How old is to old "BOYS" in ladies restroom?

[disneywalkers]

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/man-allegedly-takes-pictures-boy-bathroom-article-1.1431544

Well this is an example of the one that got caught, not the only one that has ever done such a thing.

It does make me wonder how often this happens, to both children and adults, and they didn't even realize it happened.

I think a poll would be great OP

Oh I just noticed that the article said picture of the boys. With and "S". Crazy.

 

[Gina-Gina-Bo-Bina]

Me personally, I would do my level best to seek out a family washroom so that we could answer the call of nature without the worries of who must use the facilities unattended. But I know that's not always possible, for whatever reason.

I have taken my DS into the ladies washroom with me many times when he was smaller, if DH was not with us. That said, I let him be the lead on when it was time to transition going into the men's washroom alone. By the time you start having the conversations that start out with "but Mom, I don't want to go into the girls washroom....I'm a BOY!" or "I can go into the men's washroom by myself, Mom!" then its time to send them into the guys side alone (with the proper reminders about what to do if he feels uncomfortable, unsafe, etc.). I think this readiness will vary widely depending on the independence level of the little fellow in question.

I do feel for you, OP. Its a tough transition to make and your comfort level will be sorely challenged. The maternal instinct is to protect, and letting them make this next step in growing up is hard. Have lots of conversations ..... LOTS ..... about what your young man should do if he runs into difficulty while in the washroom alone. And if it were me, for the first little while, I would have him stand outside the washroom door while the ladies tend to business, then switch up afterward (having you stand outside the men's room while he does his business). That way, you can call to him if he seems to be taking an unusually long time, or he can call to you (and have you able to answer and assist) if need be.

The double standard between raising boys and raising girls does sadden me a bit, though. Moms of little girls who never have to face the mom-and-son washroom dilemma will never understand the conflicting emotions associated with this situation. Yes, I understand how girls need their privacy protected in the washroom (I am female myself.....so I "get" that completely). And its wonderful that moms can accompany those young ladies into the washroom indefinitely with no fear of retribution. Yet.....the mothers of sons also need the comfort of mothering and protecting their kids, but its much, much harder to find that balance (this thread is a perfect example why). We're supposed to tell those little boys (and yes, at 7 and 8 they are still "little") to man up and do their thing at 5, 6 and 7. But if the tables were reversed and the 5, 6, 7, 8 year old girls were told to use the washroom on their own, without Mom or another responsibly (and safe) individual to accompany them, the alarm bells would be sounded and there would be a public outcry. The little guys are just as vulnerable, but yet the expectations (and the way the situation is viewed) are totally different than for the young ladies.

I had this conversation with a friend of mine who has three daughters, no sons. I asked her how she would feel if her 7 year old was made use the washroom completely alone at Disney World, each and every time. The answer was "no way in he**". And I understand completely. Because that little girl is still a little girl, and needs the safety and comfort of having her mom nearby. Many little boys (and their moms) need that, too.

 

[Betty Rohrer]

to pp, I get your point about mothers and sons but my question what is a father to do with his 6 year old daughter? it is a father-daughter trip no mom in the picture. how would you have him handle? do we have a double standard?

 

[Gina-Gina-Bo-Bina]

to pp, I get your point about mothers and sons but my question what is a father to do with his 6 year old daughter? it is a father-daughter trip no mom in the picture. how would you have him handle? do we have a double standard?

I will bet there will be far fewer folks who get all fussed up about the dad taking the 6 year old girl into the men's room (as I would expect him to do, assuming neither she or the father are not comfortable with her using the womens room alone). For a couple of reasons.....she's a girl (and society, on the whole, leans toward protecting females more than their male counterparts) and secondly, I would bet it happens less often. While I am not saying this isn't an issue that dads would find themselves faced with (I am sure it is, and not infrequently either), I bet the majority of cases are moms out with their sons (with no dad along) as compared to dads out with their daughters (with no mom present).

