How to deal with difficult MIL who is dying?

[Lanshark]

She is not going to change. I would think your priority is DH. Honor her wishes as much as possible but once she's gone the siblings should collectively decide how to handle things. She has a right to dictate how she will be buried but not how she will be mourned.

If she doesn't have a legal will then I would assume the siblings would again need to decide how to handle things. Unfortunately, I seen situations where the siblings were not treated fairly equally turn into resentment and damage the relationship. If the siblings need to make decisions make sure they take a step back and consider all options before making any major decisions.

 

[arminnie]

Could she have metastasis to the brain, perhaps?

That's exactly the first thing that came to my mind. Her brain is muddled - maybe it's the cancer, maybe she's just mean. The only thing you can control is your reaction (or non-reaction) to it.

If you truly don't want anything just ignore the whole estate issue. Let who ever wants the money deal with it.

You are all free to mark the ending of her life however you want to when she is gone.

Once she's dead, her control is gone. I know that's hard to believe, but it's true. Honor her wishes as best you can while also giving the living what they need. Consider burying her privately and having a memorial service later so DH & sibs can get the support from friends and family.

Great advice.

 

[Jessd]

I wanted to thank everyone for your advise. It is amazing how total strangers can be so kind to someone they don't know. More people in the world should try to do that.

I think the only thing we can do is wait it out. If she wants to come forward with more information, so be it. If not, nobody can force her. I will just have to be there for DH and do whatever I can if and when I am needed.

 

[PaulaSue]

Hugs to you and your Dh and family.

I would see if DH and his family can talk to her doctor and get the doctor to help in some way.