How old is to old for baby??

[MEG&MINNIE]

I had my youngest at age 37 years old . My other two boys were 7 & 11 at the time . Now they are 18 & 21 and I have a wonderful DD who is 10 !!! I'll be 48 next month ...she keeps me young ! Go for it !!!

 

[belle&beast]

I know this may be a generalization from you, but I knew from the time I got married that I wanted about 4 kids, number 5 was the biggest suprise. It never even entered my mind to have more kids to help support my child with autism, nor did I think I could "make the mistake better". I think it is a bit harsh to judge a families personal choice as to how many kids they have with or without special needs children involed. If anything having more kids has just made my life more challenging having to worry about DS's outbursts and lack of understanding while juggling the other kids. But that is what makes my life interesting and fullfilling.
I am not trying to attack you personally I just wanted to point out that many may not see this to be true at all.

I NEVER called any child a mistake!!!! I was simply telling the OP about some families that I work with have made the choice to have larger families than they initially thought they would have because they wanted to be sure there were people to help take care of their children with special needs if the parents are someday unable. To me it is a wonderful gift to give any child a larger family. I think you took this the wrong way- I love children with special needs and have dedicated my career to working with them and their families. In that time I have gotten to know many families well and I was just sharing what I have learned. I'm sorry if I offended anyone, that was certainly not my intention.

 

[stephbillalec]

I NEVER called any child a mistake!!!! I was simply telling the OP about some families that I work with have made the choice to have larger families than they initially thought they would have because they wanted to be sure there were people to help take care of their children with special needs if the parents are someday unable. To me it is a wonderful gift to give any child a larger family. I think you took this the wrong way- I love children with special needs and have dedicated my career to working with them and their families. In that time I have gotten to know many families well and I was just sharing what I have learned. I'm sorry if I offended anyone, that was certainly not my intention.

Just wanted to add that I am a public school special education teacher and over the years I have seen the same thing that you mentioned ~ the families of special needs students having more children than they had originally "planned". I read your post exactly as you had intended.

 

[momto2girls]

I'm so glad to find this thread! I've been having the same dilemma. I'm 37 and trying to decide if I should have a third. I love reading all of these stories. They are inspiring me! I am pretty sure that I'm going to go for it!

 

[mom_of_5]

I NEVER called any child a mistake!!!! I was simply telling the OP about some families that I work with have made the choice to have larger families than they initially thought they would have because they wanted to be sure there were people to help take care of their children with special needs if the parents are someday unable. To me it is a wonderful gift to give any child a larger family. I think you took this the wrong way- I love children with special needs and have dedicated my career to working with them and their families. In that time I have gotten to know many families well and I was just sharing what I have learned. I'm sorry if I offended anyone, that was certainly not my intention.

I was not trying to attack you personally as stated in my reply and no you you never called a child a mistake. I have seen this so many times over the years from people and unless you have a special needs child you are an outsider looking in. I have never met another family who has said what you did about the size of their family, I just personally found it an outrageous presumption. You could say however I am overly senstive to the issue as well and that would be fair.
As to the original question of this thread, If you are feeling the need to fill your home with another child I say go for it. This is something too important for you to maybe regret someday.

 

[Debbie7452]

Here's a thread I can relate to! I just had my fourth child, 6 months ago, and I am 40. My other kids are 14, 12 and 8. It has been the greatest blessing of my life. My older kids, who I thought were going to feel majorly inconvenienced, adore the baby to pieces.

The pregnancy was not any harder but I am having more trouble losing the baby weight, darn this 40 year old metabolism!

I declined those "age related" tests because, for me, the results would not change anything. He turned out perfectly, thank goodness. He makes me feel young. I mean who has time to worry about wrinkles when your chasing a baby

Good Luck and good fortune whatever decision you make.

 

[shelly3girls]

I firmly believe that if you think you want another then you will most likely regret it if you don't have one. I thought were done but DH wanted more. After taking a 5 year break we had DS now almost 3 months. I got to a point where our family did not feel complete, like someone was missing.