 

[Gracie09]

Me personally, I would do my level best to seek out a family washroom so that we could answer the call of nature without the worries of who must use the facilities unattended. But I know that's not always possible, for whatever reason. I have taken my DS into the ladies washroom with me many times when he was smaller, if DH was not with us. That said, I let him be the lead on when it was time to transition going into the men's washroom alone. By the time you start having the conversations that start out with "but Mom, I don't want to go into the girls washroom....I'm a BOY!" or "I can go into the men's washroom by myself, Mom!" then its time to send them into the guys side alone (with the proper reminders about what to do if he feels uncomfortable, unsafe, etc.). I think this readiness will vary widely depending on the independence level of the little fellow in question. I do feel for you, OP. Its a tough transition to make and your comfort level will be sorely challenged. The maternal instinct is to protect, and letting them make this next step in growing up is hard. Have lots of conversations ..... LOTS ..... about what your young man should do if he runs into difficulty while in the washroom alone. And if it were me, for the first little while, I would have him stand outside the washroom door while the ladies tend to business, then switch up afterward (having you stand outside the men's room while he does his business). That way, you can call to him if he seems to be taking an unusually long time, or he can call to you (and have you able to answer and assist) if need be. The double standard between raising boys and raising girls does sadden me a bit, though. Moms of little girls who never have to face the mom-and-son washroom dilemma will never understand the conflicting emotions associated with this situation. Yes, I understand how girls need their privacy protected in the washroom (I am female myself.....so I "get" that completely). And its wonderful that moms can accompany those young ladies into the washroom indefinitely with no fear of retribution. Yet.....the mothers of sons also need the comfort of mothering and protecting their kids, but its much, much harder to find that balance (this thread is a perfect example why). We're supposed to tell those little boys (and yes, at 7 and 8 they are still "little") to man up and do their thing at 5, 6 and 7. But if the tables were reversed and the 5, 6, 7, 8 year old girls were told to use the washroom on their own, without Mom or another responsibly (and safe) individual to accompany them, the alarm bells would be sounded and there would be a public outcry. The little guys are just as vulnerable, but yet the expectations (and the way the situation is viewed) are totally different than for the young ladies. I had this conversation with a friend of mine who has three daughters, no sons. I asked her how she would feel if her 7 year old was made use the washroom completely alone at Disney World, each and every time. The answer was "no way in he**". And I understand completely. Because that little girl is still a little girl, and needs the safety and comfort of having her mom nearby. Many little boys (and their moms) need that, too.

You're right there are absolutely no fathers who take their daughters out in the world by themselves and confront the bathroom issue.


The issue as I see it is people have this idea that they need to protect there children from everything. They don't give them a chance to explore or discover that they can do things on their own. I was told by someone on the dis that they would call cps on me ( how they would figure out where I was or my real name I don't know) because i said I would likely be ok with my kids walking one block to school by themselves when they were in kindergarten or first grade. You can literally see the school from the end of the driveway in my old house. Even look at car seats. The car seat I bought my older daughter converts to a high back booster. That's one of the reasons I bought it, also it was pink and my daughter wanted a pick one and it had cup holders and was on sale. As a car seat it has an 85 pound weight limit. As a booster it has a 120 pound weight limit. I have a niece in jr high that weighs less than that! I even read an article that they are considering doing away with the latch system in cars because it might fail in an accident with these high weight car seats. There has been no reports of it happening but it might. We protect against the might happens and the possibly could happens that we don't let kids grow up and learn by trial and error. Then we wonder why when they are adults they have problems making decisions or even moving out of the house.
Take your tween into the woman's room or don't, I don't really care. But bring them into the stall with you or all you're doing to giving yourself a false sense of security because in the time it takes you to pull up your pants and unlock the door to rescue your kid it's already too late.

 

[Gina-Gina-Bo-Bina]

You're right there are absolutely no fathers who take their daughters out in the world by themselves and confront the bathroom issue.

