How To Deal...

[The Dark Dancer]

I love my boyfriend very, very much.... most of the time. lol.
Just not when his best friend, Travis, is with us.

This all started about last Thursday. Jacob, my boyfriend, was happy that his friend from Jr. High days was coming up. He moved 3 and a half hours away in the 7th grade.

Travis was supposed to come in Sunday and leave Wednesday. Cool. No objections from me. I know Jacob needs some guy time.

Anyway, Thursday of last week rolled around and Travis texts Jacob to tell him that he is coming around 8 or 9. Jacob tells him that he will be home shortly after because he is coming to see me for a little while first. Yay! He knows I won't see him til the next Thursday. I am also invited to dinner at his grandparents house.

Travis texts back that he has decided to come in earlier... say...4 or 5? Jacob says okay and tells me he won't be coming over after all. I'm a little dissapointed...but okay. Then I ask Jacob about dinner at his grandparents.. and he asks if I still want to go, since it will be him and Travis. He kind of acts like he wants some alone time with the guy, so I let him have his space and gracefully decline.

That night, I go to my nephew's basketball game at our school. I text Jacob after dinner and ask if they would like to swing by and watch the game with me. They agree and drive up. Jacob acts the same around me and I try to do the same. I am a very shy person, so being around new people makes me kind of withdraw...but, I held my head high and tried to make conversation with Travis. He thinks it is quite funny to poke fun at the fact that I am stealing his friend from him. I laugh it off and play along. I don't get good vibes from him...but I know he's important to Jacob.. so I grit my teeth and bare it. Many other remarks are made and I just take it all in. He'll be gone by Wednesday.

Boy was I wrong. Now, his plans have changed and he is staying till Saturday. So let's see....he came in 3 days early and is leaving almost 3 days later.

Jacob asks if I'm okay with that, and I say I guess so...but I am a little jealous of Travis getting all of Jacob's attention for all of our Thanksgiving break.

Today, I was invited to go out to eat pizza and go to a movie with Jacob and Travis. Don't know why, but I felt like the 3rd wheel....
First thing Travis says to me:

Hey Sarah! Jacob told me that you were jealous of me. Know what I told his Mama? I told her that you were so jealous of me because I'm getting to sleep with Jacob everyday and you're NOT!

I didn't know what to be more insulted by. His remark...or the fact that Jacob had told him how I felt about him staying.

I just laughed...again.. and tried to play it cool. Really making an effort for Jacob.

The rest of the day passes with more small remarks...and Jacob acts mostly normal. He can tell something is bothering me though. I tell him it's nothing and go about my business.

Idk how much more of him I can stand, honestly. But Jacob is loving all his guy time. Travis is like....a new toy!

I cannot wait for Saturday... but wanna hear the real punch-line?

Travis may be moving in with my BF due to some family issues I won't discuss here.



So....This may be a permanent thing.



What in the world am I going to do.


Advice is appreciated VERY much!

-Sarah

 

[wilmabride'sdaughter]

Sarah, it sounds like your boyfriend's friend is being a big jerk about the whole thing.

I feel very much for you that he may be moving in with your boyfriend.

I suggest that you put up with it for a while but if it gets too out of hand then i think you should tell your BF how you feel.

That's all the advice i can give. :S.

 

[HouseMD1120]

Ouch. That can't be fun. I'm sorry about that.

I would just suggest that you put up with him for a little while longer to see if things get different. But if they don't, just tell your boyfriend how you feel. He should understand.

 

[life of the party]

I'm going to be pretty honest, it seems like you could have stopped any & all of this.

You have to stand up for yourself, you know?


But I'm sorry that this is happening to you & i hope the best for you

 

[MushuGirl06]

Heyyy

This kind of situation happened to me before but not in the same way...its kind of hard to explain. but anyways...

what i would do is, first see if he really does move in before you say anything because if he doesnt move in there is no sense in saying something to your boyfriend. Now if he does move in give it a little while see how everything shapes up. Now if things keep going the way it has been or makes a turn for the worst talk to your boyfriend tell him how your feeling and that you dont want him to go run off and tell his friend after you have had the conversation with him, and just explain that you feel like you are the third wheel and that you guys dont spend as much time as you have together before and that you miss him. and hopefully he will split his time with you and his best friend.

