How would you handle this?

[Eeyore'sthebest]

Heck no you're not wrong. If you have an attorney who helped with custody, call him/her and get supervised visitation. He may not get any visitation until he gets help for both his drinking and his temper.

Didn't need to read further than this!!! He needs supervised visitation. Speak to your lawyer. You can get his visitation terminated immediately with a court order. I know in NJ there is an emergency order that can be done. It needs to show a real need that you fear for your daughter's physical well being. I believe this is the case in your situation!! Good luck. My heart breaks for your DD.

 

[Carly_Roach]

DD7 witnessed something she never should have witnessed last weekend while she was at her dad's house. It has me, DF, and her step-mom all upset and she is not coping well with it.

Her dad had been drinking A LOT. To the point where he was drunk. I do not know the details of the argument that dad and step-mom had, that is there business, not mine. DD saw her dad hit her step-mom with a closed fist. Step-mom got her grand-kids from a previous relationship and left. She left dd there. Ex called step-mom about five minutes later and said he was bringing DD to me DRUNK!!!!! Step-mom then went and took DD from him and took DD with her to her mother's for the night.

I knew nothing of this until step-mom brought DD home Sunday early from girl-scouts because she had pooped on herself. After bath, she asked me if "Mimi showed me her bruise?" That's when I got the story. I talked to step-mom Monday night and she explained everything that happened and was very upset. Ex is a OTR truckdriver so was not around to talk.

DD has been using the bathroom in her clothes at school everyday this week. She has only done this one other time and that was last year when she was being bullied. Yesterday I got her alone without her brother around and finally found our my 7 year old is scared of her Daddy

In our talk she said she is scared he will get mad and ball his fist up and hit somebody again. You can see the fear in her eyes. You can tell she is scared she will be next.

I know stepmom has given him an ultamatum about his drinking.

I also told her to tell him we need to talk before DD came back over there, and I wanted me him and DD to sit down and talk so she can tell him how she feels.

He called me today. He talked for 30 sec DD was supposed to go back over this weekend because we had swapped weekends, but she is here with me. She will go with stepmom only to a girl-scout event tomorrow afternoon. My DF will keep her in the morning because I have to teach Scouts tomorrow.

She has been super klingy of my DF since this happened to the point of being near tears when we stopped by his work this afternoon to take him his supper. If he is not here, she wants her big brother. Unfortunately, neither are here right now and she just looks lost.

Am I wrong for keeping her away from her dad until she or I talk to him or do I make her go scared?

I'm not even going to bother reading the other replies. Why the H are you even asking and why isn't this common sense to you? That's my question.

Your daughter saw her father hit another person and she's having difficulty processing that situation. That would be more than enough for me to keep her away from what apparently is a violent man. I would speak to her pediatrician about helping her not poo in her pants at school and document why you think this has started happening again.

If/when the father takes you to court because you're refusing visitation, you have the documentation you need to show that the daughter is scared of the father and you've been protecting her.

I don't even get why this is a question you're asking on a BB. Protect your daughter, dang it. Why do you even need validation from strangers to do that?

 

[KiKi Mouse]

--document everything, every conversation with the ex (if there are any), incidents etc.
--call your lawyer and tell him/her about this and tell them that you are not sending your daughter there anymore due to a) drinking b) violence
--the ex needs supervised visitation again or at the very least needs court ordered conditions on his visitation. Given that she is soiling herself I would not send her there until this is all sorted out. She can talk to Daddy on the phone for now.
--Try and keep open communication with the stepmom as it sounds like she at least is honest with you about what is going on over there.

I really feel for your daughter. She has been through a lot in her short life. By letting her go to her Dad's you are putting her in danger. He could drive with her while drunk or there could be another domestic situation. The ex is an alcoholic and needs to get treatment for that before he can properly parent anybody.

 

[okeydokey]

Fist of all the police should have been called when you got your dd back the next day. The Stepmom should have called you right away to come get her, but that is another story.

Start a document trail. Call CPS and your lawyer, he should have no part of your dds life at all at this point. You need to have this in place legally as soon as possible, before his next scheduled visit.

Your poor DD.