Take your tween into the woman's room or don't, I don't really care.

Did you not see my post immediately above yours?

I will bet there will be far fewer folks who get all fussed up about the dad taking the 6 year old girl into the men's room (as I would expect him to do, assuming neither she or the father are not comfortable with her using the womens room alone). For a couple of reasons.....she's a girl (and society, on the whole, leans toward protecting females more than their male counterparts) and secondly, I would bet it happens less often. While I am not saying this isn't an issue that dads would find themselves faced with (I am sure it is, and not infrequently either), I bet the majority of cases are moms out with their sons (with no dad along) as compared to dads out with their daughters (with no mom present).

I absolutely cannot class a 6, 7, 8 or 9 year old boy as a "tween". They are children.

 

[smiths02]

One incident out of the tens of millions of people that visit Disney each year. And in that case the parents obviously taught the boy what to do because they were able to identify and arrest the man in a matter of minutes.
Is one time one time too many, sure but in the scheme of things a child is far more likely to be molested or kidnapped by a person he or she knows than by a random stranger in a theme park. All this bringing Tween boys into the women's room does is give the mothers a false sense of security (and no one has answered how they would protect their child from behind a locked door with your pants down) and cause girls and some women who are in the appropriate restroom, to be uncomfortable or afraid. These boys go to the bathroom by themselves all the time at school, at home, on field trips, Disney which is populated mostly by families is where you are worried about them. Really. Because dollars to donuts is a father saw a kid looking uncomfortable in the men's room or saw anther man try something in a kid, he would do something.

An 8 year old is not a "tween." My son is 7 and we are transitioning to use of men's restrooms, so I imagine he will be on his own at 8 anyhow...but 8 isn't a tween.

Judge away, but I bring him in the stall with me. There is no looky-loo or bothering other people that way.

My problem isnt just safety, but also effective bathroom use. Looking where he pees, wiping well, washing hands well are still issues! Drives me and DH crazy.

 

[maxiesmom]

to pp, I get your point about mothers and sons but my question what is a father to do with his 6 year old daughter? it is a father-daughter trip no mom in the picture. how would you have him handle? do we have a double standard?

It is not that tough a thing really. They either take them into a family or companion restroom, or cover their daughter's eyes with their hands and take them into the mens room, if they feel their daughter is not able to use the womens room without help. But I think we are not giving kids enough credit. By age 5 or 6 most of them can handle using the appropriate restroom without help.

 

[LilyWDW]

Judge away, but I bring him in the stall with me. There is no looky-loo or bothering other people that way.

Actually, this is what I think all parents should do. If you want to bring your child into the incorrect bathroom, then they should go in the stall with you. If you don't feel comfortable with that, then they child is too old to be in the wrong bathroom.

 

[DopeyDame]

I will bet there will be far fewer folks who get all fussed up about the dad taking the 6 year old girl into the men's room (as I would expect him to do, assuming neither she or the father are not comfortable with her using the womens room alone). For a couple of reasons.....she's a girl (and society, on the whole, leans toward protecting females more than their male counterparts) and secondly, I would bet it happens less often. While I am not saying this isn't an issue that dads would find themselves faced with (I am sure it is, and not infrequently either), I bet the majority of cases are moms out with their sons (with no dad along) as compared to dads out with their daughters (with no mom present).

I actually think the double standard is exactly the opposite. (And there's even a really funny Bill Cosby skit about this!)
My DH is really freaked out about the thought of bringing our soon-to-be daughter into the men's room. He swear it just doesn't happen. Plus, there's the fact that activities are more out in the open in a men's room - at least everyone is doing their business in a private stall in the woman's room.

The worst that's going to happen bringing your 8year old boy into the ladies room is that you'll get some strange looks. I really think men would be pretty uncomfortable and mad (understandably!) if an 8 year old girl walked into the guys room while there were guys standing there peeing.

