Hucifer does the solo thing sort of. Alone and going home, 9/21

[norybell]

What a total perv! You should have received a free meal AND a hand/paw-written apology for molesting you.

BTW, did you enjoy that?

Oh...there are just so many naughty places I could take this! It's overwhelming! I can't decide!

I guess I'll err on the side of tameness (I know I know LAME) and just say no: I didn't enjoy that. Now if it'd been Eeeyore, with his sensitive brooding, or Tigger, with his bad-boy ways...

I am riveting. People stare at me because I am so riveting.

Wow. I feel awesome now. Thanks, sis.

Totally what I'm here for.

Ooh, Crystal Palace makes the yummiest breakfasts! And the Breakfast Lasagna is worth the price of two Mickey balloons.

A comment that isn't remotely trying to be funny: have you been there for lunch? I can't fit a breakfast in there, but I could do a lunch on my last day...

More surprising was the fact that she was facing the toilet like a man.

I totally had this moment yesterday when I was in a stall in a public restroom, and I turned around to face the toilet and flush it with my foot, so I wouldn't have to touch the lever. And there was a split second, when I put my foot down, when I thought: if hucifer were in the stall next door she just might think that I was some bizarre person who faces the toilet when she pees! So I guess my question is (not to dwell on this or anything): was the woman standing that way for long?

Did you know that if you click on the number of replies to your thread, you can see a list of everyone who has posted to your thread, then click on their number of posts and get a list of all of their posts to your thread? --- just a little DIS 101.

THAT IS SO AWESOME TO KNOW!!! Thank you, WDWisOurHappyPlace!

I kind of had to do a search, since all of the Hucifer scrapbook pictures and newspaper articles on the walls of my Hucifer shrine-room are in such a chaotic and random order. (Think "Silence of the Lambs" or just about any "Law and Order" episode.)

 

[hucifer]

This always peeves me off too. (And it would peeve me worse if they said I was the prettiest woman EVER, but you know what I mean.) I've gotten over saying things in my head in response to this, and have begun to say, "you're welcome" in response to the void where "thank you" was supposed to have been.

Yep, occasionally I mumble a "You're welcome" under my breath too.

I remember him -- even though that chapter was I don't know how long ago.

Yeah, yeah, I know. I take forever to write trip reports.

Ooooo! Seinfeld reference #1!

Actually, that was Seinfeld reference #2. The first one was "Top of the muffin to ya!"

And, BTW, you've missed several Seinfeld references smattered in the last few updates. Unless you caught them and didn't mention it.

And you call yourself a Seinfeld fan.

That's one of my top 10, all-time favorite jokes. Never gets old.

Good. Cuz *spoiler alert* I use that again later on.

I had completely forgotten about that incident from waaaay back in the TR. We Hucifer fans refer to that portion of the TR as "the Jakie years".

Good times. We were so young then.

I kind of had to do a search, since all of the Hucifer scrapbook pictures and newspaper articles on the walls of my Hucifer shrine-room are in such a chaotic and random order. (Think "Silence of the Lambs" or just about any "Law and Order" episode.)

You are the best stalker EVER! I love you, man!

Oh...there are just so many naughty places I could take this! It's overwhelming! I can't decide!

That's my girl.

I guess I'll err on the side of tameness

What?

I didn't enjoy that. Now if it'd been Eeeyore, with his sensitive brooding, or Tigger, with his bad-boy ways...

I've always been partial to Eeyore. Something about his loner, near-suicidal emotional conflict that he struggles with always struck my fancy.

Totally what I'm here for.

Glad you got my back.

A comment that isn't remotely trying to be funny: have you been there for lunch? I can't fit a breakfast in there, but I could do a lunch on my last day...

Never for lunch. In fact, when I came here with Jakie waaaaaaay back in the beginning of this TR, it was my first non-breakfast meal here. But I must say that the dinner was excellent! So I'm guessing that they can't really screw up lunch.

I totally had this moment yesterday when I was in a stall in a public restroom, and I turned around to face the toilet and flush it with my foot, so I wouldn't have to touch the lever. And there was a split second, when I put my foot down, when I thought: if hucifer were in the stall next door she just might think that I was some bizarre person who faces the toilet when she pees! So I guess my question is (not to dwell on this or anything): was the woman standing that way for long?

Okay, I'm a foot-flusher too. I also face the toilet to put paper down on it before each use. I'm telling you, this was nothing like that. She stood there all immobile-like. It was awfully strange.

 

[hucifer]

It is drizzling on and off this morning, so the poncho in my shopping bag is coming out and going back in. As I reach into the bag to grab it, I see that the Disney bag is leaving blue ink on my white shorts. Whose bright idea was it to wear white shorts at Disney World? Oh right, I can’t blame anyone else because there IS no one else to blame on a solo trip. I don my ponchoed head as I consult the touring plan for my first attraction.

Ride Space Mountain in Tomorrowland, the guide says.

Err…it’s closed. Next.

Ride Buzz Lightyear. Okay. Good idea. I had to skip it on our first day, so I was all set to score a big…

…14,000? I so suck at point-and-shoot attractions. Now YANKING attractions on the other hand…apparently that’s my forte.

What else did I do this morning? Honestly, I have no freaking clue. I checked my notes and they are uncharacteristically reticent. So I’ll have to fill in the blanks with things that I may have done but didn’t write down. Or remember.

…Like riding Buzz Lightyear three times in a row, and each time hitting 999,999 points. They post my picture (which turns out amazingly awesome…I look gorgeous and thin) and permanently hang it on the wall with a Space Hero Hucifer plaque under it.

…Or Disney opening up Space Mountain just for me and letting me ride the newly designed attraction all by myself. No wait, they ask Will Smith to join me. We ride for two hours in the dark.

…On Carousel of Progress they ask me to get on stage and act out each scene as if I were written into it. At the end of each segment, the audience gives a standing ovation. Will Smith brings me a bouquet of red roses.

…Or getting stuck on TTA at one of the dark parts with nothing to do but sit and wait with my riding partner, who happens to be Will Smith.

…Or being coerced into laying on Sonny Eclipse’s piano in a sparkly evening gown and singing a duet of Planetary Boogie with Sonny while folks are dining on their hamburgers and chicken. I’m so good, everyone stops eating just to listen and watch my breathtaking performance. After a set, Sonny presents me with a Most Excellent Singer Ever award and I get a kiss on the left cheek by Mickey. Will Smith kisses my right.

