How to go on after someone hurts your feeling?

[sharbear]

I am having Thanksgiving at my house this year. Because of a commitment that my DD has, I have known and invited family this summer (just hey, come to our house, we'll be home). I formally invited my SIL a month ago. She said she didn't know because she was also invited to her sister's house. Depending on who was going to her sister's she would either go there or come to our house. (they have gone to her sister's the last 3 years). She said that she would call her sister and get right back to me. She never called and I hear last week (one week before Thanksgiving) that my SIL still doesn't know what she wants to do. At this point I am annoyed and leave her a message, just go to your sister's and have fun. I was very nice about it, if they came fine, if not whatever. But I leave in the message, please call me I want to figure out when you are going to be home for Christmas since we won't be at my IL's on Christmas Day. She still hasn't called me. Either to tell me that she's not coming to Thanksgiving dinner or when they are going to be home over Christmas so that I can talk about it with my MIL.


My feelings are really hurt. How much trouble is it to return a call. I'm not going to comfront her, it won't change anything and it will just cause a big fight. I'm trying to be nice because our kids like one another and would like to see their cousins over the holidays.

How do I get over this and not cause a big family fight. If she was a friend, I would just write her off. I can't do that, this is my DH's only brother's family. I know that this is a problem, that she is like this. It still hurts my feelings.

 

[browneyes]

Call your brother in law and ask him what their plans are.

 

[DoeWDW]

If she really is like this to everyone, then try not to take it personally. Not everyone attaches the same importance to politeness and courtesy. She may very well love you and care about you but just not be good about making decisions and returning phone calls. I know people like this and they really don't mean anything personal by it.

Try to give her the benefit of the doubt, for the sake of keeping the peace.

 

[Lewski709]

I face the "hurt" feelings all the time because of DH family. They are RUDE!

Last year, pregnant, my DH stepfather said (on Tday) if you continue to eat like that you are going to be as big as a house. WOW! Hormones went CRAZY! I cried! I had lost 50lbs before the pregnancy and I was feeling pretty good. Well, that pregnancy weight (50lbs) still are not back off. So what is he gonna say this year? I will get the 50lbs off, I just don't have the time to take care of myself right now with a 9mo old and a 4.5 yr old, it's enough that I can get to work on time. I need help to get rid of the weight!

Anyhow, do what makes you happy and enjoy yourself...don't worry about who is there. Screw em!

Holiday's are stressful for everyone! Please remember that it IS very difficult to please everyone and maybe YOU are a bigger person than her sister. To listen to her would make her life more hectic if she did not arrive there and you are more understanding....look at it that way. While she would love to be at your house, she would never hear the end of it from her family.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You have to learn not to call these people back after you do the formal invite. OK you can do the courtesy call (only ONE, lol).... but stop there!
Yea, I know you are left wondering but I just assume they aren't coming. If they show up then I would be surprised.
OH and its my own sister that is like this. UGH.

Anyhow this is how I live with it. Only this year I didn't invite her. She calls me to tell me she might "crash" my Thanksgiving. AM I GOING TO CALL HER!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOO!
(grrr grrr grrr)

DO I keep it a secret that she might come from my kids? I HAVE TO! My kids love their aunt and it would ruin Thanksgiving for us. They would be sad.

(grrr grrr grrr)

So yea, I know what you mean. Thanks for sharing your frustrations as I feel for 'ya!

 

[disneygals]

oooh, I have this same problem with my SIL! My kids (who adore her) hardly ever see her and she lives 30 mins away.

Vivienne

 

[KathyFP]

I say the serenity prayer when I encounter people like her

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;

I can not change her only my reaction to her for my one piece of mind.

 

[DISshopkeeper]

Originally posted by DoeWDW
If she really is like this to everyone, then try not to take it personally. Not everyone attaches the same importance to politeness and courtesy. She may very well love you and care about you but just not be good about making decisions and returning phone calls. I know people like this and they really don't mean anything personal by it.

Try to give her the benefit of the doubt, for the sake of keeping the peace.

I could not disagree more. Respectfully, of course. I know people like this too and they are totally rude and inconsiderate.

And Sharbear, one of the first lessons I taught my kids was not waiting for OR taking a "better offer". DEPENDING ON WHO GOES!!!! Really!!!!

Can you tell this is one of my hot buttons????