How old were you when your "adult life" started?

[autumnpalm]

I've been thinking about this lately. I know there are a few big milestones that kind of separate that young-adult-transitional stage to the actual "adult" stage and I'm hoping it might make me feel a little better about myself to take a quick DISsurvey!

How old were you when you graduated from university/college? Got married? Moved out of your parents' house? (not university residence but an independent situations) Started a full time job? Had a savings account?

I'm a university student currently and I feel like I am so behind in everything. I know at 19 I'm still young but I have friends who are starting to get engaged, graduate, move out.. and I feel like I am so far from that! I am currently taking my studies part time so I can work and I don't even know what year I am going to graduate in. Hopefully 2014? I pay for most of my tuition fees but I don't have anything close to a decent savings account. In fact I am quite in debt!

I will be a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding this summer. She is 20 and her fiancee is 25. He already has a full time job and apartment. She'll be moving in with him after the wedding and they are already planning for kids! I don't feel at all ready for that yet... I'm still trying to sort my own life out.

I'm afraid I'm terribly behind in "growing up" and starting my "real life". Please tell me I'm not the only one who has felt like this!

 

[Planogirl]

I was 18 but that was due to necessity. I definitely had to leave home and I didn't look back.

I don't think that being 19 means you have to have plans just yet though. What's the hurry? Take your time, once you take on all of those "adult" responsibilities then they never go away again. It was tough for me to do it the way I did it so why not save and learn as much as you can first?

 

[sunshine girl]

You are FINE. You have plenty of time. You are doing wonderfully. Really and truly, you are ahead of the game!

Your friends who are getting married are, in my opinion, on the young side for marriage. People change so much in their 20's...

Do not worry!! Stay the course and be happy! Things happen for different people at different times, and at 19 you have your whole life ahead of you. Congrats on all you've accomplished so far.

 

[AshleyW]

You've got plenty of time still, don't stress about this kind of thing!

I'm 22 and completely independent, and have been since I was 18.. and I pretty much wish I would have been able to stay a "kid" for longer.

I started working when I was 14 - part time, about 20 hours a week.

I bumped up to working 30-35 hours a week when I was 16 so I could buy new clothes/a car/gas/insurance/etc. because my dad was laid off and my parents couldn't buy me that stuff.

I lived in the dorms when I was 18 for a year, and paid for my school myself, and got student loans (in my name only, my parents didn't cosign) to cover what I couldn't pay. I started working full-time to pay for everything, and going to school full-time at the same time.

My grandpa died my first year of school, so I moved in with my grandma at the end of the school year to help her for awhile.

My fiance & I bought a condo when I was 19 and he was 21, and I've been working full time and going to school part time ever since. Honestly.. it's nice feeling like I'm in control of myself, but it's kind of a bummer. My parents moved to Florida this past winter, which really made it hit home how "alone" I am.

So, long story short.. enjoy it! In my experience, the people I know that took things slow w/school and growing up are having a LOT better time than the ones who were in such a hurry to get settled down.

 

[charming23]

You are not alone. I am currently 24 and currently unemployed but I have always lived at home. I started working at 18 part-time while attending school part-time and moved to full-time job when things became financially strained when my Dad got sick (I was 22). Most of my friends are starting to get married and have kids, or finishing school and moving out on their own and I too sometimes feel like I am "behind".

But on the flip side by living at home I have been saving more money so that when I am ready to "leave the nest" I will not be struggling like some of my friends. I also do not pay traditional rent. I however pay for my car and my mother's car in exchange.

I do not think there is a certain age you have to do things. I think whenever you feel most comfortable.

 

[jwhtewolfd]

Relax. You are doing just fine. You're 19. The 25 year old has a six year jump on you. Just b/c your 20 year old friend is jumping on his band wagon doesn't mean she is ahead of the game.

If you are in school at 19, you're doing pretty good. Lots of people can't afford it or have no desire to do it. Yes, your "real life" will start a little later, but enjoy the time you have now. You will change so much in the next 5 - 10 years, you will look back and say "who is that person?"

I am 26. I graduated high school and was fortunate enough to go straight into college with lots of help from my parents. I didn't need to work, though I had small jobs here and there. I graduated in '05. My friends and I in college had been desperately afraid of "real life" after all that time spent in the campus "bubble." I got a job, but continued to live with my parents. My plan was to save a nice little nest egg, then find an apartment when I felt like I had enough stashed away.