Good Luck with everything

btw my names brittany!

 

[imabrat]

Wow, Sarah! This guy sounds like an ***. Quite frankly, I'd go up to Travis and be like "Listen, we are both here for BF. You don't have to like it, but that's the way it is. Grow up and learn to get along with others."

I understand that you don't want to seem clingy to BF, but you have to let him know that you're not going to take Travis' bull.

 

[chisnpeke]

Tell them you're not going to deal with it. If you mean anything to your boyfriend, he'll change his ways.

I dealt with an idiot boyfriend for two years, I know it's hard.

 

[The Dark Dancer]

Thank you all for the great advice!


This is why the whole ordeal is such a shock... He has never been one to laugh and carry on while someone pokes fun at me.

We still have till Saturday though... and like the advice says that I have been given, I am going to sit back, and watch what happens with Jacob and Travis. If my guesses are accurate, Travis will be getting on his nerves in the next few days if he keeps on. If Jacob asks what is wrong with me, I will tell him that I don't like some of the jokes and remarks Travis makes to me.

I am invited to eat dinner with them tonight at our local Mexican resteraunt, and I intend to go. I don't want to be pushed out of the picture completely... lol.

Thank you all so much for all the help! I will update if anything happens.

If it keeps on...I will definatley speak up! My two best friends are coming over tonight for some support and advice.

-Sarah

 

[KitKat_Tink]

I know this sounds harsh but most guys would put there guy friends above their girls...

Around here there is a saying but its not exactly family friendly so I can't exactly post it but its along the lines of

bro's before chicks...except a even meaner name for girls...I'm not saying your bf is like that but he hasn't seen this guy in awhile so of course he's going to want to spend all his time with him...But i understand your reasons for being upset about it. You could always be honest with him and tell him how you feel...

 

[cdog12]

I love my boyfriend very, very much.... most of the time. lol.
Just not when his best friend, Travis, is with us.

This all started about last Thursday. Jacob, my boyfriend, was happy that his friend from Jr. High days was coming up. He moved 3 and a half hours away in the 7th grade.

Travis was supposed to come in Sunday and leave Wednesday. Cool. No objections from me. I know Jacob needs some guy time.

Anyway, Thursday of last week rolled around and Travis texts Jacob to tell him that he is coming around 8 or 9. Jacob tells him that he will be home shortly after because he is coming to see me for a little while first. Yay! He knows I won't see him til the next Thursday. I am also invited to dinner at his grandparents house.

Travis texts back that he has decided to come in earlier... say...4 or 5? Jacob says okay and tells me he won't be coming over after all. I'm a little dissapointed...but okay. Then I ask Jacob about dinner at his grandparents.. and he asks if I still want to go, since it will be him and Travis. He kind of acts like he wants some alone time with the guy, so I let him have his space and gracefully decline.

That night, I go to my nephew's basketball game at our school. I text Jacob after dinner and ask if they would like to swing by and watch the game with me. They agree and drive up. Jacob acts the same around me and I try to do the same. I am a very shy person, so being around new people makes me kind of withdraw...but, I held my head high and tried to make conversation with Travis. He thinks it is quite funny to poke fun at the fact that I am stealing his friend from him. I laugh it off and play along. I don't get good vibes from him...but I know he's important to Jacob.. so I grit my teeth and bare it. Many other remarks are made and I just take it all in. He'll be gone by Wednesday.

Boy was I wrong. Now, his plans have changed and he is staying till Saturday. So let's see....he came in 3 days early and is leaving almost 3 days later.

Jacob asks if I'm okay with that, and I say I guess so...but I am a little jealous of Travis getting all of Jacob's attention for all of our Thanksgiving break.

Today, I was invited to go out to eat pizza and go to a movie with Jacob and Travis. Don't know why, but I felt like the 3rd wheel....
First thing Travis says to me:


I didn't know what to be more insulted by. His remark...or the fact that Jacob had told him how I felt about him staying.

