I’m not imagining things, am I?

[WDWDCLDLFAN]

Sorry for the “cliff-hanger”!!!! After unsuccessfully trying to post a couple of images, i didnt have time to come back and post more.

Thank you to @wenrob for letting me know how many posts i need!

 

[WDWDCLDLFAN]

Regarding gambling, hes definitely not gambling. I mean if he is, that'd be the last thing I’d think of as a reason for all of this.

The thing is, I know where he is all the time. He doesn’t go out anywhere without me. He basically goes to work, comes home, we eat dinner, watch tv, go to sleep.

However, look at how much can be accomplished with just a persons cell phone, right?? So all of this planning of his, he’s been doing home or at work.


(Ok 3 more posts to go….).

 

[WDWDCLDLFAN]

Another thing…. Just want to say that even though I’m smart enough to be afraid for my life in case he got into some kind of rage or something, in the 26 years that I’ve known him, we have never, ever gotten into anything physical at all. Zero. But I do realize that that doesn’t mean that something can’t happen in the future. I watch too many of what he calls “my murder shows”. Dateline, 48 Hours, 20/20, plus many shows on the ID network.

 

[WDWDCLDLFAN]

So we are texting yesterday afternoon and I said something about this CA trip, and that it doesn’t make sense to me for him to go out there just to “look around the Bay Area” to check it all out.

I said “ It’d make sense if you actually had a job offer”. So he said “Tell me if you don’t want me to go, but make a decision or stop all of this nonsense”.

Nonsense, huh….? Ok so I called his bluff and said “Yes, please cancel this trip”. He said ok….

 

[princesscinderella]

Regarding gambling, hes definitely not gambling. I mean if he is, that'd be the last thing I’d think of as a reason for all of this.

The thing is, I know where he is all the time. He doesn’t go out anywhere without me. He basically goes to work, comes home, we eat dinner, watch tv, go to sleep.

However, look at how much can be accomplished with just a persons cell phone, right?? So all of this planning of his, he’s been doing home or at work.


(Ok 3 more posts to go….).

You no longer have to go to a casino to gamble its right at our fingertips on our phones 24/7. If you fear for your life you definitely need to make some hard choices quickly.

 

[WDWDCLDLFAN]

So then on his drive home from work yesterday we were talking and he said again “So tell me if you don’t want me to go”. I said “I don’t want you to go”.

DISers, as soon as I’m able to post the images, you’ll understand the next part of the conversation.

I started to get very, very angry during the conversation. He kept claiming that all he wants to do out there is look around. Check out the area. He said that he has resumes in at several companies in that area, and if he’s hired, he wouldn’t know whether he could accept the job or not, since he hadn’t already checked out there area.

This just made me more angry because I KNEW he was lying. (you’ll see what I mean in a minute). I also knew that if he went to CA for those 3 days, that’d I’d never sleep in the same bed as him, again. See, I’m still very hopeful for my marriage to work out. Guardedly optimistic.

Now, I NEVER curse. Ever. But I grew up with a father who was literally a truck driver, so believe me, I can keep up with the best of them.

I don’t even remember my exact words, but I kept telling him over and over “I KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE PLANNED”. “Listen to what I’m saying, I KNOW what you have planned”. All this time he’s trying to get a gaslighting word in, but I wouldn’t let him. Lots of f this and f that, etc. It actually felt good to say to him EXACTLY how I felt.

Oh, and he has no idea that I have the intel that I do.

Before I try to post them, he said he'd cancel the trip, and he did. When he got home from work he canceled it, and he forwarded the emails to me. (He had forwarded the original emails to me from the hotel he booked, plus the flights).
I even went onto the airline app and typed in his flight info and said “This has been canceled, yada yada)….

Ok I’m going to try this now.

 

[WDWDCLDLFAN]

Still not letting me post pictures.

 

[WDWDCLDLFAN]

Just found this in the “welcome to the DIS” forum thread:

NEW POSTERS must have at least 10 posts in order to add an Avatar or Signature to their profiles. After your 10th post there is also a time delay before these options will be available.

 

[WDWDCLDLFAN]

Ok friends, I’ll be back in about an hour and try again. If not, then at that point I’ll just type out what I found.

 

[WDWDCLDLFAN]

You no longer have to go to a casino to gamble its right at our fingertips on our phones 24/7. If you fear for your life you definitely need to make some hard choices quickly.

Oh I agree! But I’m pretty sure that he’s not gambling in the conventional sense, except for his gambling of our funds/home equity.

 

[DisneyHardin]

I feel like I am watching a show with a Cliffhanger and now I am going to have to wait until next week to see how it plays out!!!

I am anxiously awaiting your photo approval so I can see what you have discovered!!!!

 

[sam_gordon]

These things jumped out at me...