August '05 changed everything when Katrina hit. We moved all over the place, I moved in with my aunt to find a job and my parents stayed farther away so my brother could finish his senior year of high school. I got an apartment in '06, but still felt like I was "pretending" to be grown up. In '07 the apartment was falling apart and getting smaller by the day, so my dad suggested buying a cheap gutted out house in our old neighborhood and rebuilding it. Then came contractor nightmares and all the joys and sorrows of home ownership. This will be my third Christmas in my own house, and I'm just starting to feel like I'm a "real" adult.

Now my situation is different because nothing really went according to the plan I had laid out due to the hurricane, but I think I have a pretty good little life now, and I couldn't have even begun to envision where I am now when I was 19.

Bottom line, you're doing fine. Don't try to rush yourself based on what others are doing. It's normal to feel behind, but right now you are doing what you need to do to get ahead in the long run. And don't be surprised if you still feel like a phony, even when you are a bonafide "adult." It takes some getting used to.

You can PM me if you want for more gory details about the transition to "real life."

 

[funkychunkymonkey]

Terrrified of moving out of moms home. Woulda stayed forever but my best freind conned me into movint out. Then mom moved in with my aunt (leaving NO room for me to change my mind.) Its been two years and I try to go home alot. THe full time job thing... Im still not there. Im working to find a full time job but Im curently working part-time (no savings account). I have no man in my life ( which makes me sad) and very few freinds (again sad) but Am pretty happy. I wanna be married by 28 (which means I need to find a man soon... ANYONE got single freinds? lol)

 

[Mickeyluver37]

How old were you when you graduated from university/college? Got married? Moved out of your parents' house? (not university residence but an independent situations) Started a full time job? Had a savings account?

I'm a university student currently and I feel like I am so behind in everything. I know at 19 I'm still young but I have friends who are starting to get engaged, graduate, move out.. and I feel like I am so far from that! I am currently taking my studies part time so I can work and I don't even know what year I am going to graduate in. Hopefully 2014? I pay for most of my tuition fees but I don't have anything close to a decent savings account. In fact I am quite in debt!

I will be a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding this summer. She is 20 and her fiancee is 25. He already has a full time job and apartment. She'll be moving in with him after the wedding and they are already planning for kids! I don't feel at all ready for that yet... I'm still trying to sort my own life out.

I'm afraid I'm terribly behind in "growing up" and starting my "real life". Please tell me I'm not the only one who has felt like this!

Well, in order of the questions asked....I graduated college right after my 26th birthday. I did feel a tad behind when I first started my job, but after one promotion, I was at a level where people were 23-40 and it didn't seem so bad.

I got married at 18...DH joined the Army, and was away, so I stayed with my parents another 6 months, so didn't move out until 19.

I guess I started my first real full time job (after college) at 26, but I had my first job at 15. I also had a really good government work study job my senior year of high school. That was when I started my savings account, at 16.

We did start young- had the kids at 19, 21, and then didn't have #3 until 30. But we are not the norm. You have so much time to figure this all out as far as relationships, marriage, kids, etc.

Now, for the college and financial part, each person is different, but I think there is definitely a benefit to just getting it all out of the way as soon as possible, full time, without working many hours. It really does pay off in the end. I wish I hadn't dragged it out, but considering I had 2 little kids for most of the time I was in college, I guess I didn't graduate too late in life.

Good luck to you, and have fun while you're young!!!!

 

[NHdisneylover]

Gosh at 19 I was still living on my parent's dime while attending college (earned my own money for incidentals from a part time job--and made darn sure I kept my scholarship that paid half of tuition, but they did pay the otehr half, books and dorm). I think 3-5 years after graduating to be sort of "halfway grown up" (not really a kid, but not totally on your own) is a really good thinkg. Rushing into being an adult often results in train wrecks down teh raod (so does not wanting to grow up at all--middle ground is usually a good thing).

Once I finished school (at 22) I do think I was pretty much a full fledged adult. I was paying all my own bills within a month. Shortly after I turned 23 I got married (Dh was also 23 at the time--we had dated a little more than 4 years), we moved to another state, bought a house and had our daughter within the year (DD is a honeymoon baby--wasn't a shotgun wedding I promise). We had our educations and had had time to spread our wings slowly during college and were ready to be completly independent at that point.

 

[emma'smom]

Looking back, I considered myself an full-fledged adult at 22---when I graduated from college, moved out of my parents home to move to a new city where I had a job, started working full-time and paying for my own graduate school tuition.

