how old to use bathrooms alone?

[trennr]

Okay then - does your DW?

I think you need to re-read my original post and see what was said and not what you think was said.

 

[txloopnlil]

This is always such a hot topic on the boards. I'm sure the OP had no idea what they were getting into asking this question.

Personally, I have yet to send my DS 6 alone into a large public restroom. However, I almost always have my DH with me to go with him. I let him go alone in single bathrooms or small restrooms in a trusted place, like church (but I wait outside).

Sorry - didn't know it was a hot button. I tried to search on the topic and it didn't return anything.

Part of my reason for asking is that at a recent birthday party at Chuck E Cheese, another mother present made a comment about me taking the boys to the restroom along the lines of "aren't they old enough to go by themselves now?" and I noticed other children going by themselves as well. The boys heard the comment of the other woman, and saw other boys going alone, and it has escalated their "but we are big boys now" whine. One of my boys probably looks more like a 6 year old, so she may have just thought they were older than they actually are.

Their dad unfortunately lives out on a ranch (yes we are from TX) and I had quite the time when they were younger trying to explain to them why they couldn't just pee on the grass, when they where playing outside instead of coming inside - especially since Dad did it!

I didn't know if I would go to Disney and find little ones going alone there as well. I imagined the restrooms there are like at malls and stadiums, and it will be a good while before I let them go alone where there are large numbers of strangers, but didn't know if there were "family" bathrooms present either. I love those!

 

[cinderwannabe]

OP- I think that just like with anything when it comes to parenting, you need to do whats right for you and don't let anybody tell you different. If it doesn't feel "right" then you know it is not. I consider myself sort of overprotective when it comes to my DD(8). I hear from her all the time that other children's parents let their kids do something or don't make them do something else. I explain to her that everyone has different ideas of what is right. Everytime something like this comes up I do explain the "why" behind it. If this (the bathroom situation) became an issue for us I would tell my DD that sometimes there are people who may want to do not nice things and I am uncomfortable sending her in alone. It may be a harsh reality but it is the reality that we live in today.

 

[MasterChief]

Use the "Companion" restrooms.

Here is the listing: http://allears.net/pl/restrooms.htm

 

[mjkacmom]

Okay then - does your DW?

Okay, reread it - you are uncomfortable sending them along, but do anyway? Or you are uncomfortable sending them alone, so you send them with your DW? Sorry, you didn't specify.

 

[livndisney]

When in doubt seek the family restrooms out

Found this thread with a listing:
http://www.disboards.com/showpost.php?p=29913567&postcount=3

Disney does not have family restrooms. The restrooms listed on there are listed in the "Disney Guide for Disabilities". They are companion restrooms.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I'm curious why people think "busy" is bad when it comes to restrooms.

I guess it's the city girl in me, but I'm much more comfortable with DS (whose almost 10 and has been going in the restroom alone for a while, not sure I remember how long) in a busy place, than a secluded one.

My biggest fear is him being alone with an abuser. The one person restrooms are my favorite, and I let him do those from about 4. But my next favorite is restrooms with lots of people. If there's 4 different men (e.g. not people who came together) in the restroom, a couple of whom have kids on their own, I feel much safer -- what are the odds that they're all dangerous?

OP, one thing I'll say with my DS is that generally when he's ready for something I know -- it's intuitive. If you're asking then you probably don't have that intuitive sense that they are ready. If you're like me then one day you'll find yourself standing outside the men's room and realize that taking them in the ladies feels absurd, and you'll tell them to go ahead on their own.

 

[smkiya]

Personally I'm hugely paranoid, and worst case scenario is usually my first thought. I would be comfortable with an 8 year old boy in a woman's bathroom and if he gave me a hard time about it, I could live with that. I couldn't live with the worst case scenario some unfortunate families have to face. After age 9 (depending on maturity), I might scope out a family who was headed to the bathroom and ask if the father could just keep an eye on him for me. Of course I'd be waiting by the door, but even that makes me a little nervous. I also have no problem walking into the men's room to retrieve my child if it has been more than a couple minutes. There's nothing in there that none of us hasn't seen before (and as an RN I've seen it all). I'm sure most men would understand the reason for the intrusion anyway.

 

[all4fun]

No I won't send my ds (5) into a restroom alone at WDW but that is me. On our last trip, I've been fortunate that dh was able to always take him into the mens room with him but I would have had no qualms about taking him into a ladies room with me if needed. I also agree with other posters that say a restroom at WDW is a lot different than sending them alone at school, which is a much more controlled environment. It is clearly just not the same thing.

