How not to invite someone

[jjarman]

I didn't know where else to post this so here it is. DS13 and I are planning a trip to WDW next June. He has a favorite cousin, a girl, who is also 13. They are very close and have been since they were 4. She practically lived with me when they were ages 4-9. DC(dear cousin)'s mother is a single parent, widowed and on a tight budget. DS and I want to ask DC to come with us to WDW next year if she can pay for it. The room is paid for. All she would need to pay for would be her park pass and food. The reason I am asking here is when I planned to take her to Six Flags last month her mother asked to go along. Now I didn't mind her mother going as I love her but for the trip to WDW I really just wanted to take the 2 kids. We all three love all the rides and have the same attitude about WDW. DC mother is very nice and sweet but she only rode 1 or 2 rides when we went to Six Flags so we spent a lot of time trying to find something she wanted to ride. I know that would not be the case all the time at WDW but the point is I want to take the kids by myself.

How should I approach her or should I just not take DC at all? I am afraid she may never get another chance to go to WDW if I don't take her.

 

[ceecee]

That's a tough call, it may be best not to invite the daughter and just you and your son go. If she invites herself, it would be hard to say no and not hurt her feelings, she would probably like to see her daughter experience Disney as well.

 

[Mortlives]

The other approach might be to solve the problem with her coming. If she does invite herself, discuss ground rules in advance. If she doesn't want to go on the rides, don't force her, but don't put yourself out trying to entertain her. You and the kids know what you want to do (everything, I'm sure), if she wishes to opt out, that's cool, but don't let her be a drag. 2 way radios could be a lifesaver here.

Kungaloosh!
Mort.

 

[Rhonda]

How about - when you call to invite the daughter, word it so that you say that you are planning a trip, just you and the kids, so that she'll know from the start! If she asks, remind her that you want it to be quality time for just you and kids, but maybe you can start planning a trip for all of you after you get back.

 

[S. C.]

With two way radios she could go on her own and ride/see what interest her. then you and the kids won't have to miss out on any of your favorites that she might be uncomfortable going on. You can meet up later for a nice lunch or dinner.

 

[Trekker]

Another option might be to remind her you have paid for 1 room and that putting that many people in it - with the differences in gender and relationships would be impossible. Who is going to share what bed?

If she wants to go - she would need to book and pay for another room.

If she does go - our rule for traveling with anyone else (even my DW, DS & DD) is to establish ground rules before the trip is planned.

1. We do not have to do everything together

2. I'm and early riser - even the rest of my immediate family sleep in - when they get up - call my cell phone and I will tell you where I am and we can meet.

etc......

 

[RickinNYC]

I guess I have to be the voice of dissent.

I have to make one major point and that is you aren't even on your trip yet and you are already having misgivings about your cousin coming along. If that is the case, don't even consider it. I can guarantee, given that you will see each other 24 hours a day, sharing a room, having your meals, etc... that being together will cause problems. Plus, as much as I am a HUGE WDW fan, there is still a level of stress involved in going there for a vacation, weather it's due to the humidity and temperature, crowds, lines, money or more, it will only add to the mix.

Plus, as much as you may lay ground rules, something tells me that you're the nice type of person that will STILL be concerned with whether your cousin is enjoying herself. And I can't blame you at all. It's WDW. Everyone should have fun, whether you go on rides or not!

I've done what you described and it really damaged a friendship AND it absolutely ruined one of my treasured trips to WDW.

 

[kinggoofy]

If you know already that there may be a potential problem...DO NOT INVITE your cousin.

We were in the same situaiton as you are in now.

Four years ago, we invited my neice (at the time she was 17) and my nephew (at the time he was 13) to go on vacation with us to WDW. My sister is also on a tight budget and the kids really were not able to go anywhere for a vacation.

Now, I know they were a bit older when we took them in 1999 and they probably wanted to do "other" things.

BUT the two of them just could not get along. It was probably the worst WDW visit we ever had and we thought it would be wonderful because we had " kids" with us.

Secondly, two years ago in 2001, we invited MIL to join us. She met us half way into our trip. She stayed for 5 days and started complaing the minute we met her at the airport to the minute we dumped her rear end off at her home when we landed.

Its too hot, its too crowded, you mean ALL Disney restaurants are NON smoking, I am going to pass out, I need water, its even too hot to sit at the pool, how can the two of you always come in August and enjoy yourselves, I would never come in August AGAIN. ( We have never asked her again.)

Those were just a FEW of her complaints.

