How to tell if someone is really in need?

[The Mystery Machine]

When I was a teen (many, many years ago) I came up $.03 short for my subway fare home. I asked people standing in line (very embarrassing) and one lady gave me a nickel. So yes it does happen. I guess I wasn't technically "in need" in the sense of being poor, but I sure felt grateful that lady took pity on a dumb teen who misplaced her fare home and couldn't scrounge up quite enough from her pockets.

That is different. It is obvious you were short for the subway.

Have you ever come across the gas station beggars? They are not very nice people and they harass you.

 

[MELSMICE]

Laughed at her and said nice scam.

How to tell? People in need do not beg strangers for gas money to get somewhere.

I was thinking the same thing.

Unless her wallet was stolen she most likely had a credit card or debit card that she could have used to purchase gas.

 

[punkin]

That is different. It is obvious you were short for the subway.

Have you ever come across the gas station beggars? They are not very nice people and they harass you.

I am sure you are right. It's just that even after all these years I remember how awful it felt to ask a stranger for money and I take pity on them and give something if I can. Of course if they harass me, my pity goes out the window and I won't give a penny.

 

[happygirl]

I refuse to give people cash in this type of situation. If I have someone ask for money for food, I will buy them food. If someone ask for gas I put some gas in there car or get them a can of gas. That way I know for sure the money is going where it says it going,

 

[MIGrandma]

I'm not a very trusting person. If she said she had a cell phone I probably would have just told her to call a family member or friend. To me, it sounds like a scam.

 

[luvsJack]

I would have probably given her the $10, but if you questioned it you could have just said ok, let me come with you to pay the gas station. She would have either backed down or back peddled if she didn't really need the money to pay for gas.

If she was for real, being upset that way could explain why she didn't ask for a way to send the money back to you and why she didn't just use her cell phone to call someone. She paniced and that was the only way she could think to get the money "right now".


Some mentioned homeless men always being in the same place. We have a homeless man in town that is always on the same corner. He is most definitly homeless, there was even a article in the newspaper about the guy. I buy him a hamburger sometimes when I see him and he is always very, very appreciative. So being in the same place all the time (not talking about the folks that are supposed to be stranded), doesn't make them a scam.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

You can't.

You just go with your gut. What if she was without money?

I met a family once that was broken down and up a creek. But they had a kid, the plates matched with their story. They had many miles to to. Not sure how they ended up so far off the interstate, nor did I care. I did not have any cash, but thought about it and drove off to an ATM. I got them $100.

When I returned, you could tell by their body language that they were distraught. Perhaps they used the money for a good time, I will never know.

But growing up, we were that broken stranded family and the feeling of hopelessness stank. That ended up being our Christmas donation that year. And if I was scammed, oh well. But I don't think that I was.

Usually, I don't help people in parking lots with crazy stories.

I had a woman approach once that needed money to buy a tent for a place for her and her kids to sleep. The situation was so far fetched that I would not help her, but just apologized for not having cash to do so.

 

[Tinkermommy]

I have been approached and and have given money even when I was in doubt about whether the person was truly in need or not. Sometimes you just know they are scamming you and I have no problem walking away then.

I think about it this way, if they scammed me shame on them ( and I would never give more than a small amount that would make no difference in my life).

If they were truly in need and I didn't give them any assistance, then that would be a big shame on me for not helping someone.

I guess I would rather be scammed for a trifling amount of money than to leave a fellow human being in a bad situation.

 

[luvsJack]

I have been approached and and have given money even when I was in doubt about whether the person was truly in need or not. Sometimes you just know they are scamming you and I have no problem walking away then.

I think about it this way, if they scammed me shame on them ( and I would never give more than a small amount that would make no difference in my life).

If they were truly in need and I didn't give them any assistance, then that would be a big shame on me for not helping someone.

I guess I would rather be scammed for a trifling amount of money than to leave a fellow human being in a bad situation.

I feel the same way.

Its really sad that there are so many scammers out there that we have to question everyone, but that is reality. But, otoh, there are so many that really are in need and, yes, sometimes they do ask for help at gas stations, at Walmart, in front of the grocery store or at the local truck stop. I would rather know that I was scammed for a few buck than to think I ignored someone who needed my help.

 

[Minnesota!]

If the $10.00 was not a hardship on yourself, then I think you did the right thing. It's tough now, people are really crafty and deceiving, but on the flip-side, so many are unexpectedly needy and don't know how to adjust and get the help they need.

If I were you I would sleep well tonight. You did what you think is a good thing. That's what matters.

