How To Get Out Of Babysitting???

[dakcp2001]

You MUST say no. Otherwise you are an enabler for her and her dh.

As a holiday gift to yourself, SAY NO and take just one day to sleep in and then have a day to yourself. Turn off the phone, the cell phone, put some fresh sheets on and wash your blankets so they smell all cozy like dryer sheets. Wake up when you want, have a nice cup of coffee. Spend the day do whatever YOU want, read a book, watch your sappy movies, and get your studying done!! YOU HAVE THINGS TO DO, telling her you are busy is not a lie! YOU ARE BUSY!

Tell her you can't. If she pushes you further for an explanation, tell her you have to go to the dr to make sure you dont have the swine flu, then she wont want her kiddies near you.

 

[MAKmom]

Those days your BIL has saved up are for using when the kids are home sick or off school.

He gets to use his vacation day the way he wants but you do not?

Tell your sister your husband has plans for you on wed....it a surprise. Your really excited!

 

[chisnpeke]

Those days your BIL has saved up are for using when the kids are home sick or off school.

He gets to use his vacation day the way he wants but you do not?

Tell your sister your husband has plans for you on wed....it a surprise. Your really excited!

He isn't taking any days off and gets weeks off. And they are HIS kids.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

If she was a single mom who just started a new job and had no alternative I would say to help her out. But since your BIL can take the day off but just refuses, I say too bad, so sad! Take a day for yourself, daddy can watch his own kids for a day.

 

[pearlieq]

Doesn't it bug you that you're all in a twist about not wanting to make her mad, making sure your reasons for not wanting to do it are "vaild" in her eyes, and her making the holiday miserble and she's NOT AT ALL worried about imposing on you or making you mad?

So what if she's mad? The world won't come to an end. She'll either deal with it or you won't have to deal with her so much. Either way I think you come out ahead.

 

[Handbag Lady]

Do a Nancy Reagan and Just Say No.


Isn't that funny that the father of these children doesn't like to to take time off for his own kids yet it is perfectly okay for you to do so? Did you birth them?

 

[ksjayhawks]

Call her back and tell her "Sis, it won't be possible for me to take care of the kids on Wednesday." Then talk about something else, say you have to leave on an errand, etc. DO NOT give her a long explanation; the more you talk and try to give excuses, the more ammunition you give her to keep badgering you to give in and do what she wants. If she brings it up again while you are talking, say "Sis I have already told you that it won't be possible for me to take care of the kids on Wednesday" and then end the conversation.

If she questions you on Thursday, just smile and change the subject.
She: "what did you have to do that was so important that you couldn't watch the kids?"
You: "Oh, I had such a busy day, lots of errands and things to get caught up on before the holidays kick in. Isn't Aunt Mabel's spinach dip the best?"

If she asks again, smile and walk away. Let her look the one who is out of sorts and mean, not you.

 

[disykat]

I think you should use the "I have to work" excuse. I don't think it's a lie in the least. You have work to do, end of subject. If you are studying for a test for work, you ARE working. I don't think you need an excuse, but in this case it isn't one, it's truth! I think it will be easier for you to use this excuse, so do it!

When I was going to open the thread I fully expected to see you are a SAHM and your sister expected you to watch her kids when they were out of school. Even then, I was 100% going to tell you that's not your responsibility.

The idea that she expects you to spend your vacation time watching her kids really takes the cake!

 

[MAKmom]

He isn't taking any days off and gets weeks off. And they are HIS kids.

Yes I know, I read the whole thread. I said those day are for using when his kids are off school or sick Read what I wrote again.

 

[coolbeans]

Just say no!! I agree. Don't you have grocery shopping, Christmas shopping, cooking for Thanksgiving... stuff to do!!

 

[golfgal]

I would say no and hand her a list of teenagers your DS knows that would LOVE the extra cash to babysit for the day.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I also think you should say no. You do not need to feel badly about lying to her because you do nto need to lie. "I'm sorry I have other plans" is ALL you need to say. I do like the idea of offering to have your DS ask and see if some of his friends are available to babysit. Dad can choose to pay for babysitting or to take the vacation day. YOU should not have to WORK for free babysitting their kids so that HE can get paid for that day (with the payout for not using vacation days). I also think she should have asked you MUCH sooner if she wanted a favour like this. I am sure she has had the school schedule for several months by now.
How she acts on Thanksgiving is really not your problem. If she is rude, ignore it as best you can. If she asks directly why you could not babysit just say you already had made plans (which you did--plans to sleep in, etc.) or tell her you really do not feel obligated to explain your plans to her (ie--none of your business!).
Right now you are letting her have far too much over your own emotions and actions. You really don't want to continue down such a road.

