Husband not a Disney fan; need advice (long)

[lllovell]

Are we married to the same man? I swear you are talking about my husband. He absolutely refuses to do anything with my family. That is why I go to Dauphin Island, Alabama every year without him. My whole family, brothers, wives, kids and our mother, go every year. It has become an annual reunion for us so DS and I go and DH stays home. He also is not big into Disney. We went 2 years ago and he said he liked it but didn't want to go again. As you can see, I am going in 78 days. It is just DS and me and we plan on having a ball. I say go without DH and then plan another kind of trip with just you and him and the kids. I found out early on in our 20 year marriage that if I wanted to do something I thought was fun I was going to have to do it on my own.

This makes me sad for the OP and for you. I have a hubby that is not much of a Disney fan, but he would not miss a trip and a chance to see our children having the time of their lives(now - but it took some to get there). He also is not much of a beach fan, but knows that the boys and I love the time with my family that we get at the beach every year. I also go to things that he and the boys like and I don't (like car shows and swap meets, etc).

Did we arrive at this balance by accident - - nope...of course not. It took a lot of me pointing out that the world doesn't revolve around him (he is an only child) and that making others in your life happy IS one of the biggest rewards you can have. We have talked and I found out the things he doesn't like about the beach and the frustrations he feels at Disney (our boys are 2 and 4 and we are now DVC members - so there is LOTS of Disney in our future, so working this out is a big deal!!!) and I have explained to him how things like getting to the parks early and doing other things when it gets crazy in the afternoons will make us BOTH happier (he likes to sleep in a bit on "vacation"). The boys and I go without him and meet up later or in the heat of the day at the beach, I understand why he doesn't want to be outside and LOVE the fact that he handles nap duty for me now (getting a nap in for himself). Making any sense here? Its about understanding what each other expects in a vacation and finding the compromise.

I don't like the seperate vacation idea, but if hubby truly would be miserable going with your family (which sounds incredibly self centered to me that he cannot be nice and give the woman that takes care of his children FOR FREE something she wants once a year) then he needs to say home. Him being miserable will make you miserable. I think the person that said that he needs to grow up hit the nail right on the head. Even vacations are about compromise. Adding children to the mix changes EVERYTHING and our vacationing habits had already faced many changes so adding Disney was just another adjustment for us. I love the place. He enjoys the children and I having fun. He is looking forward to the "big kid" rides and FINALLY told me that after our trip Thanksgiving this year and I pointed out that I would gladly take the boys on a younger ride or two for him to go and be on Space Mountain if that will make his trip better. It was like he had never thought of this (and he is concerned about it not being "fair" to me - I was pleased to hear that but fair doesn't matter to me...if he is happy and WANTS to be there, I would stand on my head 2 hours of each day just to experience it with us all together!!!). Talk through this. You will find the perfect "vacation" that will make you both happy.

 

[funcinderella]

You have a lot of good points, esp. the part about him being the interloper. I never looked at it that way, but its true if my mom is around they prefer her over either one of us. Hmm food for thought...

Thanks to everyone for the great responses. It helps to see both sides.

 

[funcinderella]

Sorry, I was referring to Okapi in the first paragraph.

 

[donac]

We are going through this same discussion about a family we know. This family and my family were going to Disney this Aug. We just found out the the father of the other family feels that he can not take the time away from his work (H owns his own business and he will be away for a week and a half at the end of July for a Boy Scout thing). The last time the family was all together at Disney was 8 years ago. The mother and the daughters went with me to Disney 3 years ago when the fathers went off to do another Boy Scout thing. Their youngest daughter will be 11 in Aug when we are supposed to be down there and he has never seen the world through her eyes. We feel he should go just to be with the family because they are only young once. He missed the look on his youngest's face when she saw Mickey in Fantasmic and how tongue tied she got when she met Mickey the next day.

Dona

 

[funcinderella]

In fairness to my DH, he does want to go to Disney this year, to see his children enjoy it. But he only wants his family to go, not mine, and I think that would be it for quite awhile.

Am I just too obsessed with Disney?? I only have the twins, and will probably not have any more children. I feel that childhood goes so quickly and I want my kids to enjoy Disney at every stage of their childhood. (They are definitely well on their way to being as obsessed as me!)

 

[dreamscometrue47]

Ok, now I'm confused. You went with your family recently without DH. But now he DOES want to go but only with his family. If you are as obsessed with Disney as I am, I would jump at any chance to go, even with my in-laws who I get along with but am not best friends!!

