Hucifer does the solo thing sort of. Alone and going home, 9/21

[MrsSpratt]

Dear Hucifer,

I've been a bad TR reader. Lurking lots, usually at the office, where it is hard to respond with the fervor and quoting that I would like.

So...I'll just say this: You are making trucking entertaining. FILM AT ELEVEN!

I can't wait for you to have precious Disney time. For reals.

Jaime

 

[hucifer]

Remember kids... you heard it here first! Can't wait, PPA!

Amen to that. He better come through with this promise.

I'm sorry, but anyone who doesn't stand in a slack-jawwed stupor upon walking into the awesomeness of the AKL lobby... There is just no hope for a person like that. And I don't think you'd even have to be "into" Disney. It's just frickin' amazing!

That's what I thought. But, I tried to give a non-Disney person some slack.

Parents who bring their kids to WDW can't be all bad, right? But, seriously!

I just want to clarify that those kids were like 8 and 10 or 7 and 9, so it isn't like they were too young to scamper off by themselves for a moment.

Ouch. That one hurt. I remember the raves from your previous TR.

This one hurt real bad.

I think I'll have to insist on a visit to Boma during our next trip to the world. Whenever that may be.

It is still a fantastic place to eat, Chef TJ or no Chef TJ.

Sounds like a great evening. Gotta love free Epcot tickets!!

The evening didn't deliver as promised, but yes, you DO have to love free Epcot tickets.

Do you know that Chef TJ is at 'Ohana now? Fear not, he hasn't left WDW totally!

YAY!!!! He's been found!!! Thank you thank you thank you!

OK, you ate at Boma, another place I have yet to eat, and then what happened... (please please please tell us about EPCOT).

Ooh, I didn't mean to build up the evening too much. But I'll post very soon. And you have got to try Boma...the food is spectacular, it really is.

Sorry to hear Boma did not turn out quite like you expected it to. Nice recovery though. The stealth fish consumption had me cracking up. Don't feel too bad about the Disney Magic details being lost on others. I was going gaga over all the different resort details on our trip as well, but was not able to quite pull the others up to my level of infatuation. At least I would have been that way if I was the type of guy who gaga's. Which I'm not. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I'm just saying I have a acute sense of appreciation for well engineered construction and architecture. Yeah, that sounds about right. Anywho, can't wait to hear about the evening at Epcot.

See now, I can appreciate a guy who has an acute sense of appreciation for well engineered construction and architecture. While I certainly do not understand engineering or architecture myself, I do appreciate the details.

Municipal - county. All the drama, none of the funding. And catch this... I do PR. I've seriously GOT to get back into corporate or move up to the Fed before I go loony!

We Feds employees thumb our noses at you county folks.

Yay - I didn't get in on your last one, but hear its praises being sung all over the DIS!

Click on the link in his sig and you'll be drinking the kool-aid too.

I hate to admit it, but I'm rather enjoying Truck Talk. In fact, will you let me know if you see it scheduled again? With all the budget cuts happening in my neck of the woods, I'm gonna need a new skill set or two.

You are enjoying Truck Talk? I hope I'm not overselling it or anything, but that class was da bomb. It's scheduled for every July, I think. I can send you additional information if you like.

For the record, I'd totally read that!

Stop, you're embarrassing me.

Nope, it's not just you.

Oh good.

Nooooo!

I think I was more depressed about not getting deep fried Oreos than anything else.

I would totally read both those trip reports.

Thanks Amy. Princess V would only read the first one.

Oh, look. Sarcasm! I'm getting better at this.

So you ARE trainable.

Were you wearing your poncho? Because that would really add to the birdlike picture I'm getting here.

Umm...no. But go ahead and picture one if you like.

I have to admit something here. I do this at the airport every stinking time I'm meeting my dd there. You know, the child that I've known for 19 years, the one I gave birth to, the one that looks remarkably JUST like me so if I'd forgotten her appearance I'd only have to look in a mirror and subtract 27 years?? We always precede our joyous reunions with her waving her hand in front of my face saying, "HELLO??? Mommy, it's me!! WHY do you do this??"

Okay, I feel much better now listening to the woes of others.

Obviously, your waiter does not understand the secret code.

He didn't know the "I would like Chef TJ to cook me something special" code.

Oh, no! I hate when you get to a restaurant and they've taken what you're craving off the menu or your special chef is gone.

Me too.

Uh oh. Busted. If you're going to lie about being a fish eater, then you should make sure to eat all the evidence. Including the salmon skin. Or at least hide the skin in your pocket or something to dispose of later.

NOW you tell me.

Not only does she have a cool name……she’s also a full 24 hours smarter than you.

She catches on much quicker than me, I must admit. But her navigational skills were HORRIBLE.

So...I guess you didn't notice the clearly marked “please don’t drum on the African décor” signs.

We somehow missed those.

