How old to date?

[HunnyPots]

There is no way in the world that my 14 year old would ever be allowed to date an 18 year old. I don't understand what an 18 year old would see in a 14 year old.

I know exactly what an 18 would see in a 14 year old - opportunity!

 

[Rora]

How old did your girl have to be before allowed to go out with a boy (in a group)?
I was probably 11 or 12.

How old did she have to be before allowed to go out with a boy alone together? Probably about 14.. my parents knew my boyfriend (my now fiance) so I was allowed to date alone earlier than most girls probably.

How old did she have to be before allowed to get rides home from school in a teenaged friend's car (female friend)? If my parents knew the girl pretty well, sophomore.. If not probably when I was 16.

How old did she have to be before allowed to ride around in a boyfriend's car? 16.. but again, my parents knew my boyfriend

If she goes out for a little while on a school night, what time does she have to be home? How about on a weekened night? 8pm on school nights, weekend depended: freshman year, I didn't really go out. Sophomore year: 10 pm, Junior: 11 (legal curfew), and Senior year was 1am.

I'm not a mom yet but I can tell you what I did. Maybe my situation was different since my parents knew my boyfriend.. I don't know.

 

[tinkntraining]

My daughter (13) just got her first boyfriend a couple of weeks ago. She had such high expectations that they were going to be going on real dates on weekends -- out to dinner, to the movies. Oh hell no! I set her straight very quickly.

At her age, I think the concept of boyfriend should be that they talk before school, in the hallways, during assemblies, and at the occasional dance (middle school dances are very appropriately supervised). Maybe around the age of 15, she can go out with a group to the movies or other social event. Then at 16, she can go on a proper date, alone in the car.

But she can't have sex until she's 30. My DH set down that law.

We must be married to the same man, lol Our thoughts, exactly!
My girls are 14 and 13 (Freshman in HS and 7th grader) -- they've both had "boyfriends" which I understand now means, boy pokes girl in ribs, sends note thru friend asking girl if she wants to "go out" and poof! They are officially "going out". That's it. No dates, no kisses, no phone calls, no emails....just the title that "we're going out". The first time it came up, I showed my age by saying, "going out where -- I don't think so!!" Now I get it.

As far as "dating" -- not gonna happen until they're 16. I used to be a teenage girl and their dad used to be a teenage boy. Our memories may be a little faulty, but we sure remember what real, unsupervised dates can lead to.....
but at the same time, I don't want my girls going away to college with no experience with boys/men.....that's just setting them up for trouble, IMHO. By 16, I hope they will be more mature, self confident and have a good grasp between right and wrong. And Dad will threaten to shoot the boys just in case they don't.....

 

[MushyMushy]

There is no way in the world that my 14 year old would ever be allowed to date an 18 year old. I don't understand what an 18 year old would see in a 14 year old.

Oh that's okay -- wanna hear a creepy one? A long time ago I was going out with this guy and one of his friends was in his 30s. This friend was in a long term relationship with a girl who was only like 20. He'd been with her for 10 years.

You do the math.

 

[tinkntraining]

Oh that's okay -- wanna hear a creepy one? A long time ago I was going out with this guy and one of his friends was in his 30s. This friend was in a long term relationship with a girl who was only like 20. He'd been with her for 10 years.

You do the math.

 

[MushyMushy]

Yeah. And the realization didn't come all at once to me either. I knew he was in a long-term relationship. I knew the girl was younger. Then eventually found out her real age. Then eventually found out how long they were together.

Apparently the parents were okay with it because they were "platonic" at first. Yeeeeahhh. Who wouldn't be okay with their 10 year old being all buddy-buddy with a grown man?

 

[NVDisMom]

We must be married to the same man, lol Our thoughts, exactly!
My girls are 14 and 13 (Freshman in HS and 7th grader) -- they've both had "boyfriends" which I understand now means, boy pokes girl in ribs, sends note thru friend asking girl if she wants to "go out" and poof! They are officially "going out". That's it. No dates, no kisses, no phone calls, no emails....just the title that "we're going out". The first time it came up, I showed my age by saying, "going out where -- I don't think so!!" Now I get it.

As far as "dating" -- not gonna happen until they're 16. I used to be a teenage girl and their dad used to be a teenage boy. Our memories may be a little faulty, but we sure remember what real, unsupervised dates can lead to.....
but at the same time, I don't want my girls going away to college with no experience with boys/men.....that's just setting them up for trouble, IMHO. By 16, I hope they will be more mature, self confident and have a good grasp between right and wrong. And Dad will threaten to shoot the boys just in case they don't.....