And that’s just Tomorrowland. Think of the possibilities in the other lands. Wow, this trip report is really getting good. Hooray for crappy note taking!


Anyway, I’m in Tomorrowland. A cast member was standing under the Laugh Floor standby sign, which said 999 minutes. I pointed up. “That’s a long wait,” I said to him.

“It’s a popular attraction,” he said.

I decide that’s too long of a wait. Unofficial Guide tells me to come back later, anyway.

I work my way over to Peter Pan, the beloved attraction from my childhood. I am FINALLY seeing a short standby line and it’s practically a walk-on. In the middle of summer. Gosh I sure love my touring plans.

After Peter, I work my way to Splash Mountain. It tells me to get a FastPass if the line is short, but the standby line is short enough to do both. I like this attraction very much, but I cannot stand the smell of those boats. I feel so icky getting inside something that smells like a mildewed dishrag. Like I’m unclean. Like I need to disinfect myself after getting out. Fortunately, I’m covered in a poncho and little water splashes into the nasty boat, so no big water dump. I’m happy about that.

Well, the Brazilian tour groups followed me over here today. They are massive, ubiquitous, and do not split up when getting into attraction lines. So if you’re the timely tourist who sneaks in line before they do, consider yourself lucky. Otherwise, you’re like me on Dinosaur.

Sadly, instead of seeing Will Smith, I saw lots of this.​

The lines are still not bad because it’s before lunchtime. I am able to hop into the Jungle Cruise line while it was still 20 minutes. By this time I realize that my once-perpetual smile has disappeared. When I first got here, when I first experienced the solo park time, I was unbelievably happy. It was strange to see so many people smiling at me for no reason, only to find out that I was smiling all along. To be so happy that you’re unaware that you’re smiling…well, that’s pretty cool.

But this morning, a blue funk kind of fell over me and carried with me inside the parks. Now I felt like I was just going through the motions without any of the enthusiasm that goes with it. I was missing my family so much that it was starting to show on my face. I just wanted to squeeze Patrick, kiss his face, and sniff his head. I majorly missed Dan’s potty humor and uncomfortably long hugs.

I get into the Jungle Cruise boat and plop down. It is about midway through the ride when I notice the six-year-old boy sitting across from me. His eyes are wide, his mouth is open, and his eyebrows are up as if in a permanent Wow! What is that? expression. He is clearly amazed and in awe of this silly little boat ride and all it had to offer. I stop listening to the captain and just focus on the boy. Whenever something mildly interesting happens (like the elephant squirting water at the boat), he would turn to his mother and give her a Did you see that? look. It is incredibly sweet. I haven’t seen this kind of wide-eyed wonder and amazement in a child’s eyes in a long time. Maybe I haven’t been looking for it before, but I just don’t see it. Until today. It’s what parents dream how they’re children will react to the place…at least, it’s how I envision my own child to be. The wonder never leaves his face for the entire boat ride.

As we disembark, I ask his parents, “Is it his first time here?”

“Yes, he’s really taking it all in,” his mother says.

“Such a sweet little boy you have there,” I say. The parents smile, thank me, and go on their way. But part of me wants to follow them all around the park. I want to see Disney through his eyes now.

But the stalker in me just doesn’t feel like getting arrested today, so I consult The Guide for my next activity. It recommends the Swiss Family Treehouse. Want to hear something strange? No? Too bad. I’ve been to the Magic Kingdom dozens of times, but I’ve never hit this attraction before. At least, I don’t remember ever doing it. And since I didn’t have too many drug- or alcohol-induced stupors in my college days, I don’t think I blocked it out or anything. So I say, “What the heck?” to the stranger next to me and jump in line to explore it.

I didn’t expect much. Which is good because it sucked. But what got me was that the line for this puppy was HUGE. Now, the park is getting busier by now. But my god…how busy does a park have to be that people would actually wait in line for this? Unless they accidentally got in line by mistake (and as you know, once you start there is no wait out except to go through it). Or, if you are like me, and are just generally curious about it. But if you know what it is all about, why spend a hot, humid day walking through this handicap-inaccessible tourist trap?

So there’s twenty minutes of my life I’ll never get back. Thanks a lot, you Swiss Family turds.



Coming up: Part 3. Blue shorts and a blue funk

 

[NMAmy]

Thanks for dragging me back over! It's going to take me a while to catch up, I think.

After the show, all that scolding and projectile pooping make me want to hit the restrooms.

Would you like to talk about your childhood now, hucifer?

You would think I’d be used to going to the bathroom alone by now.

Eh, my "baby" is almost 20 and I'm still not used to going to the bathroom alone. Of course, she's a girl. When the Peanut is that age, I'm sure you'll have been heading off to the ladies room on your own for some time.

So why she is standing right in front of the toilet is beyond me. Unless she’s perfected the stand-up pee. If that’s the case, I commend her. That would be an excellent and incredibly handy talent to have.

I am incredibly impressed if that is indeed what she was doing. And, in my mind, it has to be because I am blanking on any possible alternative.

(Yes, these are the sort of things I write about in my trip report. Yes, you’re sorry you opened this thing.)

HA! It's the one thing I love best in your trip reports. That and the sarcasm. And the snarkiness. Okay, it's one of the three things I love best about your trip reports.

She wasn’t on his shoulders more than four seconds before she looked down at her daddy, pointed to the ground, and said, “Down, Daddy!” I don’t think he wanted to do it, but she was resilient. She kept demanded to be put down until he did it. With her feet firmly back on the ground, she goes back to her Frankenstein walk, refusing to take her daddy’s hand. He basically had to grab it without her permission because she was pretty unstable without it. Such a fiercely independent little girl.

Ah, the infamous "do it myself" phase! I'm glad you slowed down to enjoy it.

After getting a FastPass for Kilimanjaro Safari, I decide to hit the Pangani Forest Exploration Trail. I don’t think I’ve ever done this trail before, actually.

Isn't that the one with the bats? I could have sworn we mocked the...ummm...equipment of the bats in one of your trip reports. I try to walk through that bat place as quickly as possible. I'm like Dash--just a blur.

. Feeling like a hungry cat standing over a fish-filled aquarium, I plop lots of food on my plate in delight. I may have purred. I don’t remember.

