How to be there without "being" there....

[tiff211]

My oldest daughter lives with her dad in another state. She comes to visit vacations and holiday and sometimes when I am missing her or she needs some "mommy time" I will take the drive to go see her. Of course with 3 other little ones, that's not always that easy. Now she's a senior in HS, and all the end of the year activities (Prom, graduation) etc. are happening. And her 18th birthday is next week. I feel like I am missing it all. . Thankfully, we have great communication so she keeps me posted and I send her money to help with the expenses. We are all going for the graduation but missing her prom and birthday is killing me. But taking the trip with all the other girls is too much and leaving them behind makes me feel guilty. I was planning to take a personal day at work on her birthday and go surprise her but my middle DD is having her kindergarten graduation that morning. Besides splitting myself in 2, any suggestions or ideas how i can show her that I am "there" if not in body but in spirit?

 

[ksjayhawks]

Is there someoe else--grandparent, aunt, uncle, dd father--who can go to the kindergarten graduation? Then you could go to older dd's birthday.

In the grand scheme of things, the 18th birthday is a milestone your older dd will only have once. there will be plenty of other events for the little one. The kindergarten graduation is a fun ceremony, but not a big milestone event (puttiing on flame suit as I know others don't agree). Plus your three little ones have you all the time, so your older dd deserves some of your time too.

 

[Jenny-momof3]

Maybe send her something like a balloon bouquet, flowers, cookie bouquet, etc. on that day.

When you're there for her graduation maybe you could take some time out to have a mother/daughter spa day ( or atleast a few hours getting a pedi, mani). I think spending one on one time with her would be special even if it wasn't on her actual birthday.

Hugs to you... I'm sure this is hard.

 

[Candy30]

I have a relative that would like to see thier child during these times but was not allowed to. If you can go, GO! Your younger ones will like ksjay says will have many milestones to celebrate. And trust me you both will rememeber it in years to come. I understand about feeling guilty. When you return from your trip. Maybe you can celebrate the younger's graduation at McDonald's and a special gift. I know how difficult this can be Hang in there

 

[Disney Doll]

You don't look old enough ot have an 18 year old.

 

[wvjules]

My oldest daughter lives with her dad in another state. She comes to visit vacations and holiday and sometimes when I am missing her or she needs some "mommy time" I will take the drive to go see her. Of course with 3 other little ones, that's not always that easy. Now she's a senior in HS, and all the end of the year activities (Prom, graduation) etc. are happening. And her 18th birthday is next week. I feel like I am missing it all. . Thankfully, we have great communication so she keeps me posted and I send her money to help with the expenses. We are all going for the graduation but missing her prom and birthday is killing me. But taking the trip with all the other girls is too much and leaving them behind makes me feel guilty. I was planning to take a personal day at work on her birthday and go surprise her but my middle DD is having her kindergarten graduation that morning. Besides splitting myself in 2, any suggestions or ideas how i can show her that I am "there" if not in body but in spirit?

So its not ok to miss your little one's kindergarten graduation but it is ok to miss your eldest's prom and 18th birthday?

If it were me I would miss the kindergarten graduation and be there for this hugely momentous milestone for your first born. Your kindergartner will have elem school, middle school, and hs graduation still to come.

I'm glad your communication is great with your olded DD but I'm sure you missing these things because of your new family might make her feel like the oddball and also a little resentful someday. A mom should be there for the prom if at all possible.

 

[Serena]

I agree, this time, miss the kindergarten graduation and go to her birthday.

As for other times. Write her a letter, tell her how much you hate missing all you have missed, tell her how much you love her and miss her.

A locket with your picture and a short message for her.

 

[Robinrs]

You don't look old enough ot have an 18 year old.

I think the picture is of all her girls. They are beautiful!


Whatever you choose to do is yours to make. You're an incredible Mom and you've sacrificed a lot in the past few years. Hang in there and I'm more than sure that your kids KNOW you put them first in whatever you do.

 

[Darcy03231]

Here's another vote for missing kindergarten graduation and going to see your daughter on her 18th birthday. Can your DH/SO go to the kindergarten graduation so that child doesn't feel left out either?

 

[SC Minnie]

Miss the K graduation-- this will not be the biggest thing that child accomplishes. If possible have another family member there for her. Go see your oldest DD. Show her that she means so much to that you want to spend time with just her and are willing to do anything to put her first sometimes.

 

[Sleepy]

I agree with everyone who has said go be with your daughter. For me, the guilt of leaving my younger behind would be far less than the guilt I would feel for not being with my oldest daughter when she really needed my presence the most. Your other kids get you 24/7. They will have to understand why you must leave to be with their big sister. Think of the sacrifices your oldest makes everyday not having you around.

 

[tiff211]

You don't look old enough ot have an 18 year old.

If you are looking at the pic in my signature (which needs to be updated), that is all 4 of my dd's.

 

[tiff211]

So its not ok to miss your little one's kindergarten graduation but it is ok to miss your eldest's prom and 18th birthday?

If it were me I would miss the kindergarten graduation and be there for this hugely momentous milestone for your first born. Your kindergartner will have elem school, middle school, and hs graduation still to come.

I'm glad your communication is great with your olded DD but I'm sure you missing these things because of your new family might make her feel like the oddball and also a little resentful someday. A mom should be there for the prom if at all possible.

I haven't missed any event in her life yet. I think that's why it's so tough. She said she's fine with it as long as I am at graduation and send her present for her birthday, lol!

 

[Stitchfans]

Your girls are darling. I can't imagine being in your situation right now. I guess as said though since these are major steps in oldest DDs life I would try my hardest to be there for them. Not to say that kindergarten isn't a big deal but IMO High school and 18th birthday would trump kindergarten. The youngest has tons of major events to look forward to, much bigger ones. I wish you well in whatever decision you make.

 

[ORMom2Four]

Ditto on missing the graduation. Your youngest will never remember that day of her life.

Your oldest daughter will remember her 18th birthday forever, especially if you surprise her by being there.

 

[horseshowmom]

Your girls are absolutely beautiful!

I agree with the others. I would take the day to go see your daughter on her birthday. She's quickly leaving childhood behind and becoming a woman. Hopefully, you have other family members who can attend the K graduation program (and I have to agree with others that it's really not that big of a deal ).

I also loved the spa day idea. Sounds like great fun!