How to address delicate situation?

[rie'smom]

I could probably find an image of a golden nip but the pic would get me points.

 

[sha_lyn]

Hmmm I am a HUGE breastfeeding, nursing in public supporter. However, from what you've described, it does seem as if she goes out of her way to expose herself. Maybe that isn't true, I don't know. And quite honestly there should be no problem with any amount of breast showing, that's what they are for. However, I understand the sensibilities of her male relatives and strangers at the mall. I don't know what to tell you except to maybe try not to react, if she is really doing it for shock value then if she doesn't get a reaction maybe she will tone it down a bit??? Otherwise just keep ignoring her anyway, leave if she makes you uncomfortable, she won't breastfeed forever and eventually when she's 60 it will become obvious she's flashing for shock value, lol!

ITA

 

[Disney Doll]

Okay...wow.

My first thought when I started to read was "BACK OFF! The baby has a right to eat whenever and wherever it gets hungry! Nobody should have to leave, nobody should have to go feed their child in a bathroom, etc."

In general...yeah, that's my feelings on the matter.

Then I read more and realized that you are saying this lady just lets it ALL hang out. Holy cow.

I don't have any polite advice, but I have some rude advice. In other words, I'll tell you exactly how my husband would deal with it. He would make some kind of overt comment which I probably shouldn't type here, either critiquing the goods, thanking her for displaying them, asking if he can help massage the milk down...or something equally shocking. Then when she was offended, he would ask her why she was hanging them out if she didn't want anybody looking or commenting. "You were advertising, so why are you surprised that I'm shopping?"

At which point I would probably want to crawl under the table and die...but she'd have gotten the point.

I like your husband!

My DH would probably read this thread and think "How come I don't have a SIL like that???".

 

[Disney Doll]

I have been debating about how to respond to this post bec of my personal experience in this matter which was so uncomfortable that nearly 20 years later it still gives me the heebie geebies.

I had a coworker who invited her boss and colleagues to a dinner at her home. This was a blatant attempt to curry favor as she was in line for a promotion. So...one would think, best foot forward, right? Well, apparently she misread the memo and thought it was best breast forward.

We are all sitting around the dinner table when her two boys --ages 7 and 5 come in. We are all a little surprised that they were there for a formal, work-related dinner party (drinks, candles, etc.). We were further...surprised (aghast, disgusted, dismayed, shocked beyond words) when the two boys screeched, "Milk time, we want milk!" and went over and lifted her shirt, exposed her breasts and starting sucking on them. In front of god and all of us. Her dh started licking his own lips and asked if they boys needed any help.

We were all shocked into immobility. Then we all got up and left. The men there that night were never able to look her in the face again. One of the women finally said something to her and her response was first La Leche League politically correct, then she got defensive and started talking about the central role of the breast in their family life and well.... their fetish and exhibitionism.

We all then went to google and did our own research and discovered to our surprise a whole lotta people with the same fetish which often manifests itself in exhibitionism.

So...guess what I think of your SIL and brother? They are fetishists and exhibitionists. And I would not be part of their foreplay because I can assure you it is most certainly sexual. And the fact that they are doing it in front of family, we are crossing the line into incestuous. I would get up and leave and if they asked, I'd tell them why and refuse to get drawn into an argument.

I was at a freind's New Year's party many years back, and her SILs 6 year old daughter came up to Mom, unbuttoned her blouse and started to BF. Cleared the room....

And I agree with your statement about them being fetishists and exhibitionists. I am a nurse. I have seen body parts in every shape, size & color known to mankind. I'm not in any way offended by, traumatized by or disgusted by any body part. Frankly, if you've seen one you've seen them all.

I am in no way against BFing when the baby needs to be fed. There is no reason to have both breasts hanging out (unless you are feeding 2 babies) and I can truly think of no reason to have to pump in public with DH massaging the breasts.

