How to not sound like a control freak - UPDATED POST 44

[mamamac]

We are going with our neighbors and my crazy inlaws. I seem to be doing all the "investigation work" and trying to find the best deals ect. This Saturday we are meeting for the first time about finalizing payments for our reservations, tickets, and rental cars. I don't think they realize that there is way more than just making reservations, you need to have a plan. I have been looking at the parks hours, the crowd calender, and sort of written out each day. How do I tell them all this in a way that I don't come across as a control freak?

My neighbor even made the comment of telling me that she doesn't have any worries because I seem to have looked up everything. I honestly don't think they realize how much there is to visiting Disney.

 

[jpolak]

I feel your pain! As the designated planner it is my job to do it all. The ADRs, car rental, and the accommodations. Then it's my job to be the time police and tell everyone what time we need to leave the room to get to our destination. I would present the information as this is what you are planning to do. If at anytime anyone feels like doing their own thing go ahead, no hard feelings. As long as they understand that you are doing your own thing as well. BTW we just got back from a week long trip with my crazy in-laws and I can safely say that will be the last time.

 

[FIVEFANS]

what works for us is to say "this is our plan and you are welcome to do as much or as little with us as you want." And also you need to tell them the wait they will have with no ADR or the crowds they will find at a park at 3pm.... and then say Trust me.

Also, ask them what they want and work it in. You may already have it worked in but make them think they picked that park or place to eat.... Show them the books if they want to see them.....show them some past pictures if you have them.

It will all be great. Keep smiling and if someone says you are a control freak say "YES I AM, IT IS MY JOB!!!"

 

[erincon23]

Why don't you try presenting a basic plan -- go here this day, go here this day (and give the rationale for the plan), and then dividing up the planning chores? Inlaws, you find a restaurant for Monday, neighbors, you get all the park parade times and hours for the trip, etc. You can provide them with website names and some basic info, but let them do part of the planning -- and then they'll see how much work it is! If they're involved, they'll be more invested. And whatever they plan, you have to suck it up and smile. Of course, if they absolutely refuse, you have the right to tell them that ok, you'll do it, but then THEY have to suck it up and smile, even if they don't like it! And if they really don't like a day you have planned, they are free to go on their own, make their own plans, sit at the pool and chill all day, whatever, but they have to agree not to moan and whine.

Good luck! We've never traveled to WDW with anyone else when we've gone as a whole family, partly because I didn't want to deal with the whining and moaning (I'd use a different word, actually, but I'm trying to be nice). I went on a girls weekend with a friend who was quite happy to abdicate the planning process -- she gave me her minimum wishlist and I gave her the info on everything I planned, but she was quite happy with whatever I suggested and we had a great and very smooth weekend.

- Erin

 

[SPAM]

other people just don't understand do they? People like me (control freaks) cannot help the way they are. No we cannot go by the flow! There must be order and a rational way to do everything!

 

[MHSweb79]

When we've travelled with other families, each group goes its own separate way during the day, and then meet up for meals or parades/ shows. Sometimes we'll plan a half day together but that's usually the most time we'll spend all together.
This works because the early risers get to hit the morning EMH hours while the post-midnight crew gets to sleep in. Also, one family only likes to do thrill rides (they actually said to me, "our kids are too old for character meals" when their kids were 15, 11 and 8!!!! I'm 48 and not too old!) while our family likes to do both rides and shows, and of course, character meals.
You can present your plan and let them know that they are free to do their own thing if they like, meeting up for ADR's or whatnot. That way if they choose your way they've lost the right to complain, which is what it's all about, right?

 

[HelenParr]

I so know how you feel!

I love that you are going with neighbors AND your crazy inlaws. I have done each thing -- but not combined. It could be much worse: you could be going with people who are cross-planning with no clue what they are doing! That's the worst.

I take it they have not been before? Totally do not worry about looking like a control freak. You might want to come right out and say along lines of: "I may seem like a control freak...just trying to make sense of it all -- it's really BIG and without a plan it is (not can be IS) super confusing." And see if there is anything they really want to do that you can try to work into the plan - and otherwise, some people are born to lead others have it thrust upon them -- today one of those situations befalls you!

Always keep in mind that the most important thing is to have fun (which often requires flexibility on the plan). Think more of a guideline than a code.

 

[Ariel Wanna-be]

other people just don't understand do they? People like me (control freaks) cannot help the way they are. No we cannot go by the flow! There must be order and a rational way to do everything!

I am soooo with ya!

 

[mamamac]

Always keep in mind that the most important thing is to have fun (which often requires flexibility on the plan). Think more of a guideline than a code.

Oh that is Rule #1 - Have FUN. I know all about the flexibility thing, that's how we do all of our other vacations.

Anyway...I've talked to my neighbor about different rides and such that we think the kids would enjoy, but we never talked about the adult rides. I guess that is something we need to bring up.

All of the ADR/Character Meals have been made. I honestly don't know if we will all stick together, or if we will go our separate ways at the parks. I do know that they are not doing breakfast at Akershaus, but will probably both end up at Epcot in the morning.

You all have given some great advice on how to approach them with it.

 

[Cheshire Figment]

Get a state map of Florida, preferably a road map. Point out to them that WDW is 47 square miles. Then, from Wikipedia you can tell them

According to the United States Census Bureau, St. Louis has a total area of 66.2 square miles (171.3 km²), of which, 61.9 square miles (160.4 km²) of it is land and 11.0 km² (4.2 sq mi or 6.39%) of it is water.

and that you have to do it all in a week. This may impress them.

 

[marmar]

For a "go with the flow" non planner, we planners can be scarey and quite intimidating.

For our trips I make a color coded chart for our trip. It looks like a daily planner. I put park hrs, parade & fireworks times at the top. Each park has it's own color. I put ADR's in the appropriate time slot. And put the color for the recommended parks of the day.

