How to politely say "No"?

[TinkBride]

We are having our wedding the day after we arrive in Disney and then we are starting our honeymoon. My family is super crazy about anything Disney so they are staying the entire week after the wedding, and DF's family is making a week long vacation of it as well. No problem right?

Well DH2B and I are also having our honeymoon at Disney after the wedding.

The problem is that we are all staying at the same Resort. And at SOG all the rooms under one name have to be close by so that the military personnel that booked the rooms can be aware cause they are the responsible party for ALL rooms under their name.

DH2B and I do not want to spend the week with family, it is our honeymoon and we want it to be treated as if we got married in Ohio and then went on our honeymoon. We are not looking to spend the week with family. That sounds harsh I know but the idea of hanging out with parents and nieces and nephews on our honeymoon does not appeal.

What is the best way to communicate this without hurting feelings or causing tension?

 

[Laurafoster]

To be honest i dont think you can tell them you dont want to spend any time at all with them. I completely understand what you are saying about it being your honeymoon but at the end of the day they are spending all that money to go to your wedding in WDW you cant expect them to just disappear.

Im in the same situation with our family but i have said im happy to meet up once or twice to keep them happy but the rest of the time i am on my honeymoon and we would like some days to ourselves. A compromise on both sides.

 

[Redbudlover]

I agree. I would have thought it was generally understood that if you ask wedding guests to share your day with you at a tourist location instead of at home that you would expect and anticipate that they would be spending time at the resort as well.... My suggestion if you really want alone time on your honeymoon is to cancel the wedding at WDW, hold it in your hometown and then go to WDW on your own. I think people can understand a coouple wanting to go off on their own, but don't feel it is reasonable to expect people to travel to a place they love and then just leave after the wedding!!! Alternatively you and your new DH could travel somewhere besides WDW after your wedding and then go back to WDW after your guests have left....

 

[mickeyfan2]

Sorry this is what happens when one does a destination wedding. The reason for the honeymoon was to get away after the wedding and to go somewhere alone. You are brinig the entire wedding to your honeymoon and you want to not see them? If you want to be alone then get married in Ohio and honeymoon in Disney. Remember they are at WDW because you set it up that way. It would be rude to ignore them after they went over 1000 miles to see you married, paid their own way, gave you a gift and used their vacation. This problem is one of the reason I am not a fan of the destination wedding. They get the wedding and honeymoon muddled.

 

[wendy46001]

Best way to say No....is to just say it.....don’t say we will see, or maybe....Just say I'm so glad you all get to share in our special day, we can all trade pictures when we get home.....

Honestly for our wedding had a lot of people spend time at WDW after the wedding, and while i had a wonderful time with them the day of...we had a farewell breakfast and parted ways......Its a big park...trust me you wont see them and if you do wave, say hello (insert cleaver statement about how strange it is to see you so far from home), and keep moving....Family understands it your honeymoon.....Don’t set an itinerary and everyone will feel welcome but on their own....and if you have people who don’t get it...just be honest (we'd love to ride peter pan with you all but you'll probably not want to see all the kissing) No need to change plans just be honest

 

[mecllap]

Gosh -- seems obvious to me that your honeymoon follows the wedding and that you would want to spend most of it on your own as a couple. Unless you have a really clingy family. You might plan a dinner or two with the others later in the week with the understanding that you're looking forward to your romantic dinners for two the next couple of nights after the wedding. "Of course we're going to be on our honeymoon, but we'd love to meet up with you on Thursday evening, or Friday afternoon for a while" (?).

You'll likely run into them around the resort -- it would spoil your time to be actively trying to avoid them at all times -- so just try to pre-set a couple of times that you will get together with the understanding that they're/you're on your own at other times.

 

[JandJ]

You'll likely run into them around the resort -- it would spoil your time to be actively trying to avoid them at all times -- so just try to pre-set a couple of times that you will get together with the understanding that they're/you're on your own at other times.

