How to get your spouse on board with a vacation

[Shanan]

Plan a weekend trip without your DH. Go with some girlfriends for a long weekend or even take time to go with your kids. Enjoy life and if that means respecting your DH lack of enjoying vacations then go with a happy heart without him.
My DH travels alot with his job therefore he really hates to travel on vacation. We have been married for 22 years and I have learned to deal with it. I had a friend that would travel with me - went to Natchez to tour the historic houses, Jefferson TX etc. Now her husband has retired so she is traveling with him. So I am currently looking at my other close friends to see who would travel well with me. I will admit that I had gotten a room ressie for Beach Club Thanksgiving Day - following Thursday. When it got time to book the airline tickets, DH & I talked and he asked me to not go this year. He is traveling so much that he just wanted to rest over Thanksgiving. So I did - now I will admit I was extremely disappointed but I know that Disney will be there & I want to do the Christmas party, processional etc with DH.

 

[Colleen27]

Let me guess - you're a SAHM or work part time, and he works a lot of hours? My husband can be the same way and I hear it from friends too. The spouse that puts in a lot of hours thinks the ultimate in relaxation/leisure is to sit home with nothing in particular to do, and the spouse that is there handling everything every day (and who is expected to continue to do so while her husband "vacations" in the living room or on the local golf course) doesn't feel like that's a vacation at all.

About 10 or 12 years ago, when we still had two very young children, I had to sit down and have a "come to Jesus" talk with DH about it. What it really came down to was him feeling like he worked all day and needed/deserved a break but since I was home all day I didn't need a vacation. In his mind, life as a SAHM to two preschoolers was more or less a constant vacation (he changed THAT tune in a big way the first winter after he went into construction and actually got to see our routine first-hand during his winter lay-off... and that was after the older kid had started school and the younger potty trained!). We decided jointly for me to leave my job and I was not pleased at all with his apparent assumption that I was supposed to put my priorities and preferences on hold in favor of his because of that decision. Fortunately this isn't a debate we've had to repeat - after the first family vacation we took he didn't need any more convincing. He'll probably never love traveling as much as I do, but he does enjoy the family time and has gotten more willing to step out of his comfort zone to go different places.

 

[stsomewhere]

There's definitely some of that playing into it. He will not fly.

Traveling with 4 kids between 2 and 9 by myself doesn't feel like much of a vacation either. Leaving some of them behind and only taking one or two isn't an option - I only work part time so we can not pay daycare. The ages of the kids and lack of daycare mean unless I go with all of them, I can't go.

He can take all of the kids to the cottage and you can go on vacation by yourself for those days. I am a stay home mom and my husband encourages me to take a cruise by myself once a year. It is a great way to recharge. I

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Let me guess - you're a SAHM or work part time, and he works a lot of hours? My husband can be the same way and I hear it from friends too. The spouse that puts in a lot of hours thinks the ultimate in relaxation/leisure is to sit home with nothing in particular to do, and the spouse that is there handling everything every day (and who is expected to continue to do so while her husband "vacations" in the living room or on the local golf course) doesn't feel like that's a vacation at all.

About 10 or 12 years ago, when we still had two very young children, I had to sit down and have a "come to Jesus" talk with DH about it. What it really came down to was him feeling like he worked all day and needed/deserved a break but since I was home all day I didn't need a vacation. In his mind, life as a SAHM to two preschoolers was more or less a constant vacation (he changed THAT tune in a big way the first winter after he went into construction and actually got to see our routine first-hand during his winter lay-off... and that was after the older kid had started school and the younger potty trained!). We decided jointly for me to leave my job and I was not pleased at all with his apparent assumption that I was supposed to put my priorities and preferences on hold in favor of his because of that decision. Fortunately this isn't a debate we've had to repeat - after the first family vacation we took he didn't need any more convincing. He'll probably never love traveling as much as I do, but he does enjoy the family time and has gotten more willing to step out of his comfort zone to go different places.

Opposite here. I'm the one who puts in the hours, but because my vacation time is so limited, I feel like sitting around just wastes it. DW works 190 days a year, 6 hour days. She's perfectly fine doing "nothing" for a solid week.