 

[KATIESMOMMY]

I had my first at 36 and just gave birth to a beautiful little girl 7 weeks ago and I will be 39 in December. I had issues with both my pregnancies-pre-eclampsia with my first and complete placental previa with my second which caused her to be born premature, neither which the Dr contributed to my age. Let me add my DH was 43 when my oldest was born and is now 45. I honestly believe I am better mom and enjoy my kids being that I am older. I couldnt imagine life without!! But, we are also done,I am not having anymore........well maybe,lol

 

[mamacatnv]

Our kids are 9 years apart and we love it. DH wanted 5 until we had, he who never slept and only cried for what seemed like forever DS. We were cruising right along and I in my early 30's & DH was 40 when we decided to have another. DH is 9 years older than me and that was the bigger factor in our decision to have another.

We have found that we are not alone being "older" parents although we do have a lot of people that ask if they have the same fathers due to their age difference. It used to bother me but not anymore, whatever, people feel they have the right to ask all kinds of questions that are none of their business.

Follow your heart, do what is best for you and your family. Kids are not like puppies, in 20 years you can't all of a sudden decide that you really want that 1st, 2nd, 3rd etc child and just do it.

 

[lg3]

We had dd when I was 4 mo. shy of my 40th b'day. No problems at all with the pregnancy or delivery - She is a total joy to us. We had 2 miscarriages before her and one after. I am 43 now (and DH is 45), but we are still hoping for another if it is in God's plan. Quite frankly, I don't think I could have handled having children in my 20's or 30's. Only you know what is best for your family, but I would encourage you to be open minded about having another if you feel you can give 100%.

 

[D L and K's Mom]

We have 3 beautiful children DS 16, DD 15 and DD 3. Our oldest is a special needs child. He is a joy but it is hard sometimes as he needs a nurse etc. We were just finding out the details of DS illness when I oops found out I was pregnant with DD. We were scared but THRILLED. Well, again 3 years ago when I was in the hospital for a kidney stone.....so we thought. We were shocked to discover DD#2. we opted to not do any testing because for us no matter the outcome we knew we would continue the pregnancy. I have to say I don't know what we would do without our kids. They are all unique and speicial. I say go with your heart. If you and hubby want another go for it. Love is ageless.........

 

[lady_hlh]

The doctors told us that we couldn't have any so I was shocked and thrilled to find out that I was pregnant the day before my 40th B-Day. My SIL had her 4th at 42 while using birth control but they are now thrilled to have him. So if you want another one I think you should go for it.

 

[jaurban]

I had DD3 when I was 39 (an IVF baby) and DH was 55 at the time (but youthful!). She has been very heathy and thus far has no issues. So, go for it.

 

[barkley]

i don't think you're too old (heck i had my first at 33 and my second at 36), but i would caution you to consider the impact a baby will have on your home/family. it's not likely a 9 year old will ever hit a point where they will be 'buddies' with a sibling that much younger (my sibs are 6-16 years older than me and by the time i could play with them they did'nt want a much younger child hanging out with them)-and if you suspect your son has some medical issues that may impact his behaviour/social interaction you may find that the addition of a baby into the mix will compound the situation (it's hard enough going from being the 'onlie' for 9 years, if you have issues that may be worsened by the presence of an unpredictable, noisy addition to the family i would think it would be much harder).

 

[crisi]

Since you are concerned, you should talk to your OB/GYN. Maternal age contibutes to some birth defects, and I just read recently that father's age is a contributer to autism. But the VAST MAJORITY of older parents have perfectly healthy kids and its possible for birth defects to happen even if the parents are young. However, you should talk to a medical professional - in addition to birth defects, there are increased risks to you as you age. Weigh them and make a decision.

 

[badblackpug]

My friend had her 1st son at 25. Because of complications with his birth and a ruptured ectopic (tubal) pregnancy soon after she was told she would never have any more children. At 41 she got a bad case of the "stomach flu"...you guessed it...she had son #2 at 42 (with a 17 y/o at home) and son #3 at 43. Both are happy and healthy and the joy of her life!

