How would you handle this?

[syudelson]

If I were in your place I would keep the picture where it is for your daughter's sake. I understand the creep factor that it gives you, but to your daughter it only holds good feelings. You said she loves to look at it and is so proud of it. Even if you explain to her why it's being taken away, it's probably going to make her feel sad that her great gift was rejected. I think this is one case where I would carry the burden and let my kid be carefree a little longer.(by the way though, the guy IS a dirtbag, I don't buy the "sketchy artist" line, but your daughter gave the gift with the greatest intentions -- making you happy)

 

[ShannonMB]

Why on earth would it be necessary to tell the daughter why?

She might be wondering what happened to the gift she had given to her mom with so much pride, no?

OP, I don't know what I would say to your DD about why the picture is gone, but I would agree to get rid of it. I can only TRY to imagine how your DH must feel being the one who actually gave a big-time pervert pictures of your DD. He's probably having a hard time living with that fact, even though he certainly did nothing wrong. Having a big ol' reminder of it hanging in a prominent room in your home is not doing anyone any good. I agree that your DH and DD should "surprise" you with a new one!

BTW, I'm really sorry you guys are dealing with this. Not so much the picture thing, but it certainly puts a face on the dangers in this world and it is just plain SCARY.

 

[Deesknee]

Regarding the picture. I'm a mom of college kids and a 6yo. The picture would be a reminder to me of what could have happened to MY daughter. She was that close. I'd pack it away. Maybe when dd is an adult I could stand looking at it.

The bigger issue to me is how much to tell your dd. We tell ours in similiar converstations that there are bad people. Like Jafar from Aladdin when he pretends to be the nice old man to help Aladdin, but what he really wants to do in hurt Aladdin. Some people hurt children. We use words like your privates. we refer to areas of the body that "bathing suits cover" are off limits except to doctors when mom/dad is in the room..That said, if this monster has had thoughts about your daughter & if he is ever released from prison, wouldn't you want your daughter to know he is not the man he had appeared to be? At the very least I would keep tabs to make sure he is never up for parole, etc. We had a neighbor who's son was a sex offender, thank goodness we kept track, he was released early & moved in with his parents. Honestly, we never had problems, but my kids were aware that you never know who Jafar is. He could be a store clerk, a neighbor, etc. They did not live in fear, just aware.

 

[brymolmom]

She is 7? I think it's old enough to be able to handle taking it down. As much or little detail is fine - a simple 'the man who drew it decided to become very mean/bad' might be enough. She might ask for more - and you could say 'he hurt someone and is in jail'.

And I have no problem with taking it down. A nice picture - sure - but if it brings to mind the man...I wouldn't want it in my house.

 

[v.t.]

Regarding the picture. I'm a mom of college kids and a 6yo. The picture would be a reminder to me of what could have happened to MY daughter. She was that close. I'd pack it away. Maybe when dd is an adult I could stand looking at it.

The bigger issue to me is how much to tell your dd. We tell ours in similiar converstations that there are bad people. Like Jafar from Aladdin when he pretends to be the nice old man to help Aladdin, but what he really wants to do in hurt Aladdin. Some people hurt children. We use words like your privates. we refer to areas of the body that "bathing suits cover" are off limits except to doctors when mom/dad is in the room..That said, if this monster has had thoughts about your daughter & if he is ever released from prison, wouldn't you want your daughter to know he is not the man he had appeared to be? At the very least I would keep tabs to make sure he is never up for parole, etc. We had a neighbor who's son was a sex offender, thank goodness we kept track, he was released early & moved in with his parents. Honestly, we never had problems, but my kids were aware that you never know who Jafar is. He could be a store clerk, a neighbor, etc. They did not live in fear, just aware.

Great advice!

 

[mapmakerj]

I think you should just have your DH point out to your daughter
how much she has grown since the sketch was done and that now would be a great time to surprise mommy with an updated one. That way you would have a "happy" reason to take it down instead of telling her the real reason and possibly making her upset. Kids should all be told about possible "stranger dangers" in general but, I think in this case, I wouldn't tell her the real reason you want it gone since it could put a black cloud over any good memories she had of giving her mom such a special gift.

 

[2shortpeopleruleme]

Regarding the picture. I'm a mom of college kids and a 6yo. The picture would be a reminder to me of what could have happened to MY daughter. She was that close. I'd pack it away. Maybe when dd is an adult I could stand looking at it.

The bigger issue to me is how much to tell your dd. We tell ours in similiar converstations that there are bad people. Like Jafar from Aladdin when he pretends to be the nice old man to help Aladdin, but what he really wants to do in hurt Aladdin. Some people hurt children. We use words like your privates. we refer to areas of the body that "bathing suits cover" are off limits except to doctors when mom/dad is in the room..That said, if this monster has had thoughts about your daughter & if he is ever released from prison, wouldn't you want your daughter to know he is not the man he had appeared to be? At the very least I would keep tabs to make sure he is never up for parole, etc. We had a neighbor who's son was a sex offender, thank goodness we kept track, he was released early & moved in with his parents. Honestly, we never had problems, but my kids were aware that you never know who Jafar is. He could be a store clerk, a neighbor, etc. They did not live in fear, just aware.

I also agree with this.

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

If she asks you just tell her you've put it up for awhile, for Heaven's sake. This doesn't have to be so hard.

 

[MSSANDRA]

i think you should just have your dh point out to your daughter
how much she has grown since the sketch was done and that now would be a great time to surprise mommy with an updated one. That way you would have a "happy" reason to take it down instead of telling her the real reason and possibly making her upset. Kids should all be told about possible "stranger dangers" in general but, i think in this case, i wouldn't tell her the real reason you want it gone since it could put a black cloud over any good memories she had of giving her mom such a special gift.

ita

 

[Wendy5055]

I personally like the suggestion that your husband tell your daughter that it is time for a new up to date portrait to be done. Then take her as soon as possible to do this and hang it in place of the old one.

That will handle the situation of the picture and your daughter's feelings about you removing it.

I can understand what your husband is feeling...but it is a picture. A picture that your daughter has great feelings about. To soil her memory of that picture by telling her it was drawn by a s-x offender is needless. To her it is a picture of her give as a gift to her mom...let it be that in her memory. As the new picture hangs and she has new memories, you can remove and do whatever you choose with the old one.

Now...it does sound very much like the offender was "grooming" your daughter and the family. That is what they do and they will always take the time needed to do so. It is always important to tell our children about strangers and the no touch zones on their bodies as well as the fact that sometimes friends are not our friends for the right reasons. It also serves as a reminder to parents everywhere that people are not always what they seem to be.

I hope this helps.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I think you should just have your DH point out to your daughter
how much she has grown since the sketch was done and that now would be a great time to surprise mommy with an updated one. That way you would have a "happy" reason to take it down instead of telling her the real reason and possibly making her upset. Kids should all be told about possible "stranger dangers" in general but, I think in this case, I wouldn't tell her the real reason you want it gone since it could put a black cloud over any good memories she had of giving her mom such a special gift.

I agree. Wonderful advice.