 

[TravelMommy]

A good friend of my DH does not like to travel, his wife takes her mom on many trips and that works for them. Good luck and hope your plans work out!

 

[fluffykalie]

Since your parents have a house in Florida I would tell him that you want to go see your family and see a few things down there two. If money's an issue for him I would make sure to work in a few free or very cheap things to do like a beach and the biggest McDonald's playground along with a few days in a theme park of your choice. Also have a day or two of just staying at your parents so he can relaxe if he will come. If not I would ask your mom or dad to come along and help you on your outings. I had a similar not the same issue with my husband. He would just want to sit in the hotel room all day or never want to go out and do things around home. So I started going without him and he felt left out so started coming out with us more.

 

[v.t.]

He can take all of the kids to the cottage and you can go on vacation by yourself for those days.

I think this is a great idea. He could get some "quality" time with the kids. I would also take the kids to GWL without him. While my DH does not always feel like taking a trip, he hates being left out so usually goes along.

 

[kirstenb1]

I'll be honest. With 4 young kids, anything like WDW sounds like a lot of pressure and stress. Personally, I'd rent a cottage at the beach. Somewhere with kids' activities, like an aquarium or museum. Tell your husband you want the whole family to go, and you'd love his input on locale.

 

[Marionnette]

I'm not even talking just Disney here. DH never wants to spend any money on a vacation. We went on our honeymoon 11 years ago (Quebec City, 5 nights, at a B&B, we drove from Toronto). We went to Montreal for 3 nights 2 years ago (the only reason we went was it was for DH's grandparents memorials). We typically go to FIL's cottage for about 5 nights a year (cost - 2 tanks of gas plus a bit extra for groceries on top of our regular grocery bill).

Now, the cottage is nice, but I'm still cooking and cleaning. I want a vacation. We have no debt (no mortgage, no car payments, no student loans). We make decent amounts, nothing crazy but comfortable with savings. And he won't spend money for a vacation. When he again shot down a Florida trip (my parents have a house there - no lodging costs!), I suggested a 2 night stay at Great Wolf Lodge. It's a little over an hour from home. With the spring special is was going to be about $540 for our family (2 adults, 4 kids) for 2 nights (Sunday and Monday). We could take some food, eat out some. As I talked about booking, he shot me down. Again. He's fine spending money on other things, but I'm sure that a lack of desire on his part to leave home means he's unwilling to agree to spend anything on a vacation. Any suggestions? And please, no camping suggestions!

The answer is: You talk to him about it! You tell him how much YOU need the type of vacation that you're describing. You offer a compromise that he can live with. You show him how you have room in the budget to cover the costs of your type of vacation and you do it in a manner that doesn't impact his daily enjoyment of other activities.

I don't know how you handle the finances in your home, but in our house all income is OURS. There is no *his* money or *my* money. As such, we each have an equal say in how it gets spent. If I want to buy new furniture and he doesn't, then we discuss it and come to a compromise such as getting a new sofa and chairs but making do with the existing tables and lamps. If he doesn't want to go to Disney and I do, I discuss taking a trip with my sister or daughter instead of him. He's usually okay with it since I don't hassle him over his golf weekends, which I never participate in.

Perhaps you can approach him with a proposal to take a trip that includes a plan to save the money to cover the cost of the trip. It can anything from cutting back on extras like mani/pedi appointments and putting that money into a vacation account, to to doing the 52-week savings challenge that has been posted here before, to just taking a small amount out of your weekly spending money to save for a vacation. If you could convince him that money in a vacation account is earmarked for only that purpose, you might have more luck getting him to agree to spend that money on a trip.

 

[Colleen27]

I'll be honest. With 4 young kids, anything like WDW sounds like a lot of pressure and stress. Personally, I'd rent a cottage at the beach. Somewhere with kids' activities, like an aquarium or museum. Tell your husband you want the whole family to go, and you'd love his input on locale.

This depends a lot on personality. Personally I don't feel like any vacation that doesn't involve housekeeping and dining out is really a vacation. It can be worth it, if that is what the budget or the destination demand, but it isn't relaxing. I'm just cooking and cleaning in someone else's property, which means all the responsibilities of home with more worrying about stains and spills and rowdy kids. A trip like Disney or Great Wolf Lodge, on the other hand, is easy because everything is taken care of - entertainment, meals, lodging, it is all right there in one place.