 

[jennylyn_b]

I actually think the double standard is exactly the opposite. (And there's even a really funny Bill Cosby skit about this!) My DH is really freaked out about the thought of bringing our soon-to-be daughter into the men's room. He swear it just doesn't happen. Plus, there's the fact that activities are more out in the open in a men's room - at least everyone is doing their business in a private stall in the woman's room. The worst that's going to happen bringing your 8year old boy into the ladies room is that you'll get some strange looks. I really think men would be pretty uncomfortable and mad (understandably!) if an 8 year old girl walked into the guys room while there were guys standing there peeing.

On our trip in May, my DH came out of the bathroom shaking his head and chuckling. We have a dd who was 2.5 at the time. Anyway, he said a dad had brought his dd into the restroom and she was 7-8 yrs old by his guess. He said he understood that but the dad went in the stall and the dd was just standing there watching all the men using the urinals. Some were very uncomfortable he said. He said he was lucky he was just washing his hands when she came in lol
So it does happen.
Bottom line for me is once kids are in school they need to be in their own gender bathroom or in the stall with their parent. Of course, special needs is an exception.

 

[SEA333]

We just came back from all 4 parks this past week, and everytime I walked into a bathroom, I laughed a little to myself because I kept thinking about these threads and how everyone fights with everyone...

Seriously, OP - there are very few restroooms in DW that do not have some type of vestibule or waiting area at the front of the womens bathroom - usually where the diaper changing area is, that is the PERFECT place for a boy between the ages of 5-10 to wait if the mom doesn't want him to stay out alone. If he is old enough to go to school, there is no reason that he cannot be instructed to wait in that area while mom goes to the bathroom. If he cannot do that, mom has bigger issues than bathrooms - she should work on listening skills and taking directions before taking her child to DW alone, but that's another whole story....

So, it's really easy to walk little junior to the bathroom stall (to avoid him peeking into the stalls on the way and way back), walk him back, and instruct him to wait in the vestibule area until mom is done. It really isn't a big deal.

Or....and I do this with my DD still, is wait for two stalls to open next to each other, then I always put my foot under the wall and she taps it with her foot. It's a little silly thing I started when she was about 3-4 years old and she wanted to go in her own stall but was still a little scared. She doesn't *really* need that reassurance since she was about that age, but it's now like a little tradition with us - I can see us doing that when she is an adult and we are out shopping together....just for fun. But for a boy in the ladies room, you could both enter adjacent stalls and use that as a code-worrd so that he knows that he cannot come out until you are done and you can be assured he is safe.

For me...my 7 year old usually goes in with his brother or dad, but there were times he went in the men's room alone and I was totally fine with that. To be an extra-good mom, I even asked him what he preferred - to go in by himself or with me. He picked by himself, so I just showed him where to wait if he got out before me. Not a big deal at all.

Have funnnn!!!!!

 

[dvczerfs]

hay..... another boys in the womens room thread!!!!

I love when the post start heading to what goes on in a mens room and how business is conducted.

I have not been in a womens restroom since I was little and don't really recall being in one. but let me fill you in on what goes on in a mens room. you can check with your husbands, fathers,grandfather,male coworkers and they will all tell you the same thing. there are rules in a mens room.

1. no talking. ( you can hear a pin drop)
2. eyes forward
3. no loitering

in todays restrooms in most public places there are urinal screens. ( google it) wdw restrooms have them in all there restrooms. unless you stand 5 feet away from the urinal, you couldn't see anything if you really wanted to.

in some countries there are female urinals. ( you can google that also I wont go into details here.)

when my dd who was three, I had to take her into the rest room in the mk. I explained the rules, we marched in, did what she had to do, stood at the sink, finished and walked out. never asked what, where, when or why. I only had to do it once thank god!