 

[Alex2kMommy]

Since you are concerned, you should talk to your OB/GYN. Maternal age contibutes to some birth defects, and I just read recently that father's age is a contributer to autism. But the VAST MAJORITY of older parents have perfectly healthy kids and its possible for birth defects to happen even if the parents are young. However, you should talk to a medical professional - in addition to birth defects, there are increased risks to you as you age. Weigh them and make a decision.

Thank you, Crisi, that's exactly what I was going to add.

My DH and I waited a few years before trying to start a family, then went through years of various fertility treatments before having our first child at age 37. DH was satisfied with one child (he himself was an 'only'), but I yearned for another. We decided to leave it up to nature, and much to our surprise, DS2 arrived when I was 41.

We had extra risks and extra tests due to my age, but the risks are overblown by the media. Even at 45, I think the risks are something like a 1:33 chance of a problem. I know I am more patient than I would have been had I had children in my 20s, but I'm also less energetic. But I couldn't be more grateful and enthusiastic a parent, I would not trade if for the world!

I say if you and DH would like to, then do it! And if you have a doctor who is discouraging, find another doctor! My doctor and I went through 2 pregnancies together (her 2nd with my 1st, and her 3rd with my 2nd) and she's just a year or two younger than I am.

 

[mamacatnv]

i don't think you're too old (heck i had my first at 33 and my second at 36), but i would caution you to consider the impact a baby will have on your home/family. it's not likely a 9 year old will ever hit a point where they will be 'buddies' with a sibling that much younger (my sibs are 6-16 years older than me and by the time i could play with them they did'nt want a much younger child hanging out with them)-and if you suspect your son has some medical issues that may impact his behaviour/social interaction you may find that the addition of a baby into the mix will compound the situation (it's hard enough going from being the 'onlie' for 9 years, if you have issues that may be worsened by the presence of an unpredictable, noisy addition to the family i would think it would be much harder).

I don't totally agree, my kids are 9 years apart and they adore each other. My DS is a doting loving big brother who takes his sister everywhere willingly. My son was not resentful at all to loose his "only" status, he had wanted a baby for so long, I think he was more excited than we were. We did incorporate him into her life and her care so that he felt he was contributing and we never went thru a resentment phase.

At this point our bigger concern is DS going away to college, if he stays local no big deal, but if he chooses to go away, I think our DD will be devistated.

My brother and I are 8 1/2 months apart and until we were in our late teens we pretty much hated each other, didn't play together, had different friends etc......I don't think there is any way to assure that your children will be close and get along.

 

[Redbudlover]

My DIL had my lovely GD six months ago after an easy pregancy begun when she was 42 and beginning to experience perimenapause symptoms. First baby and had been on the pill for literally decades. She got pregnant the first month of trying. She and my DS who is the primary caretaker as he works from home are so thrilled and so happy with her. My DIL told me not long ago that she had no idea how much fun babies were! My gosh! Her DM and I had been gently pushing for the past five years for them to get preggie. I wanted so much for my son to have the happiness of fatherhood. You should see him today. I have never seen him so happy. My GD is beautiful, healthy and a very happy easy baby. Go for it if you want it. Babies are love.

 

[jennifer293]

My mom had my sis and I 10 1/2 years apart, and while we were small we did not really care too much for each other. I got married when she was 8 and I moved out of state, so I only got to see her maybe 3 times a year. When she was 11 we moved back to our hometown and we have been like best friends ever since. She is now 19 and lives in another town about 40 minutes from me, but I go visit and so does she and we talk on the phone at least once a day. (Thank god for free long distance on cell phones..LOL)....I say if you want it then go for it!!


Oh and let me add that we have another sister that is 2 years older than me and we never see her or talk to her. She tends not to want to come around unless she needs something, and she lives 15 minutes away. So the closer in age siblings don't always get along better than those spaced further apart!!!