How To Get Out Of Babysitting???

[kilee]

I knew it was coming.....and today the question was asked.

My sister needs a sitter from 6am until 5pm this Wednesday since the kids are off school. Part of me feels guilty and the other part feels it's really not my problem.

Her kids are 5 & 7 years old. My niece (the 7 yr old) is really easy to watch, but nephew (5yrs old) is SOOOOO Hyper. On the occasions I do watch him I spend my time yelling at him at my wits end. He just doesn't listen or sit still. He usually leaves my house in totally destroyed.

I have been working a mega amount of overtime since early September and really was looking forward to my short work week this week. I only have to work all day tomorrow and a half day on Tuesday.

Also, I NEVER-EVER get the house to myself. This Wednesday was supposed to be my day. Dh has to work and my son (he's 16) is going to his dad's Tuesday night to going hunting on Wednesday morning and take his road test Wednesday afternoon. I was planning on watching some sappy movies I DVR'd and spending a few hours studying for my CPC exam I have on 12/12 that I'm behind on the studying for.

Also on a selfish note, I wanted to sleep in...and she needs someone starting at 6am until 5pm(ish). Also my dog is nippy w/ her kids so I have to keep him locked in his crate the entire time they're here.

The rest of my Holiday weekend is so busy w/ plans. I just have been looking forward to having my Wednesday all to myself for the last 2 months.

Unfortunately, my sister started a new job and cannot take anytime off yet. The thing that irritates me is that her dh has 4 weeks vacation time, but he doesn't take it. He has the option to take a payout on his unused time at the end of the year, so he refuses to use a day to stay home. I just don't feel I should have to use my vacation day to watch their kids when he could.

When she asked me tonight, I told her I didn't know yet if my ex could for sure take my son to his road test (which is a lie-- I know he is) and I didn't 100% know that I could take off because of some management changes happening tomorrow at work that require me to take on 3 new departments. Which the change is true but I KNOW I can have off.

Anyhow, she asked me to let her know. If I say no, she'll be mad. Really mad. She holds grudges and she will make Thanksgiving miserable. Then there is part of me that feels guilty like I should do this....I just don't know.

Any advice?

 

[C.Ann]

I knew it was coming.....and today the question was asked.

My sister needs a sitter from 6am until 5pm this Wednesday since the kids are off school. Part of me feels guilty and the other part feels it's really not my problem.

Her kids are 5 & 7 years old. My niece (the 7 yr old) is really easy to watch, but nephew (5yrs old) is SOOOOO Hyper. On the occasions I do watch him I spend my time yelling at him at my wits end. He just doesn't listen or sit still. He usually leaves my house in totally destroyed.

I have been working a mega amount of overtime since early September and really was looking forward to my short work week this week. I only have to work all day tomorrow and a half day on Tuesday.

Also, I NEVER-EVER get the house to myself. This Wednesday was supposed to be my day. Dh has to work and my son (he's 16) is going to his dad's Tuesday night to going hunting on Wednesday morning and take his road test Wednesday afternoon. I was planning on watching some sappy movies I DVR'd and spending a few hours studying for my CPC exam I have on 12/12 that I'm behind on the studying for.

Also on a selfish note, I wanted to sleep in...and she needs someone starting at 6am until 5pm(ish). Also my dog is nippy w/ her kids so I have to keep him locked in his crate the entire time they're here.

The rest of my Holiday weekend is so busy w/ plans. I just have been looking forward to having my Wednesday all to myself for the last 2 months.

Unfortunately, my sister started a new job and cannot take anytime off yet. The thing that irritates me is that her dh has 4 weeks vacation time, but he doesn't take it. He has the option to take a payout on his unused time at the end of the year, so he refuses to use a day to stay home. I just don't feel I should have to use my vacation day to watch their kids when he could.

When she asked me tonight, I told her I didn't know yet if my ex could for sure take my son to his road test (which is a lie-- I know he is) and I didn't 100% know that I could take off because of some management changes happening tomorrow at work that require me to take on 3 new departments. Which the change is true but I KNOW I can have off.

Anyhow, she asked me to let her know. If I say no, she'll be mad. Really mad. She holds grudges and she will make Thanksgiving miserable. Then there is part of me that feels guilty like I should do this....I just don't know.

Any advice?

Change this whole post around.. It's ME that has just posted the above..

What would you tell me to do?

 

[eh24fan]

I'd saw I'm sorry, I can't do it, I already have my own plans for the day. Leave it at that!

 

[Trentmom]

I would definitely say no

The fact that her DH has time available and refuses to use it, that is not your problem.

If she wants to be mad at someone, she should be mad at him, not you.

Family Drama, isn't great

 

[chisnpeke]

Change this whole post around.. It's ME that has just posted the above..

What would you tell me to do?

Good advice.

OP, I would tell her you can't do it.

 

[MinnieMe87]

Just. Say. NO. No other explanation is needed, just a big, fat, no. You can do it!!

 

[Boxley]

Hm, just say you cannot do it and you have other plans. You do not need to go into any other explanation and if she is getting too difficult, just say "Look, I have some things that need to be done already. I am sorry, but I cannot take in the kids." and that's it.

 

[lovetoscrap]

Everything has already been said.

No. I have other plans for that day.


If she were TRULY in a situation where she couldn't be off work and there was absolutely no one else to watch them then that would be one thing--but her husband has the ability to be off and I assume that he is the FATHER of these children. This is his responsibility and he needs to take it. She doesn't need a babysitter. She needs a PARENT!

Repeat after me.

No. I have other plans for that day.


ETA: If she gets really nasty tell her you are going for a mammogram and annual gyno check up that day!