Kind of a disturbing image coming from a vegetarian. Are you sure you didn't feel like a lion with a herd of zebra rushing by?

I take the plate back to my table and Oh my god this second plate was as good as the first. Could it be…? Is it true…? Is this now my favorite restaurant in Disney World?

All signs point to yes.

I haven't been to Tusker House since it changed to a TS. I think we'll have to give it a try now!

 

[estherhead]

I didn’t expect much. Which is good because it sucked. But what got me was that the line for this puppy was HUGE. Now, the park is getting busier by now. But my god…how busy does a park have to be that people would actually wait in line for this? Unless they accidentally got in line by mistake (and as you know, once you start there is no wait out except to go through it). Or, if you are like me, and are just generally curious about it. But if you know what it is all about, why spend a hot, humid day walking through this handicap-inaccessible tourist trap?

So there’s twenty minutes of my life I’ll never get back. Thanks a lot, you Swiss Family turds.

So let me tell you about Walt and the Swiss Family Robinson and this island they were once stuck together. It's classic Disney.

JUST kidding!

This is a stupid attraction. The only reason they haven't ripped it down is it doesn't cost them anything to keep. Like old cars in people's yards.

But were I on a solo trip, I'd probably still do it. How sad is that?

 

[Sneezie]

I so suck at point-and-shoot attractions. Now YANKING attractions on the other hand…apparently that’s my forte.

O M G!

I almost went blind when I read this line. It's RIGHT THERE and I can't say anything because this a family board!!!

Great update. Your son is adorable!!!

 

[glennbo123]

I so suck at point-and-shoot attractions. Now YANKING attractions on the other hand…apparently that’s my forte.

They're all the same to me.

 

[marvali]

I guess to the outside world, I AM a queen. Goddess, even.

All Hail the Goddess of Trucking!!!

But within these DISboard walls, I'm just a average schmuck with an ego.

C'mon now, nobody would ever refer to you as average!

I'm going to remember this line for my Marvin responses. I didn't understand it either. Sorry Marv.

When I explained it for Wendy, figuring I didn't really need to, she confirmed she understood it all along! Not that I'm implying anything, however....

Actually I did an advanced search on the word "scarf", as posted by myself, to find when those posts started occurring.

Is anyone buying this? Really? It does sound so much like a weakly veiled attempt to cover something you're hiding there Glenn.

It is drizzling on and off this morning, so the poncho in my shopping bag is coming out and going back in.

So that's what they call it these days, huh?

Whose bright idea was it to wear white shorts at Disney World?

Well, at least you WORE shorts.....

I don my ponchoed head as I consult the touring plan for my first attraction.

First you leave it in the bus seat beside you, now you try to disguise it.......

I so suck at point-and-shoot attractions. Now YANKING attractions on the other hand…apparently that’s my forte.

Must fight the urge to comment, must fight the urge to comment......

What else did I do this morning? Honestly, I have no freaking clue. I checked my notes and they are uncharacteristically reticent.

And you were struggling with MY use of big words???

…Or Disney opening up Space Mountain just for me and letting me ride the newly designed attraction all by myself. No wait, they ask Will Smith to join me. We ride for two hours in the dark.

The lifestyles of the rich and famous....

…On Carousel of Progress they ask me to get on stage and act out each scene as if I were written into it. At the end of each segment, the audience gives a standing ovation. Will Smith brings me a bouquet of red roses.

Oh, now you're just braggin'

…Or getting stuck on TTA at one of the dark parts with nothing to do but sit and wait with my riding partner, who happens to be Will Smith.

Okay, you're taking this a little far......I am starting to doubt this whole story a little...

…Or being coerced into laying on Sonny Eclipse’s piano in a sparkly evening gown and singing a duet of Planetary Boogie[/Is] with Sonny while folks are dining on their hamburgers and chicken.

Strangely, visions of a Muppets episode with Ms. Piggy on the piano pass through my thoughts. She probably wouldn't allow anyone to dine on the pork either!

And that’s just Tomorrowland. Think of the possibilities in the other lands. Wow, this trip report is really getting good. Hooray for crappy note taking!

Looks like the makings of a new "Drug Free, but still on a TRIP Report!"

After Peter, I work my way to Splash Mountain.

Arrrggghhhh!!!

By this time I realize that my once-perpetual smile has disappeared.

Hopefully your shorts, and your scarf, are still intact!

I was missing my family so much that it was starting to show on my face. I just wanted to squeeze Patrick, kiss his face, and sniff his head. I majorly missed Dan’s potty humor and uncomfortably long hugs.

Now you're starting to sound like you have been away from your family as long as this TR is taking to complete!

I get into the Jungle Cruise boat and plop down. It is about midway through the ride when I notice the six-year-old boy sitting across from me. His eyes are wide, his mouth is open, and his eyebrows are up as if in a permanent Wow! What is that? expression. He is clearly amazed and in awe of this silly little boat ride and all it had to offer. I stop listening to the captain and just focus on the boy. Whenever something mildly interesting happens (like the elephant squirting water at the boat), he would turn to his mother and give her a Did you see that? look. It is incredibly sweet. I haven’t seen this kind of wide-eyed wonder and amazement in a child’s eyes in a long time. Maybe I haven’t been looking for it before, but I just don’t see it. Until today. It’s what parents dream how they’re children will react to the place…at least, it’s how I envision my own child to be. The wonder never leaves his face for the entire boat ride.

Okay, now I am seriously starting to feel sorry for you, which is sad because I know you are writing this from home and not currently living the experience.

As we disembark, I ask his parents, “Is it his first time here?”
“Yes, he’s really taking it all in,” his mother says.

For a parent, there is nothing better than watching your child experiencing Disney for their first time!

 

[NMAmy]

Jeez, woman, you were gone all summer and then BOOM! Updates all over the place!

After rolling myself out of the restaurant, I looked over the touring plan and saw that there were only a few must-dos left on my agenda for today. And look, the plans actually tell you to check out the bathrooms at Rafiki’s Planet Watch.

Okay, you know I do not use the touring plans so I've missed the fact that bathrooms are included. Do they say, "We realize this must be the fourth or fifth day of your trip and have finally decided to take pity on those who have not deviated from the touring plan and are now including a potty break." ? Or is there something remarkable about these particular bathrooms that means they get their own shout out in the touring plans?

