How young is too young for a flower girl?

[minniecarousel]

I feel bad - the first thing that my son "runs by me" regarding his wedding, & I shoot him down! He and his fiancee haven't set a date yet, but will be married in mid-2007. They were wondering if his cousins daughter would be a good choice for a flower girl. She is 13 months old now, so won't be over 2 1/2 by the time of their wedding. Is 2 1/2 too young for a flower girl? The ring bearer will be 11 or 12. I have another niece who just turned 8, so she'd be 9 1/2 - but she is one of a triplet - the others are boys and I don't think they'd care one way or another to be in the wedding.

Did I screw up?

 

[Trish5768]

Nope, not at all. My DD was not quite 2 1/2 when my brother got married. I was a bit worried but she did a fantastic job!

 

[clarabelle]

I dont' think so. I think it would mean more to the 9 y.o. and the 2 year old might cry and want mom etc...
I think it all depends on what your expectations are. If it would make the bride and groom crazy to have the toddler running around and potentially crying or pulling up her dress - or if they would think it was cute.
If you were shooting for something really elegant and sacred -the 2 y.o. might not be the way to go.
As for the triplets brothers -I dont' think they would mind and some little job might could be found for them to do as well.

 

[KathyTX]

I think the bride and groom will need to decide what they want.

2 and a half is a very cute yet very unpredictable age. Would a potential flower girl meltdown ruin the day, or would they just be tickled and roll with it? It's hard to know now how cooperative the munchkin will be a year and a half down the road.

I think the other neice, at 9 and a half, seems past flower girl age. I've seen some junior bridesmaids at this age, but at nine they're really closer to being young women than little girls. I'll bet she would LOVE an opportunity to be part of the wedding, but in an age appropriate role.

Congrats on the upcoming event!

(We also have a forum for Disney Weddings and Honeymoons, I'll bet you'd get a lot of good advice from the recent and future brides on that board!)

 

[kpm76]

You'll get a variety of different answers because all kids mature at different rates but I'll share my experience with you. My nephew was 2 1/2 when I got married and he was a ring bearer along with my godchild who was 4. The 4 year old did a fantastic job, the 2 1/2 year old, not so much. I sent the ring bearers (no flower girls) down the aisle after the parents and grandparents and before the bridesmaids because I thought having them right in front of me would make me too nervous. My nephew made it about 1/4 of the way down, stopped, almost threw his ring pillow and refused to go any further. When we asked him why he didn't go down the aisle he said because nobody knew his name! He was the cutest little thing but way too young to be expected to walk down the aisle and sit through the ceremony. Also, if the ring bearer in your son's wedding is going to be 11 or 12 I would consider having as flower gilr closer to his age....2 1/2 is too big an age gap IMHO....good luck...wedding planning has its ups and downs

 

[mickeyboat]

A friend asked my DD's, then ages barely 2 and barely 3 to be flower girls in her wedding. Knowing my children the way I do, I said no. They never would have gone down the aisle, and I didn't want my kids to ruin her perfect day.

Denae

 

[stinkerbelle]

I think the bride and groom will need to decide what they want.

bingo.

sorry mom!

 

[WDWAurora]

Beware with a ring bearer that old as well...Kids from about 8 on up tend to think they're too old for those jobs-trust me, I *just* dealt with this. You think they won't care, but they will. Also, you think those other two from the triplets won't mind-it's entirely possible that they will. DH's cousin (the girl) has been in every family wedding for years. Until ours, her younger brother had been in NONE and was pretty peeved about it. His dad was actually more hurt by it than he was, he just had never said anything. Kids are WAY stickier than grownups when it comes to weddings!

 

[Sleeping~Beauty]

If they don't mind not knowing what will happen, then ok.

Seriously, I would say that's very young. Of course all children are different, and there are exceptions where it's fine, but overall, it's a risk. Even mature 2 year olds who are well-behaved can have difficulty with the long day, the many people, the flashing lights, the attention, the fancy dresses, etc.

The last wedding I was in (April) had two three year olds, a boy and girl. The boy just didn't go down the aisle, (which was probably preferable). The little girl, who usually is so good decided she was going to be a cat and crawled and licked her way down till Daddy caught up with her.

So you never know.

 

[janette]

It really depends on the expectations. If the bride will be stressed or care if the 2 1/2 yo doesn't do well then it's not a good choice.

My DH's family is very family oriented. It seems the rule is that weddings have to include all the grandkids. The last wedding had 7 flower girls and 3 ring bearers. The youngest was a ring bearer and at 9mths he couldn't walk so they decorated a wagon and the others took him up the aisle. The flower girls ranged in age from 9yo to some that might not have been even 2yo. They were paired by age so that the oldest was with the youngest and everyone made it up the aisle. They weren't expected to stand up front they had seats saved at the front for them. My 11yo DD carried a candle up the aisle and my 14yo was given the job of usher but really didn't seem to have any specific duties.

There are really no set rules, let the bride decide what she's comfortable with. When my SIL got married my youngest was 2 1/2. She was an honorary flower girl, she had the same dress etc as her 5yo sister (the official flower girl) but she didn't walk up the aisle.