I think your an adult when you support yourself (ie. You don't need other adults to assure your well-being for basic needs).

Here's my timeline:
18-22- College
22- Full Time Job and Graduate School
24- Married
26- First Graduate Degree
30- First Child and Bought Home (lived in NYC or might have done this earlier)
30-Major Career Move to start my "real career"
33- Second Child
34- Second Graduate Degree
36- Major Career Promotion

I think most of my 20's was spent "getting ready" for what I perceived to be "real life". 20's was about finishing college, graduate school, and getting my foundational career experiences.

30's so far has been about "living" what I perceived to be "real life" (relocating, home-ownership, raising children, career, etc)

 

[Cindy B]

17. Moved out the parents house, had an apartment and a full time job with benefits. I also went to college part time after work.

Prior to 17, I was paying my own clothing, car, car insurance, school expenses (prom, senior trip, etc) portion of electricity/food and such while still in high school -- so at least that with my own apartment I got freedom with that.

I worked 3 jobs in high school as well as going to class.

I got engaged at 19, married at 20. Still married 18 years later. I had my first child at just turned 24 and 27.

Since i was doing so much so young, I did put school off for a while. I just graduated with dual Bachelors degrees last year (2008)-- and I was 38.

 

[PatsGirl]

The fact that you are thinking about what makes an "adult life" tells me you may be light years ahead of most kids your age Don't sweat rushing into all that maturity,it's overrated

For myself, I moved out at 16 1/2, graduated high school at 18, toured cross country at 19, got an AA in Accounting degree at 22 and built my home the same year, backpacked Europe at 24, married at 30, divorced at 31, and had my kids at 32 and 39 and got my Bachelors in adolescent psych at 43 and still wondering what I want to be when I grow up...

Now I'm old

 

[Desnik]

I had a full time job at 17. That was when I graduated high school, never went to college. Moved out of my parents house at 19. I was married at 21, had a baby at 22. To answer your question more specifically, I felt I was an adult at age 16. I was working, going to school and fending for myself. I was in a lot of "adult situations" as a kid and grew up really fast.

Trust me you are not behind, I was way ahead!LOL Seriously out of all our friends we were the only ones to get married and have a baby at such a young age. I am now 33 and DH is 37 and all of our friends are recently married or just starting to have kids. There is no "right" way to do things. You just do them in the order you feel comfortable when the time is right. Enjoy your youth!

 

[bicker]

How old were you when your "adult life" started? I've been thinking about this lately. I know there are a few big milestones that kind of separate that young-adult-transitional stage to the actual "adult" stage ...

You outlined some of the milestones that are essentially milestones of accomplishment. There are another set of milestones, I'd argue more significant, that are milestones of concern. It has only been the last couple of years, as I approach 50, that I've realized some of those more critical milestones. My mother passed away last year (and my final grandparent passed away this morning, which probably is coloring a bit of my perspective today). There is no bigger milestone, I feel, than losing a parent (either to the mysteries of death or to infirmity). Although, thankfully, my father is still alive, I know in my heart that there is yet-another major milestone of concern, when you lose your other parent, when you are essentially (not alone in the world but) among those that the younger generations look to as the elders, with no one for you to look for as an elder.

Another milestones of concern is your first utter failure, when there is no one who can or does save you from it, if it predates the loss of your parents. (I put that conditional "if it predates" in because if it doesn't happen until afterward, I think it is just noise, underneath the far stronger reality of losing a parent.)

Having a child is another major milestone. This is far more important than incurring the debt of a mortgage or any other such worldly concerns. Having a child incurs moral responsibilities that transcend comparison to buying a car or house.

Actually, though, it isn't the actual having of the child that is the milestone, but rather the internalization of that responsibility. Indeed, that applies to all of these things: It isn't the event that matters. Some people can let such events just wash over them without it having impact. It is when you allow these events to have impact on you that these events matter.

For example, getting married isn't really significant, in the context of the issue you raised, until you think of it as more than just an accomplishment and more than just a happy reality. It is when you internalize the moral obligations, and when you acknowledge and honor the implied and expressed commitments -- that's when it matters.

Anyway, with regard to what I consider the more petty milestones:

17-20 - College
21-22 - Graduate School
22- Full Time Job
30- Married
34- Career change; starting over
45- Death of mother

 

[MdmMim]

For me:
Left home on my 18th birthday, no job, no place to live, $40 in my pocket. Never looked back. (Had always planned to leave on this day.)