From what the OP said in her original post it seems like she is of the same opinion - her husband is fine with annual trips to the in-laws cottage as their only family vacation but she doesn't feel like that's much of a vacation for her.

 

[luvsJack]

The way I get dh on board? When its all booked and paid for, I tell him "we are going to xxx on xyz dates. You will need to be off work those days". He sqawks a little but enjoys the trip. he doesn't ever want to discuss the plans for some reason. I think if I say "HEY we can get a room at xxx for $xx!" He has to think about how much each thing costs, if I just tell him we are going, he can pretend its much cheaper. I don't know, it doesn't make sense to me, but it works.

 

[MissDaisyofTexas]

My husband used to be the same way. His family didn't grow up taking vacations, so he couldn't believe we'd spend so much money on something that wasn't tangible (like a car or TV). On our first family vacation we took our son (just had 1 kid at the time) to Disney World, and the trip was about $3000 total. DH's family asked us the price and we told them. They just about fainted and couldn't believe we would spend that amount of money on a vacation. Actually, they still can't, because we go on a vacation every year. My husband got used to it and now he sees the value in family travel. Also, I read a lot of miles and points blogs, so we've figured out how to get flights and some hotels for free on points, so that helps with the cost.

Not sure what part of Canada you live in...but I recommend an Alaska cruise that departs from Vancouver (Disney or another brand). Most cruise lines have kids clubs and it would give you a break from cooking.

 

[tina.tina]

I grew up visiting my Mom's family for a weekend every month or so as well as a yearly beach week and tons of day trips or other weekend trips. I never realized that other people didn't do the same things but my DH rarely went on vacation growing up. It was really hard for me to convince him to go on our first beach trip and he thought he would hate it. Even though he loves the beach now, it still takes a lot to convince him to go on vacation. He was the same way when we went to WDW and it was his favorite vacation ever. We're saving money for home remodels this year (so no WDW) and are planning for only 2-3 nights at the beach in conjunction with another short trip. Interestingly, my DH is insisting that we go to Myrtle Beach rather than Florida because he doesn't want to go to Florida if we can't go to WDW!
I've had to tell DH that I am willing to give up lots of other things in order to go on at least a yearly vacation because it's that important to me. I feel like the memories I have from my childhood are something I want to provide for my kids. He would rather spend the money on other things or even just save it, but we compromise.

 

[ronandannette]

My husband used to be the same way. His family didn't grow up taking vacations, so he couldn't believe we'd spend so much money on something that wasn't tangible (like a car or TV). On our first family vacation we took our son (just had 1 kid at the time) to Disney World, and the trip was about $3000 total. DH's family asked us the price and we told them. They just about fainted and couldn't believe we would spend that amount of money on a vacation. Actually, they still can't, because we go on a vacation every year. My husband got used to it and now he sees the value in family travel. Also, I read a lot of miles and points blogs, so we've figured out how to get flights and some hotels for free on points, so that helps with the cost.

Not sure what part of Canada you live in...but I recommend an Alaska cruise that departs from Vancouver (Disney or another brand). Most cruise lines have kids clubs and it would give you a break from cooking.

OP lives in Toronto. Flights to Vancouver would cost her WAY more than flights to Orlando. (Distance is like from New York City to Seattle, and there are only 2 airlines that fly nationally in Canada. No competition means very high $$$ to fly within the country.) If they were interested in cruising, departure ports in either New York, New Jersey or Boston would be within easy driving distance.

 

[BLAZEY]

My husband also needs convincing to go on vacation. It's been easier to go on vacation since having our daughter. At 4 months we took her to Portland OR for 5 days to visit some gaming friends (WoW) and repeated that the following year at 16 months. Went back to Portland again but left DD with his parents as we were attending a wedding. 2 months later flew with her to California for another wedding and did Labour Day in DL. Decided we needed a "do over" of DL as I got heat stoke (112*F) that day so we went back for our first Family Disney Vacation in Nov 2013 and had a blast. I did tonnes of travelling before DH got married. Left DH at home and DD and I went with HIS dad & Step mom to the UK for 3 weeks. He doesn't like the plannig part of a vacation, he more of a tell me what i'm doing and where I'm going kind of guy. Each summer we got to my Aunt and Uncle's cabin at the lake. This was the first time he'd been in the last 9 years since they tore down the lod one a rebuilt it. It's even has cable TV and internet. He enjoys himself when we go, I just need to remind him of that fact.

