants a relaxing vacation. Many of our Disney trips have involved my first day or two tirade, which is really a power play to fight for the fact that I want a vacation too. Yes, DW and I have 2 children DS(15) and DD(8) - in reality my wife has 3, one of which happens to be older than her.

I have my dumb moments, but would never trade the planning for anything.

As for your DH, bratmomma, next time, have a really good reply ready - such as your bathroom brakes are at _____ and ______ and ____. And, I really need a review of the bathrooms to post on the boards . . . So, please take notes.

 

[Debbie-TN]

It's true that they don't really understand all the planning, but by getting upset like that, he won. We don't want them to win, do we? You could have gotten him back better if you had calmly said something like, Lets see, I have you scheduled for 10:30, 4:15 and 7:45, if you need to go any more than that, you'll have to wear Depends. Or just, O there are no bathroom breaks, everyone will be wearing Depends.

 

[gonesaleing]

Don't let your husband get away with making a joke at your expense... NJ girls don't put up with that nonsense.

Just give him a passive look and say 'You are so right, dear. I am getting way too invested in this vacation. You need to take over.' and hand him off all the information. Then sit back and critique his plans. Guarenteed he will beg you to take over in short order.

Men really have no idea what it takes to put an entire vacation together. Even a week down the shore requires planning.

Last time we went to Disney, my husband had a great time boasting over and over again, 'Wow, I did a great time planning this trip, didn't I' until I finally called him on it, telling him that his little joke was demeaning. He apologized of course but I still needled him a few more times to really get my point across. Needless to say, he never did it again.

 

[SaraJayne]

Yes, you completely overreacted and no, your reaction is not normal. I am a planner when it comes to Disney, but I know when to lighten up and realize I'm becoming too obsessive about our plans.

It's a vacation, not a war plan.

And if I would have been your husband, well, you would have been going on your over-planned, every-minute-planned-out vacation by yourself.

I can't imagine *ever* talking to my DH that way.

 

[allison443]

I can't imagine *ever* talking to my DH that way.

Neither can I, and I am a Jersey girl too, for whatever that's worth! Especially over a joke about planning a disney trip! And in front of other people! Were your kids there as well?
If his joke upset you that much, in my opinion you are overinvested in this trip planning thing or maybe it's a reflection of other issues.
You should have just told him bathroom breaks are scheduled for x, y and z.
What's with all the expletives and name calling?

This is jmo and I know everyone relates to their spouses differently.

I'm sure your trip will work out!