You, Wendy, have become my expert in all things potty related.

Meet Amanda, EE Ride Queue Genius. I have never seen a cast member more perfectly suited for a job before.

Isn't it nice to see someone who takes pride in doing a good job and just rocks at it?

Instead, I just silently and obediently go where she sends me, like any good guest would.

I'm sorry, who are you and what have you done with our little rule breaker?

Not the real Africa, that would be a long walk.

And wet.

So I do the Safari: check. I hit Tough To Be a Bug: check. What’s left?

See? Not a whole lot to do in the AK, is there?

She tell me that she enjoys her job and working for The Mouse. But I guess you have to say that when you’re on property. You never know when Mickey is listening.

I just get this image of some person dissing the Mouse while waiting in a queue. Probably not the best career move. Although I think I'd like working in a shop for CM's better than working in a shop for regular guests.

She sees my badge and asks if I’m a cast member too. It really does amaze me that this thing is fooling cast members.

No wonder she told you she liked her job! You could have been a big muckety-muck in the Disney company.

So it wasn’t just me. This was nice to know.

I think she was still just being nice to you.

The other thing that pleased me was that I hit every attraction that I wanted to today.

Well, of course you did! You were at the AK.

The only thing left was Nemo, so I waltzed over to the old Tarzan ROCKS! building and waited with the rest of the masses. About thirty minutes before show time we are allowed inside. Holy cow, this theatre is huge. And the funny thing is…it completely fills up. This is a very popular show, to put it mildly.

I've never seen it but I'd love to. As usualy, the long line intimidates me. I'm not a good waiter. And I don't mean that in a food delivery sense. Although I'm not good at that either.

The whole time I wait, the little girl behind me kicks my seat. Man, that drives me crazy. Batty, even. But, I’m not the Queen of Confrontation, so I keep my mouth shut and I endure endless jabs to my backside.

I tend to turn around and say, "Honey, I'm sure you don't realize you're kicking my chair. Could you please stop?" If they don't, then I get all passive-aggressive and sit up REALLY tall.

Nemo doesn’t disappoint. That show is spectacular! My favorite scene was when the stork comes to visit Nemo and the gang. That guy is HUGE. I can’t imagine what it is like to create such enormous stage sets.

Okay, I can tell I'm going to have to brave the line for this one.

Coming up: Part 4. Looking the fool -- taking pictures of yourself and your food

And this is why there are no food pictures in my trip report.

Let it be noted... I am, right now, making a Tusker House reservation for our next big trip, on Hucifer's recommendation.

So, you now have documentation, V, if you need someone to blame after your meal.

 

[PrincessV]

As I reach into the bag to grab it, I see that the Disney bag is leaving blue ink on my white shorts.

Blue plastic bag from a Disney store? Yeah, know aaallll about that color transfer.

Now YANKING attractions on the other hand…apparently that’s my forte.

Not. Saying. A. Word.

It recommends the Swiss Family Treehouse. Want to hear something strange? No? Too bad. I’ve been to the Magic Kingdom dozens of times, but I’ve never hit this attraction before.

Really?! It's our FAVORITE!!!

No, not really. But I am forced to endure its Bataan Death March up and down the faux-bamboo stairs at least once a year by my darling captor, er... child.

Thanks a lot, you Swiss Family turds.

Couldn't say it any better.

 

[WDWisOurHappyPlace]

I so suck at point-and-shoot attractions. Now YANKING attractions on the other hand…apparently that’s my forte.

This may go down as the most quoted passage from a trip report, ever.

By this time I realize that my once-perpetual smile has disappeared.

"once-perpetual" is an oxymoron, but it sounds cute in your trip report.

To be so happy that you’re unaware that you’re smiling…well, that’s pretty cool.

That IS cool.

I was missing my family so much that it was starting to show on my face. I just wanted to squeeze Patrick, kiss his face, and sniff his head. I majorly missed Dan’s potty humor and uncomfortably long hugs.

Aaawwww, please tell me your day does get happier. (And speaking of the Peanut, have to say his new picture is so flippin cute!!!! How is his toddler talk coming along?)

Thanks for dragging me back over! It's going to take me a while to catch up, I think. !

I had a dream, that NMAmy said she was waiting for Hucifer to come back to finish her trip report. Silly dreams.

They're all the same to me.

Stop it!!

 

[norybell]

…14,000? I so suck at point-and-shoot attractions. Now YANKING attractions on the other hand…apparently that’s my forte.

Practice makes perfect.

…Or Disney opening up Space Mountain just for me and letting me ride the newly designed attraction all by myself. No wait, they ask Will Smith to join me. We ride for two hours in the dark.

…On Carousel of Progress they ask me to get on stage and act out each scene as if I were written into it. At the end of each segment, the audience gives a standing ovation. Will Smith brings me a bouquet of red roses.

…Or getting stuck on TTA at one of the dark parts with nothing to do but sit and wait with my riding partner, who happens to be Will Smith.

Just in case anyone doubts the veracity of this...unlike certain other trip reports, we have photographic proof!

But this morning, a blue funk kind of fell over me and carried with me inside the parks. Now I felt like I was just going through the motions without any of the enthusiasm that goes with it. I was missing my family so much that it was starting to show on my face. I just wanted to squeeze Patrick, kiss his face, and sniff his head. I majorly missed Dan’s potty humor and uncomfortably long hugs.

Aw.

I dunno, hucifer. Now that I know you're a Swiss Family Treehouse hater, I'm not sure we can be friends. Don't you remember sneaking out of our bedrooms when we were kids to watch that movie and eat raw cookie dough (salmonella hello!)? Oh, wait, that was my other sister. (I will admit, however, that it's only fun if there's no line at all.)

 

[hucifer]

Thanks for dragging me back over! It's going to take me a while to catch up, I think.

Welcome back! I've missed your comments horribly.

Would you like to talk about your childhood now, hucifer?

Actually, yes. You see, I had a difficult and abusive childhood. And bathroom breaks were my only sanctuary from the bitter reality.

Eh, my "baby" is almost 20 and I'm still not used to going to the bathroom alone. Of course, she's a girl. When the Peanut is that age, I'm sure you'll have been heading off to the ladies room on your own for some time.

I dream of the day that I can pee in private again.

I am incredibly impressed if that is indeed what she was doing. And, in my mind, it has to be because I am blanking on any possible alternative.