This same man is VERY busy, he lives in this house too and has two girls 9 and 11. DD11 is in middle school now. We are just barely letting her spend time at friends houses after school (with parents present) without coming home first. They have been told they can go on group outings including boys beginning in 8th grade, no one on one dating until 16+. No kissing until 16 and no sex until 30. Sex goes with marriage and marriage isn't allowed until 30. Do I really believe they will follow these rules? No, but my values have been voiced and they will be reinforced. I can control the group and single date rules, so those will be more closely followed. They won't have any other choice!

 

[EMom]

This is going to be a hard issue for us, since my mother lost her mind and broke all her rules when it came time for me to date. The rule had always been no dating until 16. In my family, if my parents said it, they meant it, so we didn't bug the crap out of them to change their minds. We just knew that if it was a rule, we might as well shut up and accept it. I had several older siblings and all had lived under the no dates until 16 rule. It was law. I never thought to question it.

The summer I was 13, a boy developed a mad crush on me. I lived in the sticks , but at 16 he had 2 cars and a motorcycle and he could just drive on over. And he did. All the time. To be fair, I looked nothing like a 13 year old. Let's just say puberty hit way early and with a vengeance. I was bright, could have skipped grades, was raised as a much younger sibling around older people, etc. In other words, I didn't really act my age either, so people never took me for 13.

Anyway, said boy just kept showing up to visit. Having lived in the sticks all her life, my mother was used to seclusion and privacy and him just hanging around became a hindance to her running outside in her nightgown to bring in the laundry. Why not just run him off, you ask? Because he was just too nice.....My parents adored him. They didn't want to hurt his feelings. He'd been asking me to go to the movies, out to eat, etc., and I'd always said, "I can't date until I'm 16. I'm not going to ask them because I already know the answer. It will just irritate them if I ask."

One day, my mother had enough. She was exasperated and without thinking, said, "Can't you and that boy just leave and go somewhere? Like a movie or something?" I thought I had heard wrong so I asked her to repeat it and she did. I said, "But that would be.......like a date!" She muttered something and said for us to just go.

I walked outside, looking like I'd just been whacked upside the head and told him the news. And off we went to the movies. Once Pandora's box was opened, she really couldn't close it. Even then, I wondered what in the world she was thinking. My siblings were stunned....and miffed.

As for boys taking advantage, I had the best birth control in the county. I soon found out my father's reputation preceded him and it seems every boy within a 50 mile radius was warned by his father or grandfather to never mess with me. I don't know exactly what they were told, but it worked.

My curfew was probably 9:00 on a school night until 16, then I probably got a bump to 10:00......but we're insomniacs, so no one would be in bed by 10:00. One weekends, it was probably about the same for under 16, but once I turned 16, on weekends it slowly worked its way from 11:00-12:00. I do remember now that until about 16, my mother would give us 30 minutes to get home after the movie was over, so it wasn't a set time, but it was based on when the movie ended and we couldn't go to the late movie.

As for rides home from school, we lived in a small rural town and lots of kids got cars before they had a license. Freshman year. It was common for everyone to ride home with anyone from school anytime after 6th grade. But that's a small town where everyone knows everyone else and their parents. A whole different world.

With our DD, I will not lose my mind. Her father started dating very late, so we will average our starting ages and go with that. Seriously, the rules we set are ours. I got lucky because boys were scared crapless of my daddy. They will not be scared crapless of DH. Me maybe, but not DH. And here, we don't all know everyone else. And if our kid does wrong, we're not going to get a phone call from a neighbor ratting her out like my parents did.

I think 9th grade is good for group activites and 16 for dating alone. We can live with that. So long as she has a tracking chip implanted.

 

[maelstrom]

There is no way in the world that my 14 year old would ever be allowed to date an 18 year old. I don't understand what an 18 year old would see in a 14 year old.

My high school boyfriend and I started dating when I was 15 and he was 18. We met when I was 14 and he was 17; I was a freshman and he was a senior. It's not all that weird for people between those ages to know each other and perhaps date, since they do go to school together.

 

[KAMLEM]

Oh that's okay -- wanna hear a creepy one? A long time ago I was going out with this guy and one of his friends was in his 30s. This friend was in a long term relationship with a girl who was only like 20. He'd been with her for 10 years.

You do the math.

That's just disgusting.

I know exactly what an 18 would see in a 14 year old - opportunity!

And that is the problem!

My high school boyfriend and I started dating when I was 15 and he was 18. We met when I was 14 and he was 17; I was a freshman and he was a senior. It's not all that weird for people between those ages to know each other and perhaps date, since they do go to school together.

You may not think it's weird, but it's not happening in my house.