I don't think you can ever really know. You just look at the whole situation, make your best judgment, and then pray that your actions bring about some good somehow.

If $10 isn't something you're going to miss, I'd say it's a small price to pay for the chance to help someone. You're not only buying her some gas, but helping restore her faith that the world isn't as cold and scary as we hear it is sometimes.

I have been approached and and have given money even when I was in doubt about whether the person was truly in need or not. Sometimes you just know they are scamming you and I have no problem walking away then.

I think about it this way, if they scammed me shame on them ( and I would never give more than a small amount that would make no difference in my life).

If they were truly in need and I didn't give them any assistance, then that would be a big shame on me for not helping someone.

I guess I would rather be scammed for a trifling amount of money than to leave a fellow human being in a bad situation.

Exactly! I know a good chunk of them are scammers...but oh well. I am willing to take that chance in order to maybe help someone really down on their luck.

 

[MarkBarbieri]

The problem that I have with giving them money isn't the direct financial cost to me, it's the overall cost to them and to society. I think that giving the scammers money just encourages more of this behavior. It's like giving an alcoholic a drink.

This subject does remind me of a strange story. I was riding down I-10 through Texas and the driver pulled over to help a lady that flagged us down. She was in an old Mazda (probably a 20 year old car at that time). I remember that she was a very large woman and had "KILLER" scarred (not tattooed, scarred) in her upper arm. Even with the three of us, I was somewhat leery about stopping.

When we talked to her, she immediately went into a story about how her father was in the hospital in Houston and was dying. She was on her way from Arizona and was in a hurry to make it there before he died. I got ready for the money request, but it turned out she didn't want money. Her car occasionally stalled out and what she needed was a push start to get her on her way again. We dutifully lined up behind the car and pushed it. She hopped in, fired it, and was on her way.

 

[scrapbookworm]

One time we stopped for a vehicle that was supposedly broke down on a south bound interstate entrance ramp. They said that they needed money to fix their vehicle- a fuel pump I think. The tow truck had left them b/c they couldn't pay. They were heading to Birmingham, AL b/c the wife's mother had a heart attack. Let's take a few notes on what they were doing wrong:

A) wrong interstate to go to Birmingham (they were off of I-85)
B) entrance ramp going south bound towards Montgomery, not north bound!. If they were going to Mtgy to get on I-65, they were definitely going a LONG ways out of the way
C) if they were REALLY going to B'ham, they would have been on US280, which again was well north of the exit they were at. Their vehicle was on the south bound ramp at an exit in the middle of nowhere.

We didn't give them any money, of course. But I was thinking, if you are going to lie, at least get your geography straight! lol

 

[avgeek81]

There used to be a guy at the gas station near my old house, that was always asking for gas money. He even carry a gas can with him. My mom saw him every time she got gas. He went up to her and gave her the sob story. She said to him "i see you every time i come here. you must run out of gas alot" He just walked away

There was another guy who was always on the corner with a sign saying he had no food. One time i saw someone give him some food. They drove away he took one bite and threw it on someones lawn. I really made me mad not only is he wasting food but he had to litter too.

Even with these two stories i have to say i try to give people the benefit of the doubt. One time my cousin and her bf were going to NYC for some reason they only had enought cash to buy one way tickets. Once they get to NYC they find out their ATM card is not working. They try to ask this guy where the closest money wiring place is so her mom can send some money. The guy is like how much you need. They say we dont want your money we just need directions. He ends up buying them tickets to retuen home. So sometimes people are in need.

 

[Planogirl]

I once saw a panhandler at an intersection with a sign that simply said that he was a drunk and needed to buy wine. It was very sad and refreshingly honest all at the same time.

 

[kc10family]

On the flip side once to me….. We had spent the day at 6 flags (it was 20 mins down the highway),DH had a haircut appointment to get to so he dropped me and the DD’s off at a McDonalds to play while he got his hair cut. I felt guilty about just playing without buying something. So I dug around to see how much I had left in cash on me and tried to figure out what to buy that the girls might eat after a day of garbage park food.
Holding one DD with the diaper backpack and keeping the 5yr old (at the time) right next to me I must have taken a long time at the counter (I do remember letting people go in front of me in line) and I remember saying ok girls what can we share (again remember we had just spent a day at 6 flags eating park food). So I ordered a cheeseburger and fruit parfait with one drink of water for the girls and a small coke for me.
I had the 5 yr old hold the tray while I filled up the water cup and coke cup when a man came up to me handed my 5 yr old a 20 and said you tell mama to get you something more tonight. As I turned to say something he walked so darn fast. I tried to chase him down but with one on my hips and the other holding my jacket I couldn’t get to him and he was gone.
DH came back about 45 mins later and I told him all about it. He told me we must have just looked so sad that this man felt he had to help this poor lady not being able to feed her kids.
So after a few days of thinking about it I decided that it was something that man needed to do (universal kindness thing) and it was my duty to pass it on. I took the girls to the store and we bought some toys then took them to a charity. It was a good lesson for me and the girls.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