Go with your DH and his family. And when you want to go again to enjoy the stages of your children's childhood at Disney, GO! After 27 yrs of marriage, I go and do what makes me and the FAMILY happy. Luckily, my DH understands me and I understand him and we are fortunate enough to be able to take 2 wonderful vacations each year, and if one of them is a Disney trip and he doesn't want to go, he never gives me a hard time about it. We ALWAYS do at least one vacation as a family (this year is Aruba in February), but if the rest of us have the NEED to do Disney in August, he would have no problem at all with us going without him.

I am obsessed with all things Disney, but I would never put Disney before my family happiness.

 

[MossMan]

In fairness to my DH, he does want to go to Disney this year, to see his children enjoy it. But he only wants his family to go, not mine, and I think that would be it for quite awhile.

OK, I don't see a problem.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with not going to Disney for a vacation. I understand how much you love it. But you and your family can have just as much fun going to a variety of other places. Despite my love for the outdoors, my wife hates camping. You could say that when she married me she knew how much I liked camping, but then reverse is also true. When I married her I knew how much she detested sleeping in a tent. But marriage is full of compromises. My notions of endless summers backpacking with my kids in the woods didn't work out. I still get out occasionally with the kids camping, but in return we also spend our time roughing it at Disney Wilderness Lodge.

Yet despite the fact your husband isn't keen on Disney, he has rejected the notion of separate vacations and is willing to go to Orlando this year. Seems like a wonderful concession on his part. Looks like he has put the desires of wife over his own desires. Sounds like a good family guy.

His only request is that he not have to spend time with his inlaws while on vacation. Seems pretty fair to me. He has already said he will go someplace he doesn't want to go. Why the need to force on him company he doesn't want to spend time with? My mother-in-law is the nicest lady you could ever meet, but no way would I ever consider spending my vacations with her.

And look, there is another reason to make this a nuclear-family-only-vacation. You have every motivation to make this trip as enjoyable as possible for him. If you want to make multiple trips to Disney over the next few years, you need to make sure he enjoys himself. If enjoying himself means he gets to spend time away from his in-laws, then so be it.

I would also explore options away from the theme parks. Maybe drive down to the ocean for a few days or book him one of those nascar racing experiences. How about golfing? Then there is my favourite resort experience: sleeping in then hanging out with a book and a beer at the hotel pool. I don't know, just make sure he isn't sick of Disney by the time he leaves Orlando. That way when you bring up Disney as a vacation option in the future, he might be more willing to consider it.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

My DH has issues with my mom also. When she is around, I have to remind her quite often that I am the parent of my children not her. On more than 1 occasion, when DH or I were disciplining DS, she would chime in her opinion and talk right over us. On that note, she lives close by and does ALOT for us. I am an only child, so that may be some of it. She also watches my children while I work, and in the evenings at times for no money. She is going with us next month on our trip to WDW. DH deals with it for a week, plain and simple. He didn't want her to go this time(she went with us in 2001). But I told him, we wouldn't be able to do anything just me and him or ride some of the bigger rides DS won't go on. So he agreed. My mom said she'll be good this trip, we'll see.

 

[leebee]

I suppose that if Grandma watches/babysits the kids several days a week, it must be hard for her to "butt out" regarding discipline when the parents are around- after all, she IS the authority when babysitting. Just an observation...

I too have a DH who just doesn't get why DD and I always want to go to WDW. We have a variety of solutions...sometimes just DD and I go, or we go with my sister, BIL and nieces. Sometimes DH joins us on these extended family excursions, sometimes not. He loves my sis and our BIL and nieces, but they live a very hectic, crisis ridden existance, even when no crisis exists, the kids are pretty undisciplined, and it makes DH nuts after a few days. When we do go with my sis's family, we always rent a condo/villa with a lock-out unit for us...Sis and family have the mbr in the main villa, we share kitchen/dr/lr (where the nieces sleep on the sofa bed) and DD, DH and I have the lockout unit where we have some privacy, nieces aren't standing on DH's briefcase and laptop, etc. We have a shared vacation with the privacy of a lockout. We also rent separate vehicles...always! DH is not a beach,pool, golf, driving experience type of guy. He is the guy in Epcot who wants to read all the infor in every display case, see the films rather than the giftshops in WS, etc. Anyhow, this is getting long. OP, I would try to get DH to agree to my going to WDW with my child and family for one week, then go somewhere else with him (with or without his family) for the 2nd week of vacation at a later date.

Actually, we just went to WDW, without alot of support from DH, who went but didn't really want to. I invited my MIL to join us...figured DH would behave with his mother around. Lo and behold, he had a wonderful vacation, still talks about it! Guess she has more experience keeping him in line than I do...LOL!!