Wait....I think I saw this in the movie “Ghost”. Were you guys recently deceased by any chance? This is so frustrating....if only Whoopie Goldberg had been eating at Boma that night.

As far as I know, we were both alive that night. I don't think Whoopie could have helped out much. Those cats were totally not paying attention.

To be fair……African sweetness is an acquired taste.

I liked it right away! What was her problem?

For rude….it’s not like you just lied to his face or something....thereby shattering the ever-so-fragile customer/waiter circle of trust.

It's not a lie if you believe it.

I love your report I think your related to my hubby's family they love their food and they would knock over anyone that gets in their way when it come's to their foodI almost peed my pants when you talked about knocking stuff out of the way to get to the lunch buffett my hubby is kung-fu panda that's how he'd have to get trained for anything is with food him and his twin brother look like that panda poe looking forward to reading the rest

Hi there! Welcome Foxyroxy! Yep, I take my food VERY seriously. As I get older, it's getting more difficult to keep it off my hips.

Everybody was kung fu fighting...

So I'm back to daydreaming about the Captain …

Ah ain't that sweet ... I hadn't realized <blush>

Don't flatter yourself. Unless you have a hook.

Well, if yer gon'na be thinkin bout the Cap'n yer gon'na have ta drop this excessive food thing. I can understand drinkin and the like, but food? You're going to have to work out to the Buns of Steel video a 1000 times if yer not careful.

Let's see...either I eat 300 calories of food, or I drink 300 calories of alcohol...

No, not much of a choice. Sorry. Food ALWAYS wins.

Now GET OUT of the dining rooms lady, get yer keyster to the parks, and lets read some DISNEY adventures you keep promising us! <Pssst> BTW, I think Boma's is my favorite buffet in WDW. But who CARES! Parks - you - story -now!

You are not the boss of me.

Oh, wait...

Dear Hucifer,

I've been a bad TR reader. Lurking lots, usually at the office, where it is hard to respond with the fervor and quoting that I would like.

So...I'll just say this: You are making trucking entertaining. FILM AT ELEVEN!

I can't wait for you to have precious Disney time. For reals.

Jaime

Hey! I'm glad to see you're still here! And thanks for the compliment. Actually, I found that Truck Class really sold itself. All I did was report the facts, ma'am.

 

[hucifer]

Quoting you: Since Alberto hasn't bothered to show up here, it's a safe bet that he has no clue about sexy bench man. So there goes your theory.

Alberto is a lot like me. He must have Trip Report ADHD. That’s when you can’t follow reports that are on page 3.

Sometimes...on very special days...it even goes as far as page 4. It takes a very special TR indeed to get that far.

Quoting NMAmy: Well, my friends and family would be shocked to hear this but apparently, YES, I do need sarcasm lessons.

By the time you’re done sticking around me you’ll find yourself at a ceremony where cap ‘n gown Mickey will be giving you a certificate. Please don’t wear a poncho to the ceremony.

Ponchos, albeit necessary, are frowned upon.

Quoting Beana9802: And as for Louby Wouby...

Louby wouby??? ROTFL

Quoting PrincessV: Sorry, I'm just enjoying the idea of transportation porn...

No need to apologize unless you act on these feelings. In that case apologies would be appropriate as would pictures.

Lou certainly knows how to perv up a place.

Quoting you: My ex-boyfriend used to tell me that he would hold up his index finger any time he was being sarcastic so that I would know.

Great. Now not only do I have to send you my smart a** remarks I have to sit here holding my finger up. Oh well, might as well start now. Guess which one….

Your pinky finger? I am so bad at this.

Quoting you: Yes, let's all laugh at the joke that is Free Dining.

A pet peeve of mine as well. I went one year and the parks were empty so we were taking our time at a leisurely pace. Then halfway through Free Dining kicked in and the parks were packed. There were so many people there you would have thought they were giving away something for free.

Free Dining messed with my favorite time to visit.

Quoting you: I'm in the Government too.

Another reason you only post between 8 AM and 4 PM. I bet if I tried to call you I’d get a busy signal.

Quoting you: Geez, Hucifer. I’ve heard enough of this truck class.

One can never hear enough about a truck class. (Hey Amy…I’m holding my finger up.)

Apparently, there are some readers who are enjoying my Truck Talk.

Quoting you: So this is me: Ooh, look at that tall ceiling! What’s that object over there? Priceless ancient African art? What kind of animal is that? What is it eating? Look how beautiful this woodwork is. Ah, the attention to details is just incredible. I love the music in here, it really adds to the ambience.

And this must have been Jakie: Hmm...big lobby. And there’s a TV over there showing Disney cartoons…like kids aren’t inundated enough with this crap. Yes, Wendy, I see the animals. Big deal. Can we go back inside now? It’s dreadfully hot out here. Where can we sit down? Why did we come early again? And when do we eat?

