how often do you visit the cemetery?

[kacaju]

On the other topic of burial plots. if you have lost loved ones, how often (if ever) do you go visit?

My family has never been one to visit the cemeteries. MOst of my Mom's family is buried in Kingston NY, when my Aunt was alive (she lived in nearby Woodstock NY) we'd sometimes (if we remembered) to stop at Kingston to visit.
My Dad is buried in Kingston and we don't go. I have been more then the rest of my family because my kids enjoy going to Woodstock, so I will take them once in a while (aunt is buried in Woodstock) we will visit both cemeteries while we are there.
Now my FIL is buried not far from us and when he died the mosoliam (sp??) was not ready. My MIL got the letter he was in his final resting place and sahe has never been there. In fact, me and my SIL (dh's brothers wife) are the only two who have ever been there.
I had to go to the office to ask them to look it up and they showed me where he was. This was about 5 years after he died. I just finally took my SIL this past Christmas. No one else was interested.

How about you and your family??

 

[Breezie]

It varies. At first I like to visit about once a week for a while. It comforts me to go and talk with them when I'm feeling down. But after the initial shock dies down, not very often, maybe a few times a year.

Usually when I'm at peace with the death, is when I stop going so much.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

I'm Italian and grew up in NJ till I was 15. My parents were into visiting the cemetery, altho really not frequently. They used to make grave blankets for their deceased parents at Christmas...big production in the middle of the living room. When we were moving, we went visiting all the relatives before we left...even the dead ones.

Once we moved to MA, I'm not sure my parents really did any cemetery visiting when they were in NJ, except if they were there to attend another burial at the same cemetery. Since we've lived here, my father passed away. I'm about 20 miles from the MA cemetery, but have only been there maybe 10 times in the last 11 years. It just doesn't do anything for me...doesn't give me comfort, don't especially feel like he's there. My DH has gone in the Spring to plant flowers and he takes pictures for my mom, who is unable, physically, to go anymore. Otherwise, she would be there fairly often herself.

BTW, love the Kingston area. I used to work in Poughkeepsie. Last time I took the kids there, we took a boat ride down the Hudson that left from Kingston.

 

[Tink888]

I never visit the cemetary. It never did anything for me. I always felt like if I wanted to talk, think or whatever about a deceased loved one, it didn't matter where I was, they were right there with me KWIM?

 

[manning]

I hardly ever visit. 16 years ago I was at a wedding. on the way home I passed the cemetery where my parents are buried. I don't know why but I had this sudden urge to stop by their graves. Two months later I was being operated on for stage 3 colon cancer. I always wonder about that and the recurring dream of my grandmother that stopped after the surgery.

 

[tazdev3225]

I very rarely visit the cemetary, just when my mother asks me to go and help her at the holidays. Two years ago I took my SIL to my MIL and FIL's gravesite. I was in a pretty nasty car accident on the way home. She hated me when she was alive and I think it was her message not to come back. I don't intend to.

 

[Robinrs]

Never.

I just don't believe they're there. I know where they are and I speak to them everyday.

 

[doxdogy]

My mother died 16 years ago and I did not visit her grave until my dad's funeral last year. When dad's headstone was delivered and in place I did return to make sure it was correct. I doubt I will ever return to the cemetary to view their graves.

 

[DebbieB]

I visit my parents on holidays - Easter, Mothers Day, Memorial Day, Fathers Day, Christmas. Plus their birthdays - 8/14 and 11/20. They are in an indoor masoleum, I put flowers on the table with a little note card that the cemetary provides (In Memory of......).

 

[Feralpeg]

In the 34 years since my mom died, I have been to her grave twice. The first time was a couple of months after her burial. I went with my dad. The second time was when my dad died. That was 30 years ago.

I get no pleasure out of going to their graves. I don't believe my parents are there. What is left of their bodies is there. If I want to talk to my parents, I can do that at any time, any place.

 

[crz4mm2]

Nope. I don't like to go. My loved ones are not "there".

 

[chisnpeke]

I don't go. I went once the Thanksgiving after my grandmother died and then again when my grandfather died. I haven't been back since. I don't get anything out of it. I talk to them wherever I am, not at a cemetary.