That is so true - if you're always trying to avoid your family you will not have a moment to relax and enjoy your honeymoon. We had a brunch the day after the ceremony and we spent that day and night with family and friends at MK and PI and then they left us alone (but everyone went home a couple days later so it wasn't that long a time). It is your honeymoon, if your family does not understand that a JUST married couple wants to spend time alone, well they have other problems

Have a brunch or a dinner the day after the ceremony and maybe another one right before people leave to go home. Send invitations to those events so it is clear that is the one (or two) events you have planned with family - period. Having one or two planned events will let them know you care about them and want to spend time with them and really appreciate them attending, but that you are not planning to entertain them your entire honeymoon. It's not like you are the social director of Disney World, there are a million things that they can do and see on their own.

It's different with a Disney wedding, it's not like having a traditional wedding and reception at home. I think Disney Brides get that, while others may not. Don't get discouraged - you'll have a magical wedding and honeymoon

 

[MrsTink04]

If you don't want to spend that week with your family, cancel YOUR reservations at SOG and stay elsewhere on-property. We took our families for our wedding/honeymoon. They stayed at POP, we stayed at GF. We never saw them and they did not bother us. Just my 2 cents.

 

[TinkBride]

Just to clarify our only guests are immediate family, 17 total, so we don't have 100 people wanting to follow us around, and to clarify further, my family isn't the problem, they encouraged the Disney wedding more than i expected. They are perfectly fine leaving us alone for the week.

The future in-laws are the problem, they are already trying to plan the week with us and I am not digging it, neither is DF. I do not have even the tiniest problem with them vacationing while there, I do no expect them to leave as soon as the wedding is over and go home, not at all.

I guess what is assumed by some is not by others, my family never had the expectation to see us throughout the week, but his family does and it sucks. lol.

I just want to spend the days before and day of the wedding with them, after that i would hope that they could let us enjoy our honeymoon.......

 

[TinkBride]

We thought about staying elsewhere and we are the first four nights, but the last five nights are at SOG. I may sound cheap but we are saving like 800.00 by doig this. The time of year is expensive at Disney and SOG is so reasonable.

 

[MrsTink04]

We thought about staying elsewhere and we are the first four nights, but the last five nights are at SOG. I may sound cheap but we are saving like 800.00 by doig this. The time of year is expensive at Disney and SOG is so reasonable.

I realize SOG is very reasonable, but would it not be worth the extra expense to stay at a moderate (I LOVED POFQ) and have the honeymoon to yourselves. It's not like you HAVE to stay at the GF or something. Your wedding/honeymoon happens ONE time, it's seems like a no-brainer to me. However, we always go overboard on our Disney vacations.

 

[jmmastra]

Hi,
I am having a slightly similar problem, but mine is more along the lines of not wanting to wait for eveyone to get ready to go somewhere. I am getting married on a Tuesday. I have decided that on Wednesday I will organize a park day with everyone. I am going to let everyone know where and when to meet and if they are there on time good, if not, we are going without them and they can meet up with us. On Thursday DF and I are having a "honeymoon day". Just us and we are not telling anyone where we are going. I have already communicated this to everyone. The next couple days I am not organizing anything. Everyone is on their own. I told them that this is there vacation too and they should go do whatever they want and not worry about us (a little reverse psychology helps too) We are just going to get up and go. Whatever happens happens!

 

[JoD]

We spent 3 days in WDW after our Wedding and then went to a different place for the rest of our honeymoon. Some of our family and friends stayed in WDW after our Wedding and never expected us to spend time with them but they did invite us. We wanted to be alone at first but then we decided we were so excited and still on a high from the Wedding we wanted to have fun with them and talk about our Wedding somemore. We ended up staying at the same hotel as them because we all moved due to cost and spent the 3 days having a great time and then went to the Beau Rivage for a few days to be alone.