That’s it. Hot photos and funky name spelling aside she’s off my list. The one thing that upset me most when we joined DVC was (at the time) we wouldn’t be able to stay at AKL anymore. Of course, since it became part of DVC we haven’t gotten back there yet but the place is awesome.

I am still boggled by her ambivalence.

Quoting you: I could only guess that the short person standing next to them was him.

And

Now, Mitchell and the Blind Couple

Taking on midgets and blind people in the same trip report. Have you no shame? And this from a vegetarian no less??

Just telling it like I see it.

Quoting you: they haven’t eaten their way around the World like we have.

We actually did that at this year’s F&W Festival. It was awesome.

One of my favorite hobbies.

Quoting the waiter: “There are zebra domes in the dessert station.”

Ummm….is that like zebra droppings? EW!

Dan used to call them "zebra balls."

Quoting you quoting the waiter in your mind (much like this whole post): I’ll teach YOU to lie about eating fish…

This all would have made much more sense to him if he had known he was dealing with someone who went to the Flying Fish and didn’t order fish.

Hey, that's a good point, Loubie.

Quoting Connie96: I'm sorry, but anyone who doesn't stand in a slack-jawwed stupor upon walking into the awesomeness of the AKL lobby... There is just no hope for a person like that. And I don't think you'd even have to be "into" Disney. It's just frickin' amazing!

You are officially someone who “gets it”.

Quoting PrincessV: With all the budget cuts happening in my neck of the woods, I'm gonna need a new skill set or two.

There’s always transportation porn.

If you can't make it into the Federal Government, that is.


Seriously, Lou. This would be a whole lot easier if you dropped your self-imposed ban and quoted things yourself. Also, I would look a lot less strange doing all this self-quoting and answering.

 

[hucifer]

To you purists out there: yes, I parked in the Epcot parking lot. Happy, pappy? But seriously, even though Boardwalk is a longer walk, it’s a heck of a lot easier to get to your car and hotel at the end of the evening from there. Epcot had extra magic hours that night. So when we started walking toward the entrance and heard Illuminations going off, I knew we still had another 3 hours of magic to go. Not that we were staying all night. I mean, we still had one more morning session of Trucks, Trucks, and More Trucks.

First things first: verify that the line to Soarin’ is at least 2 hours and that the Fastpasses are all spent. Check.

Next: Make sure that the Test Track stand-by line is at least 90 minutes long. Check.

Next: Confirm that Jakie is too prone to motion-sickness to even ride Mission:Space Green: the Wimp Mission. Check.

And finally: Validate that the Imagination, Living Seas, and Universe of Energy Pavilions are closed for the night. Check, check, and check.

So what’s left? Spaceship Earth. That’s why we came all the way out here tonight. So we Time Travelers board our Time Machine Vehicles and experience our only thrill of the evening. Hardly seemed worth the use of the free tickets. Now, in the beginning of this time traveling experience, we get our picture taken. I already knew this would happen, so I mentally prepared myself for it. Then it came…one, two, three, CLICK.

In the spirit of Dan…well…I had to. I had to honor Dan’s legacy. I thrust my finger way waaaaay up my nose for the picture and made a Bill the Cat face. (Okay, so I improvised with the Bill the Cat expression….had to make to “make it my own” as they say on American Idol.) So when it was time to view the video with your face on it, let’s just say it made one amusing movie. But I was laughing so hard and the video clips were so short, I had a heck of a time trying to get a picture of my face. By the time the red-eye eliminator finished, the screen with my face ended and the picture I got was of nothing. I even tried to take the picture off that big screen when we got off the ride. Still couldn’t get a good shot. Still couldn’t stop giggling about it. I really thought my picture was HIGH-larious.

If the picture actually turned out well, you would see a less serious side of Hucifer.

One of my finer moments captured in film.
Hey, look, I'm not the only one not taking this ride seriously.​

With all that giggling I was pretty spent by then. So we elbowed our way through the crowd and back to our beds to dream about our last day of Transportation…



Coming up: Day 5: Mommy, Look at the Freaky Lady By Herself

 

[GreatBiscuit]

Sorry to hear EMH was a bust. You should have ridden Malestrom. Anyway, I'm glad you only have to endure one more day of truckingly good fun. Looking forward to the true solo adventure! (I really hate that the photo didn't turn out.)

 

[mmeb144]

What!? Not only is Maelstrom a Fastpass, but it's also an EMH ride? No way!

Keep up the good work Hucifer! It's important to get some sleep before attending an important class like "Transportation: It's not just for Breakfast anymore".

 

[Normangirls]

Mommy, Look at the Freaky Lady By Herself

Yeah, freaky like a fox!!!!

(That sounded much more clever and cool in my head.)

Please say it isn't so -- the end of truck school? First GreatBiscuit is done with his TR, and now this? I just can't take it.

 

[NMAmy]

One can never hear enough about a truck class. (Hey Amy…I’m holding my finger up.)