I just laughed...again.. and tried to play it cool. Really making an effort for Jacob.

The rest of the day passes with more small remarks...and Jacob acts mostly normal. He can tell something is bothering me though. I tell him it's nothing and go about my business.

Idk how much more of him I can stand, honestly. But Jacob is loving all his guy time. Travis is like....a new toy!

I cannot wait for Saturday... but wanna hear the real punch-line?

Travis may be moving in with my BF due to some family issues I won't discuss here.



So....This may be a permanent thing.



What in the world am I going to do.


Advice is appreciated VERY much!

-Sarah

Why you ae begin so UNGratefull he will be gone let you bf if you love him so much have fun with his fiend who he missed so much and what you said about him was rude

 

[chisnpeke]

Thank you all for the great advice!


This is why the whole ordeal is such a shock... He has never been one to laugh and carry on while someone pokes fun at me.

We still have till Saturday though... and like the advice says that I have been given, I am going to sit back, and watch what happens with Jacob and Travis. If my guesses are accurate, Travis will be getting on his nerves in the next few days if he keeps on. If Jacob asks what is wrong with me, I will tell him that I don't like some of the jokes and remarks Travis makes to me.

I am invited to eat dinner with them tonight at our local Mexican resteraunt, and I intend to go. I don't want to be pushed out of the picture completely... lol.

Thank you all so much for all the help! I will update if anything happens.

If it keeps on...I will definatley speak up! My two best friends are coming over tonight for some support and advice.

-Sarah

I really do hope you figure it all out. I know how horrible it can be to deal with things like this.

 

[Babyjustrun]

Why you ae begin so UNGratefull he will be gone let you bf if you love him so much have fun with his fiend who he missed so much and what you said about him was rude

Did you even read her post?
She said this situation COULD be permanent.
And she was being friendly to this guy, but he was poking fun and sayaing rude things to HER. She's tried her best to be friends with this guy and he's being a complete butthole.

 

[i<3castawaycay123]

yes I would def tell ur bf what is going on. Did u tell him what his friend said about the whole sleeping thing? Ur bf deserves to know and im sure that he will talk to his friend about it.

 

[The Dark Dancer]

Did you even read her post?
She said this situation COULD be permanent.
And she was being friendly to this guy, but he was poking fun and sayaing rude things to HER. She's tried her best to be friends with this guy and he's being a complete butthole.

Thanks, Hilary!

Some more stuff happened last night...

My two best friends (Chelsea and Haley) came up and spent the night. We met up with the guys at sonic...and were just hanging out. Another old friend (Kaitlyn) drove up and said hey to Travis. She went over to the car where my girls were. She was picking with Travis and called him a name... And Travis got mad. He thinks Chelsea said it...and thinks we are in Chelseas car. (It was Haleys). And he proceeds to grab some pennies, quarters, and nickels out of his truck to throw at the car! The girls dont see this happen... but I DO! I yell at him that its HALEYs car...and he stops... and Jacob thinks the whole thing was funny. I get PO'd...and go over with the girls. The guys leave.

I text Jacob later and tell him that I thought it was all really immature. He asks why have I been mad lately... blah, blah, blah...

In the end, Jacob and I talked everything out last night and this morning... Had a pretty big fight... but he admitted that everytime I got mad, I had a perfectly legit reason. He apologised for his behavior the past week and Travis even kind of apologised.

Today we all rode 4-wheelers and had a bonfire and no cross words were said and Jacob acted like his usual self. He had fun with the guys... but most of the time, he was either hugging me, kissing my cheek, or holding my hand again. It was nice to have some normalacy.


So, for now, everything is good. Thank you to all who replied and gave advice! I just love the DIS! lol


-Sarah

 

[JulielovesDisney]

Try talking to your BF and tell him how his friend is making you feel.
Maybe he'll be able to sit his BFF down and tell him to knock it off.

I hope it gets better!!

 

[hack2112]

The Dis, helping people with relationship problems since the dawn of time.