How would you feel about this?

[lovetoscrap]

Sorry, I am not good at making a long story short.

About 3 years ago a friend--I'll call her Susie-- invited me to sub in her neighborhood Bunco group. At the first one I found out that a few of the other players were friends from different activities. After a few months of subbing I was promoted to a permanent player and put on the official player list. I even hosted the group at my house one of the months.

I played with the group for about 6 more months and then Susie's husband got orders to go overseas for 2 years. They kept their house here with the plan to come back here. Two others in the group got relocation orders (permanent) around the same time so there was talk of ending the Bunco group. I made it clear that I would be around and would love to continue. Susie moved away and I never heard from the Bunco group again. I also didn't see the other friends I knew from the group as we had moved on to other activities.

Fast Forward 2 years and Susie just got back and settled back into their house this fall. In November I get a mass distribution email from the Bunco Group thanking the last month's hostess and giving the details on the next one. Hmmmm, apparently they didn't end the group. So why am I getting this email now after 2 years? I ignored it and figured it was a mistake-- someone hit the wrong button and sent to the old group list. I got a few more reminder emails that I ignored, and then the mass distribution email for the next month's Bunco and Christmas Party.

Then I get a mass email with the "Official Group List" with everyone's name, phone and email on it and my name is on it. I am totally confused. I send a nice email back and say "I think I am getting these emails by mistake. I haven't been invited to this Bunco group for the last 2 years"

She responds back and says "Well, since Susie is back we put you back on the list. Hope to see you soon."

WTH???

I can't play with their group unless Susie is around? It wasn't like I had only been there once or twice before she left. It had been about 9 months that I had played with them. I was friends with others in the group and certainly friendly with everyone. I had played several times when Susie wasn't there. I thought I was a part of the group.

I checked the list so see if it was a numbers thing-- that with Susie back they needed more players to make the numbers work, but actually they are OVER on numbers and adding me back just makes them even more over.

I am feeling offended. And it is really hard to offend me-- I have very thick skin. I haven't had a chance to talk with Susie with all the busyness of the holiday, but I don't think that I want to go back and play with them. Heck, after 2 years I don't even remember half of them.

Am I wrong to feel hurt and offended? Should I just brush it off and go back and play?

 

[NC State]

I would dump them, it sounds like the clicks in high school. Why would anyone want friends like that?

 

[Scurvy]

I would be offended. They made it clear that they weren't interested in your company, and now they are only including you because of Susie. You don't need friends like that. I wouldn't go back to the group if I were you, and if Susie asked why I'd tell her. Maybe the two of you could form a different group with some other friends.

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

I think i would do a "reply to all" and explain that you are at a loss as to why they dumped you and now suddenly want to re-invite you two years later. You were a member of the group in your own rite and not joined at the hip to your friend who moved away.

 

[akhenaten]

I think you have a right to feel offended........

I guess the question is ...do you enjoy Bunko and want to play again or not....

if you enjoy the game and want to play.. just think of it like going to the local bingo hall...

if you want to be part of the group... as a friend... i would pass... cause they obviously don't see you as a friend... sadly...

 

[mjkacmom]

I'd be upset (and I'm in 3 bunco groups, need to drop at least one, but don't know which, since they are so different). The first one I joined, it was through another mom at school, with members from a different school. We've had the group for about 5 years but even after the first, I felt included, and would feel slighted if I was not welcomed back if the mom I knew from school left.

 

[pearlieq]

That is weird--and probably rude too, though I can't even muster outrage since it's just so bizarre.

Unless you really loved these people and loved playing, I would just take a pass on rejoining. You could just "reply to all" and say that new commitments prevent you from playing in their group but you wish them all well.

No need to burn bridges, but no need to go back either.

 

[samshane]

How tacky - and rude... I just wouldn't go. I am sure you can find a new, more welcoming, Bunco group to join.