Thank you, Lou! I need all the help I can get.

Dan used to call them "zebra balls."

I'm calling them this from now on.

Seriously, Lou. This would be a whole lot easier if you dropped your self-imposed ban and quoted things yourself. Also, I would look a lot less strange doing all this self-quoting and answering.

I'm actually kind of enjoying it.

I mean, we still had one more morning session of Trucks, Trucks, and More Trucks.

Hooray! I'm ready for poor hucifer to get to do some Disney.

Next: Confirm that Jakie is too prone to motion-sickness to even ride Mission:Space Green: the Wimp Mission. Check.

I will only ride the Wimp Mission. I believe they call it the Orange side because of what they clean up off the floor after everyone spews. Although I'm not liking where I'm headed if I continue my analogy over to the Green side now that I think about it.

One of my finer moments captured in film.
Hey, look, I'm not the only one not taking this ride seriously.[/CENTER]

You've done your family proud with that one, ma'am.

 

[PrincessV]

There’s always transportation porn.

Excellent point... we do have high-speed rail on the radar down here.

If you can't make it into the Federal Government, that is.

True. Think my FBI file from high school will hold me back? I swear, it was only a donation to Greenpeace!

To you purists out there: yes, I parked in the Epcot parking lot. Happy, pappy?

Yup!

In the spirit of Dan…well…I had to. I had to honor Dan’s legacy. I thrust my finger way waaaaay up my nose for the picture and made a Bill the Cat face

Excellent! I really need to spend some time viewing other passengers' photos post-ride; who knew such artistry could be found?!

With all that giggling I was pretty spent by then. So we elbowed our way through the crowd and back to our beds to dream about our last day of Transportation…

That's IT?!?!

 

[NMAmy]

Oh, where, oh, where is hucifer?

While I was waiting for you, I went back and read Peter Panic Attack's trip report. Thanks for the recommendation--it's hilarious! I know why I missed it the first time, though. He scared me off with all those references to a previous unfinished trip report.

 

[hucifer]

Sorry to hear EMH was a bust. You should have ridden Malestrom. Anyway, I'm glad you only have to endure one more day of truckingly good fun. Looking forward to the true solo adventure! (I really hate that the photo didn't turn out.)

The way the lines were that night, I doubt we would have made it. The last day of trucking has finally come!

Keep up the good work Hucifer! It's important to get some sleep before attending an important class like "Transportation: It's not just for Breakfast anymore".

Thanks! This night was our "late night." It isn't late for the Great Biscuit clan, but it was definitely late for me.

Yeah, freaky like a fox!!!!

(That sounded much more clever and cool in my head.)

Please say it isn't so -- the end of truck school? First GreatBiscuit is done with his TR, and now this? I just can't take it.

It's okay, Normangirls. You'll always be clever and cool in MY world.
To everyone else: Read her TR! It's hilarious!
Ah, the fun is just beginning.

I'm calling them this from now on.

You really should. It's your own personal homage to a silly man named Dan.

I'm actually kind of enjoying it.

I'm happy to oblige, ma'am. This really is a bizarre situation.

Hooray! I'm ready for poor hucifer to get to do some Disney.

So am I. We are soooooooo close.

I will only ride the Wimp Mission. I believe they call it the Orange side because of what they clean up off the floor after everyone spews. Although I'm not liking where I'm headed if I continue my analogy over to the Green side now that I think about it.

You know, I don't remember spewing after the ride...Hmm...maybe I was so disoriented from all the spinning that I forgot.

You've done your family proud with that one, ma'am.

Just trying to honor the family. Glad I'm successful.

True. Think my FBI file from high school will hold me back? I swear, it was only a donation to Greenpeace!

No worries. You should see the folks that are employed here. You'll fit right in.

Excellent! I really need to spend some time viewing other passengers' photos post-ride; who knew such artistry could be found?!

If it weren't for LaLa (who posted on the first page and then disappeared forever, much like DisUnc), I never would have known about this snazzy little trick back in the day.

That's IT?!?!

For today, yes. But there is much, much more to go...

Oh, where, oh, where is hucifer?

While I was waiting for you, I went back and read Peter Panic Attack's trip report. Thanks for the recommendation--it's hilarious! I know why I missed it the first time, though. He scared me off with all those references to a previous unfinished trip report.

I'm here! I'm sorry! Been away for a few days.

Isn't Peter Panic Attack like the funniest guy EVER? I just adore his smart-buttness, it's so witty and ironic and awesome. *sigh* What a man.

 

[hucifer]

Part 1. My last day in Hell

“Up and at ‘em pal! Oh boy, are we glad you’re here. Big doings going on, so let’s get started. See you real soon…ha ha!”

I tease. I didn’t get a Mickey wakeup this morning. I just wrote that to see what it felt like…and you know what? It felt…nice. Like the way life is supposed to be.