That comment made me LOL.

HA! It's the one thing I love best in your trip reports. That and the sarcasm. And the snarkiness. Okay, it's one of the three things I love best about your trip reports.

But especially the potty humor.

Isn't that the one with the bats? I could have sworn we mocked the...ummm...equipment of the bats in one of your trip reports. I try to walk through that bat place as quickly as possible. I'm like Dash--just a blur.

Okay, first of all...NO. It wasn't the fruit bat trail. If it was, I would have stopped to admire these impressive creatures and all the beauty and grace they uphold.
Second...it truly was a trail I've never done before. Not sure how I've missed it before. But there you are.

Kind of a disturbing image coming from a vegetarian. Are you sure you didn't feel like a lion with a herd of zebra rushing by?

That too.

I haven't been to Tusker House since it changed to a TS. I think we'll have to give it a try now!

I cannot praise this restaurant enough, or recommend it enough.

So let me tell you about Walt and the Swiss Family Robinson and this island they were once stuck together. It's classic Disney.

JUST kidding!

Doh!

This is a stupid attraction. The only reason they haven't ripped it down is it doesn't cost them anything to keep. Like old cars in people's yards.

Looks like we agree on something!

But were I on a solo trip, I'd probably still do it. How sad is that?

Looks like we DON'T agree on something.

O M G!

I almost went blind when I read this line. It's RIGHT THERE and I can't say anything because this a family board!!!

*giggle*
You almost went blind...tee hee.

Great update. Your son is adorable!!!

Why, thank you.
We adore that little guy.

They're all the same to me.

and

and

C'mon now, nobody would ever refer to you as average!

That's good to know.

Is anyone buying this? Really? It does sound so much like a weakly veiled attempt to cover something you're hiding there Glenn.

Did you use "veiled" to describe the scarf situation on purpose? Cuz I'm not a fan of puns.

Well, at least you WORE shorts.....

I'm learning.

Must fight the urge to comment, must fight the urge to comment.

Why fight it?

Oh, right. Because of the points.

And you were struggling with MY use of big words???

I just randomly picked big words in a dictionary. What do they mean?

Oh, now you're just braggin'
Okay, you're taking this a little far......
I am starting to doubt this whole story a little...

Well...I'm PRETTY sure it all happened. You see, I forgot to take a lot of notes during that morning...and my mind is a little fuzzy...but I'm fairly certain that it went down like that.

Strangely, visions of a Muppets episode with Ms. Piggy on the piano pass through my thoughts. She probably wouldn't allow anyone to dine on the pork either!

Wait a minute, you read about me lying on the piano and you immediately think of MISS PIGGY????

Looks like the makings of a new "Drug Free, but still on a TRIP Report.

Hey, that was rather clever.

Now you're starting to sound like you have been away from your family as long as this TR is taking to complete!

Pretty much.

For a parent, there is nothing better than watching your child experiencing Disney for their first time!

I look forward to that!

 

[hucifer]

Jeez, woman, you were gone all summer and then BOOM! Updates all over the place!

I know, I'm crazy. CRAZY, I tell you!

Okay, you know I do not use the touring plans so I've missed the fact that bathrooms are included. Do they say, "We realize this must be the fourth or fifth day of your trip and have finally decided to take pity on those who have not deviated from the touring plan and are now including a potty break." ? Or is there something remarkable about these particular bathrooms that means they get their own shout out in the touring plans?

You, Wendy, have become my expert in all things potty related.

It's one of the most unique bathroom experiences in Disney World. You really must try it.

And yes, I'm an excellent resource of all things potty. Especially now that I have a 3yo.

Isn't it nice to see someone who takes pride in doing a good job and just rocks at it?

Yes. Amanda is way underpaid.

I'm sorry, who are you and what have you done with our little rule breaker?

I'm only a rule breaker around Dan. He does the dirty work for me.

Although I think I'd like working in a shop for CM's better than working in a shop for regular guests.

That would be my guess too.

No wonder she told you she liked her job! You could have been a big muckety-muck in the Disney company.

Seriously, this badge could do good things for me...get me into secret areas...get me free stuff...I think you're on to something!

Well, of course you did! You were at the AK.

I get the feeling that you're not a big fan of Animal Kingdom.

I've never seen it but I'd love to. As usualy, the long line intimidates me. I'm not a good waiter. And I don't mean that in a food delivery sense. Although I'm not good at that either.

I bet you would make one snarky waitress. Case in point:

I tend to turn around and say, "Honey, I'm sure you don't realize you're kicking my chair. Could you please stop?" If they don't, then I get all passive-aggressive and sit up REALLY tall.

Seriously...YOU are the Queen of Confrontation.

Okay, I can tell I'm going to have to brave the line for this one.

Yes yes yes! Do do do! It's like one of the best shows in WDW!

So, you now have documentation, V, if you need someone to blame after your meal.

Yep.

Blue plastic bag from a Disney store? Yeah, know aaallll about that color transfer.

Good to know I'm not alone. Disney World ought to reconsider either the color of the dye, or the type of dye they use.

Not. Saying. A. Word.

Why not?

Really?! It's our FAVORITE!!!

No, not really. But I am forced to endure its Bataan Death March up and down the faux-bamboo stairs at least once a year by my darling captor, er... child.

My condolences.

Couldn't say it any better.

They really are, aren't they?

This may go down as the most quoted passage from a trip report, ever.

I was rather proud of that line after I typed it. I'm happy to see that so many others appreciate its poetic subtlety as well.

"once-perpetual" is an oxymoron, but it sounds cute in your trip report.

Ooh, you're right. Oops.

Aaawwww, please tell me your day does get happier.

They day MAY get better. Then again, it might not. Stay tuned!

(And speaking of the Peanut, have to say his new picture is so flippin cute!!!! How is his toddler talk coming along?)

Thank you! His speech is slowly improving. Just yesterday at the store, Patrick mumbled a few to me and a man behind us laughed and asked me if I actually understood that. Actually, I did. I'm quite fluent in Toddler.

I had a dream, that NMAmy said she was waiting for Hucifer to come back to finish her trip report. Silly dreams.

I know, she's so fickle.

Stop it!!

That Glennbo. He's so naughty.

Practice makes perfect.

I'm working on it.