If I want to give the money I do. What they do with it after is none of my concern. If they do buy food because they're hungry, great. If they buy drugs or alcohol, that's on them. I've never been homeless or lived on the streets, so I'm not going to judge people who do and how they learn to deal with their situation. I just thank God I'm not in their shoes, give them the money and move along. And I don't feel stupid for having tried to help someone. My heart is in the right place, so to me, that's what matters most.

 

[Becky2005]

it was defintely a scam. if it was real the lady would of ask for your address to send the money back to you. she could of ask for your address and it could still be a scam of course. but since she didnt ask it was defintely a scam.

However, would you REALLY give your home address out to a random stranger? THAT would freak me out more than giving a couple bucks for supposed gas.

Unfortunately, I have known my sister to get into binds with cars (before cell phones though) and if it weren't for the help of kind strangers she would have been up a creak without a paddle. Once she got stranded on the interstate and luckily someone helped her out (mostly by using the headlights on their car so she could see the numbers to dial on the pay phone at a rest stop to call her husband to pick her up). If I recall that one was probably divine intervention because she lives 1,000 miles away and somehow the guy ended up knowing our dad!!! It's a running joke that my dad knows EVERYONE (not so much now that he is retired) but no matter where it seems we would always run into someone he knew. Even when they went to take a trip to Alaska, turns out somehow the pilot knew him! He wasn't even a high profile person....he was a barber!

I've heard of the gas station scam before & 99.9% of everyone here pays with credit/debit cards to do pay at the pump so it hasn't happened here. In the big scheme of things $10 is a small amount...true they may make a ton of money doing it but if it was the off chance that it was someone like my sister & it didn't hurt you (i.e. you weren't down to your last $10 and could put yourself in jepordy). It is what it is.

 

[wilderness01]

On the flip side once to me….. We had spent the day at 6 flags (it was 20 mins down the highway),DH had a haircut appointment to get to so he dropped me and the DD’s off at a McDonalds to play while he got his hair cut. I felt guilty about just playing without buying something. So I dug around to see how much I had left in cash on me and tried to figure out what to buy that the girls might eat after a day of garbage park food.
Holding one DD with the diaper backpack and keeping the 5yr old (at the time) right next to me I must have taken a long time at the counter (I do remember letting people go in front of me in line) and I remember saying ok girls what can we share (again remember we had just spent a day at 6 flags eating park food). So I ordered a cheeseburger and fruit parfait with one drink of water for the girls and a small coke for me.
I had the 5 yr old hold the tray while I filled up the water cup and coke cup when a man came up to me handed my 5 yr old a 20 and said you tell mama to get you something more tonight. As I turned to say something he walked so darn fast. I tried to chase him down but with one on my hips and the other holding my jacket I couldn’t get to him and he was gone.
DH came back about 45 mins later and I told him all about it. He told me we must have just looked so sad that this man felt he had to help this poor lady not being able to feed her kids.
So after a few days of thinking about it I decided that it was something that man needed to do (universal kindness thing) and it was my duty to pass it on. I took the girls to the store and we bought some toys then took them to a charity. It was a good lesson for me and the girls.

That is a nice story.

 

[ugadog99]

Interesting thread as I have seen the same guy in a Santa hat outside Target the last two days. The odd part is, he has a little bell like Salvation Army but no kettle. Add to that the fact that he has a large cloth type of bag sitting at his feet. I know he's not putting the money in there because it kind of bulges out in places, and he sure doesn't have that much money. I can't figure out what he's doing, but I know it's a scam. Have to go back to Target today, so I'll be looking for him again. (And by the way....I'm about sick of being at Target! )

 

[ElizK]

Several years ago I got in line to pay for my purchases at a store in the mall. There were a couple of teenagers at the register, and they were asking the people around them for a couple of dollars. I gave it to them, they finished and left. When it was my turn at the register I found out that the teens had been caught shoplifting and were made to pay for the items, but didn't have enough. The other customers in front of me knew that, and wouldn't give them money. I didn't know the situation when I got in line. I would NOT have given money if I had known. I thought I was helping, but kind of felt like a fool afterwards.