But life isn’t like that anymore. It’s cold. It’s cruel. It’s this:

“Voices in my head tell me they know best
Gotta keep me on the edge
They’re pushin’, pushin’, they’re pushin’…”

Click.

Yes. Another badly recorded, garbled mess of a tween crap song to wake me up. Just a friendly reminder in your first waking moments that you’re completely in Disney’s icy cold marketing grips. The wakeup calls used to be about the parks. Now it’s about their whole empire. I’m a prisoner here. Send help.

Well, if that stupid little ditty didn’t wake me up, this certainly did:

FLUSHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

I swear the Port Orleans plumbing department must think that their guests leave colossal-sized turds (kind of like that last Indiana Jones movie), and that nothing but a violent vortex of air and water will be able to eliminate it. Sometimes I think that I will go with it…that the air current going down is so strong, it will suck me away like a broken window in a pressurized airplane. Or at the very least, pull my innards from a certain orifice so that they become outtards.

But I digress.

Listen, I know you want to hear all about my bathroom experiences, but I have my last day of Transportation class to talk about. Unfortunately, it’s only a half-day of Trucking, so I will try to squeeze out every last drop of memory I have about that day in order to preserve it as much as possible. Art Vandalay would have wanted it this way.

Jakie and I walk down to the rental car. This will be my last day driving it. Not that I’m sad, but I must admit that avoiding the whole Disney bus system can be wonderful…no lines, no loud chatter, no worries about missing it, no endless waiting for folks to embark…you know, the whole gamut. But it has to be said that it’s only wonderful as long as you know where you’re going and how to get there.

I step on the brake and turn on the wipers and Jakie laughs at me. Why? You ask. That’s a good question. Let’s go back in time…about 4 days ago…back when Jakie and I first stepped into our hot silver rental car…

[insert harp music and clouds and the sound of a tape getting rewound]

Suitcases are safely tucked inside the car, we climb in – I, behind the wheel and Jakie, right beside me. I turn the ignition and the car starts up.

“Well Jakie, we’re finally here. I can’t wait to get to our resort so we can check in and have a delicious lunch before we hit the parks.”

“Yes, Hucifer. Surely between these detailed maps and instructions you printed and my superior navigational skills, we should tackle those things in no time.”

“And once we hit property, you can count on me to get us anywhere. With all the signs and my countless trips to Disney, surely we’ll never get lost.”

“That little gnat outside really liked me.”

“Good thing it’s still outside.”

[Laughter]

“I guess we’re ready then, Jakie. Are you ready? Here we go…”

[Step on brake, grab wiper control stick, and watch wiper blades sweep across windshield. Jakie laughs.]

“Uhh…I guess I’m used to having the gear shift on the dashboard. Ha ha. I’m sure that won’t happen again.”

[insert harp music and clouds and the sound of a tape getting fast forwarded]

“Well Jakie, I got my groceries and you got your cortisol. Let’s begin our Disney adventure!”

[Step on brake, grab wiper control stick, and watch wiper blades sweep across windshield. Jakie laughs.]

[insert harp music and clouds and the sound of a tape getting fast forwarded]

“Well, Jakie. Now that we finally got our rooms, let’s go get our park tickets!”

[Step on brake, grab wiper control stick, and watch wiper blades sweep across windshield. Jakie laughs.]

…and so on. I think you get the idea.

So, even on my last day of driving the car, I’m STILL grabbing the wipers by mistake. Call me a creature of habit, I suppose.

The first thing I noticed about the Truck class was that our once-awesome, better-than-typical continental breakfast had turned into a sham. Nothing hot was out today; just some pastries and fruit…I guess what you would consider a true continental breakfast. But since we were fed like gods this week, I got used to it. So, like a drug pusher who first gets you hooked before taking away the goods, Art Vandalay and his minion proved that we can get addicted to free fine dining, as well, and even consider it an entitlement.

I made the same exact mistake on the last day that I made on the first: I assumed that today would be a blow-off day, especially considering it was the last day, and only a half one at that. How wrong I was. Art Vandalay goes right into lecture at the start of class. I’m all, You’re kidding, right?

And he’s all, Uh, no.

And then it wasn’t long before he’s talking about our last group project and the fact that we’ll – yes – be breaking up into groups for the last time and give our last presentation to the class. So more work, in other words. Dang, with all this work I did this week, I’m surprised my head didn’t explode. No one should be expected to work so much in the Kingdom of Mickey.

Our last group project is that we’re supposed to create and market the Ultimate Transportation Vehicle. Art said that the possibilities were endless, and to really stretch our imaginations with this one. He wasn’t kidding about the stretch part. Once we put our heads together, we really stretched something. Our truck was Optimus Prime: ultimate delivery vehicle by day, crime-fighting Transporter by night. It had tires that never deflate, removable sides for easier loading and unloading capabilities, short-range optic blasts, and a palm-mounted projector with deployable hydro-foils. This truck was suh-weet. I’m not really sure about its real-world potential or applicability, but may as well make this project a fun one.

