How to help neighbor?

[kasar]

How do we help neighbors while DH is away?

 

[Auggietina]

I can only speak for how I felt while dh was away, even though I would have LOVED to have some help with the yard and the little things that happened while he was gone, there was NO WAY I was going to call for help. Call me stubborn, or just trying to prove to my dh that I could handle things on my own. My plow guy refused any payment from me while dh was gone, and I felt weird everytime I saw him. Not that I didn't appreciate it (and it snowed A LOT that year!), I just felt like I should be paying for his services like normal just because my dh was gone didn't mean that I shouldn't be paying.

I had a local group make me food basket for every holiday. The first one they called and asked what I needed. I told them nothing and they didn't need to do anything for me. By the end of the deployment, they no longer called, just left the basket with a note on my porch.

I guess what I'm trying to ramble on about is... I personally couldn't and didn't ask for any help even when I needed it. I never wanted to appear that I couldn't handle it. (I know I'm repeating myself! I had to repeat that to myself everyday for 15 months.. I can handle it!)


But if someone had come over with a bunch of rakes and raked my lawn I probably would have cried like a baby and would have been filled with with happiness!
My suggestion is if you get a good response. Set up a day to do yard work or repairs and tell her that you are coming over and this is what you are doing.
Thank you for thinking of your neighbor! She's very lucky to have you living next to her!

 

[jsmith]

what Sue said-and you ROCK. My neighbors, most of them, didnt even know Mike was gone for the longest time-and the ones that did notice assumed we had gotten divorced. Even where i worked then-he left in January-when i got two dozen roses for my wedding anniversary in Sept some one asked me if he was taking me to dinner-i just stood there with my mouth hanging open-there was a day by day count down board on the wall in my office and two collage frames of pictures of him over there-how oblivious can you be? So just the fact you are taking time to acknowlegde she will need help and support goes along way-it sounds like you are an awesome community.

 

[Alice28]

My DH was gone for 17 months, and thank god my neighborhood and community were incredibly supportive. I HATED asking for help too, but people just insisted. Since I was pregnant for about 6-7 months of the deployment, and then with a newborn, I realized I just couldn't turn them down. Things I appreciated the most:

Neighbors having my 2 older kids over for playtime for several hours once a week. Gave me time to have some peace and quiet.

Once a month or so, one set of neighbors had us over for dinner, and the husband would play XBox with my boys. So nice and gave the boys "Guy time."

A couple times another neighbor just came and mowed my lawn, didn't even ask, he just did it!

Some people from church came and totally weeded, layed bark chips etc.

People from church and some other very kind souls gave me gift cards and such both at the holidays (both times!) and when the baby was born. We weren't financially struggling really, but it was a treat to have extra money to spend!

I think it's AWESOME that you are willing to try and come up with a 'rent a husband list.' Somehow I ended up on a local radio station to share my sob story ( ) and the DJs asked people to donate their time. Unfortunately, a lot of people called, and ALL of them flaked on me. I was so bummed. But maybe if it's more of a community thing, people won't be as flaky!

We were so blessed by people's generosity throughout the whole deployment, it still boggles my mind. Just knowing people care, are praying for you, and just trying to lend a hand now and then is SO VERY APPRECIATED! You are awesome!

 

[irishbosoxfan]

I am a member of the FRG for my DHs unit--And I am glad to see someone who is willing to go above and beyond--From my experience you will need to just do because us military wives have this thing about being as strong as our men!!---The ideas about mowing are dead on,when your Dh mows have him just go over and do hers at the same time---Also if you have a wide network to fall on try setting something up where each week one family could make a meal to drop off----Babysitting is always appreciated be it for a night out or for her to be able to go to doctors appts---Rides are also appreciated if she does not have a vehicle for grocery shopping,doctors stuff like that---And the biggest I have found is being able to get out of the house,invite her out to bbq's,over for coffee--Anything just so she isn't sitting there staring at the same four walls everyday with nothing to think about but where her DH is and what he's going thru and how is she going to do this with out him!!
You are a good friend and your kindness warms me!!

 

[Jynohn]

Thank you so much for offering to help out your neighbor. When DH was gone, I found I needed the most help with just keeping up with yardwork (mowing, raking, and shoveling in the winter).

Like others have posted, I would never have asked for help, even from my own family. I didn't live in a real "neighborhood" at the time, so I don't think most of my neighbors even knew that DH was deployed.

I will never forget though, waking up one morning after a snowstorm and wondering to myself how I was ever going to get myself shoveled out in order to get the kids to school and myself to work. I looked outside and miraculously, my steps were shoveled and my driveway plowed. I don't even know who I have to thank, but that act of kindness meant so much to me and made me feel not so alone.

Anything that you do for your neighbor, whether she asks or not, will be very much appreciated, and remembered for a long time to come.