Just in case anyone doubts the veracity of this...unlike certain other trip reports, we have photographic proof!

Oh. My. God.

Woman, you freaking CRACK ME UP.

ETA: WOW, we look hot together. Yummy.

I dunno, hucifer. Now that I know you're a Swiss Family Treehouse hater, I'm not sure we can be friends. Don't you remember sneaking out of our bedrooms when we were kids to watch that movie and eat raw cookie dough (salmonella hello!)? Oh, wait, that was my other sister. (I will admit, however, that it's only fun if there's no line at all.)

Oh dear. How shall I say this?
I never...um...saw that movie. Which may explain my disdain for the attraction.
The raw cookie dough, on the other hand, is a personal favorite.

 

[hucifer]

Quoting you: Yeah, yeah, I know. I take forever to write trip reports.

Actually, you told us the whole thing was written when you started so it’s actually your posting that takes forever.

That's true. The bulk of this report was written AGES ago.

Quoting you: In fact, when I came here with Jakie waaaaaaay back in the beginning of this TR, it was my first non-breakfast meal here.

For those of you who have been here from the beginning, Jakie (who now spells her name Jachie) is happily married and has four kids and moved back to Mesopotamia. Or Massachusetts. Someplace that started with an M.

In honor of my amazing tourist guide skills, she named her middle child after me.

Quoting you: the poncho in my shopping bag is coming out

Dork alert.

So be it. At least I was dry.

Quoting you: Now YANKING attractions on the other hand…apparently that’s my forte.

Yeah, you’ve been yanking our chains for about 900 pages now.

Mock if you will, but in the scheme of things on this TR board, this is a relatively SHORT trip report.

Quoting you: Wow, this trip report is really getting good.

A little full of your self, eh? (I wanted to say narcissistic but I couldn’t spell it.)

I'm a LOT full of myself. That's all there is to me!

Quoting you: I just wanted to squeeze Patrick, kiss his face, and sniff his head.

Well at least it beats your normal habit of sniffing glue.

Gotta start somewhere.
Looks like I picked a bad week to stop sniffing Patrick head.

Quoting you: I want to see Disney through his eyes now.

Without a doubt one of my favorite things to do. You can’t make up the combination of joy and just being mesmerized that you see on a child’s face in WDW.

It was so beautiful, his expressions! I was so jealous of his parents. And where was the video camera? Dude, I would have been filming the whole time.

Quoting you: So there’s twenty minutes of my life I’ll never get back. Thanks a lot, you Swiss Family turds.

Great spot to take photos of the park from though.

Not in this line. There were so many people, there WAS no stopping. It was freakishly busy and stopping would have cramped up that mess further.

Quoting NMAmy: It's the one thing I love best in your trip reports. That and the sarcasm. And the snarkiness. Okay, it's one of the three things I love best about your trip reports.

You told me I was. Guess it was just a cheap ploy to read your TR. Nice. Real nice.

She's so sneaky, our Amy.

Quoting MarvelousMarv: C'mon now, nobody would ever refer to you as average!

You’re right. More like below average.

Is that why you keep coming back?

Quoting Marv: Okay, you're taking this a little far......I am starting to doubt this whole story a little...

Only the Will Smith part was true. Wendy being there and it being part of this trip is false.
Lou

But admit it, I lie like no one else can.
(Yes, you may go ahead and make something dirty out of that.)

 

[Peter Panic Attack]

Look at that….all of your faithful readers are gradually trickling back. See, nobody abandoned you….it’s more like we all flew to Vegas for a week and left you at home without a babysitter. And honestly, what child hasn’t experienced that before? It happened to me dozens of times growing up…and I turned out fine….mostly.

Even though this is probably a serious breach of TR etiquette, I've got to comment on some of your previous posts...because I just can't help myself.

On the way, I saw an all-girl Brazilian group in gray shirts. What got my attention with this group was the fact that they were all female, bigger than any other group I’ve seen in Disney World (easily two hundred or more), and that they all chanted and danced as they walk. They were pretty difficult to miss, if you ask me. The chanting was…bizarre. I was a little creeped out, to be honest.

Yeah.....200 dancing brazilian women...that does sound creepy. Of course, if you could post any pictures...or perhaps a snippet of video...then we could know for sure.

She must keep motivational sayings on her refrigerator and bathroom mirror that remind her to: Berate, Belittle, Be Nazi.

Too funny

“…..all over them like a hungry fly to a fresh pile of dog crap”

My, that's a beautiful word picture. Was that from MacBeth?

All signs point to yes

Did you sneak in a magic 8-ball reference? Nice.

But no matter. Rules are rules. And rule breakers will be punished. Made examples of. Boiled in their own pudding. Tarred and feathered and all that.

I must admit, I’m in Sue Ellen’s camp on this one….rules are rules. I can’t even bring myself to duck under the chain in an empty que….I’m the guy you see winding all the way through....all by himself....like a rat in a maze.

No sooner he says that, the eagle lifts up its tail and – I kid you not – projectile poops. That stringy white fecal matter goes flying out his rear end like a bullet out of a gun barrel. The trainer blushes and says, “Well, we don’t need to see THAT.”

Puhleeze…it’s all part of the show. That eagle is a trained professional pooper…I guarantee it. It’s a real crowd pleaser...especially with the rubes.

Feeling like a hungry cat standing over a fish-filled aquarium, I plop lots of food on my plate in delight. I may have purred. I don’t remember.

I find the word "plop" combined with food unappealing. It certainly doesn't make me purr. Perhaps it's a vegetarian thing.

Going solo has its privileges. Single lines are the BEST (do you hear me, Mission Space?). This time the Singles are a little more plentiful,

Singles are a little more plentiful? Is this a TR for AK or Sandals Jamaica?

I like the nightlife. I got to boogie.

Thanks to your original reference…and the subsequent back-and-forth song-lyrics banter…I am now whistling this tune in my office. Judging by some of the looks I’m getting, it’s not really helping my street cred.

But I have no expectations. I just want to walk around and absorb the atmosphere. Maybe take some family pictures.

Family pictures? Isn’t this a solo trip? Don't tell me you are planning on walking around and taking pictures of other peoples families Hucifer? Because, that’s a little creepy. Not “200 dancing brazilian women” creepy but….

Pooh doesn’t forget faces. And he holds grudges. I got dissed big-time. He gives me a wave (may as well been the finger) and walks right past me.