I volunteered to give the presentation. I really thought that I could sell Optimus Prime to our potential investors and future voters. When it was our turn to present, I opened with, “Gentlemen, what do you look for when considering an Ultimate Transportation Vehicle? A vehicle with removable skin? Retractable arms, perhaps? One that fights crime and keeps our streets safe? Gentlemen, I bring you…” (flips butcher paper over) “Optimus Prime. Not only will OP guarantee you on-time delivery and 100% accuracy, but this truck also has long-range missiles and holographic map projections to ward off evil.”

Oh sure, some had scoffed. One of the teachers even questioned its realism. But when we pointed out that the very premise of our project was that our boundaries were limitless, he backed down. I really pushed our vehicle hard to the rest of the class. I concluded with: “And in closing sirs, ladies and gentlemen, prospective buyers…I urge you to look into your hearts and reach into your jars for that green marble. Do what’s right. Please, let’s keep Optimus Prime alive. Thank you.”

I sat down. That little speech got a few chuckles, but the real test was to see if my team would finally win something. Once all the presentations were given, we filed back into the classroom and awaited the results.

“It was close,” Art said. “In fact, it was very close. Every teams was dead even and the winning team won by only one marble.”

Which meant every other team had the same exact strategy as me.

“The winner is…”

Wait for it…wait…

“Team Red.”

WHAT??? After that brilliant, Academy Award-winning speech I just gave? Serenity now!

That’s it. I give up on this stupid class.

Which led us to the final exam. Now, it wasn’t a written, timed, stressful exam that you all know and love from high school. This was Art standing at the podium, asking us questions, and throwing ping pong balls out at the person who gave the correct answer first. The questions are flying, and those nutty students are shouting out the correct answers like they were anticipating the question, and Art is whipping those balls out at the crowd like a ball shooter. No balls, of course, were thrown at me or Jakie. Until…

“What is the name of the Sci Fi restaurant at Disney Hollywood Studios?”

Aww…Artie threw me a softball. And I swung. Hard.

“Sci Fi Dine-In Theatre!” I blurted.

“That’s right,” Art said, and tossed a ping pong ball at me.

Well, duh. What else ya got, Arthur? Ask me ANYTHING. About Disney, that is.

Nothing, apparently. That was the last question in his final exam. Hey, at least I got one right. But poor Jakie…not only was she without clue when it came to transportation, she was even more clueless when it came to Disney trivia. Poor, sweet child. Good thing she had an amazing tour guide to make up for it.

So Art asks us to count our ping pong balls. Let’s see…one, two… I have two. People were shouting, “I have 29!” “I have 32!” “I have 25!” And I’m all, I have two! Good thing I started censoring myself earlier in the week because that would have been embarrassing to say out loud. Art says that the highest number of balls got prizes. Needless to say, the lowest number of balls did not receive a prize. Eh, I didn’t care. I just wanted to get out into that glorious sunshine and feel the warmth of Disney envelope my body. And oh yeah, that certificate would be nice…some sort of verification that I took this silly class and actually showed up for it, despite the fact that Disney World was right outside. That in itself deserves some kind of award or something.

After certificates were handed out, we were given the All Clear to vacate. Funny enough, Jakie and I stuck around. No, not for the two-and-a-half-hour truck talk…tee hee, you make me laugh, silly reader. There’s only one reason I would stay…for the free lunch.

I mean, seriously…what other possible reason would I stay?


Here are some random pictures I took throughout the week in Hell:

Did I post this one before? I can't remember. Oh well, this place is so pretty, I have to share it with you again. This is the hallway of the convention center, on the way to the pretty bathrooms.

Ooh yeah, Art. Talk sexy to me. Delivery frequency optimization solutions do it for me every time.​

That's good to know. Cuz I got a whole lotta guilt for making work send me here to "learn."

A hidden Mickey in the carpet under my feet while listening to Art drone on and on.

A hidden Mickey in the carpet on the way to the pretty bathrooms.​

Coming up: Part 2. Marvin K Mooney's grand exit

 

[hucifer]

Just ignore the crazy woman talking to herself, folks...

Quoting you: Seriously, Lou. This would be a whole lot easier if you dropped your self-imposed ban and quoted things yourself. Also, I would look a lot less strange doing all this self-quoting and answering.

You should know by now I have little interest in making things easier on you and absolutely no interest in making you look a lot less strange. I’m just surprised you haven’t changed any of my comments yet to get back at me. (Oh crap, did I say that out loud……..?)

Don't give yourself so much credit. I've already thought about it...and did it.
(Now you'll be scrambling to see what I could have possibly changed.)

Quoting you: Lou certainly knows how to perv up a place.

We each have our place in life. Who else do you know who can take a Jeopardy category and turn it into a smut fest?