 

[Carly_Roach]

I never advocate lying...not even "little white lies"...because, no matter what lie you tell her, it's the equivelent of saying no. She'll do her best to shoot down all your lies. Even worse, now you have to remember in the future what you told her you were doing because you know she'll definitely remember that lie you told her.

Lies are for people who have good memories. My short-term memory sucks so I make life easier for myself: I simply don't lie.

I agree with those who say your BIL should take ONE day off from his four weeks of vacation time to watch his kids. It's not going to make that big of an impact on his "bonus" money at the end of the year. It's also unfair that you'd sacrificing your vacation time so your sister and BIL can get "their" money at the end of the year and spend it the way they want (on new baby or whatever).

You've made plans. That's all you need to say. You don't have to justify those plans to anyone.

 

[lovemygoofy]

How to get out of babysitting? You say no. You don't owe any reasons or justifications. No one is bleeding or on the verge of death. These children have 2 parents. It's time for 2 parents to parent.

I hate that you are letting your sister have so much control over you. You are worried about saying no because she'll be ugly at Thanksgiving. Obviously she isn't giving you the same consideration knowing you are studing for exams and working overtime and stuff.

Just say "I'm sorry, but I can't." Leave it at that. If she brings it up at Thanksgiving, look at her dead in the eye and simply say "pass the potatoes please." I wouldn't even engage her in the conversation about it on Thanksgiving. It doesn't do any good.

 

[Erin1700]

It doesnt matter if you planned to do absolutely nothing on Wednesday...you have every right to say no!

It is YOUR holiday too!! Enjoy it!!!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Anyhow, she asked me to let her know. If I say no, she'll be mad. Really mad. She holds grudges and she will make Thanksgiving miserable. Then there is part of me that feels guilty like I should do this....I just don't know.

Any advice?

I would say no all the time to a person like this. I don't have time for crap.

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

You really have to grow a backbone and say "NO". She's taking advantage of you, and will continue to do so, so long as you lie down and act like a doormat. It will do YOU a world of good to learn to stand up to her.

You need to learn that your wants and needs have validity. She needs to make better childcare arrangements--ask earlier, line up an outsider, or (gasp!) tell her DH to suck it up and use some of that vacation time for his own kids.

I would just ignore her at Thanksgiving. She's obviously a master manipulator--look at what a great job she's doing at making YOU feel guilty because you won't provide free babysitting!

 

[EthansMom]

My husband told me flat out to tell her no. I guess I'm just afraid she'll be so mad it will ruin Thanksgiving.

Just tell her, "I'm sorry, I'm going to be busy that day." It doesn't matter if you're going to be busy sleeping in... to you, that's busy.

You need to realize that this is primarily a financial decision for your SIL. If she can guilt you into watching her kids (for free), then she will have more money (from DH's vacation payout). You aren't her only option... just the cheapest.

You aren't responsible for anyone else's feelings. I'm sure that if this were a true emergency, you'd be happy to help out... but it isn't, so you shouldn't feel guilty or feel like you have to lie to back yourself up.

 

[barkley]

i'de just say 'no, it's not convenient and leave it at that'.

just as an aside-if her job is so new she can't take this wednesday off what are her plans to do with the kids during the christmas break? is she going to be calling you to see if you can take them then as well? what about when the new baby's here, and she's trying to juggle 3 kids and work-is she going to be expecting you to pick up the childcare slack then as well?

time to set boundaries. time for your sister and her husband to step up and reccognize they both have a responsibility to care for these kids-if mommy can't take time off, and daddy can-he needs to step up.


btw-we had 'buy back' with vacation where dh and i worked. when we were expecting both our kids we socked away as much vacation as possible in order to have time on the books for needed time off. in the case of the time we would lose if we did'nt sell it back-that money got stashed into a separate account to cover if we got into a situation where time had to be taken off and it ended up being designated 'absent without pay'.

 

[SaraJayne]

Just tell her, "I'm sorry, I'm going to be busy that day." It doesn't matter if you're going to be busy sleeping in... to you, that's busy.

You need to realize that this is primarily a financial decision for your SIL. If she can guilt you into watching her kids (for free), then she will have more money (from DH's vacation payout). You aren't her only option... just the cheapest.

You aren't responsible for anyone else's feelings. I'm sure that if this were a true emergency, you'd be happy to help out... but it isn't, so you shouldn't feel guilty or feel like you have to lie to back yourself up.

What she said.