So yes, this is some sexual fetish. Perhaps she "gets off" on having the girls out for show. Perhaps her DH gets off on having all the men see his wife bodacious tatas, he thinks they are all envying him for what he's got at home. I have no idea, but it strikes me as sick and weird.

I agree with the poster who says when she starts this, I'd walk away. If I was in a restaurant, I'd get up and leave the table. If we were at home, I'd leave the room. If I was in any public place with her, I'd leave her general vicinity. And frankly, if she asked me why, I'd tell her that I don't particularly care to be a participant in her and her DH's sexual foreplay.

But then again, I'm outspoken that way.

DH has one sister who was like this. Whipped that **** out anywhere, laid it on the table for all to see sometimes while she "adjusted" things. Our nephews (from my other DSIL) were 12 & 14 at the time and about died every time it happened. They didn't know which way to run. My late DFIL would leave the room.

When there are ways to feed your baby calmly and nicely, I can't imagine why anyone would choose to make others uncomfortable.

 

[NYPDwife]

(cause she pops them both out and one is always hanging out there unused).

Her reason for leaving one hanging would be? My cousin was "free" with her nursing, but she didn't whip both out at once. I'd ask her to put the one that's not being used away until she needs it.

This just occured to me, did she get her tata's done at one point? Maybe she wants to show off how perfect she thinks they look, even with nursing.

 

[NYPDwife]

(Is my emmy shaped like a giant nipple?)

This would be the BEST TAG....EVER!

 

[scottishduffy]

This would be the BEST TAG....EVER!

Wouldn't that just be my luck, getting tagged for my SIL's nipple.

So that would make one Fart tag and one Nipple tag. Just makes me look classy!

 

[lowie]

this whole thread reminds me of when i was taking DS to work with me while nursing. i sold jewelry at a family owned business and knew most of the clients very well. one day i was nursing him under a blanket and got up to answer a question. absolutely nothing was showing but this old guy was gawking at me. his little old lady wife turned to him and said "for goodness sake irving, she's nursing, not taping a porno movie" i nearly died with laughter...

anyway, OP, like others have said, you can remove yourself from the situation, talk to either or both parents or to make some of the guys who post here happy, pop out your own girls and get a picture taken with your SIL to post here!

 

[Stacerita]

My question is what will she expose when the baby outgrows b'feeding?

I don't want to think of that.

 

[Mahnahmahnah]

My question is what will she expose when the baby outgrows b'feeding?

She could always get a job at Hooter's!!!

 

[nuttylawprofessor]

Seriously, OP. Congrats on starting a thread about breastfeeding that is relatively controversy free at six pages. That is impressive.

 

[charabby]

Yeah, it is nothing against breast feeding. The whole family is 100% supportive of that. It is the exhibitionism that is proving bothersome for the guys. It is a bit awkward for my mom and I as well but at least we are women so it somehwat "OK" for us to see another womans breasts. The guys are having a tough time with this as it is almost always at meal and unless we pick up our plates and leave (very obvious and would tick her off) we are stuck. In Ex:1 we were supposed to go their house afterward anyway and were stuck waiting for them since they have the keys. The waterpark incident was also during lunch time.

.

She is the one that is in the wrong, so why are you worried about offending her?????? I am genuinely confused by that. Frankly, I see nothing wrong with saying something along the lines of 'whoa, cover up - there's no reason for both breasts to be exposed!'

I honestly believe that society seems more rude nowadays b/c so many of us want to avoid offending someone so much, that we put up with BS - I mean seriously. Why in the heck would anyone have to feel that they should put up with being held captive audience to the stunts she's pulling? Fear of confrontation in these situations allows them to get out of hand and I feel safe saying that if it's so far that she's topless at a waterpark needlessly expressing milk while also engaging in foreplay with her husband in full view of the world, it's gotten out of hand!

 

[Mahnahmahnah]

Seriously, OP. Congrats on starting a thread about breastfeeding that is relatively controversy free at six pages. That is impressive.

RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

IT'S THE GRAMMAR POLICE AND SHE HAS A BAT!!!!!!!!

BTW-
ITA with you!

 

[I_Know_You2!]

I honestly believe that society seems more rude nowadays b/c so many of us want to avoid offending someone so much, that we put up with BS - I mean seriously. Why in the heck would anyone have to feel that they should put up with being held captive audience to the stunts she's pulling? Fear of confrontation in these situations allows them to get out of hand and I feel safe saying that if it's so far that she's topless at a waterpark needlessly expressing milk while also engaging in foreplay with her husband in full view of the world, it's gotten out of hand!

Can't argue with that. Although I wouldn't necessarily consider it foreplay. I know a couple of BF psychos who did the same kind of stuff. They just wanted to offend people with their "rights."

 

[The Mystery Machine]

This thread is interesting to say the least. If it was my family you would be called to the carpet and a fight would ensue.

We are not shy about discussing things. OP I hope you figure out what to do.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

My personality is such that I would just tell SIL, "to cover up" plain and simple. She is making you and your family members uncomfortable. Why tip toe around it?

This is probably closest to my reaction too.

BTW, count me in among the traumatized. Spuds'll never be the same!

Everyone, repeat after me: "I'll take mine baked, please."

 

[TomLovesBecky]

And I agree with your statement about them being fetishists and exhibitionists. I am a nurse. I have seen body parts in every shape, size & color known to mankind. I'm not in any way offended by, traumatized by or disgusted by any body part. Frankly, if you've seen one you've seen them all.

I am in no way against BFing when the baby needs to be fed. There is no reason to have both breasts hanging out (unless you are feeding 2 babies) and I can truly think of no reason to have to pump in public with DH massaging the breasts.



When there are ways to feed your baby calmly and nicely, I can't imagine why anyone would choose to make others uncomfortable.

I could have written these parts of your post! No big deal at all for me to see "bodacious ta-tas" lol And I managed to breastfeed without anyone usually knowing what I was doing. Never once did I ever have the need to pull out my breasts, exposed to the world, and make anyone uncomfortable. Many times I would be nursing and people would sit down right next to me on benches and never have a clue what I was doing, they just thought the baby was sleeping. I did have ONE incident when I was new to the whole thing, I lost control of the situation (and my nursing bra) and one of the girls flopped out for one second in a restaurant, I was having lunch with my friend and she busted up laughing, she said no one saw but I always wondered if she just said that to spare my feelings.

 

[Disney Doll]

She is the one that is in the wrong, so why are you worried about offending her?????? I am genuinely confused by that. Frankly, I see nothing wrong with saying something along the lines of 'whoa, cover up - there's no reason for both breasts to be exposed!'

I honestly believe that society seems more rude nowadays b/c so many of us want to avoid offending someone so much, that we put up with BS - I mean seriously. Why in the heck would anyone have to feel that they should put up with being held captive audience to the stunts she's pulling? Fear of confrontation in these situations allows them to get out of hand and I feel safe saying that if it's so far that she's topless at a waterpark needlessly expressing milk while also engaging in foreplay with her husband in full view of the world, it's gotten out of hand!

I agree with you.

And BTW, I thin k the TAG FAIRY should pay SPECIAL ATTENTION to your last sentence.

 

[JoBird]

I'm truly surprised the Tag Fairy hasn't made an appearance on this thread, LOL~
she's got some great material here.

Jo

 

[BriarfoxinWA]

Add me to the list of those that think you should just tell SIL to cover up since it makes everyone uncomfortable. In my family, my FIL would probably do such a good job embarasing her that she would never do it again. He's been know to sit down next to a nursing mom and do his best imitation of a crying baby. He usually tells them he wants a turn... Now my mom and dad would simply refuse to do anything with them until she was able to accomplish her bf in a discrete manner.