How to Keep the Battling Grandmothers Apart?

[WDWLinda]

My husband and I want to treat our Moms to a trip to WDW - air, hotel and tkts. They each watch our almost 2 yr old son 2 days a week, and he's a handful. I'm about to book the Fairy Tale pkg for 11/4 - 11/11 for 3 rooms. The problem is, they don't get along. We had some problems right before we got married 10 yrs ago, the families (my family vs his Mom) had some words, and they didn't talk for 3 yrs. Then my Dad died and my MIL came to the funeral and everything seemed to be forgotten (I give her a lot of credit for that!). So my Mom invited my MIL on a trip with 2 of her friends and that didn't go well...back to not talking. They're civil if they see each other, but they just wouldn't be friends. So my dilemma is, how to keep them from spending time alone together? I know they both will LOVE Disney, but I'm afraid this will take away a little of the magic. I'll try to arrange airline seats with us in the middle, and I think my son will provide a good diversion, plus I'll push to have my husband go on rides w/ his mom while my mom and I wait w/ my son, then switch off...but I'm still worried. My worst fear is that they'll clash over my son - they have different ideas of child-rearing. My hope is that one of them will watch my son one night so my husband and I can get some time to ourselves...Any suggestions or words of encouragement? (Sorry this was long!).
Linda

 

[jkovick]

I think it is very nice that you want to take your mothers on a trip. I don't know your $$ situation, but maybe you should consider taking one this time and the other next year. The reason I say this is because from your post I can tell that just the planning is kind of stressing you out. Vacation is about relaxing and having fun and I would hate for your trip to be ruined or for the relationship between the Grandmothers to worsen. Good Luck!

 

[LynnF]

I agree, I would consider two trips if possible. This sounds like a
possible time bomb. You spend too much money to be miserable on your vacation. Granted, you may be surprised. But, I think everyone including your son, will have a better time if there is no stress between Grandmas. Plus, each one can then focus on what a wonderous thing it is to share the experience with their grandson one on one. Sorry to sound negative.....I just know how I would hate to feel like a referee in front of my child.

Lynn

 

[campingcorgi]

You can ask your mom to try to ignore lots, and ditto for your husband--if you can't take two trips. Two trips would be my first choice!

 

[WDWLinda]

Thanks for the advice...I already asked my Mom if she would prefer to go all together or on seperate trips. Her reply was "Of course we'll be civil to each other, we have to get along. Just so long as we're not sharing a room!" I've seen how quickly someone's health can change, or some other big event, so my first instinct is to do it now while everyone is able to go. (No one has any immediate medical problems, but a year can make a big difference). Plus, I wanted to take advantage of the Fairy Tale package, and who knows what'll come out next year?

 

[Ratpack]

I too agree with the two trips or if possible, split the stay with them. Since you are paying for both rooms and staying 7 nights, have one fly in with you and stay 3-4 nights and fly back home. That same day, the other can fly in and stay the remaining 3-4 nights and fly back with you. This would also save you one hotel room. Otherwise, this could be a miserable trip. As much as you try to keep them apart, they are still going to be in the same area for the whole trip.

 

[BethC1952]

I would plan "alone time" for each grandma with your son--and let each grandma do what she wants with him (within reason, of course!) during that time. While one grandma is enjoying her time with your son, the other one can enjoy time with the two of you (or on her own if she's so inclined, which will give you the time you want).

Explain to each grandma before you leave that this trip is supposed to be fun for ALL of you, and that you need her cooperation to make sure that this happens. They will need to be tolerant of each other's "oddities" during the time that you'll be together. I think that if you tell them it's for the "grandbaby" they'll cooperate!

I'm a grandma myself, and I get along reasonably well with my son's inlaws. That's because my parents and inlaws didn't get along well at all until my son was born (a grandchild can really change your view of things) and I learned a lot from their mistakes.

It's only for a few days. They may never become friends (although some pixie dust and magic can't hurt) but they will want to have great memories with your son.

Good luck. It will work out...we grandmas are a pretty good bunch of people!

Beth

 

[deb305]

This is a toughie. Your plan to invite them both sounds okay, leave it up to them to behave as adults, they may do so for your son's sake. My 2cents- give them both lots of information on the parks and rides. Find out which rides/dinners they want to take your son on, try to divey up the rides that way. (Don't forget to allocate a few turns for you and your husband). Rather than keeping them apart, let work out. Just remember it is hard to do commando touring at WDW with a 2 year old and grandmothers. Also 2 year olds will be just as interested in character greets, shows,parades, street acts displays etc. These activities don't involve who rides with who! Our then 3yr old DD, are recently 1yr old DD needed 10-12 hours of sleep a day. They may enjoy taking turns babysitting while DS is sleeping, while the other goes out touring with you and hubby.

Don't sweat it, everyone will survive the trip

 

[kilee]

If they already clash in general, are they going to be "jealous" of your sons attention to one or the other? This is a tough one. Vacation just usually isn't the best place to mend fences. I for one, would never go on a trip with someone I wasn't on the best of terms with. After several days, I think people start to get "sick of each other". I adore my family. Every year for Labor Day, about 15 of them, plus my immediate family go camping for 4-5 days. After about the 4th day I am ready to not spend most of every day with them, and I already like them.