Pooh giving the finger....now thats funny. You made me laugh aloud with that one.

my hands and face were pressed against the window and I hungrily stared at the diners, my nose smashed up in a perpetual pig snout, my tongue glued to the pane as giant rolls of drool cascaded down, forming mini saliva pools on the sill

I hope you got a picture of that...because, that would make a lovely Christmas card.


p.s. You might remember Estherhead from my TR. She posted the picture of her son stabbing Pal Mickey to death with King Arthur's sword (page 31).

 

[glennbo123]

Looks like I picked a bad week to stop sniffing Patrick head.

Surely, that must be my second favorite line from that movie.

 

[hucifer]

Look at that….all of your faithful readers are gradually trickling back. See, nobody abandoned you….it’s more like we all flew to Vegas for a week and left you at home without a babysitter. And honestly, what child hasn’t experienced that before? It happened to me dozens of times growing up…and I turned out fine….mostly.

That explains a lot.

I welcome you back, sir Peter, from the bowels of which you came.

Even though this is probably a serious breach of TR etiquette, I've got to comment on some of your previous posts...because I just can't help myself.

I wouldn't expect anything less from you. And honestly, I'm pretty sure it isn't a breach of anything...be it national security or TR etiquette.

My, that's a beautiful word picture. Was that from MacBeth?

Not quite. It's taken either from Wuthering Heights or Great Expectations. Honestly, I quote from both of them so much I cannot remember which one anymore.

Did you sneak in a magic 8-ball reference? Nice.

Seinfeld this time. It's a Puddy quote.

I must admit, I’m in Sue Ellen’s camp on this one….rules are rules. I can’t even bring myself to duck under the chain in an empty que….I’m the guy you see winding all the way through....all by himself....like a rat in a maze.

Smashing Pumpkins reference? Oh wait, that would be "rat in a cage." Never mind.

Puhleeze…it’s all part of the show. That eagle is a trained professional pooper…I guarantee it. It’s a real crowd pleaser...especially with the rubes.

What did you call me????

I find the word "plop" combined with food unappealing. It certainly doesn't make me purr. Perhaps it's a vegetarian thing.

We're very regular folk.

Thanks to your original reference…and the subsequent back-and-forth song-lyrics banter…I am now whistling this tune in my office. Judging by some of the looks I’m getting, it’s not really helping my street cred.

But carrying around an interactive rodent plushie did?

Family pictures? Isn’t this a solo trip? Don't tell me you are planning on walking around and taking pictures of other peoples families Hucifer? Because, that’s a little creepy. Not “200 dancing brazilian women” creepy but….

I've been known to creep out a family or two in my day.

Pooh giving the finger....now thats funny. You made me laugh aloud with that one.

If I've made you laugh once, then my job here is done.

I hope you got a picture of that...because, that would make a lovely Christmas card.

It's pretty hard to take a picture of yourself from the other side of the window in which your nose is pressed. If you recall ANYTHING from my solo report, it's that I never got a single offer for a picture.

p.s. You might remember Estherhead from my TR. She posted the picture of her son stabbing Pal Mickey to death with King Arthur's sword (page 31).

Maybe that's it. Although I think I've seen her around Cruise Critic more than here.

Surely, that must be my second favorite line from that movie.

It's a very quotable movie, that's fo sho.

 

[glennbo123]

Hey, I'm curious...that picture of Patrick in your signature -- the posture, the look on his face, the hands in his pockets, is that totally Dan? Not having met the guy I can only guess.

 

[hucifer]

I walk back to use my FastPass for Splash Mountain and breathe in a little musty dishrag. Poncho be damned, that stupid thing didn’t do anything to keep me dry. I don’t know the physics involved to incur a watery end versus not, but we had one. A huge wave of green chlorinated stink water engulfed our vessel and covered us in filthy, stinky wetness. On the way down the great big hill, my poncho hood blew off, so my hair was saturated with that smelly crap. Nice.

Not that I didn’t enjoy the ride, of course.

Here they come...walking down the street...they wear the funniest colors...in the Florida heat.
"Hey! Hey! We're Brazilians! And people say that we're too loud. But we're too busy marching...trying not to blend with the crowd."​

It’s lunchtime by now. The Breakfast Lasagna is spent and Cosmic Rays (sans sparkly evening gown and Will Smith, unfortunately) is calling my name. Actually, another veggie burger was calling me. I mean, it’s been two whole days since my last one and darn if that corn-filled patty wasn’t calling my name. I trek back to Ray’s, order a corn burger (with extra corn), and skip on to the toppings bar. For more corn.

The park is really picking up by now, and Cosmic Rays is no exception. I step outside on the balcony to escape some of the madness going on inside. I sit down and breathe in the hot air. I don’t know, when I’m prepared for hot, I actually like it. So I take a big bite of my corny veggie burger. And…splat. A big blob of ketchup lands on my white shorts. Of course. Had I been wearing black or ketchup-colored pants this never would have happened. But white? It’s a magnet for stains. I wipe it up as well as one can with a wet, disintegrating napkin that leaves tiny napkin ball trails on your clothing. Then I throw away the garbage, white shorts leading the way toward the next attraction, red and blue blotches and all. I’m beginning to look like the American flag. People are going to stand at attention with their hands over their hearts and start singing. Oh say can you see…

And now, for an awkward subject transition…

I was determined to eat one of these things if it killed me, and now seemed like the best time to do it. I bought a Dole Whip. I wanted to experience what everyone has been drooling about. I got in line, waited forever for the folks in front of me to figure out snack and dessert credits, and then ordered one. It was so hot that day (how hot was it?) that it started melting before I sat down.

So. Here we are. Just me and you, drippy yellow Dole Whip. Well…and this spoon. So it’s just me, you, and this spoon. Oh wait, and my fistful of napkins. So it’s just me, you, this spoon, and a buttload of napkins. So get ready for extinction…

I take a spoonful and…wait for it….wait for it…um…ew. Too sweet. Not doing anything for me. I take another spoonful, but nope. Still not working for me. Meanwhile, it’s dripping yellow goo all over the table and making a sweet sticky mess. I hope like hell it doesn’t drip on my American Flag shorts because yellow will simply ruin the whole patriotic theme I’ve got going on down there. I look at the table next to me. A mom is feeding her baby a Dole Whip and this kid is loving it. He’s opening his mouth way before she’s got the spoon anywhere near it. That kid obviously doesn’t have fully developed taste buds yet.