 

[krcit]

Just say no and don't feel bad about it!! I used to be in a similar situation with my sis and after a couple of times where her DH wouldn't take off to watch his kids but never hesitated to take off for golf...I was done. I usually don't agree with telling lies but in this case if only to spare yourself her nonsense then tell a little white lie and enjoy your day off!

 

[kilee]

Her Dh is the kids dad and he could take off if he wanted. The first thing I asked was well who did you have set up--- she told me her SIL, but she forgot she has to work. Then I asked her "can't "BIL" take off?". Her response was-- "well you know how he likes to save all his time for a big payout at the end of the year...and w/ the new baby coming...." (She's 5 months pregnant too).

My husband told me flat out to tell her no. I guess I'm just afraid she'll be so mad it will ruin Thanksgiving.

 

[lovetoscrap]

My husband told me flat out to tell her no. I guess I'm just afraid she'll be so mad it will ruin Thanksgiving.

So let her be mad. You will be too busy having a great time to really notice! Well, and you may still be a bit uncomfortable from those appointments that I mentioned-- make sure she knows that!

And you know, you may also need to see the dentist and get some work done. . .

 

[Traveliz]

I think it would have been best if you immediately said -- sorry I have plans for the day - even just finishing/starting your holiday shopping.

Now she knows you are thinking about it so even though you can tell her you have plans she will wonder why you didn't say it to begin with.

Liz

 

[kilee]

Change this whole post around.. It's ME that has just posted the above..

What would you tell me to do?

I guess that my problem....I don't know.

So let her be mad. You will be too busy having a great time to really notice! Well, and you may still be a bit uncomfortable from those appointments that I mentioned-- make sure she knows that!

And you know, you may also need to see the dentist and get some work done. . .

This is why I left the door of opportunity open by not saying yes and having 2 potential things I may have to do that would prevent me from babysitting. I just don't want to have to lie to her.......I just don't know how else to say no and not make her mad.

I'm honestly thinking of using work as my excuse. Which is not 100% untrue. I really do have to study some that day....and the exam I have to take is for work. W/ her kids here there is no way I'll be able to study at all. I just know if I tell it's because of "studying from home" she'll see that as an invalid reason. So, I'm thinking of saying I have to work for 3-4 hours that morning and leaving it at that. Not 100% true as I'm not going in, but not 100% a lie because of the studying which I do intend to do for about 3 hours that day. Ugghh....I feel like I'm justifying a half truth.

 

[minniecarousel]

Her Dh is the kids dad and he could take off if he wanted. The first thing I asked was well who did you have set up--- she told me her SIL, but she forgot she has to work. Then I asked her "can't "BIL" take off?". Her response was-- "well you know how he likes to save all his time for a big payout at the end of the year...and w/ the new baby coming...." (She's 5 months pregnant too).

My husband told me flat out to tell her no. I guess I'm just afraid she'll be so mad it will ruin Thanksgiving.

That's all it would take for me to say "no". They had the children, they should take care of them. One of the children's parents is available to take care of them for the day - 'nuff said.

 

[daisyduck123]

Just say "no".

You will be kicking yourself on Wednesday if you don't.

 

[Mermaid02]

Just say NO. Daddy can take ONE day to spend with his children..........

 

[minkydog]

Her Dh is the kids dad and he could take off if he wanted. The first thing I asked was well who did you have set up--- she told me her SIL, but she forgot she has to work. Then I asked her "can't "BIL" take off?". Her response was-- "well you know how he likes to save all his time for a big payout at the end of the year...and w/ the new baby coming...." (She's 5 months pregnant too).

My husband told me flat out to tell her no. I guess I'm just afraid she'll be so mad it will ruin Thanksgiving.

Your own husband has told you not to do it and you're STILL unsure what to do? Girl, you need to get a backbone. Tell your trifiling BIL to take care of his own kids. You are under no obligation to babysit their kids because they didn't make a back-up plan. Here's a news flash: NOT YOUR PROBLEM.

So what is she get's "so mad it ruins Thanksgiving." Do you not see that you're thinking about making yourself a doormat just to preserve the peace? There is no way in hell I'd be giving up my few days off to take care of my sister's unruly kid. If they can't do it, then let them PAY A BABY-SITTER.

In what alternative universe does it make sense for you to give up your precious time off when these kids have two doting parents, one of whom has 4 weeks vacation time? This is NOT an emergency. Or at least, it's not YOUR emergency. Tell them no and don't let them bully you into feeling obligated. You are only obligated to take care of your own children and if you don't have any that doesn't mean you are obligated to hers.

 

[clh2]

While I do understand the sister's predicament, that she is new and can't get off work.

The fact that the dad CAN take off work but chooses not to is not your problem - it is your sister's and her husband's problem.

Enjoy your day...can I suggest a mani/pedi and or massage on your day off?

 

[kaytieeldr]

Just. Say. NO. No other explanation is needed, just a big, fat, no. You can do it!!

Specifically, "Thank you for asking, but I can't.". DO NOT provide explanations, excuses, etc. Every time she asks, no matter how she phrases the question, simply repeat, "Thank you for asking, but I can't."

My husband told me flat out to tell her no. I guess I'm just afraid she'll be so mad it will ruin Thanksgiving.

Would you like to retain the temporary services of a no-cost personal assistant? I'll be HAPPY to call your sister and refuse on your behalf.

disclaimer: this is NOT a solicitation for money, a job, or anything else that might violate DIS rules. It's simply a voluntary offer

 

[hegsag]

You absolutely shouldn't feel guilty! You work hard and deserve a day to yourself. I don't understand how she could possibley be mad at you -- her husband should day the day off. How selfish and self centered your ds and bil are!!!