This was the start of my adult life.

 

[apirateslifeforme]

Well, I will admit to being an "old child." I am 35, jobless, and I live with my mother...

I went to college from ages 18 to 23. I attended community college for 2 years, then transferred, but not all of my credits went with me, so I had to do an extra year. While in college, I held a full-time job at JCPenney. The September after I graduated, I found another full-time job, in an office. I was laid off and changed companies once, and I worked full-time until I was laid off in February.

I was married at age 24 and that was also when I moved out for the first time. My husband was abusive, however, and after 4 marriage counselors, we separated in July 2006 and finalized the divorce in February 2007. I did live alone from July '06 until October '07 and I LOVED it.

Now, the reason I live with my mother...I grew up with her and my grandparents. My grandfather died in 1998, so it was just Mum and Gram. My mother lost her 27-year job in 2005. She spent 2006 back in school, studying for a brand-new career. Just as she graduated, Gram was diagnosed with kidney failure. Since Mum was now a registered medical assistant, she put her job search on hold to take care of Gram. Gram died in July 2007. So...now Mum is alone and jobless, her unemployment had run out, living alone in this big 4-bedroom house...I was divorced and living 30 minutes away from my job and still paying off my ex's debt that he left to me (long story)...so it seemed natural to move back home to help each other out. And it's been a godsend. Mum does have a job, but now with me being unemployed...I myself am back in school now and searching for a job. I do still pay my share of the bills, though.

I have a wonderful boyfriend now and we are planning on marriage and kids. As soon as I get back on my feet, I'm positive that things are going to happen!

 

[ZephyrHawk]

Errr....I'm 30 and I still don't feel like I'm an adult. I'm certainly not where I expected to be in my life (per my personal life plan) at this stage. Maybe when I have kids things wiull change. For now, I still feel weird when people call me ma'am.

 

[DVC Sadie]

You outlined some of the milestones that are essentially milestones of accomplishment. There are another set of milestones, I'd argue more significant, that are milestones of concern. It has only been the last couple of years, as I approach 50, that I've realized some of those more critical milestones. My mother passed away last year (and my final grandparent passed away this morning, which probably is coloring a bit of my perspective today). There is no bigger milestone, I feel, than losing a parent (either to the mysteries of death or to infirmity). Although, thankfully, my father is still alive, I know in my heart that there is yet-another major milestone of concern, when you lose your other parent, when you are essentially (not alone in the world but) among those that the younger generations look to as the elders, with no one for you to look for as an elder.

Another milestones of concern is your first utter failure, when there is no one who can or does save you from it, if it predates the loss of your parents. (I put that conditional "if it predates" in because if it doesn't happen until afterward, I think it is just noise, underneath the far stronger reality of losing a parent.)

Having a child is another major milestone. This is far more important than incurring the debt of a mortgage or any other such worldly concerns. Having a child incurs moral responsibilities that transcend comparison to buying a car or house.

Actually, though, it isn't the actual having of the child that is the milestone, but rather the internalization of that responsibility. Indeed, that applies to all of these things: It isn't the event that matters. Some people can let such events just wash over them without it having impact. It is when you allow these events to have impact on you that these events matter.

For example, getting married isn't really significant, in the context of the issue you raised, until you think of it as more than just an accomplishment and more than just a happy reality. It is when you internalize the moral obligations, and when you acknowledge and honor the implied and expressed commitments -- that's when it matters.


bicker, I am so sorry for your loss and I have to agree that your post is the way I measure the milestones of my life.

 

[Rora]

I was 22 when I graduate from Grad school.

I moved out of my parents house when I was 18. Instead of living on campus, I lived with my then-boyfriend, now fiance, to my parents horror then.

I had a full time job when I was 22.

I had a savings account when I was 18.

OP- please don't worry!! You are young and have SO much time! Do not rush anything. I know it stinks when people tell you just to enjoy it because you want to grow up, feel like you're an adult, etc but let me tell you, it's not always that fun. Once you're an "adult", you're an "adult" for the rest of your life. I can't give you advice but I do want to give you a big and tell you to not worry!!

 

[ckay87]

Adulthood hit me like a ton of bricks when I found myself married and pregnant at 23. Too young, I admit, but he and I stepped up to the plate and have done well for ourselves and our family.

This year I turn 40 and I find myself regressing, though. I'll be celebrating my 40th with a keg party with my girlfriends, just to give you an idea of what I mean