 

[TinkBride]

Our first 4 nights are at POFQ and we are saving $800.00 by moving to SOG.......we originally had POFQ booked for the entire time, I am now wishing we would have kept it that way, but DF is freaking out over the $800.00 we can save......I just do not know what to do, if it were me I would be just staying at POFQ the whole time.

 

[hiwaygal]

Our first 4 nights are at POFQ and we are saving $800.00 by moving to SOG.......we originally had POFQ booked for the entire time, I am now wishing we would have kept it that way, but DF is freaking out over the $800.00 we can save......I just do not know what to do, if it were me I would be just staying at POFQ the whole time.

Is there any way you can switch it? Stay at SOG for the nights leading up to your wedding, then switch to POFQ AFTER the wedding?

If not...would you be willing to meet with your in-laws/guests say for one meal a day (breakfast would be great to review the previous day, make plans for the day ahead, and you can still have romantic dinners alone)?

Have your in-laws ever been to Disney? Maybe they think there is "nothing to do" without you two.

 

[TinkBride]

Actually the in-laws have been to Disney at least 5 times, 2 in the past four years.

I think the issue is not about wanting to be with us, i think it is about cutting the apron strings.....

I am a pretty stubborn person by nature and i am starting to feel like FMIL can't handle the fact that her son is going to be moving on to a new phase of life and she can't be there every step of the way, and that is making me even more stubborn that we DON'T see them during the week.

I am starting to get a very bad feeling about the whole week.

 

[bopper]

I think I would make plans to meet them at some point during the stay. Like tell them you will be available to meet you for ice cream on Main Street on Tuesday at 7:00pm. You can be there and anybody else who shows up can too.

Either way, you should talk to DF about this. You are starting to feel resentful that you are not staying apart from people, not starting your new life together. He might feel resentful that you all are spending extra money you don't need to. What kind of compromise can you come to? Can you spend time at SOG before the ceremony and move to another place later?
Come to an agreement that you are both enthusiastic about. Don't sacrifice to make him happy...it is not good in the long run. He should not either.

 

[JonetteA]

We had almost 60 people at our wedding. The majority were family. The day after the wedding some people left and some people stayed. We decided to do one day that was the family day. We arranged for both sides to meet at MGM, where we rode rides and did alot of fun things. Then we headed over to MK for the little ones. All in all everyone was happy. Around 5pm we headed back to our room to get my dress steamed for the MK photos and for us to have a romantic dinner alone. (Everyone knew this ahead of time. I marketed it as the getting ready and the nice romantic dinner that we were looking forward to enjoying as hubbie and wife).

I would use my best "sweet as pie" .

Basically arrange a family day.

"We would love to see you and spend time with you the day after the wedding. We wanted to go to this park and wondered if you wanted to join us! We are really excited that you came and would love to spend this time with you, but we can't wait to spend time together either! What did you guys planning to do yourselves on the other days?"


If it gets stickier than that, I would have your future hubbie deal with it. Sometimes it is best if it comes from a member of the family.

Jonette

 

[Summer-Caitlin]

Hmmm, you know I agree with you on this TinkBride as you have seen from my other, ummm, not so liked thread

Unfortunately because they are coming with you it is going to be difficult to say it without sounding rude, I think. Hopefully though they must understand that you are newlyweds and want that time alone.

I agree with wendy46001 that the best way to say it is to just come out and say it, I often beat around the bush and I find I end up giving in because I want to keep everyone happy. You don't want to regret any part of your Wedding/Honeymoon so do whatever makes you happy, but please speak to them before you travel down, so this is one less thing you need to worry about before your big day. They know Disney well, let them find their own fun without the 2 of you, at least this time

Hugs to you

Summer

 

[Laurafoster]

Completely agree with Jonette - make arrangements for 1 day. Ive arranged 2 "events" with all of my family - we are all going to MVMCP and we are all going to Universal on one day - other than that people are doing their own thing.