No one does it like you, I must admit.

Quoting you: Apparently, there are some readers who are enjoying my Truck Talk.

Talk like that will keep you on page 3.

You're right. That's why I'm done talking about it.

Quoting you: I am still boggled by her ambivalence.

I think you mean you were confused by her disinterest but now you’re going all “technical writer” on me and trying to confuse me with big words.

Sorry. I'll dumb it down. It must be yet another reason I keep ending up on page 3.

Quoting you: One of my favorite hobbies.

Without people seeing the exact place this is quoted from I’ll just sit here and pretend it was in response to the transportation porn comment.

Quoting you: So when we started walking toward the entrance and heard Illuminations going off…..

WHOA! STOP RIGHT THERE! YOU DID WHAT???? When Illuminations starts you stop right where you are (unless you’re trying to get a better view). It doesn’t matter how many times you have seen it on this trip or any other trip. And to pass it up for EMH which are anything but EM? It’s Heresy, or Blasphemy or Ambivalence or something like that.

Okay, Mr. Observant...we were going INTO Epcot. We were walking TOWARD Illuminations. I didn't have the power to teleport myself to the lagoon at the time and therefore missed the show.

Quoting you: I thrust my finger way waaaaay up my nose for the picture and made a Bill the Cat face.

ACK!! (Okay a Bill the Cat reference gets you off the Illuminations S list.)

I shouldn't even be ON the Illuminations S list!

Quoting you: I even tried to take the picture off that big screen when we got off the ride.

Amazingly, I think we all have a very clear mental picture so it’s all good. Um, er, yeah.

Just doing my part to ensure my place...safely on page 3 of the TR board.

Had I been in Transportation class with you I so would have gotten you to raise your hand and ask, “Excuse me Art? Why did they change the name of the Wedway People Mover to the Tomorrowland Transportation System?” Hey, it’s a Transportation class and that’s a Transportation question!?! All the while I would have had on my Tom Morrow name tag as well (although Jakie would probably have thought that was my real name). You might have even been able to get her to have me paged.


Lou

You couldn't have texted me that beauty of a question while I was there? And what's the answer?

 

[PrincessV]

So, like a drug pusher who first gets you hooked before taking away the goods, Art Vandalay and his minion proved that we can get addicted to free fine dining, as well, and even consider it an entitlement.

For some reason, this really cracked me up.

“What is the name of the Sci Fi restaurant at Disney Hollywood Studios?”

Aww…Artie threw me a softball. And I swung. Hard.

“Sci Fi Drive-In Theatre!” I blurted

.
Hooray!

But poor Jakie…not only was she without clue when it came to transportation, she was even more clueless when it came to Disney trivia. Poor, sweet child. Good thing she had an amazing tour guide to make up for it.

Wait - would this be the guide who thinks the windshield wiper wand is the gear shift? Just sayin'.

And oh yeah, that certificate would be nice…some sort of verification that I took this silly class and actually showed up for it, despite the fact that Disney World was right outside. That in itself deserves some kind of award or something.

I'm thinking an award in the form of a Mickey-ear balloon.

Ooh yeah, Art. Talk sexy to me. Delivery frequency optimization solutions do it for me every time.

Hmm. Are you sure this wasn't really a class on transportation porn?

Coming up: Part 2. Let the vacation begin

 

[hucifer]

For some reason, this really cracked me up.

Cuz it's true.

Hooray!

It's like the question was just for me. Because the other nutballs didn't even try to answer it...not that they knew the answer or anything. Weirdos.

Wait - would this be the guide who thinks the windshield wiper wand is the gear shift? Just sayin'.

That was low. Real low.

I'm thinking an award in the form of a Mickey-ear balloon.

I like the way you think! Except for that last comment.

Hmm. Are you sure this wasn't really a class on transportation porn?

Don't get Loubon started.

Tell me about it! We're finally there!

 

[NMAmy]

“Up and at ‘em pal! Oh boy, are we glad you’re here. Big doings going on, so let’s get started. See you real soon…ha ha!”

I tease.

Rats. For a minute there, I was believing you again. Stupid sarcasm.

Listen, I know you want to hear all about my bathroom experiences, but I have my last day of Transportation class to talk about.

That's exactly why I read your trip reports--to hear about your bathroom experiences.

Our truck was Optimus Prime: ultimate delivery vehicle by day, crime-fighting Transporter by night. It had tires that never deflate, removable sides for easier loading and unloading capabilities, short-range optic blasts, and a palm-mounted projector with deployable hydro-foils. This truck was suh-weet. I’m not really sure about its real-world potential or applicability, but may as well make this project a fun one.

Disney should have offered you jobs on the spot as Imagineers. This is genius.

“The winner is…”

Wait for it…wait…

“Team Red.”

What on earth was better than a crime fighting delivery vehicle??

“What is the name of the Sci Fi restaurant at Disney Hollywood Studios?”