I know, I know. People LOVE this stuff. But I didn’t. So sue me.

I guess it’s all for the best, anyway…my big butt certainly doesn’t need the calories. I wipe up the table and stand up, carrying the cup of melting yellow sugar goop to the nearest receptacle.

Mr. Mickey Balloon Man...there's something wrong with my dime. Everytime I try to give it to you, I get laughed at every time.​

By now, the week of Disney is hitting me hard physically. I feel pretty beat up, so I walk to the railroad station for a little relaxation. Problem is, the train just left so we have a few minutes of waiting. I don’t mind the wait, except that I’m standing next to The Meanest Mommy In the World. Now I know that kpk89 already has that title on the DISboards, but I think this one totally has her beat in Disney World. Railroad Mommy yells at her kids for anything and everything, didn’t matter what they are or aren’t doing. They wouldn’t be misbehaving at all and she would roar at them for slouching or leaning or breathing wrong. She is one nasty woman. I feel so bad for her kids. There is no way I would be around this negativity for as long as I had to be, and when the train finally rolls into the station, I made sure to sit in a completely different car. I remember giving the children one last sympathetic look before boarding my car. Poor kids.

I whip out my cell phone and text Dan, letting him know where I was. Then I text my sister, and it became a drawn-out texting conversation that lasted the whole journey. She does a great job of lifting my spirits up. But even as the train rolls back to the stop where I got on, I decide to stay. I’m still not ready for more park exploring. So I take yet another trip around the park, having a most pleasant electronic diatribe with my female sibling.

Even after my second trip around, I am still unmotivated to go all gung-ho into the park. I’m missing my family something awful by now and really feel like I am just going through the motions to get the day over with. I skip over to Tomorrowland (my favorite land in MK, even without If You Had Wings) and go inside the Laugh Floor for a second round of giggles. It isn’t as funny as my first time. Maybe it’s because my mind is elsewhere by now.

After the show, I still feel drained. I sit down on a bench next to the Laugh Floor to people-watch. A grandmother is next to me on the bench with her granddaughters, ages one and three. They are antsy things, fidgeting and jumping on and off the bench. Grandma looks haggard. Her wiry hair is starting to come out of its bun and her mouth is in a perpetual frown. She keeps telling the girls to stop poking each other, stop spilling your drink, don’t wander too far, stop bothering your sister, yada yada. Those girls had energy—and lots of it. While I pitied the tired grandmother, I sort of envied her too. I must have REALLY missed my boy.

Grandma gives me an exasperated look and tells me that the parents told her to wait with the girls while they went on a ride. Problem was, they were taking forever, as it was the middle of summer and lines were probably much longer than anyone anticipated. This seemed eerily familiar. Like I ran into this issue with someone before…hmmmm…

Speaking of which, I hope my Wales friend and his wife enjoyed the rest of their time in the World.

After twenty minutes or so, I am ready to get up and wander aimlessly through the park. There is very little left here that I want to do but haven’t, so the touring plans have been more than sufficient about getting me through the parks on a busy day. I wander over toward Space Mountain and see a CM standing between it and a white building that I’ve never really noticed before. What the heck was it? It certainly wasn’t being used, and hadn’t been for several years from the look of it. But it was definitely part of the Tomorrowland theme. Curious, I approach the cast member and say hello.

The cast member could be my son, he’s so young. I cannot believe I just frigging typed that. I guess the closer you approach forty, the more you realize that you’re no longer the young sexy thang you once were. It’s so depressing. But I digress. So the young whippersnapper greets me and wonders how he can help me. I adjust my walker with one hand and shakily point to the strange building with the other. I know it’s been here forever, but strangely enough, when I’m with my family I guess I’m too busy to notice. I ask what the heck it is. He says it used to be the SkyWay building that sent guests to the Fantasyland building.

Jeez, way to be observant all these years, girl. Between this and the Splash Mountain bridge, what else have I missed?

Exhausted from all that talking and afraid I might break a hip from standing, I walk back and plop on a bench in front of the Astro Orbiters. I still feel like I have the wind (otherwise known as enthusiasm) knocked out of me. All that joy and freedom I was feeling on the first day…all that emotion that I was wearing on my sleeve for others to see…it was gone. Someone definitely popped a hole in my Mickey balloon, and it was deflating rather quickly. Instead of euphoria, I am feeling annoyed. Instead of feeling the love, I’m feeling impatient. Instead of running to the next attraction, I want to run to my family. I miss them so much that I don’t even have the energy to explore the park anymore. It is definitely time to leave.

I’ve been doing a lot of sitting today. Nothing is motivating me to move anymore. Which isn’t especially effective for burning all the calories I’ve been eating today.

I quietly continue to unwind on the bench. A large family stops in front of me to look at the empty Space Mountain. “Is Space Mountain closed?” One of them asks the group.

Another laughs. “Well, of course it’s open, silly. They wouldn’t close Space Mountain!”

And the group walks away.

Now I have something to giggle about.

I decide to hit one more ride before leaving for the day. Teacups. Something told me that this would help lift my spirits. I only have to wait about twenty minutes before getting in a giant pink cup. When the ride starts up and my cup starts spinning, I grabbed the wheel and turned it as hard as I could for several seconds. Then I sit back and watch the swirly circle of tourist shirts and teacup colors spin past my eyes and wait for the fun to start. For the first time since I was park exploring alone, I wonder what I must look like as I spin around and around without anyone else to laugh with. I kept grabbing the wheel and spinning, leaning back and watching. Waiting for the laughter to start. Waiting to feel like how I feel when Dan or my sister is sitting across from me. Hearing the other screams and giggles and wondering when I was going to start enjoying it too. And then eventually I hope that the ride would just end because I feel like I don’t belong here.

When my teacup stops spinning and the other families drunkenly wobble to the exit, I suddenly feel really self-conscious getting out of the cup alone. I never, ever thought I would feel like this during my trip. As much fun as this ride is with others, I hate it alone. It kinda feel like I felt in the Port Orleans pool after awhile. It was meant to be enjoyed with others.

My last look at the unobtainable.
Sigh.​

Coming up: Part 4. Talker Tim vs. the very cantankerous caterpillar