It's not quite so intimidating for them, this way. They know they can change whatever they want and it is all just a suggestion. Just a starting point. It keeps us away from that horrible dialog. "what we gonna do today" "I don't know what do you want to do?"

 

[bumbershoot]

Good gravy Cheshire, I think you've just scared me out of visiting WDW!






OK not really, but that's quite frightening!

omg, my city is only 2 square miles bigger than WDW.

 

[PHXscuba]

As wonderful as going with extended family and friends is, remember it's still your vacation. Give them the information ("this is where we're getting our rental car and the great price we got," "here is where we'll be on Tuesday," "here's when the money has to be in") but don't get stuck fronting money. (We all know some of those people who let you plan and then back out when it seems too expensive close to the date )

If they have a different plan or priorities than you, you can certainly give them all the help they want. But if they want to "freestyle," making it up as they go, you will probably be grumpy touring with them. I like the idea of going your own way each day and then meeting up for a "reservation," like a character meal or a spot to watch the fireworks.

For our next trip to DLR, we are taking a group of my husband's staff and their families (almost all DL newbies), and I am dealing with some of these same challenges. I plan to give them the tickets and the dinner reservation we have together, a sheet with basics on park hours, Fastpass, and Photopass (we are paying) and tell them how fun it will be when we bump into each other throughout the day and compare notes!

PHXscuba

 

[btcrane]

While I would NEVER spend a Disney vacation with my in-laws (as much as I adore them--just very different from us) I have gone with my best friend and her kids. She didn't understand why I planned as much as I did, even though she'd been to Disney before and her biggest impression was long lines. She slept in every morning with her toddler, I took her older daughter with my kids. We had a GREAT time, she only spent a couple of hours each day in the park because she said it was too hot to stand in line for so long (we went in June). We will probably never visit Disney together again because she doesn't understand the way I do things and I don't have much patience for her method. Moral of the story: don't try to spend every moment of every day together, appreciate each others' differences, and have a MAGICAL time!

 

[disgram]

Trying to please all the people is too much work and doesn't work! This year, I am going with my DD and her 3 kids and my sweet DGG. I have asked them to help plan where we will eat most of our ADRs, then if we want to different things at the same times we split up with one adult with each group and we are ok. Then there may be other things that we are all not interested in. When we get back and go to have dinner, we have something to talk about, Makes for some lively table talk!

 

[BrerRabbit_fan]

I'm a control freak Type A Disney commando and proud of it. I have learned, though, that you can only be as fast as your weakest link.

Unless your in-laws are fine with splitting up, you need to take their needs into consideration or you will be the miserable one. You can trust me on this one. I learned this last January but apparently, I'm a slow learner because I took the same people back this year. They were not pleased with me, I was not pleased with them. Lesson finally absorbed.

 

[mamamac]

I'm a control freak Type A Disney commando and proud of it. I have learned, though, that you can only be as fast as your weakest link.

Unless your in-laws are fine with splitting up, you need to take their needs into consideration or you will be the miserable one. You can trust me on this one. I learned this last January but apparently, I'm a slow learner because I took the same people back this year. They were not pleased with me, I was not pleased with them. Lesson finally absorbed.

The inlaws are the ones I worry about - long story short, MIL had a stroke a year ago. She is a little unsteady on her feet, she buys the cheapest pair of tennis shoes that she's had for 10 years. I told her the other day that she needs to go to the New Balance store and get fitted, not just for Disney, but for everyday. Has she - NO. I plan on telling her about the 40+ sq miles thing Saturday. Honestly I don't think she should come, I'm not going to listen to her complain about how she can't keep up and ruin my vacation. That is why I'm going to tell them to either rent a car as well, or be prepared to take a taxi back to the house (we are staying in Windsor Hills).

 

[btcrane]

The inlaws are the ones I worry about - long story short, MIL had a stroke a year ago. She is a little unsteady on her feet, she buys the cheapest pair of tennis shoes that she's had for 10 years. I told her the other day that she needs to go to the New Balance store and get fitted, not just for Disney, but for everyday. Has she - NO. I plan on telling her about the 40+ sq miles thing Saturday. Honestly I don't think she should come, I'm not going to listen to her complain about how she can't keep up and ruin my vacation. That is why I'm going to tell them to either rent a car as well, or be prepared to take a taxi back to the house (we are staying in Windsor Hills).

Honesty is really the best policy here. Otherwise a dream vacation will turn into a nightmare. I have vacationed with family a few times over the years, but it's been a while because I learned that I became miserable trying to make sure others are happy. I am now very careful who I vacation with, and when I do vacation with others, parameters are stated clearly (and diplomatically) way ahead of time. Let them know that EVERYONE (includiing them) will have a great vacation if people go their separate ways and meet up at dinner or parades. Good luck! It's a touchy situation, I know, but beautiful memories with extended family CAN be created.

 

[Mike_M]

Keep in mind that not everyone enjoys a tightly planned out vacation. Planners and wanderers don't mix well in this kind of situation and trying to force someone to follow a plan they may not want to will just cause resentment and hurt feelings and a WDW vacation shouldn't be remembered for such things.

I agree with other posters. Lay it all out for everyone to see so they know what you plan on doing. It's OK for you to stick to your schedule but allow others to be flexable if they want to be (It's their vacation too). If that means that they might not be able to make an ADR you planned, so be it. If they want to take a break when you have fastpasses, they'll know where to find you. Just remember, the whole point is to have fun.

 

[My Grandpa]

Here is a silver lining .... just be thankful that there isn't another control freak in the group who is doing counter-planning (LOL).

Please have fun and on those days when folks want to go in 3 different directions ... give in and say "Great, meet you by the pool at 5 for drinks and re-caps."