 

[Granny square]

hay..... another boys in the womens room thread!!!! I love when the post start heading to what goes on in a mens room and how business is conducted. I have not been in a womens restroom since I was little and don't really recall being in one. but let me fill you in on what goes on in a mens room. you can check with your husbands, fathers,grandfather,male coworkers and they will all tell you the same thing. there are rules in a mens room. 1. no talking. ( you can hear a pin drop) 2. eyes forward 3. no loitering in todays restrooms in most public places there are urinal screens. ( google it) wdw restrooms have them in all there restrooms. unless you stand 5 feet away from the urinal, you couldn't see anything if you really wanted to. in some countries there are female urinals. ( you can google that also I wont go into details here.) when my dd who was three, I had to take her into the rest room in the mk. I explained the rules, we marched in, did what she had to do, stood at the sink, finished and walked out. never asked what, where, when or why. I only had to do it once thank god!

lol great explanation! I love that your little girl knew the rules!

 

[dvczerfs]

lol great explanation! I love that your little girl knew the rules!

I just realized I put her pic. in my sig. I better take that off before someone walks up to her and says "hay, are you the little girl whos dad took you into the mens room"

 

[Granny square]

Yep!! Lol, missed that since I'm always on my app.

My husband cracks up when he hears what women think of men's rooms. But really it is offensive. Do these overprotective parents not get that they are perpetuating myths that set their own boys up to be the imaginary bogeymen for the next group coming down the pike?

 

[DopeyDame]

when my dd who was three, I had to take her into the rest room in the mk. I explained the rules, we marched in, did what she had to do, stood at the sink, finished and walked out. never asked what, where, when or why. I only had to do it once thank god!

Thanks for the information. I'll reassure my husband that he won't be the first guy in all of human history to take a little girl into a men's room. Cause to hear him say it, there has never, ever, ever been a girl in a men's room anywhere in the world.

I do laugh at the description of a men's room as silent. It's so very opposite of a women's room at Disney World, when I swear it's grand central station, with kids being scolded, crying, laughing, primping, chatting, etc.

 

[NotUrsula]

The thing with dad's and daughters is that it would not occur to the vast majority of fathers to worry about molesters in a ladies' room; usually their only concern is whether or not the girl can manage toileting without help. They have to once they reach kindergarten, so that's usually the point at which dads simply stand outside the door and send them in to the ladies room alone.
(Younger than that and very briefly seeing male genitals usually doesn't phase them much; if they have been in a mixed-gender preschool, "tails" are usually not much of a surprise to them, LOL.)

What dads who are out alone with girls tend to worry most about is situations when dad needs to use the restroom: where to safely leave the girl? DH says that his usual practice if possible is to do a mad dash while she's in the ladies' room, since men tend to be able to get in and out of the restroom very quickly, and DD6 is a bit of a dawdler. Depending on where he is, he may take her up to a staff desk and ask if she can wait there for a few moments. Honestly, most of the time he just tries to wait until he gets home, poor guy.

 

[disneywalkers]

It is not that tough a thing really. They either take them into a family or companion restroom, or cover their daughter's eyes with their hands and take them into the mens room, if they feel their daughter is not able to use the womens room without help. But I think we are not giving kids enough credit. By age 5 or 6 most of them can handle using the appropriate restroom without help.[/QUOTE/]

I don't think anyone has said these kids CAN'T use the bathroom on their own. This is not about the ability to use it on their own. It's about the safety of adults (or even teens) bothering them, or them getting lost or taken, not whether or not they need help physically going to the bathroom. A tween is between 10 and 12. (In reference to another post).

 

[maxiesmom]

I don't think anyone has said these kids CAN'T use the bathroom on their own. This is not about the ability to use it on their own. It's about the safety of adults (or even teens) bothering them, or them getting lost or taken, not whether or not they need help physically going to the bathroom. A tween is between 10 and 12. (In reference to another post).

The post I was replying to was someone asking about a dad taking their young daughter to the parks and how they would handle using the restroom.

Though I will say WDW is probably one of the safest places to let your child use the restroom without help or supervision. Cameras everywhere, and security all over the place. Not to mention many moms and dads who would step forward if it looked as if something odd was going on.