 

[wellesleyprincess]

Well I'm only 21, but I'll answer based on my experience

How old did your girl have to be before allowed to go out with a boy (in a group)? 14 and a freshman in high school

How old did she have to be before allowed to go out with a boy alone together? 16 but only with two boys who my parents knew very well and they always had to talk to my parents first with clear directions as to where we were going, times, and give my parents their cell phone number

How old did she have to be before allowed to get rides home from school in a teenaged friend's car (female friend)? well, I rode home with my mom's best friend's daughter who was 18 months older than me starting at 14. I also carpooled with a friend junior and senior year.

How old did she have to be before allowed to ride around in a boyfriend's car? One of the two boys mentioned above. I was 16 and my parents knew both him and his parents very well.

If she goes out for a little while on a school night, what time does she have to be home? How about on a weekened night? The rule growing up in my house was curfew was the same as your grade in school on friday and saturday. Unless it was a school, club, or church function I wasn't allowed out on a weeknight.

I also want to point out that I never dated anyone my parents didn't know well until last year (age 20). My parents knew my close knit group of friends (which included the two boys I dated in high school) very well and we had all been friends since 7th grade.

 

[Alyssa88]

My Dad growled (literally) at any boy that came near me and my mom kept me busy enough not to notice I wasn't having fun, lol.

I am making up for it now.

 

[luvdzny]

DD, 19, was 13 when she had her first boyfriend. They went to football games and middle school dances together. Freshman year at the age of 15 she started dating a guy that she dated for 2 1/2 years. A couple of her friends were not allowed to date, but they would lie to their parents and do it anyway. She never had a curfew as long as we knew where she was and who she was with. She was 15 when she was allowed to ride in the car with her boyfriend. We gave her a lot of freedom and she was (and still is) always honest with us. It worked for us, at 19 she does not drink, smoke or do drugs and she is still a virgin.
When I was a teen my best friend had very strict parents. She was not allowed to date at all. I cannot count how many times she told her mom that she was with me when she was really out with a guy.

 

[TomLovesBecky]

Junior year of high school is old enough to go on dates, in my opinion. Will she be 16 soon?

 

[taximomfor4]

Junior year of high school is old enough to go on dates, in my opinion. Will she be 16 soon?

She will turn 16 right before her senior year starts (so, like, 10 months from now, lol).

 

[The Mystery Machine]

16 was our rule for pretty much most things. She did go in some cars for rides at 15.

She is 17 now and . Worked for us.

 

[TomLovesBecky]

She will turn 16 right before her senior year starts (so, like, 10 months from now, lol).

Wow she's a young junior then! I turned 16 right after I started junior year and was still one of the youngest in the class. I would say if she's at the maturity level and academic level to be in 11th grade then I would let her date with some clear rules in place. Our rule is 16, we are not quite there yet with our daughter, we do have an older son but he is not too interested in one-on-one dating and goes on group "dates" with a bunch of friends. I know he has had "girlfriends" before but has not been on any dates with them by themselves. He will be 17 next week (he's a junior too) so we'll see if he shows interest this school year. As for our girl I know she will be going on her first date the day after her 16th birthday, that's just how she is, boy crazy and will take advantage of her freedom from day 1. Hopefully responsibly or else my husband my have to nip it in the bud so he won't stroke out!

 

[Cindyluwho]

Our DD is 14 1/2 and just had her first date last weekend. By date, I mean they went to dinner and then to Homecoming with another couple. His father picked them up and delivered them back home. As they were leaving, I pulled the boy aside and said, "You can do whatever you want to my daughter tonight. Just remember, whatever you do to her, my husband gets to do to you when you bring her home." I tried to look my scariest when I said it but he just burst out laughing. My daughter said, "Yeah mom, that's NOT creepy!". Then we all laughed like crazy and they went and had a wonderful time!
Only group dates until she's at least 15 is our rule, but we've told our daughter that we'll revisit the rules at any time and make changes accordingly. Oh, and her date is 14 and a Freshman also.

 

[delmar411]

How old did your girl have to be before allowed to go out with a boy (in a group)? I was allowed starting in 7th grade

How old did she have to be before allowed to go out with a boy alone together?
7th grade

How old did she have to be before allowed to get rides home from school in a teenaged friend's car (female friend)? 9th grade

How old did she have to be before allowed to ride around in a boyfriend's car?
10th grade is when it came up and it wasn't a problem
If she goes out for a little while on a school night, what time does she have to be home? How about on a weekened night?
9pm or whenever I got off work once I started working, weekends it was 10pm at first then midnight once I was in 11th grade

Of course with my girls they are never going to be allowed out of the house! I know what they could be up to!

 

[golfgal]

Why is she 15 and a junior in high school. That is 2 years younger then her classmates-at least around here it would be. I would say that once they are in high school dating should be ok. It isn't so much an age vs a stage of life the way I see it.