 

[ashjohnson80]

I had three 2 year old flower girls. They were my nieces and I wanted it that way. I didn't care if they crawled down the isles or played with chewing gum the whole way and then sat down on the steps at the front of the church and threw their headbands off. But I think a lot of brides wouldn't have liked that at all, I had one friend who didn't want any kids in her wedding at all. It's totally personal preference, and if the bride doesnt' mind, it can definately work.

 

[simba928]

I don't think she will be too young. I was around that age when my uncle got married and I was the flower girl. Then again, it depends on the child. If the bride and groom think she can handle it, then great. My younger cousin would not have done too well if it were her I don't think. The moment she saw her mom, she would either run to her or if she couldn't get to her, she would scream and cry.

 

[Beth76]

It's the bride and groom's choice. Also the mother of the child. But, I do agree with you. Two and a half is too young. I wouldn't let my young children be in a wedding. I would be too worried about their "perfomance" to actually enjoy myself.

 

[barkley]

i think it's way to young (and since the ring bearer generaly gets paired off with the flower girl the age gap seems way to wide). i'll share my family story...my cousin decided to use another cousin (around 5 1/2 at the time) as ring bearer at her wedding. they decided to put the ring bearer and the flower girl in the middle of the procession (figured it gave them someone to follow and someone behind them to ensure they would keep up the pace). the kid starts down the aisle o.k. but as soon as he sees his "mom" (grandma was raising him) he starts running down the aisle to hop in the pew next to her. while running he knocks over one bridesmaid and steps on anothers dress tearing it down the back.

i know some people like having younger kids in the wedding party, but it often causes allot of stress and inconvenience for the other members of the wedding party-i've been in a few where we adult bridesmaids were constantly having to chase down or correct the behaviour of a younger attendant. the adult attendants also often have to play babysitter to the kids who are seated next to them (for the sake of photos) at the "main table". personaly, in my opnion, when someone goes to the time, effort and generaly (esp. with the cost of bridesmaids dresses and shoes) expense of being in a wedding party consideration to how that younger persons habits/behaviours may impact them should be given (the bride and groom may think it's adorable-the attendants are the ones who generaly have to deal with the negative consequenses).

 

[diznygirl]

Although a lot depends on the age, it also varies by child.

My son was just barely 2 when he was ring-bearer in my SIL's wedding. The groom's newphew - age 7 - was also a ring bearer. So which one had the meltdown? The 7 yr old! He cried for 2 straight hours before the ceremony and wasn't in any pictures.

So you just never know. You will just have to wait and see - 2007 is a long way away.

 

[dcgrumpy]

My daughter will be about 2 3/4 when she is a flower girl in my sister's wedding in february. We're hoping she'll do okay. They are getting married in the catering hall so the aisle is really short, plus my sister isn't too woriied about how they perform or everything being perfect. The other flower girl is 6mos older than DD and DS5 is the ring bearer. I'm the maid of honor so we figure if any of them refuse to walk down the aisle they can walk with me.

 

[the kabuki]

My niece and nephew were both about 2 1/2 in my wedding and they did fine.

And the other hand IMO, it would look strange to have an 11 yr old walking down the aisle with a 2 1/2 yr old. Why not put the 11 yr old with the 9 yr old girl as ring bearer and flower girl?

Then the 2 1/2 yr old could be the minitaure(sp?) bride. Don't know if they do this around where you're at, but at the weddings we go to, there's a mini-bride, usually under 4 yrs old, dressed just like the bride, who walks down the aisle after the flower/ring bearer, before the maid of honor, then the bride. Always very cute, and gets a lot of oohs and aahs.

 

[minniecarousel]

Thanks for all the replys. I intend to stay out of decisions unless asked. It IS their decision - I'm sure that whatever they're comfortable with will be fine.

I knew I could count on varied, honest answers here.

 

[ashjohnson80]

My niece and nephew were both about 2 1/2 in my wedding and they did fine.

And the other hand IMO, it would look strange to have an 11 yr old walking down the aisle with a 2 1/2 yr old. Why not put the 11 yr old with the 9 yr old girl as ring bearer and flower girl?

Then the 2 1/2 yr old could be the minitaure(sp?) bride. Don't know if they do this around where you're at, but at the weddings we go to, there's a mini-bride, usually under 4 yrs old, dressed just like the bride, who walks down the aisle after the flower/ring bearer, before the maid of honor, then the bride. Always very cute, and gets a lot of oohs and aahs.

Well sometimes the older child can help the younger child, that was the case in my wedding. I had a jr. groomsman who was 12 and a ring bearer who was 6 who walked beside them and showed them where to go. No one thought it was weird at all.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Avery just turned 3 (as in that week) when she was in SIL's wedding. She did realy good, but my SIL had a good attitude about it in case it didn't work out.

One thing I recommend is that they DO NOT get pictures taken before hand. They did this at SIL's and DD was so bored. All she wanted to do was go outside and play-in her nice white dress. She was also tired and crabby. By the time of the wedding she was recovered, but her curled hair was coming undone and it had been a LONG morning. Then we had the reception. We left early (DH and I were both in the wedding) at 10 PM becaue Avery was crying and everything was so loud she couldn't go to sleep. That was my experience.

Oh, we also had Avery sit in the front row with MIL. No way she would have made it through the service and she would have been distracting from the wedding.