How would you go about this? Surprise 50th birthday

[Disney1fan2002]

I don't have any experience with hosting parties at all. Anything I have ever had has been informal, and I did on my own financially.

My brother is turning 50 in May. Many people turn 50, but this is a HUGE milestone for our family, because out of 12 siblings, he is the 4th in line, but only the 2nd to reach 50, and the first BROTHER to reach 50. You see, two of my brother's died, my oldest brother was 48 when he died, and my other brother (3rd in line) was 45. My sister turned 50 back in '07, and that was big for us, but since it's been the boys dropping dead, my brother turning 50 is a HUGE deal.

I want to give him a surprise party. When my sister turned 50, the sisters (4 of us) took her to Foxwoods casino. We each gave her a card with a $50 bill in it. That same sister thinks we should all contribute a $50 bill for my brother and make him a money tree. I like the idea, and he could use the money, as he has not worked and can't find a job in this economy. Hitting my siblings up for the money will be no problem, but I would like to invite other guests to donate if they would like to. (It may be easier than trying to figure out what to get a 50 year old for a present)

How would I tactfully go about this? Any idea's on how I could word the invitation without making it seem like they HAVE to donate to the money tree?

I need some creative people to help me out here. TIA

 

[mom2cookies]

my suggestion: if you send out invitations make a note at the bottom that the family is creating a money tree as " brother" has not been able to find work due to the economy. If " guest" would like to contribute in lieu of a gift that would be wonderful. No set amount though and each contributors name would be added to a card.

I find coming from a very large family myself ( 11 kids, 50 + grandkids& great grands) that not setting a certain amount and saying contributing is an option eases any hardship on those not having much money.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

my suggestion: if you send out invitations make a note at the bottom that the family is creating a money tree as " brother" has not been able to find work due to the economy. If " guest" would like to contribute in lieu of a gift that would be wonderful. No set amount though and each contributors name would be added to a card.

I find coming from a very large family myself ( 11 kids, 50 + grandkids& great grands) that not setting a certain amount and saying contributing is an option eases any hardship on those not having much money.

Thanks!

I was thinking of the contributing $50, because I would like the money tree to be made up of all $50 bills, but I just now realized I can take any amount for a contribution, and when I have all the money, go to the bank and get all $50 bills. (duh)

 

[Bren's Mom]

I wouldn't put this on the invites.

Whoever is taking the RSVPs if they are asked for ideas for a gift can say that the family is doing a money tree they are welcome to participate in or <insert a few other ideas here>.

 

[lspst8]

I agree not to mention money on the invites --- when people do that it sounds like they are charging you to attend the party.

As far as I know, both Miss Manners and Emily Post agree that there is no tactful way to ask for cash, be it for a shower, wedding, or birthday party.

 

[ccgirl]

We threw my inlaws a 30th wedding anniversary party. My DH and myself gave a week of our timeshare in Hawaii as a present. When people RSVP'd and asked if I had any ideas I then mentioned the money tree. IMHO I would not put it on the invitations. How would you feel if you received an invitation asking for money, or any specific gift for that matter?

 

[disney1990]

Does you brother want a 50th Birthday Party?

I know, when I was about to turn 50, I made sure to tell DH that he was NOT to throw me a party. Then after thinking about it a little longer, I arranged a trip to Disney for my 50th, just be sure that nobody threw me a party. JMHO

 

[Alesia]

There is no way to tactfully ask for money. Or to mention that there will be a money tree. It's a birthday party, not a charity event.

 

[Metsfan520]

There is no way to tactfully ask for money. Or to mention that there will be a money tree. It's a birthday party, not a charity event.

Exactly.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Thank you all for your replies. I honestly had no idea money trees are tacky. Growing up, my aunt's gave parties all the time with money trees. I'm really glad I posted here, because I don't want people to be offended or feel put out.

 

[kaytieeldr]

Money trees are NOT tacky.

Even just SUGGESTING money as a gift on an invitaion - written/e-mailed or verbal - is what's tacky. Remember, gifts are NEVER mandatory, and asking for any is poor etiquette (and no, I didn't write the rules but I do think it's too bad so many people are ignoring them and no, I DON'T mean the OP).

What you CAN do, though, is if anybody ASKS for gift suggestions, tell them you're putting together a money tree. Don't ask for money, let the guest make their own decision to offer to participate or not. By the way, I know you want all $50 bills - but not everyone who participates may be willing or able to contribute that amount. If you can't do all bills, consider a number of half-dollars as well, for variety If your bank doesn't have them, they can get 'em with a little advance notice.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

There is no tactful way to ask guests to donate any expense to you hosting any type of event for a person.

Keep it to the immediate family and within your means and go from there.

I've only seen money trees and similar at weddings where tradition can camoflauge some of the tackiness. (I do not personally find them tacky, but many might.)

I have never seen one at a birthday party and would be aghast if I did see one.

A 50th surprise birthday party can be done on ANY budget without soliciting donations from guests in any form.

My friend threw on for her best friend and it was lots of fun. My friend isn't wealthy and she is frugal--but she pulled off a big event with minimal cost without requesting any funding from the regular guests. (50th b-day party)

 

[Bren's Mom]

Thank you all for your replies. I honestly had no idea money trees are tacky. Growing up, my aunt's gave parties all the time with money trees. I'm really glad I posted here, because I don't want people to be offended or feel put out.

It's not the money tree itself, it's just putting it on the invite...that's all. After the invites go out people WILL ask what to get him. And it's fine to say 'Well, the family is contributing to a money tree and you're welcome to contribute to that as well if you'd like.' And like I posted before, have a few other suggestions of things he might like as well. (Does he like tools? Sears is a good gc to suggest. Or if he might need to work on his home, perhaps Lowe's or Home Depot. Those are 'gifts' to my dh, but they also can be used for very practical things if that's what the receiver chooses.)

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Please don't tell people they have to give your brother money for his b-day.

People will give what they want. I suspect he might get gifts, gag gifts, and money.

You will be spoiling the party dictating someone's gift. It is just wrong.

Now if they ask you, you can tell them about the money tree.

ETA...since you say your brother is out of work and in need of money, personally I find a money tree as an embarassing gift for him. I would not do it. However that is JM2cents.

 

[kaytieeldr]

I have never seen one at a birthday party and would be aghast if I did see one.

My sister made a shadow box-framed money sculpture for my parents for one anniversary - but it was a wrapped gift, not a display or decoration; and it spent YEARS hanging on the living room wall. I don't know if it EVER got spent...

 

[PolyndianPrincessJes]

My mom's aunt got a money tree for her 50th. It was just "word-of-mouthed" that there would be a money tree if anyone would like to add to it. They spray painted a branch gold, put it in a gold flower pot and tied all the money to it like little fans. As a kid, I remember thinking it was the coolest thing!! She let each of the kids take a bill. Heck, as an adult, I think it's pretty cool.

 

[Alesia]

ETA...since you say your brother is out of work and in need of money, personally I find a money tree as an embarassing gift for him. I would not do it. However that is JM2cents.

I agree. I don't know any men who wouldn't be absolutely humiliated.