 

[Princess Nancy]

So here is my funny way of thinking...
Never went to the cemetary, never cared, like most others say, my loved ones are not there.

Recently I moved very close to where my grandparents are buried. Matter of fact, if I miss a turn, the best place to make the Uturn is through the cemetary. Sometimes I will stop and get out, it is very peaceful there. Other times, I will wave and yell, hey Nanny and Poppy as I drive by!! LOL!!

The good part of this is that my kids have gotten to know them by asking questions when this happens!!!

 

[jam217]

My mom died in December, and I've only gone once. And the cemetery is very close to my house so it's not a distance issue.

I absolutely agree with the others that if I need to "speak'' to her, I know that she's around and I don't need to go the cemetery. All that is in the ground is her shell. Her spirit is with me when I need her.

 

[luv2sew]

Well I work at a cemetery, and it is a very peaceful place. We see lots of families around the holidays and then it slows down. We have one teenager that died in a terrible car crash about 5 years ago and you can always tell when it is the anniversary of his death...the kids, his friends, still every year come on that very day and sit peacefully at his grave site.

I love sitting at my window and watching the American Flags wave in the breeze. If you did not know what kind of cemetery it was, and you traveled by, you would think that it was a veterans cemetery from the site of all the flags on the graves. We don't have tombstones we have markers so the flags really stand out. Those flags give me such a sense of pride in my fellow Americans that there were so many that served this great country.

Lots of people come in and talk about scattering the ashes of their loved ones around, somewhere. After working where I work and seeing the different kinds of grief that people go through, I can't imagine every doing that to my loved one because there is no real place for them to be a peace then. Yes you may not go to the cemetery but your future relatives can come and pay their respect and find out things about the loved one they may or may not know. We keep a record of all the burials and keep all the obituaries that we can find for every person we bury. We also keep a copy of the "transit permit" that is required by law for full body burials and cremation notices, which are not required but we get them whenever we can...and those documents will have the cause of death on them which in the future could be very useful to your offspring.

 

[freckles and boo]

We visit my in-laws graves and leave flowers often. Mother's Day, Father's Day, Easter, their birthdays, Christmas... They are in a very nice, very well-maintained Catholic cemetery but after what happened nearby at Burr Oak (which is about five miles from my house) we were rather freaked out and are glad we visit often.

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-burr-oak-cemetery-jul13,0,737302.story

 

[MidgeD79]

I've buried 3 children and one grandchild. I visit on /about birthdays, Chrsitmas, Mother's Day or any other time i feel like it. The cemetary is about 15 miles away.

 

[Pigeon]

Never. My mom is buried in a cemetery about 10 minutes away, and in the 15 years she's been gone, I've never visited the grave.

I just don't see the point. She's dead and gone. I don't believe in the supernatural, so I don't believe she's floating around somewhere or is in "heaven." I think about her frequently, but I wouldn't feel any closer to her by going to a cemetery and standing next to a plot.

 

[pumba]

mothers day, fathers day and memorial day.....to much snow to go during the Holidays..
we show respect to them by going ..

 

[TnTsParty]

I use to not visit the cemetary as much as I have been recently. My grandparents are all burried in the same cemetary but I don't visit there that often. My grandmother passed away May 2nd and at her funeral we did visit my grandfather's grave which is right next to my grandmother and we also went to my other grandparents grave which is in the mosuleium (sp?) section of the same cemetary.

Since my brother in law passed away April 30th I have been to the cemetary he is burried in often. As a matter of fact me and my DH just were there yesterday afternoon. We cut flowers from the yard and went up there. My sister and my niece's go often. The row that he is burried in is new row (a black top roadway through the cemetary that they closed to get more room - as opposed to that cemetary that just dug up and tossed people to get more room) and so the row is just sand for right now.My older niece likes to draw notes to her daddy in the sand. Its basically right around the corner from our houses so it makes it easy to stop by or at least acknowledge him as we go by. I am still struggling with his passing so I find it comforting to know I can do something like bring flowers and make sure he isn't forgot or neglected.