 

[erij11]

My DH is the same about taking vacations. He doesn't like the planning involved, thinks vacationing is too expensive and his idea of vacation is sleeping until noon and relaxing all day. I feel like I can do that at home, LOL. I'd been wanting to go to Disney for years and last year I just told him we were all going. I had a timeshare deposit that was going to expire if I didn't use it by August 2014 so I booked 2 days at AOA and the other 7 we stayed at the timeshare in July The best thing I did was I told him he could sleep in late every day if that is what he wanted to do. I did everything I could to make the trip nice for him. I ropedropped with the rest of my family, took afternoon breaks away from the heat and booked our FP+ for the evenings after 5pm when DH joined us. We pretty much hung out at the resort during our breaks and met up for dinner and evenings at the parks. It worked out great. I got what I wanted and he got what he wanted. He relaxed while we were gone in the morning and was ready to go out when we returned. I just heard him bragging to his brother on the phone a few nights ago about what a great time we had. We are going again in July but DH hasn't decided if he is coming or not. I think he just wants the attention of being asked to join us over and over. I think he'll go but if he doesn't I'm happy to go with my mom and my kids alone. I told him I need these getaways and I really do. Gives me something to look forward to.

Find something he likes or maybe him feeling like he will get something he wants out of the trip will help. Not making my DH get up at the crack of dawn for rope drop made all the difference in the world. I like sleeping late sometimes, but not at Disney!

 

[verleniahall]

My DH was similar on vacations, although his was coming from his growing up didn't allow for ANY extras - single mom, food stamps, she was on disability most of his life. Me, our vacations were driving to see a military base (can you tell I'm a Military Bratt??) or "historical areas" - i felt like I was in school year round. So, DH and I do compermises - becuase he would rather do the vacations like I had growing up (yes - including military bases) we do some smaller trips during the year, and 1 big trip each year - although he has said we can do both DL and WDW next year - after our first trip to WDW last september - he was NOT exited about the trip, but ended up having a blast once we got there - i had to tell him we were going and thats all there was to it to go in the first place.

Good luck - i hope you can work something out with your hubby

 

[Teresa Pitman]

My husband was the same. We would go to his parents' cottage every summer. He would relax on the beach. I had all the cooking, cleaning, looking after four little kids - only it was less convenient than at home - I had to go get drinkable water from a tap down the road and worry all that time that a toddler was going to fall in the lake. He couldn't understand why that didn't feel like a vacation for me. We got divorced, and the next year one of the first things I did was load all my kids in the car and take them to Disney World. Vacations are good and necessary.

 

[KingofJapan]

Maybe he just does not want to go to Disney. I really do not enjoy going to Disney but go for the kids. We do a lot of other things though like go to Europe and cruises. If he travels a lot then he spends a lot of time in hotels and would rather just relax in his own home.

 

[star72232]

My husband was the same. We would go to his parents' cottage every summer. He would relax on the beach. I had all the cooking, cleaning, looking after four little kids - only it was less convenient than at home - I had to go get drinkable water from a tap down the road and worry all that time that a toddler was going to fall in the lake. He couldn't understand why that didn't feel like a vacation for me. We got divorced, and the next year one of the first things I did was load all my kids in the car and take them to Disney World. Vacations are good and necessary.

I'm not there yet. I guess I just need to remind him about taking time.

Maybe he just does not want to go to Disney. I really do not enjoy going to Disney but go for the kids. We do a lot of other things though like go to Europe and cruises. If he travels a lot then he spends a lot of time in hotels and would rather just relax in his own home.

He works 5 minutes from home, 8-4 Monday to Friday. No travel at all. And it's not just Disney that he doesn't want to do - he doesn't want to spend money on ANY vacation. Not the GWL 75 minutes away from home. Not a long weekend in Toronto. It's a fight I only win every couple of years to go to the Toronto zoo (an hour from home) for the day.