Aww…Artie threw me a softball. And I swung. Hard.

“Sci Fi Drive-In Theatre!” I blurted.

“That’s right,” Art said, and tossed a ping pong ball at me.

Actually, Art, that's WRONG!! Epic fail, my friend. It is the Sci-Fi DINE-in Theater. Go ahead, look it up. I'll wait. See? I hope you're mailing your misbegotten ping pong ball back to Art Vandalay and hanging your head in shame. Oh, the humanity.

Well, duh. What else ya got, Arthur? Ask me ANYTHING. About Disney, that is..

Except, apparently, any questions about the Sci-Fi DINE-in Theater.

Poor, sweet child. Good thing she had an amazing tour guide to make up for it.

I'm kind of doubting that now. Actually, I'll give you an out. I'm SURE that this was just a typo and in class, you actually said the right name.

Did I post this one before? I can't remember. Oh well, this place is so pretty, I have to share it with you again. This is the hallway of the convention center, on the way to the pretty bathrooms.​

That's not hell! I'm going to be there in 23 days and I'm going to track down that fancy bathroom! I may even take a picture and write a trip report about it.​

 

[hucifer]

Rats. For a minute there, I was believing you again. Stupid sarcasm.

I wasn't even holding up my finger. Very good!

That's exactly why I read your trip reports--to hear about your bathroom experiences.

Ooh, I see you're really good at dishing OUT the sarcasm.

Disney should have offered you jobs on the spot as Imagineers. This is genius.

Thank you. I am apparently doing the wrong job.

What on earth was better than a crime fighting delivery vehicle??

Apparently, that's the way the whole marble thing worked out. I thought that my speech was going to nail the win for us. I even promised the team that.

Actually, Art, that's WRONG!! Epic fail, my friend. It is the Sci-Fi DINE-in Theater. Go ahead, look it up. I'll wait. See? I hope you're mailing your misbegotten ping pong ball back to Art Vandalay and hanging your head in shame. Oh, the humanity.

DOH!
I don't need to look it up, Amy. I trust you, my friend.

Except, apparently, any questions about the Sci-Fi DINE-in Theater.

I have shamed you all.

I'm kind of doubting that now. Actually, I'll give you an out. I'm SURE that this was just a typo and in class, you actually said the right name.

No. Not that it mattered in a classroom full of Disney heretics.

I'm going to be there in 23 days and I'm going to track down that fancy bathroom! I may even take a picture and write a trip report about it.

I can't wait to read about it! I hope I didn't build it up too much.


As you're walking down the hall, try not to get all excited as you think, "Gosh, just seven short months ago, Wendy was RIGHT here, walking the halls, shivering in her poncho, snapping pictures, and getting arrested."

 

[A-Jay]

Well, if that stupid little ditty didn’t wake me up, this certainly did:

FLUSHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

I swear the Port Orleans plumbing department must think that their guests leave colossal-sized turds (kind of like that last Indiana Jones movie), and that nothing but a violent vortex of air and water will be able to eliminate it. Sometimes I think that I will go with it…that the air current going down is so strong, it will suck me away like a broken window in a pressurized airplane. Or at the very least, pull my innards from a certain orifice so that they become outtards.

Who needs a wake up call from Mickey, when your neighbor for the week is regular? and an early riser....At least, this was the question I asked myself every morning at 7:00 a.m. during my recent stay at POR.....However at one point during my visit, I had the privilege of visiting a facility at the Yacht and Beach Club Resort....Talk about impressive! One push of the lever would create the the force and swirling action of an F6 tornado! I do believe the stall door was nearly sucked off of the hinges!

Enough potty talk. Great trip report! Can't wait to read more

 

[Normangirls]

No one should be expected to work so much in the Kingdom of Mickey.

Except the cast members.


…some sort of verification that I took this silly class and actually showed up for it, despite the fact that Disney World was right outside. That in itself deserves some kind of award or something.

That in itself deserves a freaking Nobel prize.

Goodbye, lovely trucking school!

 

[hucifer]

Goodbye, lovely trucking school!

I know. Let's all bow our heads in respect for the Truck class.
And you make some excellent points in your quoted block.

Who needs a wake up call from Mickey, when your neighbor for the week is regular? and an early riser....At least, this was the question I asked myself every morning at 7:00 a.m. during my recent stay at POR.....However at one point during my visit, I had the privilege of visiting a facility at the Yacht and Beach Club Resort....Talk about impressive! One push of the lever would create the the force and swirling action of an F6 tornado! I do believe the stall door was nearly sucked off of the hinges!

Enough potty talk. Great trip report! Can't wait to read more

Hello again, A-J. May I call you A-J for short?

Yes, Disney toilets are built with one thing in mind: to ensure nothing escapes its swirling vortex of doom. And if Disney's going to lose a few guests along the way, well that's just the tiny sacrifices we'll have to make.