If you absolutely insist on doing this all together. I would really plan a lot of separate activites. But this could lead to someone feeling slighted. I think you are looking at a vacation full of tense moments rather than fond memories. Who knows it could go better than we all think.

 

[KatelynnsAuntie]

I have seen families who otherwise get along great get on each other's nerves at Disney World, so I can't imagine what it would be like to go with two people who don't get along in the first place. Even with each of them having their own rooms there is bound to be some tension...especially if they have different methods of child rearing. I like the idea of having one come for a few days then fly home, the having the other one come. Even though what you are planning is very generous, I would just hate to see your trip get ruined. I personally think you are asking for trouble to have them both come at the same time and have to be civil to each other for a whole week. They already proved they couldn't get along when they went on a trip together...and although it was nice of your MIL to come to your dad's funeral, the fact that that was probably just a day (vs. a couple of days, such as the trip they took, much less a whole week at Disney) makes all the difference. I think you and your husband will be so worried about them getting along that you won't be able to enjoy the trip yourselves. I know I wouldn't be able to. Just my two cents. Good Luck.

 

[Rneighh]

NO WAY would I take my mother and MIL on the same trip given your situation. I can just see it. Both of them trying to out "grandmother" each other with your son. I will be shocked if it works out. You are going to end up hating the trip and each other.

I took my mother last year -- NEVER AGAIN. Leave them both home and go have a wonderful vacation.

Renee

 

[AKASnowWhite]

UGH! I just couldn't do it at ALL!

I'm glad for you and your son that YOU get along with each of the grandmas, but you can't FORCE them to be friends. Will you all really enjoy this vacation? Or will you be on pins and needles waiting for everything to fall apart?

Sorry, this may sound cold hearted, but I'd go on the trip ALONE...NO GRANDMA'S!!!! You can *thank* them for all they do for you by NOT inviting them and expecting them to *ENJOY* the trip by being CIVIL.

Take them out to dinner, to the theater, or on a week-end get away on separate vacations. But not WDW. I'm afraid you'll all be extremely dissapointed if you do.

Just my opinion....good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[AKASnowWhite]

Originally posted by deb305
Don't sweat it, everyone will survive the trip

SURVIVE, yes...but where does ENJOY come in?!?!?!?

 

[goofy4tink]

Have to say I love ratpacks idea! I know that when we travel with just my mother there is a problem. She has different rules for her grandchildren than the parents etc. I can't imagine throwing my mil into the mix. I would think the idea of splitting the visit would be ideal. You could tell each grandma that this way she has one-on-one time with the kids. Everyone wins!!!

 

[susy]

I would not do it. You will all be "walking on eggshells" the whole time trying to keep peace and quiet. Ex: one says, "I'm hot!" The other thinks, "what a complainer". You think, "She's thinking 'what a complainer' ". A lot of money spent to be miserable. Take two trips or take no one. You can take one to Disney and maybe one on another trip.

 

[AKASnowWhite]

I have a question, and I'm sorry if it sounds rude, but....

Are you *inviting* the grandmas to come because you appreciate all they do for you and your family, and you think they'll just LOVE Disney....or because you are hoping to get an evening out with DH???? If it's a BABYSITTER you're looking for, I think that's a BAD reason to bring 2 women who don't particularly care for each other to WDW. Take your son to one of the kids clubs, or hire one of the in-room babysitters instead. It'll cost you a whole lot less money, and potential heartache as well.

 

[Ecdubfan]

It sounds to me like you have the perfect excuse to take two trips to WDW.

We took my parents to the NC shore a few years ago and my mil to Disney with us last year. While both trips were OK, we still felt a bit stressed to entertain the entire time. I wouldn't even imagine mixing the two families together. What a nightmare in the making. Yikes... I just found out my wife invited her mother along with us this August. Fortunately she declined...YAY.

 

[Jillpie]

I think Ratsrule's idea of them coming at seperate times of the week is fabulous. Is there any reason why this could not happen? If you know for a fact they probably wouldn't get along, why would you want that friction on a fantastic week like WDW? Plus, you would be worried the entire time that something might blow up. I would seriously think about this before having both of them at the same time. It is far too expensive a trip to have it ruined by two silly grandmas going at each other.

Ok Ncligs, I need your smilies that are fighting each other. I just love your smilies, they make me laugh right out loud!


Good luck with this one. Please think long and hard before making reservations.

 

[songbert]

IMHO, I would expect them to act like grownups!!! Since that is sometimes too much to expect, I would have a family meeting and lay it all out. If it's too much for them to put aside their differences at what is supposed to be "The Happiest Place on Earth" , leave them both home, and go have a great time

 

[excitedmom]

after reading all these responses all i can think of is, my mother would have a COW if i had the inlaw in wdw before her and the other way around. WAY too much pressure in my land lol. being me, i would invite my mother out first lol but not to disney cause she'd drive me insane by telling me what i was doing wrong with my kids lol then i would be forced by my dh into taking the mil with me someplace else where i would be forced to say repeatedly, she's not your mother i am and what i say goes. A week would kill me. a weekend with each seperately, i could do. it may kill ME but i know the mothers would appreciate it and so would the kids. i don't need to be happy all the time. seeing my kids happy is most times better.