The thing is, I know where he is all the time. He doesn’t go out anywhere without me. He basically goes to work, comes home, we eat dinner, watch tv, go to sleep.

I don’t even remember my exact words, but I kept telling him over and over “I KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE PLANNED”. “Listen to what I’m saying, I KNOW what you have planned”. All this time he’s trying to get a gaslighting word in, but I wouldn’t let him. Lots of f this and f that, etc. It actually felt good to say to him EXACTLY how I felt.

Have you asked him about going to couples counseling? The fact he has no life away from you (aside from work) and that you're totally dependent on him, is a little worrisome to me.

Yes, I would not be surprised if he's setting up to file for a divorce. Did you ask him WHY he's looking for another job?

 

[CdnCarrie]

These things jumped out at me...



Have you asked him about going to couples counseling? The fact he has no life away from you (aside from work) and that you're totally dependent on him, is a little worrisome to me.

Yes, I would not be surprised if he's setting up to file for a divorce. Did you ask him WHY he's looking for another job?

This. I can't even imagine being someone's everything. You mentioned not having any friends or family. Do you have any interests outside your husband? I agree with Sam.

 

[WDWDCLDLFAN]

These things jumped out at me...



Have you asked him about going to couples counseling? The fact he has no life away from you (aside from work) and that you're totally dependent on him, is a little worrisome to me.

Yes, I would not be surprised if he's setting up to file for a divorce. Did you ask him WHY he's looking for another job?

This. I can't even imagine being someone's everything. You mentioned not having any friends or family. Do you have any interests outside your husband? I agree with Sam.

He is looking for another job because he wants to make more money. He’s about 10 years out from retirement. He is at the top of his field where we live, and he knows that the salary can be a lot higher in CA.

He is not my “everything“. I don’t go out much i am very much involved with my congregation, via Zoom. He likes my friends from my congregation and he likes to listen in sometimes, which I don’t mind at all.
Before my health got to this point, I used to work at a job that I loved, I would do community volunteer work with my congregation, and I’d often visit close family who live(d) a couple of small states away. I had/have more of a social life than he does.
We moved to where he grew up. He literally has no friends. He is close with one of his cousins whom he sees when they get the chance to get together.

When I said that I don’t have any friends or family, I meant, in the way that they could help me move out quickly if I needed to. I have confided in one of my friends in my congregation, as well as a close family member that’s like a sister to me, but she lives in another state.

When I started this thread, I was typing out general, basic facts. I will try to clarify as I go.

 

[WDWDCLDLFAN]

Ok, here are the things I found in his history.

I don’t doubt that he wants to see the area of where a potential new job might be located, but it’s these extra “sights” that have flipped me out big time. I think I said in a previous post that he has cancelled this trip. But just the idea…..

 

[mjkacmom]

Well, it doesn’t look like he has another woman…

 

[princesscinderella]

Ok, here are the things I found in his history.

I don’t doubt that he wants to see the area of where a potential new job might be located, but it’s these extra “sights” that have flipped me out big time. I think I said in a previous post that he has cancelled this trip. But just the idea…..

Best of luck in whatever you decide to do now that you know what's going on a bit more clearly. Big changes can be hard and I definitely wouldn't sign the HELOC papers.

 

[sam_gordon]

Ok, here are the things I found in his history.

I don’t doubt that he wants to see the area of where a potential new job might be located, but it’s these extra “sights” that have flipped me out big time. I think I said in a previous post that he has cancelled this trip. But just the idea…..

I'm going back to you need to TALK to him. Not yell or cuss at him. IMO, if you want this relationship to continue, you go to couple's counseling. If he balks tell him you're having a hard time trusting him and you want to rebuild that trust (assuming you do).

What happened when you talked to the lawyer...

I had a quick opportunity to speak with a lawyer today. I’m following his advice re paper work, paper trails, etc.

Wanting to move for more money isn't unusual, especially if there's nothing keeping you where you are.

 

[tzolkin]

He is looking for another job because he wants to make more money. He’s about 10 years out from retirement. He is at the top of his field where we live, and he knows that the salary can be a lot higher in CA.

Sure, the salary can be a lot higher in CA, but if he is looking to have a second home/apartment in the Bay Area that's going to be very expensive. So even if the salary is more, he would possibly wind up with less money after expenses.

And, I'm still not understanding what taking out a $200k+ loan on your house is for. Has he said what he needs that money for? Maybe I missed that part.

 

[Karin1984]

Good you have the screenshots.

And yeah, you need to have a talk about him possibly wanting to have "transactional relationships".
You might want to consider this is not something new, and that this money thing might be related somehow.

And whether he says those "relationships" did happen already or it was just a plan... get yourself to a doctor to get tested.

(I am might be reading too much into this, but I am currently addicted to AITA stories on reddit)