In addition to what has already been said, the WDW restrooms often have two entrances so you could be "guarding" one entrance while your dc walks out the other. There is a little too much to leave up to chance IMO.

No one will look at you askance for bringing a 5yr old boy into the ladies room, but if you must, use the companion restrooms. Just keep in mind there are only a handful of these restrooms throughout the parks and they are designed for people with disabilities (ie raised toilets), that require assistance from another adult (sometimes of the opposite gender). Just something to be aware of if you're using one and someone knocks on the door. They may have an urgent need and not be able to use the regular HC stalls for a variety of reasons. (Just FYI)

 

[princessmom29]

1] Learn to read.
2] Apparently you've never been in a mens public restroom.

I still maintain that it is odd to worry about sending your 14 year old to the restroom alone. At this age they should be more than fine. No need to worry aobut them. Oh and by the way I CAN read. I got what you said the first time and i stil say WOW. I just can't see being concerned about a 14 year old's ability to use a public restroom alone without incident.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I'm curious why people think "busy" is bad when it comes to restrooms.

I guess it's the city girl in me, but I'm much more comfortable with DS (whose almost 10 and has been going in the restroom alone for a while, not sure I remember how long) in a busy place, than a secluded one.

My biggest fear is him being alone with an abuser. The one person restrooms are my favorite, and I let him do those from about 4. But my next favorite is restrooms with lots of people. If there's 4 different men (e.g. not people who came together) in the restroom, a couple of whom have kids on their own, I feel much safer -- what are the odds that they're all dangerous?

OP, one thing I'll say with my DS is that generally when he's ready for something I know -- it's intuitive. If you're asking then you probably don't have that intuitive sense that they are ready. If you're like me then one day you'll find yourself standing outside the men's room and realize that taking them in the ladies feels absurd, and you'll tell them to go ahead on their own.

I agree with you. The whole "safety in numbers" thing seems to apply here. It is much more likely someone would try something in an isolated and out of the way restroom than a super busy WDW one.

Personally I try to keep things in perspective. Even though feelings of worry are stronger when DS goes into a restroom than when he gets in the car I know the odds of him being harmed (even while buckeled in and witha safe driver behind the wheel) on the drive to the parks, or wherever are substantially higher than the odds of him being harmed while using the restroom. So, if I am willing to put him in the car, and he can handle it I feel he hsould be using the restroom on his own and working his way towards being an idependent being--which comes all to fast but needsto come, ya know.

All that said, DS has been using restrooms at WDW without always having his dad with him since he was 5. I did make sure to point out to him before he owuld go in that some had multiple exits and he needed to pay attention to where he went in and then come back out the same way. He's 10 now and has been going solo everywhere for 3-4 years.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

Personally I try to keep things in perspective. Even though feelings of worry are stronger when DS goes into a restroom than when he gets in the car I know the odds of him being harmed (even while buckeled in and witha safe driver behind the wheel) on the drive to the parks, or wherever are substantially higher than the odds of him being harmed while using the restroom. So, if I am willing to put him in the car, and he can handle it I feel he hsould be using the restroom on his own and working his way towards being an idependent being--which comes all to fast but needsto come, ya know.
.

Ummm, I put my son in the car for the first time when he was 16 days old -- on the way home from the adoption agency. I'm pretty sure he wasn't ready to use the bathroom by himself then (or maybe I'm just a helicopter mom).

I hear what you're saying, that we way overstate the risks of "stranger danger" in this country, and that comparitively speaking it's a really low risk. I agree 100%. At the same time, I also think it's our responsibility to reduce risks when it's feasible to do so. So, while sending my 5 year old in the men's room might be relatively safe, taking him with me is just as easy and safer. On the other hand, while buckling my 5 year old in the car (with airbags, and a safe driver, and an appropriate child restraint device) is pretty safe, it's also the safest of the available options since walking is statistically less safe per mile, and leaving him home alone while I go grocery shopping is least safe at all.

 

[smkiya]

I hear what you're saying, that we way overstate the risks of "stranger danger" in this country, and that comparitively speaking it's a really low risk. I agree 100%. At the same time, I also think it's our responsibility to reduce risks when it's feasible to do so. So, while sending my 5 year old in the men's room might be relatively safe, taking him with me is just as easy and safer.