As you can see, me and DW ENJOY going to WDW. We have no kids. This is our vacation. And from the 2 experiences I have mentioned above, I'll be darned if we would ever let anyone ruin our vacation again. !!!!!!!!

So.....we ask NOBODY to join us. It is the one time a year
( besides when we go to WDW for Thanksgiving) that we are ALONE. Come and go as we please, eat what we want, do what we want..and WHEN we want, buy what we want.

Trust me, we are not bitter people or selfish people. We do for each of our families whatever we can. BUT you must draw the line somewhere.

If you know there may be a potential problem...THEN do not invite DC.

 

[jjarman]

Thanks so much for the replies and emails. I especially liked the suggestion of the 2 way radios to use in the parks. I am thinking of getting some. I think I have about decided not to invite the cousin because of the potential of her mother inviting herself. I have no doubt that DC and DS would get along great as they always have. We go on a 5 night trip to the beach each year with 12 in the group all in one house and DC is the best behaved and easiest to get along with of all of the kids, including DS. This will be a fun trip for me and DS to take without DH who is pretty easy to travel with but doesn't enjoy WDW like DS and I do. Imagine that. I think when DS and DC are seniors maybe her mother and I might want to take them along and get separate rooms.

 

[RickinNYC]

I've no doubt you and your son will have a terrific time together! I do think it's too bad that your cousin and her mom can't go but it's the best decision. No need to worry yourself about having a good time that way!

Boy, I can remember a trip to WDW that I took with a couple of friends AND my mom a number of years back. As much as I love my mom, I didn't think she'd have fun hanging out with a bunch of mid-20 year old folks. Especially at Pleasure Island.

Geez was I wrong! Not only did I get a chance to spend some great quality time with Mom, we had a blast! Plus, she ended up wiping us all off the map on the pool table at the Rock and Roll Beach Club! Now THAT was fun! Embarrassing but fun!

Have a great time with your son!

 

[WDWorBUST]

Go and enjoy your quality time with your son. I know that you are afraid the cousin may never get to go if you don't take her - but not-inviting the mom would be almost cruel. The joy a child experiences in Disney World every time - much less that oh so magical first trip should be witnessed by a mother. She would get enjoyment out of her daughter's joy as much as she would any ride. So....if you aren't comfortable with her going then don't ask the cousin. Just my opinion....take it for what it's worth

 

[OllieDannyandMe]

Hello

My father died when I was nine years old (just a few months after our family's first trip to Disney World), and if it was not for my sister (who is 17 years older than me) I would never have revisited my favorite place on Earth.

She and her husband and son (who is 3 years younger than me) took me along to Disney World every single time. There's no greater gift anyone has ever given me. It literally changed my life.

Please don't let your cousin miss out on this trip because of her mom. I'm 36 now and planning a trip to Disney this July. Also, I'm in the pre-planning stages of a trip for next summer where my sweet sister (who is now 53) will be the guest of honor. I think she's an angel.

Sometimes my mom travelled along with us to Orlando, and sometimes she did not. Considering she's 40 years older than me, Mom did great. She would meet us for meals and watch the fireworks with us and even venture into the parks.

She was great about keeping track of all our "stuff" while we rode the scary rides. And, Disney World has a TON of gentle rides that even seniors can join. So she would ride those right along with us. When it got too hot, she would go browse in the shops.

I believe that discovering the magic of Disney stands as one of the greatest experiences of my life. It taught me to be an optimist and believe in dreams coming true. Please don't let your cousin miss out on all of that in her lifetime.

If the mom wants to join, be upfront and say, "Okay, but I'm the tour guide for this trip. You might be on your own while we are riding the attractions. All three of us like to go on the scary rides."

The mom should split the hotel bill with you, too, if she goes. That would leave more money for splurges along the way!

You would be opening a whole new world to your cousin and giving her the gift of a lifetime. My nephew is like my brother, and I would give him my last dime (even now that we're both in our 30's). Our vacations together have forged a bond that can never be broken.

Whatever you decide, I wish for you that kind of magic.

 

[mlaaw]

I think it would be wrong to ask DC and not her mother!! In your post you say

DC(dear cousin)'s mother is a single parent, widowed and on a tight budget

so it seems she could not afford to take the trip with her daughter herself. I know the DC lived with y'all for 5 years so there are things we might not know about the situation. But dont you think the mother would like to be at a special place with her daughter. I know you're close with the cousin but ask all to go or just take you son and have a good time.

That's story and I'm sticking to it.
Mike