 

[lovetoscrap]

Thanks. I wasn't sure if I was overreacting by feeling slighted. It seems like maybe it is silly to be offended, but of course I can't help the way I feel.

I don't plan to go back, but won't email everyone. I will talk to Susie when I see her again and just let her know. I do love to play Bunco-- and just to get out and be with friends once a month, but these do not seem to be the friends that I thought they were and I don't need that.

 

[akhenaten]

Thanks. I wasn't sure if I was overreacting by feeling slighted. It seems like maybe it is silly to be offended, but of course I can't help the way I feel.

I don't plan to go back, but won't email everyone. I will talk to Susie when I see her again and just let her know. I do love to play Bunco-- and just to get out and be with friends once a month, but these do not seem to be the friends that I thought they were and I don't need that.

good for you... you know what you want! it is their loss...

Now I need to google bunco... lol

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Well I guess I would feel like dirt, unworthy, unclean. I don't think I could go back and feel the same way with them.

 

[dislaney]

I think you have a right to feel offended........

I guess the question is ...do you enjoy Bunko and want to play again or not....

if you enjoy the game and want to play.. just think of it like going to the local bingo hall...

if you want to be part of the group... as a friend... i would pass... cause they obviously don't see you as a friend... sadly...

What she said!

 

[Luv Bunnies]

There's no reason they shouldn't have kept you just because your friend left. I used to be in a Bunco group and lot of people brought in their friends over the years. Even if the original person left, the friend would still stay. I brought in a co-worker who brought in a neighbor. I left, my co-workers left, but as far as I know, the neighbor is still in the group.

I ended up leaving my group because I didn't like the negativity and rudeness of some of the women in the group. I joined because my sister was in the group. But there were three people that I just couldn't be around. They complained about everything and everyone and it just wasn't pleasant to be around them. I dubbed them the Bunco *****es! I was much happier after I left that group. I'll bet you can find another group with nicer people in it!

 

[lovetoscrap]

I JUST got another email from them-- they haven't had very many replys back and don't have enough to play this month-- "If you are coming please let me know and BRING a FRIEND!"

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Our bunco list fluctuates--but we don't drop people just b/c their "connection" moved.

How rude and tacky.

I would only rejoin if they weren't going to evict me if Susie were to move again. It sucks to be part of the fun and then dismissed for an arbitrary reason.

I also would not make a stink about it. Just move on if it is not for you.
I might let Susie know.

We just had Bunco night tonight--only it was at a restaurant and we didn't play bunco. Just had a ladies night out and a lady who was a guest last month was invited and welcome to join us. Lots of fun!

 

[manning]

Thanks. I wasn't sure if I was overreacting by feeling slighted. It seems like maybe it is silly to be offended, but of course I can't help the way I feel.

I don't plan to go back, but won't email everyone. I will talk to Susie when I see her again and just let her know. I do love to play Bunco-- and just to get out and be with friends once a month, but these do not seem to be the friends that I thought they were and I don't need that.

Good move, why would anyone want to be around anyone who don't want to be around you.

 

[Bunchkin]

Wow! How rude and ill mannered!
I'm glad you're not going to rejoin them.

 

[Sgt Mickey]

I do think it is very very rude and I would be hurt. BUT did you enjoy the people in the group? I don't think it was everyone was it? IS there more or less a few people in charge of the group?
SO basically if it comes down to 1-2 people I may still consider going.

 

[joyjoy]

I wonder if, when Suzie left, her roster had your name on it but someone else's did not. So all this time you haven't been included on the invites, but then Suzie comes back and is all "Hey! Why isn't lovetoscrap on this list? She was about to change her name to lovetobunco!" Anyway, so then you ended up back on the list. Why that person said that you could play now that Suze is back doesn't make sense. Maybe she meant "now that she is back and has shown us the correct roster."

Who knows? They were rude. Your feelings are justified.

BUNCO!

 

[Jennasis]

Ummm...what's Bunco?