Predators don't just attack anyone, anywhere. They prey on the vulnerable, and unprepared. The risk is lower for those who do reduce their risk, but for those who don't their risk goes up. The key is to use your intuition, your knowledge of potential dangers and what you can do to protect yourself from them, and knowing what to do when you find yourself in an unsafe situation. When my child understands how to put these principles into action, I will feel more comfortable allowing them to use the restroom alone.

 

[dizmom2]

Just to add one thing that I don't think has been mentioned, I think this is sometimes a tougher issue for parents of boys. The sad truth is that more pedophiles and other criminals that prey on children are men, and a men's bathroom might therefore seem like a more intimidating environment than a ladies' room, which is full of not only women but many mothers who have similar worries. I have girls, and I would not have a problem with a typical boy below age 10 or so in the ladies' room, just because I think I would struggle with this dilemma if I had sons too.

I guess we all just do the best we can to find the happy medium between giving our kids healthy independence and protecting them from preventable danger.

 

[Twoboysnmygirl]

she didn't say that she still takes her 14 year old to the bathroom. She said it makes her nervous. And you know what, it's ok to be nervous when it comes to your kids

I agree with this. My boys are 13 & 14 and ever since they were too old to go in the girls room with me they have gone together. Buddy system worked for us!

I do still occasionally get nervous if they go alone in a strange place and I see a man go in behind them. YOU BET. I don't go stand by the door and yes, they are old enough to start dealing with these things, but I'm a mom and getting nervous is different than not letting them go. I know way too many men that were sexually abused or assaulted when they were children(by other men). FAR too many. It's a shame b/c ignorance is bliss sometimes. I would rather not know.

 

[mjmoon]

Well I full on intended to keep my boys coming into the ladies room with me until they were 8 or so but I learned on our trip to Disney last month that wasn't going to be an option for me. Apparently at preschool my 5 YO learned that boys have boys rooms and girls have girls rooms and it is completely unacceptable for boys to go in the bathroom for girls. You should have seen me trying to drag him into the ladies room with me. He wouldn't go in and when I picked him up and carried him in he refused to do his business. When we exited he ran into the mens room because he really had to go...

So, while I'll remain vigilant and send daddy with him whenever humanly possible.. I think the days of bringing him with me in the ladies room are over.

 

[WantToGoNow]

While I think 7-8 year olds belong in the men's room (I have a 7 year old ds who would go all day without peeing if his option was the ladies room), a 5 year old is very young and should probably go with you. I have a 5 year old dd and she pretty much handles what she needs to do by herself - but occassionally she needs a little bit of help getting clean if you know what I mean.

 

[nessz79]

Just to add one thing that I don't think has been mentioned, I think this is sometimes a tougher issue for parents of boys. The sad truth is that more pedophiles and other criminals that prey on children are men, and a men's bathroom might therefore seem like a more intimidating environment than a ladies' room, which is full of not only women but many mothers who have similar worries. I have girls, and I would not have a problem with a typical boy below age 10 or so in the ladies' room, just because I think I would struggle with this dilemma if I had sons too.

I guess we all just do the best we can to find the happy medium between giving our kids healthy independence and protecting them from preventable danger.

I think that's a good point.

 

[mjkacmom]

Just to add one thing that I don't think has been mentioned, I think this is sometimes a tougher issue for parents of boys. The sad truth is that more pedophiles and other criminals that prey on children are men, and a men's bathroom might therefore seem like a more intimidating environment than a ladies' room, which is full of not only women but many mothers who have similar worries. I have girls, and I would not have a problem with a typical boy below age 10 or so in the ladies' room, just because I think I would struggle with this dilemma if I had sons too.

I guess we all just do the best we can to find the happy medium between giving our kids healthy independence and protecting them from preventable danger.

Well, I have 2 boys, and I think anyone over the age of 7 can handle the men's room.

 

[chloe770]

I let DS 5 go to the bathroom in Cyrstal Palace by himself this past Sept. but ONLY because it was an emergency. The line for the ladies room was really long (as usual) and the mens bathroom was almost empty. DS would have pee'd himself had I not let him go in by himself. He did call out to me that he couldn't reach the sink to wash his hand, but a male cast member was standing there and helped him. Since then he has asked to go by himself a fews times. I only let him if I can kinda see in or I know the bathroom is empty.