How to know if you really want another baby?

[mjkacmom]

You know, I know people who regretted not having more children, but have yet to meet a single person who wishes she had less. My twins were a surprise - and I wasn't happy. Today, I thank God every day for my happy accident. When they were born, my kids were 6, 4, and 1. Younger people shook their heads, and felt sorry for me. However, every eldery person I encountered told me how blessed I was, and that either they came from a large family, or they wished they had more children. They grow up SO fast! The time you spend raising them is a drop in the bucket.

 

[rt2dz]

You know, I know people who regretted not having more children, but have yet to meet a single person who wishes she had less. My twins were a surprise - and I wasn't happy. Today, I thank God every day for my happy accident. When they were born, my kids were 6, 4, and 1. Younger people shook their heads, and felt sorry for me. However, every eldery person I encountered told me how blessed I was, and that either they came from a large family, or they wished they had more children. They grow up SO fast! The time you spend raising them is a drop in the bucket.

I totally agree. I mean sleepless nights last how long? DS#1 slept through the night before he was a month old. DS#3 was sleeping through the night by 6 months. OK, DS#2 still, at 4yo still doesn’t sleep through the night every week, but he can handle his own wakings so I do. Diapers are only 2-3 years. It’s all a drop in the bucket when you compare it to how many years (hopefully) you have them.

Cost. Yes, there is an extra college education. BUT, if you start early, most can be put away long in advance without your noticing. My kids have the first year paid for by their second birthday at the latest; then we add $100 per month. And they could always do it the way I did it—working. Or the way DH did it—scholarship, financial aid, working, and loans.

I remember reading once that someone said two was perfect because the kitchen table came with four chairs. It’s only $25 for me to buy an extra chair for my kitchen table and my dining room table came with 10 chairs. I currently have 3 kids (close in age), but I will not have them all driving at the same time—when the youngest is 16, the oldest will be 20. If I were to get pregnant this week, when the youngest was 16, the next would be almost 20, then 21 and 25.

Yes, there are all sorts of things to consider and everyone has their own magic number—1, 2, 4, 6, 10, or 0. No number is right or wrong; different people have different wants and desires. The point is what is your magic number? I once had a friend you said they debated and debated and decided against #3 mainly because of the money. Two years later they had #3 anyhow—oops. She said they always kind of wondered until they had the third and then *knew* three was perfect and right. She said if there is any question, you are not done; it’s when you have hit the right number, you know. She said that they didn’t consider permanent birth control prior to the third, but did not hesitate after. She also said, that they know lots who regretted not having one more, but no one ever regretted having another.

 

[wdwcoltsfan]

This is all good stuff---much to think about. Thanks for the input!

A little more background about our family. We are fortunate in that financial capability isn't an issue. I am a SAHM, so that makes it easier for me. DH is a very hands on dad. I have been blessed with someone who takes an active role in parenting. That's part if what made me start thinking about this again, it warms my heart to think of him with a baby/toddler again. DH also has a sister who was born when he was 15. His oldest sister was in college and the youngest was in 8th grade. We have talked about the family dynamic of having an age gap. We have also discussed the importance of the older children being in their activities and not to put added responsibility on them.

We are very aware of the drawbacks to having a child at this point. If we were only thinking about the positives, it wouldn't be a difficult decision. It would be irresponsible to only think of the good times and not take into consideration the trying times. I know that if this is something we are to do, the negatives will be overwhelmed by the positives. I may be able to list more cons, but the 1 pro will waaaay outweigh the cons.

Thank you for all the kind thoughts. I really appreciate them!


Rachel

 

[pyrxtc]

I feel the same way at 31. I would love another one and my youngest is only 4 and will be starting school this fall. My DH had a vasectomy after our last. we have 4 kids already and as much as I would love another, I know it's not going to happen so I am enjoying my other kids ages. I have one entering each high school, middle school, kinder, and 2nd grade.

For the summer, I have borrowed my neighbors 1 yr old and love having her but am grateful when she goes home so I can get everything done that needs doing. Can you borrow one for the summer, or for a while? that may surpass that feeling of wanting another, or it will make you want to start trying now.

 

[disneymomof2boyz]

From another perspective - I was 8 and my older DB was 10 when my little brother was born. I have to say, it changed my childhood in many ways, and robbed me of some of my childhood.

Being the only girl, I was called on to watch him often. I had to come straight home after school and pick him up from the sister's cuz Mom was at work. I often had to change plans because I had responsibilities at home. (My mom worked 3rd shift many years, and then later had a split shift job not getting home til 6)

It changed alot of things for our family. Younger DB also came along at a time when my parents were older and he had a much diff growing up experience than we did (mom was a SAH mom when i was little). He did not have us to grow up with or share lots of experiences with.

Just another perspective for you to consider.

I too think about this. We have 2 boys who are very close in age (11months)
and my concern in having a 3rd is that we would have to sacrifice some experieces because of the new baby. I know that many parents don't agree with this train of thought, but we would rather have the energy and resources to have fun with our kids and enjoy them.

I am also wishy-washy with this...I would love to have 4 kids if I could! But unfortunatly we do not have unlimited resources, both time wise and money wise.

 

[newtowdw1]

I love my two children, but had always thought three would be perfect. However, major problems with my back kept us at two. I thank God that I have literally 100s of other kids to love. I teach high school, and have taught VBS, and two children's choirs. Right now there's a teenage boy (16), one of DH's wrestlers, who practically lives here. His mom has basically abandoned the home, and no one cooks for him, praises him, or needs him to be useful. Well, those are things I can do! I can't handle a baby anymore. Teenagers, though? Bring 'em on!

Maybe you need to adopt? Maybe some of the mission trips have triggered this response? A friend of mine has adopted three children from Libya. She got the two girls when they were 5 and 8, and the younger girl's brother turned up last year and she and her DH adopted him too, at 10. So maybe look into adoption. I understand what it is to have extra love to share!

 

[lastminutemom]

This is all good stuff---much to think about. Thanks for the input!

A little more background about our family. We are fortunate in that financial capability isn't an issue. I am a SAHM, so that makes it easier for me. DH is a very hands on dad. I have been blessed with someone who takes an active role in parenting. That's part if what made me start thinking about this again, it warms my heart to think of him with a baby/toddler again. DH also has a sister who was born when he was 15. His oldest sister was in college and the youngest was in 8th grade. We have talked about the family dynamic of having an age gap. We have also discussed the importance of the older children being in their activities and not to put added responsibility on them.



Rachel

We have three -- our third was a surprise... my DH was 40ish when she was born and I think he worries (not alot) about being here for her as his dad died in his early 60s.

That said, the needs I have struggled with balancing the most are hers (and mine of course). I find that she spent a lot of her early years in a carseat or with a babysitter (to avoid the carseat) so that her brother and sister's lives weren't impacted to much. Because she is the youngest by so many years, sometimes her needs come last. We just took a vacation that was fabulous for the older two and just fine for her. (not Disney-- where she would have picked of course.) In the next year, we prepare to college shop in a big way (lots of weekends out of town) for our over achieving oldest child and while only one of us will probably go, it will impact her for sure.

However, we wouldn't trade her for the world. And neither would her siblings. She has brought much joy to our family, but also some sacrifices as well.

The question you need to ask yourself, is how will you feel about the sacrifices (ie no mission trip for a year or two for example, or missing an older child's sports game cause you are home with a sick child) that a new baby may require.